edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
I got a review today on one of my rare porn fics saying it was "cute, albeit fetishy."


It's an explicit kinkmeme prompt fill. It was clearly tagged as such. I really don't know what else they were expecting.
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
This morning, I woke up to a series of ff.net comments on Tides (a Naruto canon-divergence AU fic I wrote back in 2005), which I cannot read as anything other than performance art.

I suspect this is even how the commenter intended them, although what they thought they were performing was threatening and dismissive anger with the aim of producing hurt, fear, and a sense of inferiority, rather than the utter hilarity I actually experienced, because baby's first flame attempts are impossible to take seriously. *wry*

Content warning for misogyny, ableism, homophobia, and death threats/suicide baiting, I guess.


nine anonymous comments on 'Tides' )



I find these hilarious both for their general misreading of the manga (apparently the intended message is that Naruto is god and can do no wrong, while both Sakura and Sasuke -- you know, the people Naruto loves and would die to save -- are horrible and need to die in agony (thus making Naruto's choice of friends... wrong? impossible! pay no attention to the contradiction behind the curtain!)), and for the amount of effort expended in performative outrage when every browser comes equipped with a perfectly functional back-button. The attitudes embodied in the commenter's choice of insults are more sad than anything else, but also contribute to my inability to take anything this person says seriously.

This gift of hilarity has also reminded me that I should probably go stick a note in front of all my Naruto fics saying that they're based on manga canon only (for the very simple reason that I have never watched the anime). I mean, people like today's commenter never read author's notes anyway -- they are looking for things at which they can perform frothing outrage, not nuance -- but it would give me an additional thing to laugh about later on when they act like anime-only events should be a trump card when discussing a manga-based story. *wry* And for people who aren't performative outrage artists, such a note would be a quick and easy way to set proper expectations going in.

...I'll get to that some other day, when I am feeling up to a couple hours of internet housekeeping.
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
I need to go edit chs. 1-8 of "The Courting Dance" over on ff.net, and post chs. 9-13. But I'd either have to edit in their terrible rich text interface or create thirteen new, clean files (while making sure to copy any relevant author's notes from the currently posted versions), plus replace all my page breaks with ones ff.net won't eat and strip out all my html coding, and I just... really, really do not want to deal with all that.

I haven't posted new stories on ff.net for years, for various and sundry reasons, but I do update WIPs over there because I dislike leaving things unfinished. It's untidy and it itches at me.

But oh god, I hate their posting interface SO MUCH.

*slumps melodramatically onto laptop*
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
I posted ch. 16 of "Guardian" on ff.net today, since I'd finally caught up with the revisions over there.

Things I have missed about actively posting Naruto fic on ff.net: getting a whole bunch of comments. Things I have not missed about actively posting Naruto fic on ff.net: the annoyingly high percentage of commenters with axes to grind and a conviction that my inbox is the place to grind them. *sigh*

(Let me hasten to say that all the comments on "Guardian" itself have been nice so far! One of my other Naruto fics, however, has been less lucky.)

I always wonder what people who leave anonymous comments with no contact information hope to accomplish when they ask questions. If they actually want an answer, how on earth do they expect to receive it? And if they're delivering an indirect insult (which is what many of the questions in question (haha) boil down to), what do they think that will make happen? If they're trying to change a writer's mind about a character or plot element, why pick such a useless and counterproductive method? If they dislike a story, why do they feel a need to tell the writer directly instead of backbuttoning away and perhaps complaining in their own space? If they're just trying to be jerks, what is the appeal?

Ah well. I have had surprisingly few problems with internet whackjobs over the years, all things considered. I am willing to laugh at a handful of pissed-off readers who take the discrepancy between their tastes and my writing as a personal insult. *wry*
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
I will never stop finding it fascinating how many people involved in fandom think hate-reviewing is a good idea. It's like they get a mad-on toward one particular character and feel a need to tell anyone who likes (or simply doesn't hate) that character that they are Doing Fandom Wrong.

My latest example, which I received today in regard to Uchiha Sasuke from Naruto:


:Boring. they should execute the traitorous bastard. In my eyes, he's worse than Itachi ever was!


This also shows up sometimes in the form of the Staunch Defender, who falls in love with a particular interpretation of a character and goes around telling anyone who dislikes that character (or simply likes them in a different way) that they are -- you guessed it -- Doing Fandom Wrong. I think the defenders tend to be a little more frothing and verbose than the haters, but it's all shades of the same impulse: you must like what I like in exactly the way I like it, or else.

