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Master List of Elizabeth Culmer's Fiction
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FANFICTION:

General Disclaimer: These stories are based on characters and situations created and owned by other people and corporations. I make no money from this borrowing of intellectual property, and intend no copyright or trademark infringement.

Organization: This list is organized primarily by fandom; within each fandom, it's arranged first by associated story cycles and then by writing date. Word counts and writing dates are approximations.

Content/Warning Policy: 1) I am not consistent about warnings! I use them when I remember, for a few relatively broad categories of potentially problematic content, but if something is off-page, non-explicit, or generally backgrounded, I probably won't think to note it in the metadata. Read at your own risk! 2) The things I try to warn for are explicit sex, rape, murder, torture, cannibalism, incest, depression/suicide, familial dysfunction, and occasionally also societal dysfunction (aka dystopia). Sometimes I just slap a general content warning on all my fic for a given fandom and don't label each individual fic. I also don't generally warn for violence, unless the violence in a fic is dramatically out-of-step with the violence in its source canon. 3) I don't use any content rating system unless I'm posting to a site or community that requires or encourages ratings, because I find movie-style ratings counter-intuitive when applied to written fiction, and not particularly useful for anything other than denoting the presence of explicit sex, which I already note in the metadata.

Quality Rating System: I've marked my favorite stories with asterisks, on a scale of 1 to 4. The more asterisks, the more I like the story. This doesn't necessarily mean that stories without asterisks are bad, just that I don't like them as much. Also, I am not claiming to be an arbiter of taste; you may love stories I dislike, and vice versa. I am just providing a heads-up about the ones that I think are best written and/or most interesting.

Where To Read: What I post on my journal tends to be the equivalent of a beta draft. If I have cross-posted a story literally anywhere else (except Tumblr; fic content there is just a mirror of fic content here), read the version that isn't on my journal. Versions on AO3 are definitive. If there is no AO3 version, read the ff.net version. If there is no ff.net version, read the FictionAlley version (only applicable for HP fic). Failing that, read the journal version, because that's the only one there is.

Harry Potter Fanfiction

Naruto Fanfiction

Angel Sanctuary Fanfiction

Chronicles of Narnia Fanfiction

Homestuck Fanfiction

MCU fanfic (assorted)

Minor Fandom Fanfiction
(currently includes BtVS/A:tS, The Dark Is Rising, the Darkangel trilogy, Enchanted Forest Chronicles, FF7: Mercverse AU, Inception, and Star Trek: AOS)

Miscellaneous Fanfiction
(Currently includes: American Gods, An Ash-Blonde Witch, Arthurian Mythology, Batman, the Bible, the Black Jewels series, the Bourne trilogy, Charlotte's Web, Code Geass, Death Note, Discworld, Doctor Who, Girl Genius, The Girl with the Silver Eyes, Glee, Gormenghast, Hamilton, Hexwood, The Homeward Bounders, Howl's Moving Castle, Labyrinth, Lord of the Rings, Lucifer (comics), Mad Max: Fury Road, Merlin, the Oz books, Ranma 1/2, Rise of the Guardians, Sailor Moon, Saiyuki, Seaward, Shakespeare, Star Wars, Tam Lin (Pamela Dean), Vorkosigan Saga, White Collar, Wolf Hall, X-Men, and Yu-Gi-Oh!)

Crossover Fanfiction
(I do not cross-list crossovers and fusions under their component fandoms; this is the only place to find them. Currently includes: the Anita Blake series, ASoIaF, Avatar: The Last Airbender, the Black Jewels series, BtVS, Cardcaptor Sakura, Chronicles of Narnia, the Darkangel trilogy, The Dark Is Rising, Discworld, Doctor Who, Enchanted Forest Chronicles, Ender's Game, Gundam Wing, Harry Potter, Hikaru no Go, Homestuck, Inception, the Indiana Jones movies, Leverage, Lucifer (comics), MCU (various), Merlin, Naruto, the Oz books, Sandman, Stargate: SG-1, Star Trek: AOS, Vorkosigan Saga, Welcome to Night Vale, and a couple other things that only appear in memes rather than actual fic.)

