edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
I got an email from my parents this morning:

-----

Pipe replacement & living room hole in wall: A Discovery!

So with a small leak in a basement pipe it turned out not to be easy to remove and replace it without making a foot wide hole in the living room wall behind the white bookcase (also one in your bedroom closet, but smaller). This meant removing the books and case. Lo and behold, a ring with a scrolled message turned up behind some books. It's a big amethyst sort of ring with a square of paper:

"Oh, Person of great stature, thee hath found thee mystical amber ring. Thou is heir to the throne of thee jewls Unlock thee secret and you shall rule all. Watch for the tigers eye."

Vicky thought it a hoot, but I suspect it must be your doing.

Love, Mom


-----

After giggling extensively to myself over tiny!Liz's ideas of how to be Cool and Mysterious, I wrote back:

-----

I have no memory whatsoever of that note or ring, but I did go through a phase of designing fantasy epics around sets of gemstones (which was kind of hilarious since I knew NOTHING about gemstones) so yeah, probably me. I also recall being fascinated by that bookcase as a kid -- I think because it had a cutout for an extension cord? -- so it's not terribly surprising that I'd use it as a hiding place.

I clearly had no idea how to do archaic grammar, though. Yowch. (Also amethyst and amber are not remotely the same color or structure, but that bugs me less than the grammar fail.)

Can you bring the ring and paper to Ithaca in July?

Love, Liz


-----

I am not kidding about the jewelry-based fantasy epics, by the way. The one I remember best was about the... uh... Songstones of Myrr, I think? Anyway, Mom had a necklace made of about twelve green glass 'stones,' each set in a silver frame. There were five small ones on each side, and then a big stone with a dangling teardrop-shaped pendant in the middle. The big stone's frame looked an awful lot like a harp, which is where I got the 'songstone' idea. The notion was that the necklace was stolen and the stones separated, and a different fantasy species had to go on a quest to get each one back. So there was a stone for the unicorns, and one for selkies, and one for gryffins, and one for elves, and one for harpies, and so on. The last was for humans, of course, and when the necklace was brought back together it would... do something big and important; the details escape me, going on thirty years later.

I never did write any of those jewelry epics, but it's kind of fun to look back and wonder what might have been. :)

-----
-----

ETA: Mom wrote back:

We can bring it - but you'll have to tell us where to find that tiger's eye it says we have to watch for...

:DDDD

ahahahaha!

Dec. 29th, 2015 05:58 pm
edenfalling: colored line-art drawing of a three-scoop ice cream sundae (ice cream sundae)
So I'm doing online training for Not the IRS, right? And I'm watching a video on accessing certain types of client documents via a certain program. And there's a list of fake clients to create a more accurate sense of what the program page will look like.

These clients are:

cut just in case the head office googles these things... )

...

Somebody with an interesting cross-section of fannish interests had way too much fun putting that together. And I salute them. :D
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
Ahaha, I just got one of those fake-IRS scam phone calls -- you know, the ones with the pre-recorded voice full of ~ominous pauses~ that says something to the effect of, "Hello. We have been trying to reach you. This is your last notice. The reason we have been trying to reach you. Is that the IRS is filing a lawsuit against you," blah blah blah, and then presumably goes on to say that your only hope is to immediately send money by X method to Y account, but I hung up before the robo-voice could reach that point because A) that is not how the IRS does stuff -- they send you physical mail and they always use your actual name, among other things -- and B) I have heard of this scam, and though wildly amused to have someone try it on me, was not feeling quite that indulgent.

This particular scammer's number, incidentally, was 360-780-3810. Is there a procedure for reporting such calls?

...

I am still annoyed that the automatic no-call list for cell phones is no longer a thing.

-----

ETA: I reported the call to the FTC, since the IRS didn't seem to have a procedure for robo-calls rather than actual humans impersonating IRS agents. It turns out that I did put my phone on the Do Not Call registry all the way back in 2006, but I guess the FTC has been very swamped this year, since I have received more junk calls in 2015 than in all previous years put together. (I am not including charities, etc., since the registry explicitly does not cover them. But like, NJ-based carpet cleaners? That is clearly something that should have been blocked, and wasn't. I think I will make a point of reporting such things from now on.)
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
I woke up to this in my email this morning:

Story: Summer Camp and Politics
Chapter: 4. Zero-Sum Fallacy

From: [redacted] (Guest)
-------------------

[redacted]:You're story WAS brilliant, until the last chapter. I loved the 2nd chapter the most. It really brought out team 7's personalities nicely. I loved the chapter with Hinata too! I'm a big Hina fan and I liked how at the end you gave her a voice. She's so timid and shy and I like how you finally made her speak for herself. I just hate the last chapter! NaruSasu DO NOT GO TOGETHER! Bad Fanfiction Writer! BAD!

-------------------


What an adorable and utterly pointless little tantrum. :-)
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
Tonight's fortune cookie: You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life.

...

...

*blink*

Okay, apparently I have inadvertently become pasta. Good to know.
edenfalling: colored line-art drawing of a three-scoop ice cream sundae (ice cream sundae)
Tonight's fortune cookie has a very serious question to ask the universe:

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
edenfalling: stained-glass butterfly in a purple frame (butterfly)
I think that either my local Chinese takeout place has switched to a new fortune cookie provider, or the cookie provider has switched up its choose-a-saying formula, because I very rarely receive actual fortunes anymore, and even more rarely receive complete WTF non-sequiturs. It's all aphorisms these days.

Which is not to say that the humor has departed. It has merely shifted form, and now works best when read in compilation. To wit:


On Choosing a Path in Life

1. Most people, once they graduate from the School of Hard Knocks, automatically enroll.
2. Let your intentions create your methods and not the other way around.
3. It's time to get moving. Your spirits will lift accordingly.
4. Many a false step is made by standing still.
5. Life enrich from seeking, not from sitting.
6. Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.
7. Pick a path with heart.


On Living Mindfully

1. Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
2. Moderate your appetite so that with a little you may be content.
3. If the world seems cold, kindle a fire to warm it.
4. It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness.
5. To conquer your flaws, you must first accept them.
6. It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.
7. There are coincidences.



Advice we should treasure and live by. *nods solemnly*
edenfalling: colored line-art drawing of a three-scoop ice cream sundae (ice cream sundae)
They strike again! (This time I copied the full text from ff.net itself so there should be no weird asterisks, even if there are *gasp* instances of profanity. *shakes head at ff.net*)

The previous 'review' and response, for reference.

cut for length )

...

...

*dies laughing*

*sends reply*

-------------------
I still fail to see why you feel a desperate need to expound at length to me upon issues where you have already decided I will never agree with you. This is only wasting your time and making me laugh.

As for your modern update, it sounds like you have a nice line in paranoid conspiracy thrillers there. Why not go write it yourself?

Wishing you all the best in your literary endeavors,
Liz
-------------------
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
"Some men dream of fortunes; others dream of cookies."
---my fortune cookie last night


Pffff. :-)
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
This amuses me: Most of America realizes that New York really is "The City"

Because of course NYC is the city. I am glad to see that the majority of Americans recognize this truth. :-)

(Taken from Business Insider's slideshow of 22 maps that show how Americans speak English totally differently from each other. Images made by Joshua Katz, based on answers to the linguistic survey of Bert Vaux and Scott Golder.)

Profile

edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
Elizabeth Culmer

August 2017

S M T W T F S
   1 2 3 45
6 7 89101112
13141516 17 1819
20 212223242526
2728293031  

Tags

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags