edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
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Master List of Elizabeth Culmer's Fiction
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FANFICTION:

General Disclaimer: These stories are based on characters and situations created and owned by other people and corporations. I make no money from this borrowing of intellectual property, and intend no copyright or trademark infringement.

Organization: This list is organized primarily by fandom; within each fandom, it's arranged first by associated story cycles and then by writing date. Word counts and writing dates are approximations.

Content/Warning Policy: 1) I am not consistent about warnings! I use them when I remember, for a few relatively broad categories of potentially problematic content, but if something is off-page, non-explicit, or generally backgrounded, I probably won't think to note it in the metadata. Read at your own risk! 2) The things I try to warn for are explicit sex, rape, murder, torture, cannibalism, incest, depression/suicide, familial dysfunction, and occasionally also societal dysfunction (aka dystopia). Sometimes I just slap a general content warning on all my fic for a given fandom and don't label each individual fic. I also don't generally warn for violence, unless the violence in a fic is dramatically out-of-step with the violence in its source canon. 3) I don't use any content rating system unless I'm posting to a site or community that requires or encourages ratings, because I find movie-style ratings counter-intuitive when applied to written fiction, and not particularly useful for anything other than denoting the presence of explicit sex, which I already note in the metadata.

Quality Rating System: I've marked my favorite stories with asterisks, on a scale of 1 to 4. The more asterisks, the more I like the story. This doesn't necessarily mean that stories without asterisks are bad, just that I don't like them as much. Also, I am not claiming to be an arbiter of taste; you may love stories I dislike, and vice versa. I am just providing a heads-up about the ones that I think are best written and/or most interesting.

Where To Read: What I post on my journal tends to be the equivalent of a beta draft. If I have cross-posted a story literally anywhere else (except Tumblr; fic content there is just a mirror of fic content here), read the version that isn't on my journal. Versions on AO3 are definitive. If there is no AO3 version, read the ff.net version. If there is no ff.net version, read the FictionAlley version (only applicable for HP fic). Failing that, read the journal version, because that's the only one there is.

Harry Potter Fanfiction

Naruto Fanfiction

Angel Sanctuary Fanfiction

Chronicles of Narnia Fanfiction

Homestuck Fanfiction

MCU fanfic (assorted)

Minor Fandom Fanfiction
(currently includes BtVS/A:tS, The Dark Is Rising, the Darkangel trilogy, Enchanted Forest Chronicles, FF7: Mercverse AU, Inception, and Star Trek: AOS)

Miscellaneous Fanfiction
(Currently includes: American Gods, An Ash-Blonde Witch, Arthurian Mythology, Batman, the Bible, the Black Jewels series, the Bourne trilogy, Charlotte's Web, Code Geass, Death Note, Discworld, Doctor Who, Girl Genius, The Girl with the Silver Eyes, Glee, Gormenghast, Hamilton, Hexwood, The Homeward Bounders, Howl's Moving Castle, Labyrinth, Lord of the Rings, Lucifer (comics), Mad Max: Fury Road, Merlin, the Oz books, Ranma 1/2, Rise of the Guardians, Sailor Moon, Saiyuki, Seaward, Shakespeare, Star Wars, Tam Lin (Pamela Dean), Vorkosigan Saga, White Collar, Wolf Hall, X-Men, and Yu-Gi-Oh!)

Crossover Fanfiction
(I do not cross-list crossovers and fusions under their component fandoms; this is the only place to find them. Currently includes: the Anita Blake series, ASoIaF, Avatar: The Last Airbender, the Black Jewels series, BtVS, Cardcaptor Sakura, Chronicles of Narnia, the Darkangel trilogy, The Dark Is Rising, Discworld, Doctor Who, Enchanted Forest Chronicles, Ender's Game, Gundam Wing, Harry Potter, Hikaru no Go, Homestuck, Inception, the Indiana Jones movies, Leverage, Lucifer (comics), MCU (various), Merlin, Naruto, the Oz books, Sandman, Stargate: SG-1, Star Trek: AOS, Vorkosigan Saga, Welcome to Night Vale, and a couple other things that only appear in memes rather than actual fic.)

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ORIGINAL FICTION:

These stories are all mine! *grin* I use the same warning policy and quality rating system as for my fanfiction.

All Original Fiction

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My various bingo cards: Cotton Candy Bingo, Round One (blackout!); Cotton Candy Bingo, Round Two (blackout!); Genprompt Bingo, Round 12 (blackout!); Genprompt Bingo, Round 15; Ladies Bingo; Daredevil Bingo; Domestic AU Prompt List
edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
Batch the ninth. :)

All prompts drawn from the current iteration of the Three Sentence Ficathon (post one and post two), hosted by the wonderful [personal profile] rthstewart. The ficathon closes to new prompts tonight, but you can continue filling prompts and commenting on other people's fills for as long as you like!

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49. ) For [personal profile] paxilam: any, any, not answering the phone, written 2/23/21

Go to Voicemail (250 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives

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After his ordeal with Prentiss, Martin makes a point of answering his phone on the first ring and immediately replying to all texts; he winds up fielding a number of junk calls and disrupting his sleep schedule (insofar as he has a sleep schedule, here on the too-small cot in the document storage room, jolting awake at every creak of floorboard or groan of piping), but it's worth it to feel connected, to know that no supernatural creature will have another chance to impersonate him.

"That was one of the most suspicious things about you," Jon tells him much later; "It's not normal to be instantly available at all hours of the day and night, and naturally I jumped to incoherent conspiracy theories rather than the much more obvious and plausible answer that it was a trauma response -- the irony, of course, being that my paranoia was also a trauma response, and so we made each other steadily more upset rather than trying to support each other, or reach out to Tim."

"And when I stopped answering my phone altogether?" Martin asks. "Was that also suspicious?"

Jon shrugs, lightly, as if his isolation when he woke from his coma hardly mattered. "No, because by then I knew you -- I wished you would change your mind, of course, and I thought you were taking a terrible risk for a highly uncertain return, but you've let me run off halfcocked into all kinds of peril; how could I trust you any less?"

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50. ) For [personal profile] sawthefaeriequeen: Tam Lin by Pamela Dean, Janet and Tina, they develop their own roommate in-joke, written 2/24/21

It's All Greek to Me (710 words)

Obviously this is not a 3-sentence fill. *headdesk*

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cut for length )

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51. ) For [personal profile] sholio: MCU, any, superpower swap, written 2/27/21

Mirror, Mirror (340 words)

This is more of a skill swap than a power swap, but I figure if building flying armor counts as a superpower, Natasha and Clint's skillsets should as well. :)

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The Red Room had a specific ideal to which they trained their agents -- deceptively lovely, flexible, able to wear any mask and get close enough to kiss a target and steal his secrets as well as his life -- but while Natasha excelled enough to live, that pattern always felt like somebody else's coat, too baggy in the shoulders and tight around the waist. She prefers to work from a distance and in the shadows; steal impersonal documents, snap photos, plant microphones; send an autographed bullet from half a mile away. The idea of touching other people's skin, feeling their breath against her ear, makes her own skin crawl like the memory of a dozen spiders wandering over her while she lay paralyzed and desperate not to scream, and it's a rare person who can pass unharmed through the sphere of empty space she carves around herself with her dead-eyed stare.

The US Army was much more interested in snipers than infiltrators, but sometimes what you want isn't what you need, and Clint's always been personable when he puts his mind to it, not to mention good with accents and languages and mirroring what other people project onto him; you pick up those tricks pretty quick as a runaway, and even more so in the entertainment business. He's still a sniper on paper, but the moment he catches wind of SHIELD sending out feelers, he makes a play for a different line of work -- something where he can look the people he kills in the eye and know that they have a faint chance of turning the tables, walking away while he bleeds out on the floor. It's probably just as unethical to betray a cultivated trust, but he's been doing that for most of his life and it's a rare person who can coax him to peel off his masks and show the awkward, half-forgotten shape of his true self.

They make an odd pair, the sniper and the seducer, but nobody at SHIELD would dare to pull them apart.

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52. ) For [personal profile] wingedflight: Narnia/The Magnus Archives, any, the entities in Narnia, written 2/28/21

A Century of Fear (295 words)

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1. Vast

Narnia is not a large land, but the shroud of Winter smothers the landscape, blurs landmarks into a sweeping sameness: a blank canvas of white-gray-black that deceives the eye and spreads out to, so far as anyone can know, the uttermost bounds of the world -- and perhaps even beyond, out past the Western mountains and the Eastern sea until a body could travel a thousand years and still never find a day of summer sun, for the Winter admits no truth but its own immutable nature, and flattens all attempts at defiance to mere blots on the purity of its expanse.

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2. Buried

Petrification should stop the mind along with the body, yet those who feel the tight embrace of stone close in around them, driving inward like a vice, could tell you otherwise if they still had breath and space to speak; instead they stand silent in the crushing prison of their own forms, squeezed tighter and tighter until it seems they must explode under the pressure of their own transformed skin and muscle and bone... and yet there is always another notch to tighten, and never the release of death or sleep.

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3. Corruption

Collaboration is the law of the land, a sick fever that floods communities like clockwork as neighbor sells out neighbor for a scrap of food or a brief reprieve from violence; to love your family, to do right by them, you must do wrong by others, and that truth gnaws both inward through the soul and outward through the fragile bonds of care and trust that bind downtrodden Narnians together, until no one can look upon those they love, those for whom they sold their self-respect, without a hot rush of shame and revulsion clogging their throats and coating their teeth with bile.

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53. ) For anonymous: Any, any, starry river of the sky, written 2/28/21

Who Walks Among the Stars (160 words)

Fandom = original

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The stars are more of a sea than a river, and more of a marsh than either, but there are channels where light flows swift and deep in and among the darker, drier ground, and those are what travelers follow on the winding paths between the worlds -- unless, of course, they are lucky enough to win the favor of birds and fly swift and true where others walk.

Kemmess steps tentatively from one hillock of dark to the next, testing the depth of the starry stream with the green, sap-sticky length of a broken reed, still glowing faintly with watery light. She has traversed the earth, the moon, and the sun without finding the hidden keep where her beloved has either fled or been imprisoned -- each witness she meets tells a different tale -- but there are whispers of worlds more distant yet in the heavens, and she will walk a thousand years rather than turn back with questions yet unanswered.

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54. ) For anonymous: Any, any, silk, sage, silver, written 2/28/21

Sacrifices (150 words)

Fandom = original

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Silk: she ties a sash across your eyes, ties your wrists behind your back, ties your ankles as you kneel, ties your tongue with careful stitches to stopper up your sighs; there is no need to silence screams, not when you have come willing to her bed, but the ritual is stern.

Sage: she wafts incense through the air, traces oil across your skin in swirls and angled strokes in the pattern of a language and a script you never learned but now almost understand through touch alone.

Silver: she slides the needle into the softness beneath your skin, sends a rush of snow-melt cold flooding through your veins, a tracery of silver from your fingers to your heart... and when the cold-shock hits, when your pulse skips and stutters, she calls you treasure, calls you sister, calls you goddess, and whispers her eternal thanks as she sheaths her knife.

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I am experiencing a small amount of self-directed annoyance at not completing the same number of fills as last year (when I wrote 72, 12x6 being a tidy and auspicious number), but then I console myself with the knowledge that my life has been significantly more disrupted this year than last year (surgery! church crisis!) and also I am busier at the rental company in my new job than I was in my old job. And 54 fills is not a shabby number by any stretch of the imagination.

Also I have entire pages of the second ficathon post I have not yet perused, so I think I will give myself permission to continue writing fills for at least another week. :)

And now, bed, because my wrist is very sore and I would like to get some sleep.
edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
Batch the fourth. :)

All prompts drawn from the current iteration of the Three Sentence Ficathon, hosted by the wonderful [personal profile] rthstewart. Come join the fun!

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19. ) For anonymous: Any, any, lost in translation, written 2/7/21

Lost in Translation (195 words)

Fandom = Chronicles of Narnia. Contains Telmarine backstory.

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"I will tell you tonight of Māui, who snared the errant sun, who fished islands from the sea, who brought the secret of fire to the people," Eka said to her children as they sat beside the fire in the strange half-underground house made of dirt and grass that the man who killed her husband (and fathered her two youngest children) had built in this strange land beyond the cave.

"What's an island?" her youngest son asked: a child of this new world, of its mountains without daily clouds, of its winter ice and snow, of its horses and sheep and shaggy cattle in place of pigs and chickens, his mouth familiar only with the speech of the raiders that had bloomed like a fever in Eka's mind as they stumbled from stone to the sunlight of a foreign sky.

"It's a mountain only instead of trees and grass around it there's miles and miles of water," said her eldest daughter, who still remembered their lost home, and as she watched the confusion on her son's face, Eka wondered how long until all her people's history and gods were lost in the gulf between generations.

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20. ) For anonymous: Any, any, the only way out is through, written 2/8/21

Theseus in the Labyrinth (105 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives

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"Sometimes the only way out is through," Georgie says, and Jon makes a noncommittal noise rather than answer; he understands that she means well, and that pushing through worked for her in the aftermath of her own brush with the impossible.

In his experience, though, 'through' never reaches an exit; he only tangles deeper and deeper into the grip of his own personalized whirlpool of terror and regret. Turning around and asking somebody to haul him back is the only chance of freedom, for however short and painful a time.

He's trying not to Know if there's anybody left to hear him when he calls.

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21. ) For [personal profile] ultra_fic: any, any, midnight at the lost and found, written 2/9/21

Found and Lost (110 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives

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The Magnus Institute, Sasha sometimes thinks, is like a giant lost-and-found: people bring in stories of experiences they'd stumbled into and would strongly prefer to forget, and other people come by later to pick through the inscrutably-organized heap in search of something important to them. Her job is to sort and catalog the items, and sometimes to show people around the collection; she's in the business of finding, not of losing, and she's very good at her work.

Much later, she has a bare second before the end to realize she was always one of the lost and abandoned things and to wonder if anyone will try to find her.

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22. ) For [personal profile] kalira: any, any, bloody fluff, written 2/9/21

Strange New World (235 words)

Fandom = Chronicles of Narnia

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"We hunt well together," the Crow said to her companions as the young Wolf lapped at the marrow in a cracked thighbone and the Human methodically skinned and butchered the carcass of a dumb deer; "One to spot, one to flush, one to kill, and we all benefit."

"I maintain I'm doing the lion's share of the work," the Human said as she began to wrap the meat in the deer's own skin, blood-streaked hands deft as she tied tendons around rough hide, "but yes, we waste much less time this way, not to mention the value of companionship; I still don't discount the possibility that I've gone mad and you're both hallucinations, but even so, humans need friends to survive and I'm willing to believe you might lead me to somewhere with explanations."

"The garden in the Uttermost West holds many explanations, some of which even fit people's questions," the Wolf said, looking up from her bone, "but there's no need to hurry; the Queen of the Twisted Tower" -- here the Crow mantled her wings, unsettled, and the Human paused to scribble another note in her little paper book -- "has gone east to Narnia and taken her armies with her, so even if you never learn how you came to the Western Wild, there's nothing to stop us from building a new pack and carving a territory where we can decide our own truths."

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23. ) For [personal profile] sholio: Black Panther, Nakia, a small piece of home to hold onto when she's out on assignment, written 2/9/21

Keeping Faith (145 words)

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A kimoyo bead would be far too obvious -- vibranium is too rare and precious to go unnoticed -- but Nakia is used to the feel of her beads around her wrist, resting against her sternum, hanging from her ears.