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ORIGINAL FICTION:

These stories are all mine! *grin* I use the same warning policy and quality rating system as for my fanfiction.

All Original Fiction

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My various bingo cards: Cotton Candy Bingo, Round One (blackout!); Cotton Candy Bingo, Round Two (blackout!); Genprompt Bingo, Round 12 (blackout!); Genprompt Bingo, Round 15; Ladies Bingo; Daredevil Bingo; Domestic AU Prompt List

Batch the fourth. :)

All prompts drawn from the current iteration of the Three Sentence Ficathon, hosted by the wonderful rthstewart. Come join the fun!

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( 19. ) For anonymous: Any, any, lost in translation, written 2/7/21

Lost in Translation (195 words)

Fandom = Chronicles of Narnia. Contains Telmarine backstory.

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"I will tell you tonight of Māui, who snared the errant sun, who fished islands from the sea, who brought the secret of fire to the people," Eka said to her children as they sat beside the fire in the strange half-underground house made of dirt and grass that the man who killed her husband (and fathered her two youngest children) had built in this strange land beyond the cave.

"What's an island?" her youngest son asked: a child of this new world, of its mountains without daily clouds, of its winter ice and snow, of its horses and sheep and shaggy cattle in place of pigs and chickens, his mouth familiar only with the speech of the raiders that had bloomed like a fever in Eka's mind as they stumbled from stone to the sunlight of a foreign sky.

"It's a mountain only instead of trees and grass around it there's miles and miles of water," said her eldest daughter, who still remembered their lost home, and as she watched the confusion on her son's face, Eka wondered how long until all her people's history and gods were lost in the gulf between generations.

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( 20. ) For anonymous: Any, any, the only way out is through, written 2/8/21

Theseus in the Labyrinth (105 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives

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"Sometimes the only way out is through," Georgie says, and Jon makes a noncommittal noise rather than answer; he understands that she means well, and that pushing through worked for her in the aftermath of her own brush with the impossible.

In his experience, though, 'through' never reaches an exit; he only tangles deeper and deeper into the grip of his own personalized whirlpool of terror and regret. Turning around and asking somebody to haul him back is the only chance of freedom, for however short and painful a time.

He's trying not to Know if there's anybody left to hear him when he calls.

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( 21. ) For ultra_fic: any, any, midnight at the lost and found, written 2/9/21

Found and Lost (110 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives

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The Magnus Institute, Sasha sometimes thinks, is like a giant lost-and-found: people bring in stories of experiences they'd stumbled into and would strongly prefer to forget, and other people come by later to pick through the inscrutably-organized heap in search of something important to them. Her job is to sort and catalog the items, and sometimes to show people around the collection; she's in the business of finding, not of losing, and she's very good at her work.

Much later, she has a bare second before the end to realize she was always one of the lost and abandoned things and to wonder if anyone will try to find her.

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( 22. ) For kalira: any, any, bloody fluff, written 2/9/21

Strange New World (235 words)

Fandom = Chronicles of Narnia

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"We hunt well together," the Crow said to her companions as the young Wolf lapped at the marrow in a cracked thighbone and the Human methodically skinned and butchered the carcass of a dumb deer; "One to spot, one to flush, one to kill, and we all benefit."

"I maintain I'm doing the lion's share of the work," the Human said as she began to wrap the meat in the deer's own skin, blood-streaked hands deft as she tied tendons around rough hide, "but yes, we waste much less time this way, not to mention the value of companionship; I still don't discount the possibility that I've gone mad and you're both hallucinations, but even so, humans need friends to survive and I'm willing to believe you might lead me to somewhere with explanations."

"The garden in the Uttermost West holds many explanations, some of which even fit people's questions," the Wolf said, looking up from her bone, "but there's no need to hurry; the Queen of the Twisted Tower" -- here the Crow mantled her wings, unsettled, and the Human paused to scribble another note in her little paper book -- "has gone east to Narnia and taken her armies with her, so even if you never learn how you came to the Western Wild, there's nothing to stop us from building a new pack and carving a territory where we can decide our own truths."

