wherein Liz attempts to write

[edenfalling]

I am trying to finish a story I've been working on for a while (this is my anonymous kinkmeme fill, btw), and it's very frustrating because I have the opening of the scene, I have a set piece of dialogue near the ending, and I have a general idea of the lines and mood I want for the actual final paragraphs... but I can't get from the opening to the set piece dialogue, and I need that dialogue for plot reasons and also because it's the logical lead-in to my actual closing scene.

I have written several hundred words that won't work, but I haven't figured out what will.

This is particularly frustrating since I haven't written much of anything for nearly a month now -- just the preceding section of this anonymous fill and a few hundred words scattered among various other projects that are nowhere even vaguely approaching completion. This happens sometimes. One hits a lull, or a fallow period. They pass.

But this one has been bothering me more than most because I know exactly what's causing it: stress. I may be superficially dealing well with the loss of my job, but that's mostly because my reaction to many sources of stress is to sort of... try to become an emotional duck and just let it roll off and away. Except it takes energy to do that, and there's a whole bunch of looming tasks I need to face, and I've just been too mentally/emotionally drained to do much writing.

And this is bad, because writing is one of my most consistent sources of joy and fulfillment in life. This is about the worst possible time to lose focus and stop creating new things.

So I am going to go back to puzzling at this story now, because I very badly need to finish something soon.

Comments

[heliopausa]

The last week and day of work must have been unsettling and strange; it's been part of your life for so long. I hope Sunday gives/gave you a breather, and a chance to regather your forces, for writing and everything. (Oh, and I think 'Courting Dance' is terrific; put me down as someone else who'd love to have more!)

[edenfalling]

I have a bunch of 15_minute_ficlets prompts I haven't looked at yet, and "The Courting Dance" did start out as two 15-minute fics, so... once I sort out Narnia's political situation a bit more so I know my hard restrictions going in, I will open a prompt and see what happens. :-)

The past week was definitely weird. In a way, it was a relief to close now instead of in July -- it's done, instead of dragging out in tension and increasing weirdness -- but in another way, I didn't want to be cut loose so having that happen two weeks earlier than expected was very disorienting. And it would have been disorienting whenever the final day happened, because all big changes are disorienting.

Today I have been doing a bunch of housework-type chores I'd been putting off. It's kind of relaxing, actually.

[rthstewart]

You are very much in my thoughts. of course this is all stressful. It's hard and it sucks. It does pass, eventually. You are an amazing person and very much an inspiration to me and I adore everything you write. But the brain has to be able to engage or else the writing just feels like so much work. Take care of yourself.

[edenfalling]

Thank you. :-) Today I have been doing simple household chores, which is both relaxing and good for producing a tangible result -- you can point to a now-tidied counter, or a cleaned bathroom, and say "There, I did that," which is very psychologically helpful.

Tomorrow I start my quest to defeat the unemployment benefits process, which will be much less immediately rewarding. *crosses fingers*