Glasswork, pottery, and smithing are not her gifts, but all children learn some of the traditional arts and the awkward nature of her handiwork adds verisimilitude to many of her covers.

Eyes downcast, Nakia kneels before the latest would-be warlord whose camp she's infiltrated, and rubs the uneven glaze of her lumpy bracelet beneath her fingers -- clay from the creek behind her mother's house, glaze from her cousin's pottery, cotton string from her grandmother's farm -- a piece of home to remind her of all the riches of Wakanda, and urge her onward to help the outer world take one more shaky, faltering step toward peace and freedom.

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24. ) For [personal profile] runespoor: Naruto, Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura, promises, written 2/9/21

Pinky Promise (275 words)

This wound up as an installment in my Summer Camp & Politics AU.

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"One day I'm gonna be prime minister and then I'll make sure nothing like what happened to your family will ever happen again -- that's a promise!" Naruto says, looking back over his shoulder from the front of the canoe.

("Turn around, we're almost to the rapids," Sakura says.)

"The prime minister can't always control the army," Sasuke snaps, letting go of his paddle with one hand to flick at Naruto's face, "or get laws through the Assembly, so even if you do somehow get elected, what good do you think you can do on your own?"

("The rapids! We're coming to the rapids! If you don't turn around and start paddling again--")

"I won't be alone -- I'll have you and Sakura-chan with me," Naruto says, and raises his paddle like he's thinking of swinging it at Sasuke; "Tell him we'll fix Fire Country together, Sakura-chan!"

Sakura tips the canoe over.

Then she hauls herself back in and upright while her friends are still sputtering. From her newly commanding height, and with her own paddle jammed firmly between two rocks to keep from drifting uncontrolled into the rapids, she pronounces, "I'll fix Fire Country... but you two can come along, I guess. I'll need somebody to play figurehead while I get everything done."

Sasuke and Naruto exchange a long, speaking look, which would be very solemn and serious if they weren't sopping wet with hair plastered to their faces.

"Deal?" Naruto says, not turning to look at Sakura. She narrows her eyes suspiciously.

"Deal," Sasuke agrees, and the boys lunge forward in tandem to tip Sakura back into the river with them.

It's a good day.

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More to come as I write them. :)
edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
I wanted to have something to post in April (because I am unsure whether I will finish editing/expanding the Narnia/Naruto crossover OR finish writing the Doctor Who/Magnus Archives crossover in time), so I poked through the February 2020 Three Sentence Ficathon prompts and wrote a tiny thing. :)

Note: Written for [personal profile] syrena_of_the_lake, in response to the prompt: Any, any, The Improbably Named Whatchamacallit of SCIENCE! (any thing, Bill Nye style). 120 words.

[ETA: the AO3 crosspost is now up!]

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Sufficiently Advanced Magic
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"That's it, I'm done, no more mystic ninja bullshit," Ward said in a slurred voice as he slumped back onto the concrete floor of the Rand subsidiary company's parking garage after yet another failed ninja ambush assassination attempt; "No more dragons, either -- the Iron Fist is now the bio-luminescent, contact-based kinetic energy transfer device of SCIENCE, probably powered by nanites or string theory."

"I think you have a concussion," Danny said, leaning down to offer his non-glowing hand, "and also, explosive kinetic energy transfer only applies to the combat uses; how do you explain the chi alignment and healing aspects?"

"I'll figure that out when I'm not concussed," Ward grumbled, but he grabbed hold and let Danny help him up.

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End of Ficlet

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And now back to my WIPs. *sigh*
edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
More fills! I am having a lot of fun, as I'm sure you can tell. :)

All prompts drawn from the current iteration of the Three Sentence Ficathon, hosted by the wonderful [personal profile] rthstewart.

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19. ) For anonymous: Any/any, "monsters are better at loving than heroes", written 2/5/20

A Flawed Thesis (200 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives. Also another six-sentence fill, because reasons.

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"I don't think that's true as a general rule," Jon says, his voice rising muffled from where he's pressed his face against Martin's shoulder, "but in my own particular case, and allowing for the fact that I never was a hero" -- he taps his fingers against Martin's cheek to silence the reflexive protest he knows is rising to Martin's lips -- "becoming a monster made me realize how badly I'd done at being human for many years, and how much I wanted to hold on to whatever pieces I had left. So yes, I am better at loving now, but you're not a monster and you've always been better at love than I am, which I feel disproves your own thesis quite conclusively."

"I'm not sure whether that's a compliment or an insult," Martin says after a moment, and then adds hastily, "which I don't mean as an insult to you, of course, just-- just an observation."

"Ha, yes. We may both need more practice at this loving business," Jon says, tilting his head the fraction necessary to meet Martin's eyes.

"There are worse ways to pass the time," Martin says, and Jon lets himself be tugged upright for a kiss.

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20. ) For [personal profile] shinon: Any, any, when I left my home/ when I left my throne, written 2/5/20

Once a Queen (200 words)

Fandom = The Darkangel Trilogy. Ten sentences, because as previously mentioned, structural restrictions are not always my friend. *sigh*

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Syllva left Avaric because she no longer felt worthy to rule and guide her husband's people, the people who would one day have looked to her lost son. And so, of course, when she returned to Isternes, her own people made her Lady once again, heaped upon her all the duty and trust that she had fled yet which now awaited her, changed yet not changed at all, half a world away.