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( 23. ) For sholio: Black Panther, Nakia, a small piece of home to hold onto when she's out on assignment, written 2/9/21

Keeping Faith (145 words)

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A kimoyo bead would be far too obvious -- vibranium is too rare and precious to go unnoticed -- but Nakia is used to the feel of her beads around her wrist, resting against her sternum, hanging from her ears.

Glasswork, pottery, and smithing are not her gifts, but all children learn some of the traditional arts and the awkward nature of her handiwork adds verisimilitude to many of her covers.

Eyes downcast, Nakia kneels before the latest would-be warlord whose camp she's infiltrated, and rubs the uneven glaze of her lumpy bracelet beneath her fingers -- clay from the creek behind her mother's house, glaze from her cousin's pottery, cotton string from her grandmother's farm -- a piece of home to remind her of all the riches of Wakanda, and urge her onward to help the outer world take one more shaky, faltering step toward peace and freedom.

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( 24. ) For runespoor: Naruto, Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura, promises, written 2/9/21

Pinky Promise (275 words)

This wound up as an installment in my Summer Camp & Politics AU.

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"One day I'm gonna be prime minister and then I'll make sure nothing like what happened to your family will ever happen again -- that's a promise!" Naruto says, looking back over his shoulder from the front of the canoe.

("Turn around, we're almost to the rapids," Sakura says.)

"The prime minister can't always control the army," Sasuke snaps, letting go of his paddle with one hand to flick at Naruto's face, "or get laws through the Assembly, so even if you do somehow get elected, what good do you think you can do on your own?"

("The rapids! We're coming to the rapids! If you don't turn around and start paddling again--")

"I won't be alone -- I'll have you and Sakura-chan with me," Naruto says, and raises his paddle like he's thinking of swinging it at Sasuke; "Tell him we'll fix Fire Country together, Sakura-chan!"

Sakura tips the canoe over.

Then she hauls herself back in and upright while her friends are still sputtering. From her newly commanding height, and with her own paddle jammed firmly between two rocks to keep from drifting uncontrolled into the rapids, she pronounces, "I'll fix Fire Country... but you two can come along, I guess. I'll need somebody to play figurehead while I get everything done."

Sasuke and Naruto exchange a long, speaking look, which would be very solemn and serious if they weren't sopping wet with hair plastered to their faces.

"Deal?" Naruto says, not turning to look at Sakura. She narrows her eyes suspiciously.

"Deal," Sasuke agrees, and the boys lunge forward in tandem to tip Sakura back into the river with them.

It's a good day.

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More to come as I write them. :)

Summary: Yukiko and Kakashi run an undercover mission in the coastal port of Asase during monsoon season. Rain can make anyone philosophical. Part of the Apartment Manager AU, set after The Guardian in Spite of Herself and before An Unorthodox Pedagogical Approach. (3,515 words)

Note: Written for warriordrgnmage, in response to the prompt: Naruto: Hatake Kakashi/Ayakawa Yukiko set in the Way of the Apartment Manager Series Timeline. For the Bingo card: Monsoon. It is also a fill for the genprompt_bingo square monsoon.

For obvious reasons, Yukiko and Kakashi are using fake names while undercover. Yukiko is Aoi, and Kakashi is Hyoujin.

Also, you may notice that this is gen! See, while I am perfectly cool with people shipping Yukiko with Kakashi, that is 100% never going to become Apartment Manager canon, for many, many reasons. If anyone wants a shippy AU, you are welcome to write it yourself, because I flat-out CANNOT. Seriously, even if I tried, you wouldn't want the results. They would be awful. Trust me on that.

[ETA: the AO3 crosspost is now up!]

( Between the Saltwater and the Sea-Strand )

Well, that took significantly longer than it needed to, but I won in the end. \o/

Also, Kuwa Natsume (from Whose Allegiance Is Ruled by Expedience) is now officially part of Apartment Manager continuity. You're welcome. :D

I've gotten in the habit of posting my fills in sets of six, and there's no reason to fix what isn't broken. :)

All prompts drawn from the current iteration of the Three Sentence Ficathon, hosted by the wonderful rthstewart. Come join the fun!

