edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
So my work day started with two tenants coming in to say they'd locked themselves out of their bathroom, continued through twenty million leases to process, and ended with another tenant coming in literally one minute before closing to say they thought they had to fill out a form, maybe...? which was actually three forms, one of which I had to generate specially and then highlight the relevant sections because nobody ever fills it out correctly otherwise. *headdesk*

I mean, at least I will get paid for the extra twenty minutes I stayed? But holy gods, argh argh and above all, argh.

(The bathroom, incidentally, was an easy fix. All it takes is a judiciously applied paperclip! But I had to go apply the fix in person because apparently tenants are bad at comprehending verbal explanations at 9am when they really need to pee. (To be fair, I probably would be as well.))

...

On the bright side, I got a two-hour tax continuing education course finished before Mom Boss dumped the never-ending leases on me, so that's something.
edenfalling: circular blue mosaic depicting stylized waves (ocean mosaic)
I had my one-month followup appointment this morning.

We are upping my Celexa dose from 20mg to 30mg per day, with another followup appointment in early November, to see if that helps get me past the motivation/executive dysfunction issues. I also have the phone number of a local mental health organization, which should either be able to provide some therapy or direct me to someone with openings if I want to troubleshoot my coping strategies.

And I got a flu shot while I was at the office, because my insurance covers it and why not. :)

I'll pick up the new prescription tomorrow when I do my grocery run. Hopefully this time there won't be as many (or even any?) weird side-effects, since it's just a dosage increase instead of throwing a completely new and weird chemical at my body.
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
I have my one-month followup appointment on Thursday, and... we will probably end up changing something, though I'm not sure what.

You see, since the weird side-effects leveled out, when things click, they are really clicking -- by which I mean, when I enjoy something it's in full technicolor rather than faded pastels -- and even when I'm floating the world is back in color rather than grayscale. But I am still drifting/floating and unable to get a stable grip on things for more than a day at a time. In fact, some of my depression-compensating behaviors have gotten worse, which I think is a reaction to knowing that when I get that connection/click to work, my ability to enjoy stuff is now working correctly, so it's like my pleasure-seeking drive is overcharged.

Unfortunately my compensating behaviors are mostly stuff like obsessive reading rather than dealing with necessary life tasks, and obsessive reading tends to screw up my sleep schedule which really does not help anything, so... something has to give.

*sigh*

Hopefully my nurse practitioner will have some advice.
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1. Tomorrow is annual employee evaluation day at the rental company. I escaped this circus last year since I'd only just been hired and there was no point in evaluating me after less than two weeks of work, but now I have to go downtown and have a fifteen-minute meeting/interview with our local manager, whom I have met all of... uh... twice, maybe? Possibly three times. Anyway, he is making us all fill out evaluation sheets about the other people we work with, and I am really bad at this kind of feedback, okay? Tell me how to do my actual job, and I will do it. But do not ask me to pretend I am in management and do management evaluations for you! *twitches, bites nails*

2. Tonight while we were out for the evening walk, Dottie surprised and attempted to chase not one but TWO skunks. Both times I was able to yank her away before the skunk in question sprayed more than a tiny warning trickle of stink, but seriously, what the hell dog, skunks are the LAST animal you want to tangle with. (...Unless the other animal is a porcupine. In which case, go with the skunk. But generally speaking, back the hell off and leave the skunk alone.)
edenfalling: circular blue mosaic depicting stylized waves (ocean mosaic)
I am starting to feel vaguely like I could maybe one day put words on a page again, which in retrospect has made me realize that I've been in a blue funk on top of general gray malaise for the past week or two. Whoops! I mean, you'd think the sleeping schedule fucked to hell and back and the obsessive reading in a completely unfamiliar fandom would have been major tip-offs, but apparently not. Apparently those symptoms have started to feel normal.

(This is worrying. I rely on contrast to tell me when my brain is temporarily dropping me down a well, so I can deploy emergency countermeasures, but if 'normal' is already a third to half of the way down the well... eurgh.)

Anyway, I have not yet heard back from the doctors' billing office, so I'm going to call again on Monday to ask what's up with that and also try making an appointment even if they don't yet have my billing status figured out.

Because I am really thinking it is time for meds again. *sigh*
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I got a review today on one of my rare porn fics saying it was "cute, albeit fetishy."

...

It's an explicit kinkmeme prompt fill. It was clearly tagged as such. I really don't know what else they were expecting.
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Okay, clearly self-motivation is not working fast enough, so.

I am trying to get my WIP Big Bang draft into shape to send to my betas. Saturday evening is my absolute down-to-the-wire final deadline, but I would strongly prefer to get this done sooner -- tonight or sometime on Friday.

So I'm going to post every hour(ish) with a current word count and general progress report, in the hope that this will be enough external motivation to kick me into flow state instead of what I've been doing, which is progress by about three paragraphs per day. *headdesk*

As of ~5pm EDT, the story is at ~18,600 words and I am still bashing the space battle into functional prose instead of its current 'and then and then and then' state.

-----

~6pm, EDT: 19,050 words, still fighting the stupid space battle.

The problem with translating 'and then and then and then' into actual narrative is A) I elided a LOT of details in the rough version (intentionally; that is what it is FOR) which means now I have to actually come up with them (although not while ALSO coming up with the general shape/movement of the story, since those bones are what the 'and then and then' consists of), and B) I always wind up 'and then and then'ing in vaguely omniscient third person present tense, but the story is in tight-POV third person past tense. This requires some tweaking. *wry*

Anyway, back to the salt mines!