Which is both hilarious and sad, and I am sure happens in all fandoms, but Naruto is the one where I run into it personally.
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I woke up to this in my email this morning:

Story: Summer Camp and Politics
Chapter: 4. Zero-Sum Fallacy

From: [redacted] (Guest)

[redacted]:You're story WAS brilliant, until the last chapter. I loved the 2nd chapter the most. It really brought out team 7's personalities nicely. I loved the chapter with Hinata too! I'm a big Hina fan and I liked how at the end you gave her a voice. She's so timid and shy and I like how you finally made her speak for herself. I just hate the last chapter! NaruSasu DO NOT GO TOGETHER! Bad Fanfiction Writer! BAD!


What an adorable and utterly pointless little tantrum. :-)
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
A comment received on ff.net:

From: Alexandra (Guest)

Alexandra: Quite good. A very few factual errors, but for the most part, good.


Why is it that people who don't leave any contact information seem to feel a need to say things to the general effect of, "There are problems with this story, but I won't tell you what they are"? If they don't tell me what the problems are, how can I be expected to fix them? (Either in this story or in future ones.) And if they don't leave me any contact info, how am I supposed to ask for clarification? In short, how on earth do they expect this to be useful to me, and if providing actual useful feedback is not their intent, what are they trying to do?

I have long since concluded that this tactic is designed solely to produce a sense of superiority in the "reviewers," and (so they hope) to induce shame and paranoia in the writers they address. Because obviously, they know what the errors are -- they're so obvious they don't need to be specified, naturally! -- and if you, the lowly writer, can't see where you went wrong... well then obviously you're not the right sort, are you? You're not a real fan.

In other words, this is middle school clique posturing, plain and simple. It's annoying, sure. It's also sad and hilarious, and I hope for their own sake that these people eventually grow out of that phase.
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
Tonight I finally got around to sticking Fixation, and Other Stories up on AO3. I'd been meaning to do that for a while -- I formatted the files back in November, for goodness sake -- but I am not always very good at making intentions connect up to actual results. There are intermittent gaps and shorts in the requisite circuits, you know? But tonight I had the time and the spoons, so yay, more backlist is crossposted.

I do want to keep backing up my old fics on AO3. I suspect it will always remain an incomplete archive -- there are some things that are either too fragmentary or too silly/context-dependent for me to want to post them in a more public arena than my own journal -- but my AO3 fic list should eventually be more comprehensive than what I have up on ff.net. AO3 allows backdating, for one thing; it allows more fandoms and text formatting options than ff.net; it is somewhat less mired in black-box inscrutability; and finally, AO3 does not have a bee in its collective bonnet about second person POV. (Yes, I am still peeved about that idiocy.)

I should probably crosspost "The Way of the Apartment Manager" next. It's my longest story after "Secrets," and is probably still the thing I'm best known for writing, insofar as I am known at all. I did some preliminary work in that direction recently, which mostly involved copying the chapter summaries from ff.net to my personal files -- for various irrelevant reasons, I wrote the summaries as I posted instead of considering them an integral part of the chapters in question -- but I'll have to code in all the italics first. (Or just import the files from ff.net... but then I'd have to change all the scene dividers by hand, and strip out the notes and metadata, which is probably the same amount of work in the end, so. *makes face* I'll stick with hand-coding italics. I am at least used to that.)

And now to bed. :-)
edenfalling: circular blue mosaic depicting stylized waves (ocean mosaic)
An anonymous review left on First You Have To Get There:


:This is great. Could you write a sequel about how they end up going out, because, well they do.


Dear Anonymous,

No. No, I could not write a sequel, because I don't care how Ginny and Harry end up going out. Furthermore, you know what? The events described in "Five Years Is an Awful Lot of Later" and "First You Have To Get There" are already a grandfathered AU, so there is, in fact, no guarantee that, 'well, they do' end up together.

Also, why people bother asking authors questions without leaving any way to contact them with an answer is beyond me. It is probably beyond you, too, and yet here you are, doing just that. Funny how that works.

No love,


Right, I clearly need more sleep if such minor idiocy is annoying me this much.
edenfalling: colored line-art drawing of a three-scoop ice cream sundae (ice cream sundae)
They strike again! (This time I copied the full text from ff.net itself so there should be no weird asterisks, even if there are *gasp* instances of profanity. *shakes head at ff.net*)

The previous 'review' and response, for reference.

cut for length )



*dies laughing*

*sends reply*

I still fail to see why you feel a desperate need to expound at length to me upon issues where you have already decided I will never agree with you. This is only wasting your time and making me laugh.

As for your modern update, it sounds like you have a nice line in paranoid conspiracy thrillers there. Why not go write it yourself?

Wishing you all the best in your literary endeavors,


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Elizabeth Culmer

October 2017

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