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( 1. ) For rthstewart: Any, any, reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated, written 2/1/20

We Make Our Own Second Chances (150 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives.

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Her replacement yanked open the door to the Archives before Gertrude could knock with the more functional of her rebuilt hands, and exclaimed, in a shocked and slightly offended tone, "I saw your corpse; I was a suspect for your murder; how on earth--!"

"One fascinating thing about having one's face and voice used by the Stranger in the heart of the Unknowing is that when reality becomes utterly malleable, a determined person can wrangle that sliver of near-existence into something more solid once things settle back into place," Gertrude said as she pushed past him and cataloged the changes to her old haunts, and then added, "Admittedly it took longer than I expected, and I'm not entirely certain I got all the pieces in the right order, but the important parts are clear enough. Now, will you help me kill Jonah Magnus or must I continue doing everything myself?"

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( 2. ) For wingedflight: Queen's Thief, Eugenides, what do you mean "kings can't steal"??, written 2/1/20

How You Frame the Question (70 words)

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"Kings do nothing but steal; theft is the very essence of government. Taxes steal money, wars steal land and lives, laws steal freedom, to name simply the most obvious examples -- shall I go on?"

Helen sighed, and kicked her cousin's ankle, and said in the driest tone she could muster, "It was practical advice, not an invitation to philosophy; please stop being so very much yourself before I've eaten breakfast."

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( 3. ) For kalira: Naruto, any ninja, chakra tricks, written 2/1/20

Unorthodox Uses (85 words)

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1. Why clutter your tea ceremony by fussing with a kettle when you can pour a stream of perfectly heated water from thin air into your cup?

2. It's not technically illegal to have a side-job using earth jutsu in the civilian construction industry, and it's not like you undercharge the village by that much, right, so really you're just doing your part to keep the economy turning.

3. Interior design is overrated; just buy cheap secondhand furniture and cast an exciting new genjutsu whenever you have visitors!

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( 4. ) For syrena_of_the_lake: Harry Potter; Professor Kettleburn; occupational hazards, written 2/1/20

Duty of Care (75 words)

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The animals aren't the problem. Oh, certainly they're dangerous if you don't respect them and take sensible precautions, but Kettleburn is an old hand at that game; he knows perfectly well how to keep himself safe in any reasonably foreseeable circumstance (and several unreasonable ones too).

The problem is the students, and their improbable ability to manufacture new deadly accidents waiting to happen, and the damnable need to keep them safe from their own stupidity.

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( 5. ) For shinon: Any, any, back to the drawing board, written 2/2/20

A Change of Perspective (225 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives. Text slightly edited from the version on the Ficathon page.

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There is an art book in Artefact Storage, titled Scraps from the Drawing Board and marked with Jurgen Leitner's bookplate, which is not only locked in a safe (as per standard containment protocol) but also wrapped in several layers of very thick and opaque paper, so as to prevent even the most casual glimpse of its cover: nobody is entirely certain who managed to wrap and glue the paper so neatly, or what became of them afterwards, but the rumors surrounding the book's acquisition suggest nothing good.

The story goes that it belonged to an artist obsessed with fractals, Escher, and trompe l'oeil , who became convinced that if she drew the exact right combination of impossible patterns and perspectives that she could walk straight out of the universe; every painting in the book is one of her failed attempts, bound together by her students after she vanished (successful at last? eaten horribly by the Spiral? is there even any difference between those possibilities?), and at best those who flip through all the pages become mangled, screaming impossibilities whose warped bodies cannot long survive once the book is closed and the rational laws of physics reassert themselves.

The worst are those who remain outwardly human, but who nod calmly, close the book, and then head to the nearest art store to buy supplies of their own.

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( 6. ) For ernest: Narnia, girl!Edmund, smoke and blades, written 2/2/20

Pay It Forward (200 words)

For anyone wondering, yes, this is part of As the Morning and the Night continuity.