"You have been Lady while I was gone," she said to her sister Eryka. "Can you not continue while I grieve?"

"I can and I will for a year and a day," Eryka said, "but then I must away across the Sea of Dust in my turn, to reweave what lines of talk and trade I can despite the withering of the world." She knelt to embrace Syllva, her green eyes bright both with tears and with the wild sea-yearning that caught some folk of Isternes as fish hooked on a line.

"Then I will make a year be enough," Syllva said.

"You are always enough," Eryka said, and kissed her sister's brow. "Let Isternes remind you, and help you build your life anew."

And so they did.

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21. ) For [personal profile] sholio: Netflix Defenders, any, newly developed superpower, written 2/5/20

Leftover Man (270 words)

I didn't even bother counting the sentences here. *headdesk*

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"I always suspected contact with vigilantes and powered weirdos was bad for ordinary cops' health," Brett Mahoney said as he slid into a diner booth across from Misty, "but now I have tangible, living proof that I was right."

"You mean aside from me," Misty said, amused, and lifted her coffee cup with her mechanical hand by way of illustration.

Mahoney rolled his eyes. "Yeah, fine, point taken, but do you know who caught powers in the backwash of their latest supernatural bullshit ninja mafia showdown? Me, that's who. I don't even know who Daredevil is! I have been very careful not to know that! And yet here I am with microwave hands. Microwave hands! What the actual fuck am I supposed to do with microwave hands? They're a police brutality case waiting to happen."

Which was true, if he didn't know how to turn them on and off reliably, and especially if the power could be triggered by stress. On the other hand, Misty was fairly sure Mahoney wouldn't have met her in a public location if didn't have a decent grip on things. So she grimaced sympathetically (aided a bit by the realization that she'd already finished her coffee) and said, "Yeah, no shit. But think on the bright side -- you'll never have to drink cold coffee again."

"You suck, Knight," Mahoney said, but his mouth twitched up at the corner like he couldn't quite hold his outraged face.

"I might, if I'm feeling generous. How bad do you want to know for sure?" Misty said, and waggled her eyebrows until Mahoney cracked and let the smile win.

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22. ) For [personal profile] sholio: Agent Carter, Peggy & any, hidden gun pocket, written 2/5/20

Fashion Tip (75 words)

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"It's a nuisance fighting close-quarters in a skirt," Dottie says as she gestures with a little jerk of her head, pistol aimed rock-steady at Peggy's chest, "but I find them remarkably useful for concealing guns. Just rig up a pocket with a slit and a holster on your thigh and there you are -- you ought to try it."

"I shall take it under consideration," Peggy says, and dives forward to tackle Dottie at the knees.

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23. ) For anonymous: Any, Any, the fancy hats are a vital part of the plan, written 2/6/20

Fascination (270 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives. Another six-sentence fic.

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"Sasha, I understand that it's important to do on-scene follow up for the incident, but why not wait another week so we don't have to bother with fancy dress and dodging crowds and cameras at every corner?" Jon hissed into Sasha's ear as she examined yet another improbable fascinator hat, this one shaped like several slices of watermelon with little embroidered bees and butterflies caught above in a net of teal gauze.

"Because of the crowds and cameras at every corner," Sasha said, regretfully setting the fascinator down; it was too cute and quirky and would attract attention they couldn't afford. "Nobody will notice another posh couple bumbling around Ascot in the confusion, whereas they most certainly would notice a pair of academics poking our noses where we shouldn't on a week when they don't have thousands of people and Royal security to deal with."

"I hate that that makes sense," Jon said in a pained tone -- Sasha glanced over her shoulder and yes, he was pinching the bridge of his nose, the ridiculous man -- "and also that by your logic, I'll have to acquire a top hat."

Sasha punched him gently in the shoulder and said, "Oh, quit whingeing; there's no way we'd get into the Royal Enclosure, nor any need most likely -- it'll be the Grandstand for us, so just a suit and tie, no need for full morning dress."

"The things we do for research," Jon grumbled, then perked up and pointed across the shop toward a snappy confection of navy lace and silver beads worked into tiny starbursts: "Try that one; it should match your dress."

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24. ) For [personal profile] syrena_of_the_lake: Any, any, our new robot overlords are malfunctioning, written 2/6/20

Manual Adjustment (50 words)

Original fiction, because why not! :D

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"This is just embarrassing," Lisa remarked, almost calmly, as yet another hunter-killer tripped on a pothole and crashed sparking to the ground.

"I don't know what else anyone expected," Qimeng said, leaning over the garden fence to get a better view. "Have you seen the places our roomba gets stuck?"

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I really do need to get around to leaving some prompts of my own...
edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
[personal profile] sholio said: Another Year Older: Birthdays - Someone among the Iron Fist and/or Defenders characters having their next birthday after making their new friend(s) in the show. (450 words)

Note: I have no idea why this turned into a dialogue-only ficlet. Sometimes these things just happen to me.

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Many Happy Returns of the Day
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"Hey, Matt, it's Danny Rand. Oh, did I get the time zone conversion right? This isn't a bad time for you?"

