Elizabeth Culmer (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
edenfalling) wrote2004-06-15 01:04 am
edenfalling) wrote2004-06-15 01:04 am
Entry tags:
[Fic] "Blind Spots" -- Harry Potter
I tried to think of something for last week's word, but nothing I tried worked so I didn't post any of the attempts. I'm not thrilled with this week's effort either, but it's at least semi-coherent.
Plus, a male narrator! Which is very unusual for me, but the idea kind of jumped out and demanded to be written even though it didn't help me much with the actual writing part. *sigh*
ETA: Minor edits posted 9/7/04.
[ETA2: The slightly revised final version is now up on AO3!]
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Blind Spots
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Sirius, during OotP
He isn't James, I tell myself. He isn't, you can't expect him to be, and you can't treat him like he is. He's like Lily if he's like either of his parents, and mostly he's built himself out of the most unpromising materials, managing to find a sense of honor and fair play despite the Dursleys. I doubt James could have done that.
But he looks so much like his father. And the first impression -- skinny boy, messy black hair, glasses, mad about Quidditch, careless about classes, willing to throw himself into certain death and able to snatch victory from its jaws -- is so overpowering that when the differences begin to show, it's hard to make myself acknowledge them.
He's so much like James, I said the first time, this must be a mistake.
But it wasn't.
Harry learned caution somewhere, something James never really grasped even after his actions might endanger a wife and son. He learned, if not how to outright lie, at least to evade and avoid and circumvent questions he doesn't want to answer. He learned the feeling of always standing outside looking in.
It's funny that James was the only one of us four who never knew that feeling. Remus was obvious. Peter was sidelined -- or sidelined himself, the sneaky bastard -- by being small and often slightly slow and bumbling. And I never quite felt -- still don't, actually -- as if I belonged in Gryffindor, as if I'm a good man.
A family like mine is hard to leave behind.
I wonder if Harry feels that way about the Dursleys?
But he can't, can he? They're not his real family, not the people who are supposed to love him but overlook him all the time in favor of his brother, who spit on him for his differences and his values and his friends. James and Lily are his family, and Remus and I are part of that by default. And we love him, the way the Potters loved James, and it's desperately unfair that we can't bring him to live with us, with no war and no Voldemort and no manhunt hanging over my head, so we could show him that he does have family.
But he can't come live with me, the way I went to live with James when my parents threw me out. I can't repay my debt that way.
So I do what I can. I write to him, I worry about him, and I do my best to make him know that he does have family. I dig back into my memory and pester Remus and try to think of what a 15 year old boy likes and wants to talk about.
And if I sometimes slip and expect him to act like James, well, I can't see how I can be blamed for that. Who else could I choose as a model?
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Inspired by the 6/13/04![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
15minuteficlets word #59: replacement
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And there you are.
Today I did more work for Pat, and two sketches during Abnormal Psych. I think my drawing idea is going to work out nicely. Am now reading Sunshine by Robin McKinley. Then it's back to the Concise History of Poland, and then I think we go to Lud-in-the-Mist, by Hope Mirrlees.
I have so many books to catch up on!
Plus, a male narrator! Which is very unusual for me, but the idea kind of jumped out and demanded to be written even though it didn't help me much with the actual writing part. *sigh*
ETA: Minor edits posted 9/7/04.
[ETA2: The slightly revised final version is now up on AO3!]
---------------------------------------------
Blind Spots
---------------------------------------------
Sirius, during OotP
He isn't James, I tell myself. He isn't, you can't expect him to be, and you can't treat him like he is. He's like Lily if he's like either of his parents, and mostly he's built himself out of the most unpromising materials, managing to find a sense of honor and fair play despite the Dursleys. I doubt James could have done that.
But he looks so much like his father. And the first impression -- skinny boy, messy black hair, glasses, mad about Quidditch, careless about classes, willing to throw himself into certain death and able to snatch victory from its jaws -- is so overpowering that when the differences begin to show, it's hard to make myself acknowledge them.
He's so much like James, I said the first time, this must be a mistake.
But it wasn't.
Harry learned caution somewhere, something James never really grasped even after his actions might endanger a wife and son. He learned, if not how to outright lie, at least to evade and avoid and circumvent questions he doesn't want to answer. He learned the feeling of always standing outside looking in.
It's funny that James was the only one of us four who never knew that feeling. Remus was obvious. Peter was sidelined -- or sidelined himself, the sneaky bastard -- by being small and often slightly slow and bumbling. And I never quite felt -- still don't, actually -- as if I belonged in Gryffindor, as if I'm a good man.
A family like mine is hard to leave behind.
I wonder if Harry feels that way about the Dursleys?
But he can't, can he? They're not his real family, not the people who are supposed to love him but overlook him all the time in favor of his brother, who spit on him for his differences and his values and his friends. James and Lily are his family, and Remus and I are part of that by default. And we love him, the way the Potters loved James, and it's desperately unfair that we can't bring him to live with us, with no war and no Voldemort and no manhunt hanging over my head, so we could show him that he does have family.
But he can't come live with me, the way I went to live with James when my parents threw me out. I can't repay my debt that way.
So I do what I can. I write to him, I worry about him, and I do my best to make him know that he does have family. I dig back into my memory and pester Remus and try to think of what a 15 year old boy likes and wants to talk about.
And if I sometimes slip and expect him to act like James, well, I can't see how I can be blamed for that. Who else could I choose as a model?
---------------------------------------------
Inspired by the 6/13/04
15minuteficlets word #59: replacement---------------------------------------------
And there you are.
Today I did more work for Pat, and two sketches during Abnormal Psych. I think my drawing idea is going to work out nicely. Am now reading Sunshine by Robin McKinley. Then it's back to the Concise History of Poland, and then I think we go to Lud-in-the-Mist, by Hope Mirrlees.
I have so many books to catch up on!
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-k.
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I felt abit ofan agitatio nat irst whe nyou wenti nto how he foud nahrry so much liek jame. but luckily you dont' have hi mgo itno insanity and acknowledge that hary is just harry adn compare the differences *shudders at sirius/harry=fakejames fics*
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And Sirius doesn't see that because Harry physically resembles James.
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of coruse all iv'e se nbefore that were the ginnyswho compare hi mwith tom riddle.
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