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The end of a siege is bitter, filthy work, no matter how hard one tries to hold to honor and treat one's enemies with respect -- and Edith tries, both to stop Mary and Stephen from watching her with the shadow of old alienation behind their eyes, and to keep the soldiers under her command from needing to look back on their actions either with horror, or, worse, with rationalizations that will twist their hearts to stone as sure as Jadis once petrified their bodies.

She leads her company through the wreckage of the crude wooden fort, a torn strip of gold and scarlet surcoat wrapped around her face to filter out smoke and sparks from the fires, until she spots a spruce dryad in the colors of the White Army lying crumpled in the ashes; while her squire stands guard, Edith kneels to run her sword through the still-breathing ruin of the dryad's chest, then lifts the new-sprouted seedling from between her wooden ribs to carry away and plant in more auspicious soil.

Edith can't conjure miraculous redemption from before the dawn of time, but mercy, at least, is within her power; and so she grants it where she can.

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More to come, hopefully tomorrow! :)

"The Guardian in Spite of Herself" is the sequel to The Way of the Apartment Manager, a canon-divergence AU that starts six years pre-manga. It also has fanart.

Fic Summary: The reward for a job well done is a bigger job. In this case, Ayakawa Yukiko's new job is a lot more complicated than anyone expected. The Uchiha massacre and its aftermath, in the world of "The Way of the Apartment Manager."

Chapter Summary: Chapter the Seventeenth, in which an unexpected development short-circuits yet another interminable Amane family argument, Sasuke and Yukiko have a very bad afternoon, and Eiji opens negotiations. (4,150 words)

Note: Hey, look who's back in business! \o/ :DDD

Also, it's been forever and a day, so a quick recap: Yukiko is en route to Tengai, undercover in a trade caravan, as part of a mission to assassinate Amane Eiji. Sasuke and Naruto are tagging along with Yukiko because of reasons. Eiji is busy trying to overthrow the hidden village system on ethical grounds but A) his plans are rapidly spinning out of control and B) hiring Akatsuki is never a good idea. And Naga, Kakashi, and the three Grass-nin are pursuing Itachi through various neighboring countries.

[ETA: the slightly revised final version is now up on AO3!]

( The Guardian in Spite of Herself, chapter 17 )

It's been a while since I wrote a serious action scene, so if you have any constructive commentary on that front, I am all ears! (Also I'm sure I've screwed up stuff about wagon and harness terminology, so if you know the correct words, by all means please let me know.)

Coming up next: the trade caravan deals with a lot of unpleasant aftermath, Eiji leads an awkwardly tense tour of Tengai (heh, alliteration), and Naga receives an important letter. Or at least that's the outline. We'll see how it plays out in practice...

I figure I will make a new post in case anyone missed these, since I posted them as comment replies on the original prompt request post from mid-April.

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( 1. ) Kitchen Science: lighthearted, jane and dirk making the most mathematically perfect cake. Written 4/13/18 for longroadstonowhere (175 words) [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 crosspost]

( 2. ) Than It Is To Receive: BIRFDAY, Naruto …actually that’s probably a scenario in itself XD. Written 4/13/18 for alexseanchai (425 words) [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 crosspost]

( 3. ) All Work and No Play: Holiday Cottages, Naruto (i was thinking of the summer camp au but another setting would be fine also). Written 4/13/18 for silverblade219 (425 words) [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 version]

( 4. ) Grandmother Dragon: I would like the prompt "The Age of Reason" with Telemain having to explain something complicated to Kazul. (I reversed this, because reasons. *evil grin*) Written 4/22/18 for wistfulmemory (575 words) [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 crosspost]

( 5. ) Equivalent Exchange: Can I have a snippet of "Utiliarian Virtue," please? Pick a prompt and wing it! Written 5/1/18 for cherokee1 (650 words) [Contains discussion of atrocities and war crimes]

As always, here is the link to the current ficathon, if you want to come play too. :)

(Yes, I know that two of these are actually four-sentence fics. Shush. My struggle with structural limitations is an open secret.)