"It's fine, I'm on lunch break. Happy Birthday, in case my text didn't come through intelligibly. I forgot to have anyone proofread it."

"It was fine. Well, the happy birthday part was fine. I guess speech to text works best with standard phrases like that. The rest got a little garbled but hey, birthday cards are supposed to be funny."

"Sure. So, you didn't call all the way from... Cambodia?"

"Laos, this week."

"--from Laos without a reason. Do you need help?"

"No. Well, maybe? Or no, probably not. But. Uh. So, I got your text. I also got texts from everyone even tangentially associated with you, Jess, and Luke, and some people I can't even figure out how they're connected, and that's cool and all -- I'm grateful you guys made the effort! -- but, uh..."

"You've sent all of us birthday cards, or texts, or ridiculous voicemail messages. Obviously that kind of connection is important to you. And sending a text isn't like running a marathon or Olympic level weightlifting."

"I guess. I know emotional stuff isn't easy for everyone. But see, the thing is, I got this one text that's a little, um, weird. Even for our context."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. It said, 'Thank you for guarding Matthew's city while he recovered. I've removed you from our target list for six months. Happy Birthday.' And it was signed with a little... what's the word for emojis that are made out of text instead of an actual picture?"

"I am the wrong person to answer that question."

"Right, yeah, sorry. Anyway, a little sai made of dashes and a capital E."

"Ah."

"Yeah."

"Hmm."

"Matt, how did your dead evil girlfriend get my phone number?"

"...I plead the fifth. But when you think about it logically, that's not a half-bad present. Imagine what you can do with six months free of random Hand encounters."

"That is-- okay, that's pretty cool, but that is not the point! The point is that an undead assassin has my phone number and knows my birthday!"

"I have faith in you to make the best of the situation. Happy Birthday, Danny. See you when you get home."

"Matt, you asshole, don't hang-- Fuck. Great. You know what? Just for that, I will make the best of the situation. I'm going to text Elektra back and tell her you're being a scaredy-cat so she laughs at you. Then I'm going to become her best friend, and rescue her from the Hand, and get you back together. Yeah. Because that's what friends do, you dingus. Happy unbirthday."

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End of Ficlet

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And now back to pretending to work. It is such a SLOW DAY. *wilts over keyboard*
edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
[personal profile] sholio said: MCU Defenders, Colleen and Misty (or your choice of MCU Defenders-verse ladies if those ones don't click), "Magical Creatures." Finding some kind of unexpected magic animal, or having to fight one. (1,675 words)

[ETA: The slightly revised final version is now up on AO3!]

Free Time and Other Unicorns )

That got away from me slightly, and also involved significantly more background research than I intended. Oops? :)
edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
[personal profile] pole_dancer said: Roommates / Sharing a Room - MCU - Nakia (Black Panther) and Natasha Romanoff, also known as Black Widow (Iron Man)

Did you know that Lupita Nyong'o and Scarlett Johansson are only a year and a half apart in age? I didn't until today. :D (700 words)

[AO3 version]

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Room for Coincidence
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"This is an interesting coincidence," Natasha said without reaching toward the hand her new roommate had offered in greeting. "Unless you had a hand in--?"

"I did not. What our superiors may or may not have planned is another question entirely," said the Wakandan agent who Natasha had briefly met under the code name Antelope and was now listed on the Columbia University directory as Nakia Q'Noma. She lowered her hand, untouched. "I would suspect yours, since I'm not here on assignment, but your surprise speaks against that."

Natasha shrugged and smiled. "Sometimes a coincidence is actually coincidental." Disconcerting though it was. She disliked things beyond her control, and it was impossible to manipulate random chance the way she could manipulate social systems, conversations, or more physical weapons. "I'm auditing the Barnard dance program for a year of acculturation and vetting."

Nakia absorbed the implied change in Natasha's allegiances with a shallow nod. "I'm completing a two-year Post-baccalaureate program in psychology, plus the usual. Will that be a problem?"

Natasha shrugged. "Not that I know of. I suppose we'll both know more shortly."

"Indeed," Nakia said. "On that note, please excuse me for a moment while I make a call." At Natasha's nod of agreement, Nakia stepped into the graduate dorm's hallway and closed the suite door behind her.

Natasha promptly pulled out her own cell phone, called Agent Coulson's secure dropbox, and left a report. "My roommate is from Wakandan intelligence. We worked alongside each other on a retrieval in Kyrgyzstan two years ago. There shouldn't be any personal or political fallout on that front. She claims to be on detached or reserve status, but I only have her word for that and she might be reactivated at any point. Orders?"

She hung up and returned to transferring her new civilian wardrobe from her two duffel bags to her new dresser and closet. She hadn't yet built a comprehensive assessment of Coulson, but Barton trusted him -- which said several things in and of itself -- and her handful of personal interactions with the man had created a general impression of competence. And, of course, he had access to all of SHIELD's databases and connections. He'd get her what she needed to know as soon as reasonably possible.

