Elizabeth Culmer (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
edenfalling) wrote2006-12-08 08:44 pm
edenfalling) wrote2006-12-08 08:44 pm
Entry tags:
wherein Liz talks about genfic and nonstandard sexual orientations
I feel weirdly confessional today.
So. I am going to talk about nonstandard sexual orientations, romance, one reason I like genfic, and why I think there isn't ever as much genfic in the real world as in my ideal world.
First of all, so we all know where we stand, I will tell you my own sexual orientation. Insofar as I have one, I am heterosexual with noticeable bisexual tendencies. To get more detailed, I am more likely to be sexually attracted to a very hot man than to a very hot woman, but I find more women attractive in general, and I have no real preference once I get past that initial 'guh' reaction.
But mostly I'm asexual. In other words, I'm not particularly sexually attracted to anybody. Sex and sexual attraction are just not things I think about unless somebody more or less explicitly points them out to me. I am also not usually romantically attracted to anybody, and again, romance is not something I think about unless it's specifically pointed out.
I do not have any sexual trauma in my past, nor do I feel like I'm missing anything, so anyone who thinks asexuality is somehow wrong or sad can go jump in the lake now, thanks. (And yes, I do have sexual responses -- I appreciate good smut and erotica, and I get dirty jokes -- but they don't dominate me, you know? They don't sneak up and ambush me; instead, I can take them or leave them. And mostly I leave them, because they're more bother than they're worth.)
I used to wonder why on earth so many people I know (including my own sister) were so obsessed with romantic/sexual relationships. They'd talk about their new love interests all the time, and be utterly broken up when things didn't work out, and I'd listen to them go on about all this for hours. I'd make sympathetic noises, but all the time I'd be thinking, "If love is so painful and so much trouble, why bother? What are you getting out of it that's worth all this? What are you getting from romantic love that you can't get from strong friendship love? (Well, obviously, sex. But that can't be worth all this.)" And so on.
I almost never notice when people flirt with me, because I don't start flirtations and I don't consider people as potential romantic/sexual partners, so the idea that other people might be considering me that way is always a surprise.
Anyway. That's the background on me. Now let's talk about stories.
See, I think most people read stories and look for potential romantic/sexual tension, because that's one of the important things most people look for in real life. I don't see romance and sex as important, so I don't tend to 'see' them in stories unless they're made explicit in the text. (No, not that kind of explicit -- get your mind out of the gutter!) Once other people have pointed out the possibilities, I can see them just fine, but I almost never notice them without prompting -- left to my own devices I would imagine all the people living completely platonic lives. Oh, if you pressed me I'd say that most of them would end up in romantic/sexual relationships sooner or later, just because that's the way things tend to work, but that's not a direction my mind goes naturally.
(I think this is one reason I don't have OTPs. I don't see romance as particularly important, so I find it hard to get worked up about X and Y's Undying!True!Love and all that. There are other reasons I don't have OTPs, but they're not relevant here.)
Partly because I don't consider romantic relationships the be-all and end-all of people's lives, and partly because so many people do seem to think that -- or at least, that's the impression I get from reading their stories -- I find myself longing for stories that explore non-sexual relationships. Like friendship. Mentor-student. Parent-child. Coworkers. Siblings. Enemies. Rivals. Distant family. Etc. I want stories that reflect my experience of the world, in which, damn it, not everybody is going to go around lusting after people and falling in love and sighing over romantic interests and things like that.
But most people like love. They like to read about it. They like to write it. Hell, I write people having sexual and romantic attraction -- even having sex, sometimes -- because people do that sort of thing, and it would be lying to claim otherwise.
And that's okay. Romance and sex are good things, in their way.
But I wish that people would sit down, think seriously about things, and realize that not all stories about a close emotional relationship between two people need to make that relationship sexual and/or romantic. In fact, I think keeping most relationships non-sexual is more true to life, since I have not noticed most people jumping into bed with all their close friends, nor abandoning their social networks just because they currently have a love interest.
...
I had more of a point in mind when I started writing this, but whatever.
Thoughts?
So. I am going to talk about nonstandard sexual orientations, romance, one reason I like genfic, and why I think there isn't ever as much genfic in the real world as in my ideal world.
First of all, so we all know where we stand, I will tell you my own sexual orientation. Insofar as I have one, I am heterosexual with noticeable bisexual tendencies. To get more detailed, I am more likely to be sexually attracted to a very hot man than to a very hot woman, but I find more women attractive in general, and I have no real preference once I get past that initial 'guh' reaction.