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( 7. ) For anonymous: Inception, Ariadne/Arthur, Two drifters, off to see the world, written 12/8/17 [AO3 version]

each day a new and different sun (175 words)

"Columbia or Madagascar?" Arthur asks as he leans over Ariadne's drafting table and obscures her Escher-inspired garden maze (nothing serious, just keeping her hand in between jobs) with his forearms, sleeves shoved carelessly upward to reveal tantalizing swathes of skin.

Ariadne taps her pencil against his knuckles as she considers -- they have been spending a lot of time in Paris this year, and while it's nice to have somewhere to come home to, she's been getting restless and ready for a change -- but she doesn't particularly care what horizon they travel toward so long as they pick up and go; and so she shrugs and says, "Which job has more interesting details, more functional teammates, and less chance of us getting shot?"

Arthur blinks, and then smiles: "I won't presume to judge what you'd find most interesting, but I think our chances of getting shot or stuck with incompetent coworkers are fairly low in both cases, because I was actually proposing a vacation; we can certainly afford it, and after all, we never did finish our honeymoon."

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( 8. ) For iawenbemerry: MCU, Hawkeye +/ Black Widow, amends, written 12/9/17 [AO3 version]

the journey of a thousand miles (250 words)

There's nothing Natasha can do directly for Clint, not while the fallout of Vienna, Berlin, and Leipzig is still fresh and every eye trained to see through shadows is watching for her movements, wondering which way she'll jump now she's cut free from any organization.

Instead, she leaves ciphered border-crossing instructions in one of the electronic dead drops Laura has access to; anonymously mails a set of false passports (Laura Ingalls and her children Carter, Layla, and Peter) to a suspiciously innocuous heritage seed company's post office box; rents a modest corporate jet through three shell companies and a half dozen aliases that ultimately trace back to Stark Industries; and files a flight plan from Council Bluffs to Regina.

When Tony tracks her to a Tim Horton's in Saskatoon three days later, still fuming over her refusal to block Steve and Barnes from taking off for Siberia, Natasha pushes a coffee and doughnut across the table and says, before he can get a word out, "I don't know where any of them are; yes, that was the point; no, I won't help you find them," because while she won't regret the side she chose -- the Accords are a hideous botch and won't stand up to the first round of legal challenges, but some regulation is both practically and ethically necessary and Steve's headfirst stubbornness wasn't going to win any leverage over the people drafting the treaties and laws -- she does regret leaving Clint without a partner, and running decoy for his family's escape is how she begins to make amends.

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( 9. ) For runespoor7: Naruto, Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura, someday, together, we'll shine, written 12/10/17 [AO3 version]

makes the dream work (175 words)

Sakura reaches the valley's rim just in time to shout and send both boys' final strikes awry in startlement; when the dust and shock of the explosions clear, she trips her way down the cliff to where they lie prone and bleeding, and does her best, with stolen supplies and only basic academy training, to bind the wide, abraded stretch of Sasuke's shoulder and the matching deep and half-burned wound in Naruto's side.

"I won't come back," Sasuke says as he pushes himself to his feet, swaying with pain and fatigue; "I can find training from somebody else instead of Orochimaru, I can ignore the curse seal and find a different kind of power, but I can't stay in Konoha and I have to leave before the next retrieval team catches up."

"I know," Sakura agrees, as she washes the evidence of Sasuke's determination from her hands in the river, and then, before she can continue, Naruto opens his eyes and finishes for her: "But we're a team, you asshole, and we won't let you leave alone."

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( 10. ) For anonymous: Any, any, there is nothing better than sitting in the branches of a giant pine tree and watching the sunrise, written 12/12/17 [AO3 version]

the good of your stars and trees (250 words)

"Explain to me again why it was so vitally important to climb a tree in the dead of night instead of doing something sensible like sleeping off Ino and Kaiba's ridiculous overkill idea of a party, or even running last-minute security scenarios for your investiture," Sasuke grumbled as he picked a bit of sap off the cuff of his shirt.

Naruto tossed a pine cone at Sasuke's forehead and said, "It's nostalgic, obviously; tree-climbing was like the first time we all got along and had fun as a team, and this is my last night of freedom from bureaucracy, so if I want to go stargazing and watch the sunrise with my teammates from the best vantage point in Konoha, I'm going to go stargazing and watch the sunrise with you guys -- so there, Hokage's orders!"