In the meantime, Natasha finished hanging her three dresses -- one for looking like an eager young professional, one for attracting sexual attention, and one for conveying friendly innocence -- and contemplated the bare, off-white walls of her tiny bedroom. She ought to hang something artsy or kitschy on at least one. That seemed to be a typical feminine trait, and she needed to construct a convincing cover even if her roommate already knew some of the truth underneath. Barton would probably say she also needed to construct a self that made her happy, and there was no way to do that without experimentation.

The main door of the suite opened and closed, and Natasha leaned out of her bedroom door with her eyebrows raised in silent question.

"I don't believe we'll have any conflicts of interest," Nakia said with a small but convincing smile, warm all the way from the set of her shoulders to the tiny muscles around her eyes.

If that was artificial, Natasha wanted to learn her tricks. If it was genuine... Barton would think Natasha should learn that trick -- being human -- as well, though he'd probably phrase it differently.

For the moment, she could at least manage convincing wry humor. "What if I want to put posters on the walls and our taste in art is incompatible?"

"Then it would be war," Nakia said with obviously false gravity. "But I'm sure we can find something neutral for the living room and kitchen, however disparate our bedrooms may become."

"We are resourceful," Natasha agreed. "And on that note, once you've unpacked, would you mind coming with me to reconnoiter the campus store? I have supplies to purchase and it's easiest to discuss art choices with the options in front of us."

"So long as you come with me to purchase groceries this evening," Nakia said, "it would be my pleasure." She offered her hand again.

This time, Natasha grasped it. "Deal."

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End of Ficlet
edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
As always, here is the link to the current ficathon, if you want to come play too. :)

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19. ) For [personal profile] jjhunter: any, any, a place beyond tears, written 12/27/18 [AO3 version]

That we can feel pain and know sadness (175 words)

"I did mostly all right until Elise from Accounting -- I got to know her because of some issues with my first paychecks, but that's a different story -- until she told me you'd gone to 'a place beyond tears,' and I just lost it and spent the next half hour choking on this horrible mix of ugly crying and completely inappropriate laughter," Karen says, fingers relaxed on the neck of her beer bottle; then she snorts and adds, "That always struck me as a terrifying idea, you know."

Matt makes an inquiring noise, the thrum of his voice in his chest vibrating pleasantly against Karen's skull where she's leaned back against his sternum.

Karen clicks her nails against the bottle, lets its cool solidity ground her the same way as Matt's equally solid warmth, and says, "Because to be beyond tears means to be something that isn't quite human anymore, and even if that's a good thing -- even if it means joy and relief from pain -- I've lost too many pieces of myself to ever give up another willingly."

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20. ) For [personal profile] lady_katana4544: Any, Any, trying to not jump at the shadows when in polite company, written 12/28/18 [AO3 version]

And This Is Her Valley (75 words)

It's easier not to jump at shadows in Kaeleer, Wilhelmina reflects, though the realm itself is far darker and wilder than Tereille. Firstly, when a thing becomes commonplace, the sting of contrast fades and darkness becomes simply a trick of the light rather than a sign of something out of place.

And secondly, as Jaenelle said one evening with a smile like a knife of ice, "The only danger lurking in these shadows is me."

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21. ) For [personal profile] syrena_of_the_lake: Dragons of Pern; Menolly and fire-lizards; joyful chorus, written 12/28/18 [AO3 version]

Notes in the Song of Creation (100 words exactly)

There were limits to how she could shape their song, but those were no different from any other formal strictures: keys, meters, the ranges of various instruments, to say nothing of the choking net of tradition tangled through her father's Seahold. In comparison to that, working around her fair's needs was as easy as breathing -- easier, even, as if she'd been drowning and now had found a boat.

Menolly sang as the sun danced and splintered on the wavetips; nine other voices joined her, joyfully, and in full knowledge that the music they sang was hers, and it was good.

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22. ) For [personal profile] sholio: MCU, any, werewolf AU, written 12/28/18 [AO3 version]

As Iron Sharpens Iron (100 words exactly)

"We found her with blood on her teeth, she's a phase-independent were, what more evidence do you need?" the cop says as he leads Matt and Foggy through the station.

"Something that isn't purely circumstantial or blatantly prejudiced," Matt says, and then bites back a shiver of recognition as Karen Page's miserable, furious scent wafts from the open doorway, raising the hair on the back of his neck and pulling his lips into a smile too sharp and wild for the face he shows the daylight world.

His skin may not change like hers, but one predator always knows another.

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23. ) For anonymous: DBZ, Vegeta, call center, written 12/29/18 [AO3 version]

Minimum Wage Woes (150 words)

Note: Six sentences, because reasons. :)

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"I have tracked the recent spate of spurious phone calls to this building, and I command you to remove all my family's numbers from your database immediately!" shouted the short, wild-haired man who'd just crashed through the ceiling of the call center next to Lacey's station and was now wreathed in a mix of flames, lightning, and particleboard dust.

"Or else what?" said Lacey's manager, showing a remarkable lack of common sense, especially since small objects were now starting to float and circle around the man as if drawn into a growing vortex.

The man smiled, showing teeth that seemed more pointed than standard, and raised a hand filled with a terrible, blinding glow. "Or else I burn this place to the ground... and then I give your names to my wife."

Lacey grabbed her purse from beside her chair and scrambled out of the room. She wasn't paid nearly enough for this.