But mostly I'm asexual. In other words, I'm not particularly sexually attracted to anybody. Sex and sexual attraction are just not things I think about unless somebody more or less explicitly points them out to me. I am also not usually romantically attracted to anybody, and again, romance is not something I think about unless it's specifically pointed out.
I do not have any sexual trauma in my past, nor do I feel like I'm missing anything, so anyone who thinks asexuality is somehow wrong or sad can go jump in the lake now, thanks. (And yes, I do have sexual responses -- I appreciate good smut and erotica, and I get dirty jokes -- but they don't dominate me, you know? They don't sneak up and ambush me; instead, I can take them or leave them. And mostly I leave them, because they're more bother than they're worth.)
I used to wonder why on earth so many people I know (including my own sister) were so obsessed with romantic/sexual relationships. They'd talk about their new love interests all the time, and be utterly broken up when things didn't work out, and I'd listen to them go on about all this for hours. I'd make sympathetic noises, but all the time I'd be thinking, "If love is so painful and so much trouble, why bother? What are you getting out of it that's worth all this? What are you getting from romantic love that you can't get from strong friendship love? (Well, obviously, sex. But that can't be worth all this.)" And so on.
I almost never notice when people flirt with me, because I don't start flirtations and I don't consider people as potential romantic/sexual partners, so the idea that other people might be considering me that way is always a surprise.
Anyway. That's the background on me. Now let's talk about stories.
See, I think most people read stories and look for potential romantic/sexual tension, because that's one of the important things most people look for in real life. I don't see romance and sex as important, so I don't tend to 'see' them in stories unless they're made explicit in the text. (No, not that kind of explicit -- get your mind out of the gutter!) Once other people have pointed out the possibilities, I can see them just fine, but I almost never notice them without prompting -- left to my own devices I would imagine all the people living completely platonic lives. Oh, if you pressed me I'd say that most of them would end up in romantic/sexual relationships sooner or later, just because that's the way things tend to work, but that's not a direction my mind goes naturally.
(I think this is one reason I don't have OTPs. I don't see romance as particularly important, so I find it hard to get worked up about X and Y's Undying!True!Love and all that. There are other reasons I don't have OTPs, but they're not relevant here.)
Partly because I don't consider romantic relationships the be-all and end-all of people's lives, and partly because so many people do seem to think that -- or at least, that's the impression I get from reading their stories -- I find myself longing for stories that explore non-sexual relationships. Like friendship. Mentor-student. Parent-child. Coworkers. Siblings. Enemies. Rivals. Distant family. Etc. I want stories that reflect my experience of the world, in which, damn it, not everybody is going to go around lusting after people and falling in love and sighing over romantic interests and things like that.
But most people like love. They like to read about it. They like to write it. Hell, I write people having sexual and romantic attraction -- even having sex, sometimes -- because people do that sort of thing, and it would be lying to claim otherwise.
And that's okay. Romance and sex are good things, in their way.
But I wish that people would sit down, think seriously about things, and realize that not all stories about a close emotional relationship between two people need to make that relationship sexual and/or romantic. In fact, I think keeping most relationships non-sexual is more true to life, since I have not noticed most people jumping into bed with all their close friends, nor abandoning their social networks just because they currently have a love interest.
...
I had more of a point in mind when I started writing this, but whatever.
Thoughts?
no subject
And I've encountered the same thing in fanfiction. Personally, I do like reading romances... of a sort. One!True!Love, I tend to find boring and flat. But if it's a story about a very deep and powerful relationship... that, I like. Be it a friendship or a romance, siblings or parents, teachers or enemies, as long as I feel like I'm reading about a powerful connection between people, I usually like it.
Well, with certain exceptions. A story that seems to assume that, just because people are in love, they must be constantly going at it like bunnies... tends to make my head have long and interesting (if slightly painful) discussions with my desk.
To be honest, one of the most wonderful romance stories I've ever read... was actually one that you wrote. I think the title was Definitions of Romance? About Harry and Hermione, and how people would say that they were unromantic, but that wasn't really the case. That story just... struck a chord. ^_^
no subject
Not even my Uncle Charles and Aunt Ji-lan, who actually kind of have a romance novel plotline: they liked each other, but her parents arranged a marriage and she felt she had to respect that; she had a kid and later divorced; they met again and still liked each other; and they married and had another kid together. (Swear to god, I'm not making that up.) But they are so Not!Romance that it's actually kind of funny.
no subject