"You're not Hokage for another eight hours, and if you don't both shut up and let me undo my hangover in peace, I swear I will strip you naked halfway through the investiture and neither of you will ever live it down," Sakura said flatly from where she lay prone one branch up, but she reached down to thread her fingers gently through both Naruto and Sasuke's hair instead of any gesture to back up her threat; Naruto hummed wordlessly in his throat and pushed up into the contact, and even Sasuke deigned to close his eyes and smile like the flicker of a falling star.

They watched night fade into morning together.

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( 11. ) For ama_ranth_827: Any, Any, I platonically want to have sex with you. No big deal., written 12/12/17 [AO3 version]

like a thunderbolt (175 words)

As she withdrew her sparking hand from the guts of the last member of the unexpected perimeter patrol, ripping out a segment of the sucker's spine for good measure, Nebula turned and said, "Once we finish retrieving the rest of the Guardians from this pathetic excuse for a prison, I wish to platonically engage in sexual intercourse with you; I'm told that Ravagers are frequently experienced in such matters and I've had no luck finding other partners to practice on."

Kraglin's mouth dropped open; Yondu's arrow, thus bereft of guidance, continued its last trajectory and plowed straight through a stone guard tower in a moderately impressive explosion -- which of course defeated the whole damn purpose of sneaking in and silencing the patrol squad before they could raise alarms, fuck his life.

"Afterwards, you can attempt another explanation of why some people find hats aesthetically pleasing," Nebula added, and, hefting her newly acquired lightning canon onto one implausibly slender shoulder, strode toward the still-smoking gap in the ancient Kree fortress as if a full-on frontal assault had always been the plan.

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( 12. ) For anonymous: Any, any, ochre's dust, vermillion too, cobalt crushed, the purest blue, a gram of gold leaf for the border, written 12/16/17 [AO3 version]

a language all nations understand (375 words)

Note: This is Narnia fanfic, but pretty tenuously -- it features two OCs in a region we never actually see in canon. Still fanfic, though! The universe is neat that way. :)

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Sechembaris squinted through her close-work glasses at the finished page: green penstemon vines spiraled up the left margin, extending delicate tendrils between paragraphs and words to bloom in pink and scarlet flowers, graced here and there by the blue orchard bees of southwestern Calormen (much missed, here in the Seven Isles, though honeybees and bumblebees had their consolations) and one rufous hummingbird in bold crimson orange, and the whole framed by an intricate latticework gold border, made deliberately imperfect by one omitted line in the upper right corner, as a courtesy to the gods: truly an effort worthy of her father's best training and sure to nourish the eyes and souls of all who gazed upon its beauty.

She set aside her gold leaf stamp, pushed the glasses up her forehead, and leaned back in her cushioned chair to stretch the kinks out of her shoulders and wrists; "Ten pages left on my end and I think my hand may twist into permanent cramps if I work any more today; renew my spirit with a reminder of how much the Archen king is paying for this anniversary gift?" she called toward her sister's end of their workroom.

"Half a normal year's profit," Nazileen called back without turning, a fine-point brush held delicately between her fingers, "more than enough to buy this shop and the upstairs rooms entire and thus save both on rent and on worry over our landlady's whims; did I not say in Ifayyapura, O my sister and my other self, that while the North is a land benighted in the eyes of both gods and poets, their gold is as good as any other and rarity makes all talents shine bright as diamonds scattered in dust?"

"I remember that distinctly, just as I remember our father's debts and your unwanted suitors, which I am sure had nothing to do with our abrupt departure from the empire," Sechembaris said wryly, "but in any case, the light is fading and I prefer not to spoil my eyes when we are so close to completion; put away your paints and help me drink to the honor of the slave king and his traitorous queen, since it's their money paying for our wine."

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More to come at some point...

runespoor7 said: Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura, eyes, using the Sharingan after Sasuke came back.

Note: This took me slightly over five months to write, because reasons, but I got there in the end. :D (1,075 words)

[ETA: The AO3 crosspost is now up!]

