Ohh, how lovely. I adore your description of the air in Narnia. And Aslan sounded just fine to me. Also, I like how you dealt with the transition back to a child, because from the books, it doesn't seem as if they are now adults (though I've always wanted to read fic where the Pensieve children are now adults in childrens' bodies and how do they deal with it).

She was a girl in England, and that was fair and proper, but inside the girl was a queen. Aslan had crowned her and given her his trust. She would never ignore that again.

Beautiful. I love your way with words.