Elizabeth Culmer (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
edenfalling) wrote2009-12-20 02:25 pm
edenfalling) wrote2009-12-20 02:25 pm
Entry tags:
Yuletide progress report; also, Liz continues talking about Ardis's death
Have received Yuletide story back from beta -- yay! *hugs wonderful, helpful comments* Will edit tonight after work, and post tonight or Monday morning.
I kept forgetting the posting deadline is 9pm on Monday. For some reason, my brain always edits that to midnight on Monday. Those three hours may not make much difference to most people in the USA, but I don't get off work until 9:15pm at the earliest (well, okay, 9:10pm if I rush a few steps and skip some courtesy set-up for the openers), and then I have a twenty minute walk, so I am usually not home until about quarter of ten. Therefore, I must post before work.
---------------
I feel weird these past few days. It's like, I am not shocked and sad and depressed all the time. I can be happy and cheerful, or annoyed, or amused, or all sorts of other normal emotional states. But while those emotions are real, I keep feeling like they are sort of gliding over the glassy surface of this giant reservoir of... of blankness. Like I am just not processing Ardis's death and its implications and consequences, and a noticeable portion of my brain is on hold trying to work through it.
It probably does not help that the air is freezing cold, the skies are solid gray, and we are one day away from winter solstice.
...
I am sorry I keep talking about this. I just... I am trying to work through what the hell happened, and what I feel about it, and what is going to happen with my family, and it helps to talk to people or write it down; putting my thoughts and feelings in order so they are communicable is a way to figure out what those thoughts and feelings are.
I kept forgetting the posting deadline is 9pm on Monday. For some reason, my brain always edits that to midnight on Monday. Those three hours may not make much difference to most people in the USA, but I don't get off work until 9:15pm at the earliest (well, okay, 9:10pm if I rush a few steps and skip some courtesy set-up for the openers), and then I have a twenty minute walk, so I am usually not home until about quarter of ten. Therefore, I must post before work.
---------------
I feel weird these past few days. It's like, I am not shocked and sad and depressed all the time. I can be happy and cheerful, or annoyed, or amused, or all sorts of other normal emotional states. But while those emotions are real, I keep feeling like they are sort of gliding over the glassy surface of this giant reservoir of... of blankness. Like I am just not processing Ardis's death and its implications and consequences, and a noticeable portion of my brain is on hold trying to work through it.
It probably does not help that the air is freezing cold, the skies are solid gray, and we are one day away from winter solstice.
...
I am sorry I keep talking about this. I just... I am trying to work through what the hell happened, and what I feel about it, and what is going to happen with my family, and it helps to talk to people or write it down; putting my thoughts and feelings in order so they are communicable is a way to figure out what those thoughts and feelings are.