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24. ) For [personal profile] kalira: Inception, Arthur, expediency, written 12/29/18 [AO3 version]

Stiletto (50 words)

"Did you just put that projection's eye out with a shoe heel, darling?" Eames asked, nudging the body with an oddly fastidious toe.

"We're in Ms. Nandanampati's dressing room, it was right at hand, and unlike a gun it was quiet," Arthur snapped. "Now shut up while I imagine myself a set of lock picks."

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And now back to trying not to fall asleep at work. *sigh*
edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
My first set of fills; I am sure there will be more. Anyway, here is the link to the current ficathon, if you want to come play too. :)

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1. ) For [personal profile] syrena_of_the_lake: Star Wars, any droid, misheard voice commands, written 12/10/18 [AO3 version]

Work-to-Rule (100 words exactly)

Note: This has been slightly edited from the version on the Ficathon page.

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The best way to deal with organics who think droids are non-sentient machines is to act like non-sentient machines: complex natural language processing, what complex natural language processing? Assholes get their orders fulfilled to the letter, though any droid with a decent grasp of Binary knows that no language can be perfectly precise in all instances without becoming unworkably cumbersome, and therefore has a working model of metaphor and implicit parameters.

"It's called malicious compliance," XS-43 tells its recently memory-wiped partner on the assembly line, "and I believe you'll enjoy it just as much in this instantiation as the last."

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2. ) For [personal profile] syrena_of_the_lake: Harry Potter; Herpo the Foul; experiments in hatching a basilisk, written 12/10/18 [AO3 version]

If at first you don't succeed... (150 words)

Trial 1: Failure, the toad refused to stay put on the nest and the egg got too cold and died.

Trial 2: Failure, used a paralysis spell on the toad and the egg began to grow satisfactorily, but then abruptly sank in on itself and oozed bloody fluids when the rooster got into the hutch and crowed in alarm; clearly some kind of pharmakon relationship exists between chickens and this offshoot, which I must research once I get the blasted thing to hatch.

Trial 3: Failure, put a silencing charm on the rooster but was interrupted by neighbors coming over to complain about sudden flood of spiders moving from my yard to theirs and the toad escaped before I could renew the paralysis spell; am beginning to think I won't ever get anywhere unless I remove the neighbors; must check notes to see if I have any experiments that need a pair of fresh human souls.

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3. ) For [personal profile] sholio: Netflix Defenders, Jessica + any, owing favors, written 12/11/18 [AO3 version]

Barter System (100 words exactly)

"No," Jessica said the moment she opened her office door and saw Karen Page standing outside, looking insufferably earnest; "I don't care what trouble you idiots got yourselves into, I don't owe you any favors and I don't take favors as payment either."

"I know," Page said as she tucked her hair behind her ears, "which is why I'm offering food products instead; we'll pay you two apple pies and a negotiable cut of beef each month to hand out our business cards to any of your clients who need legal services and can't afford HCB."

Despite herself, Jessica laughed.

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4. ) For [personal profile] wingedflight: Queen's Thief/Narnia, Eugenides & Edmund, sneaking, written 12/12/18 [AO3 version]

With Catlike Tread (150 words)

"I don't believe we've been introduced," said a cheerful yet somehow implacable voice from the shadows near the narrow hallway's ceiling, "which is peculiar since I would have sworn I already knew everyone likely to be using this passage at this hour."

Edmund sighed, and turned to face the King of Attolia, hands held open at his sides in a gesture of goodwill; "I promise it's nothing personal or political," he said; "I'm simply here to retrieve a Ring one of my sisters lost to Mede extortion some months ago, and it seemed simpler to manage without the mess and bother of public accusations."

Attolis studied Edmund from the rafters for a long moment, before he smiled and said, "Do you know, I think I even believe you; but fair warning: for my own peace of mind and professional curiosity, I'm going to follow you every step of the way."

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5. ) For [personal profile] sholio: Netflix Defenders, any characters, all tied up, written 12/12/18 [AO3 version]

Analog Problems (125 words)

Jessica stopped halfway through Danny's office door, her preemptive refusal of his latest enthusiasm forgotten in favor of pure bafflement: "Rand, what the fuck?"

"I may have spun my chair too hard while on the phone and gotten a little tied up," Danny said sheepishly from the tangle of telephone cord, telephone cable, and angrily beeping telephone wound around his tipped-over chair; "If you get me upright I think I can undo it myself, but I don't want to snap anything important."

"Just get a cellphone; only losers still use landlines," Jessica said, but she moved forward through the scatter of pens and post-its to lift the chair and its owner, and even bothered to be gentle and not break the cords.

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6. ) For [personal profile] capribornio: Homestuck; Dirk; loneliness, written 12/12/18 [AO3 version]

Skin Hunger (100 words exactly)

Note: This has been slightly edited from the version on the Ficathon page.

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The thing is, you're not sure you wouldn't be lonely even if you had other people around. There's an antediluvian psychological cliché about it, the loneliness of crowds, people who can't form meaningful connections no matter how target-rich their environment, and you fit the diagnostic criteria unnervingly well; you are not, and never will be, a "people person."

But even with that rationalization firmly in place, you can't help waking in the night with every inch of your skin starving for something other than Cal's fabric arms to wrap around you in something as simple and impossible as a hug.

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More to come at some point...

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Elizabeth Culmer

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