-----

~7pm, ~19,400 words.

It would have been more, but I ran into a section where my rough draft had something completely factually inaccurate and I had to figure out a replacement that would serve a similar narrative function. *sigh*

And I think I'm going to have similar trouble in the next hour, because I've hit a place where my draft reads, more or less, 'quick summary of events in [place], this is where Character Y's Big Damn Heroes moment should kick off,' without any details about what that Big Damn Heroes moment should be, nor how to logistically pull it off. *headdesk*

Why do I do this to myself???

-----

~8pm, no change.

I took an hour off for dinner... and also got interrupted by Mormon missionaries, which was MUCH less intentional, but whatever. *wry*

-----

~9pm, 19,800 words.

I got past one part that I thought would be ridiculously melodramatic and impossible to pull off, and it was... surprisingly not? I mean, I DID lay setup for it several sections earlier, though I think I should probably make that even more pointed on my next revision pass-through.

I also cheated and completely elided the Big Damn Heroes thing because hello, SPACE BATTLE STILL GOING ON HERE. It turns out 'spaceships attack!' is a pretty good functional equivalent of 'ninjas break down the door!' when it comes to abruptly getting out of narrative corners. :p

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~10pm, 20,250 words.

It would have been more, but I got ambitious and spent about twenty minutes looking up some basic stuff about orbital mechanics because occasionally I have delusions that scientific verisimilitude is relevant to space operas. *wry*

Anyway, I think I am nearly done with phase one of the space battle (aka, ships and more ships) and will knock off for the night once I finish that. Tomorrow we move on to phase two (aka, boarding and negotiations), and then the aftermath (during which I will have to finally detail the logistics of the Big Damn Heroes thing I keep cheating my way around *sigh*).

-----

Okay, done for the night at 20,400 words and ~10:45pm.

Tomorrow, the rest of the space battle PLUS an exciting and dramatic cameo from the crew of the one and only (haha) Enterprise!

...

These space battle scenes are ridiculously long and are going to completely unbalance the story unless I go back and edit in a bunch more stuff in the medical plot. Which I should do. I also need to edit in more character stuff and foreshadowing for the eventual space battle plot so the story doesn't feel so much like it completely jumps genres halfway through, whoops.

(The space battle is necessary because of the original prompt that is the reason I am writing the story at all. I just kind of... got really carried away with the medical plot, so now the fic has two plots that I can hopefully get to work together instead of just kind of lying there giving each other weird looks. *headdesk*)
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
I got my Remix Revival assignment this morning and let's just say it is exactly what I half-suspected it would be, and also HILARIOUS. Not because of the person or their fics, I hasten to add! Just... the circumstances in general.

I am now going to ignore my assignment until nearly September, because I have other things with much closer due dates that obviously take precedence. *wry*
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
I am too tired to do the full-on crossposting thing with embedded images tonight. So tonight I will just copypaste the text; you can click the links to see the photos on Tumblr if you want. (And maybe tomorrow I will fix the images. *sigh*)

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Part 1: Squash

So I think my squash have been struck by some kind of disease/parasite? Anyway, the leaves with the white blotches have gone sickly and yellow, even though I sprayed lightly with my three-in-one miticide/pesticide/fungicide gloop. I should probably research squash ailments to see if there's anything I should be doing to help them out.

Despite that, the central cores of the plants are all doing well. Tan began to bloom on Tuesday, August 1, having finally regenerated its central stem from the squirrel depredations a few weeks back. And I think I'll pick Covera's squash Wednesday or Thursday. I'm not sure what to do with it, though; I am kind of out of interesting cooking ideas.

Maybe I should give it to Susan as an additional birthday present this weekend...? ;)

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Part 2: Peppers

In summary, they are all doing well, the injured ones continue to recover nicely, most of the non-injured ones have buds, two are flowering, and one has begun to fruit. Yay!

(Click on the photos for more details in the captions.)

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Part 3: the Lazarus pepper

*shakes tiny fist of annoyance at Tumblr’s ten-image limit on posts*

So the Lazarus pepper also exists and also continues to flourish. I think judicious applications of MiracleGro plus weekly applications of eggshells (look, I eat a lot of hardboiled eggs; it would be silly not to do something useful with the shells) have gotten it past the yellow leaves and squashy fruit thing it was doing a few weeks ago. Its leaves are now nicely green and the big pepper is both growing and reassuringly firm to the touch.

Meanwhile, the Lazarus pepper's other branch has sprouted several buds, one of which not only flowered but fell off (rainstorm, what can you do?) leaving behind the tiniest pepper. I mean, it is probably going to shrivel up and detach from the stem because it makes more reproductive sense for the plant to focus on the bigger fruit that's already well-established than to split its resources, but you never know. It might hang on! *crosses fingers, just a little bit*
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
I hate writing.

So I figured I would write a bonus tiny prompt!ficlet for someone who had left me three options, because the first went a bit diagonal to the prompt and one of the others seemed like the perfect setup for something short and fluffy.

And then it went sideways on me, toward angst (and also three times as long as I wanted it to be), so I couldn't just leave it there...

And now it's gone sideways again back toward fluff, but continuing and elaborating on the theme of responsibility that sent the fic careering toward angst in the first place.

I just. What is even with my brain these days???

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Elizabeth Culmer

October 2017

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