( Maboroshi )

Victory! \o/

I have two more prompts to fill from that particular mini-ficlet prompt meme, after which I will get to work on some other projects that have also been languishing while I took a mental health break from writing.

branchandroot said: Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke: tradition; Naruto and Sakura accompany Sasuke in some small family or festival tradition.

Note: So this ended up much longer, more angsty, and trickier to write than I expected. Story of my life, apparently. *sigh* Anyway, this fic is an installment in my Summer Camp & Politics AU, in which the elemental countries are modern nation-states locked in an uneasy regional standoff, and Team 7 (plus others!) met as children at a summer camp and now, as adults, are trying to drag Fire Country into being a functional multi-party democracy instead of an oligarchy that flirts heavily with military dictatorship. It takes place about a year before Zero-Sum Fallacy, the UMCC/the Glasshouse is the unified military command council/its headquarters, and the rest should be clear from internal context. (2,775 words)

[ETA: The AO3 crosspost is now up!]

( Rekindling )

Bingo at last! \o/

I have a scenario and backstory and some general world-building for my Palestuck fic. I have a kinda-sorta outline. I have a couple of key emotional beats, and an intertwined action and character arc/plot thingywhatsit.

And I have no fucking clue whose POV I should be in, let alone whether I should be trying to write in second or third person.

*headdesk*

You know what, screw this. I am going to do a mini-ficlet prompt meme after all, because desperate times call for desperate measures, and maybe if I kickstart myself into finishing something it will make my other projects flow better thereafter.

So.

Leave a comment with one to three characters plus a mood, a scenario, or a prompt word, and I will write you a ficlet that is at least three sentences and/or 100 words long.

(Obligatory small print: Crossover prompts are fine. On the vanishingly unlikely chance anyone wants to read a snippet from any of my original worlds and stories, that kind of prompt is also fine. I reserve the right to reject fandoms I am not familiar with and produce ambiguous gen when attempting to write shipfic.)

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Fill List:

( 1 ) Narutostuck: Tall Tales - 525 words, Naruto, John, Vriska, farce, written 3/6/16 for anonymous. [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 version]

( 2 ) But Not Quite THAT Bored - 150 words, Dirk, Dave, Second Triennial Human-Troll Flashstep Competition, written 3/7/16 for madamehardy. [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 version]

( 3 ) In what distant deeps or skies - 625 words, Or, if you prefer, Dave, Jade, long-distance relationship, written 3/7/16 for madamehardy. [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 version]

( 4 ) For what you have tamed - 200 words, Um, Narnia, Lucy and Mr Tumnus, sleep or sleepy. (Something happy would be good.), written 3/7/16 for cat_i_th_adage. [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 version]

( 5 ) Don't Get Caught - 275 words, Ginny and Professor McGonagall with prank advice, written 3/7/16 for wistfulmemory. [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 version]

( 6 ) Narutostuck: No Child Left Behind - 1,450 words, Narutostuck Jade, Aradia, Dave - apprehension?, written 3/8/16 for mid-childan-puella-magi. [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 version]

( 7 ) Narutostuck: Riptide - 500 words, If you are still doing the ficlet thing - Narutostuck Jade, Feferi, Aradia - salvage, written 3/9/16 for mid-childan-puella-magi. [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 version]

( 8 ) Noblesse Oblige - 500 words, For your Black Jewels/Homestuck verse: Dave, Jane, Responsibility?, written 3/9/16 for anonymous. [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 version]

( 9 ) Narutostuck: Family Planning - 775 words, Narutostuck -- Dave finding out he's breeding stock. I'm guessing it was hilariterrible, written 3/10/16 for madamehardy. [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 version]

( 10 ) Narutostuck: By Which a Shattered World - 1,650 words, While on the subject of narutostuck, Jane and Roxy (& maybe Callie?) - repairs for the ficlet meme?, written 3/18/16 for anonymous. [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 version]

( 11. ) Narutostuck: Triptych - 1,150 words, Narutostuck: Dave, Karkat, Terezi: first encounters, written 3/27/16 for anonymous. [Tumblr crosspost; AO3 version]