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Master List of Elizabeth Culmer's Fanfiction: Homestuck

Organization: This list is organized by associated narrative cycles; within each section, stories are arranged first by timeline (if applicable) and then by date. Word counts and writing dates are approximations.

Content/Warning Policy: 1) I am not consistent about warnings! I use them when I remember, for a few relatively broad categories of potentially problematic content, but if something is off-page, non-explicit, or generally backgrounded, I probably won't think to note it in the metadata. 2) The things I try to warn for are explicit sex, rape, murder, torture, cannibalism, incest, depression/suicide, familial dysfunction, and occasionally also societal dysfunction (aka dystopia). Sometimes I just slap a general content warning on all my fic for a given fandom and don't label each individual fic. I also don't generally warn for violence, unless the violence in a fic is dramatically out-of-step with the violence in its source canon. 3) I don't use any content rating system unless I'm posting to a site or community that requires or encourages ratings, because I find movie-style ratings counter-intuitive when applied to written fiction, and not particularly useful for anything other than denoting the presence of explicit sex, which I already note in the metadata.

Quality Rating System: I've marked my favorite stories with asterisks, on a scale of 1 to 4. The more asterisks, the more I like the story. This doesn't necessarily mean that stories without asterisks are bad, just that I don't like them as much. Also, I am not claiming to be an arbiter of taste; you may love stories I dislike, and vice versa. I am just providing a heads-up about the ones that I think are best written and/or most interesting.

Notes: I completely and utterly blame [personal profile] askerian for my descent into this fandom. I hadn't even heard of Homestuck before she started writing fic for it, but I love her writing and generally trust her taste. So in late January of 2012, I did a little poking around via Google, found the comic, and... yeah. If you're here, you know how it hooks you. Then I made the mistake of reading through the backlog of [community profile] homesmut kinkmeme posts and fills. Before I knew it I had a file of prompts that looked intriguing. Then I was writing one. And it was porn, which if you know me is so bizarrely out-of-character there are no words. There was really no turning back after that.

I am still trying to figure out exactly how this fandom mugged me so thoroughly, but what the hell, it's been a fun ride so far and I'm sure it will continue to be so. :)

Where To Read: As always, if an AO3 version exists, it is definitive. FF.net versions are definitive in the absence of an AO3 version. Journal versions are the equivalent of beta drafts, though the shorter and/or fragmentary works may never be posted anywhere else.

Contents: Trollstuck, Alpha Timeline Fluff, Tales From the Yellow Yard, Alternian Nights, Ancestral Nights, Untimely Ripped, Leaf and Letter, explanation of uncategorized stories, Uncategorized pre-canon stories, Uncategorized during-canon stories, Uncategorized post-canon stories, Assorted partial AUs, Assorted complete AUs.



"Trollstuck" is an AU in which the four beta!kids are and always were trolls on Alternia and Sgrub/Sburb does not exist; the alpha!kids helpfully act as the beta!kids' Ancestors. Originally I planned this as a single epic fic, but in the interests of preserving my sanity I have since chosen to break it into smaller pieces... which are still pretty damn long, if the opening fic is any guide.

This is my most ambitious Homestuck project to date, which I started writing more or less accidentally because [livejournal.com profile] explodingfrogs is fiendishly good at giving open-ended prompts that catch my imagination. There is an overarching plot -- so far, it's most visible in chapters 2 and 3 of "Make Her Pay" -- but I have a bunch of sub-arcs planned within that.

Also, "Trollstuck" is an audience participation story. :) I write and post it in sections on my journal, with a chance for readers to direct the action at the end of nearly every section. Then I edit them together and post the finished chapters on AO3, at which point the only choice left is which character should get the POV position in the next chapter.

**Trollstuck: Make Her Pay: (AO3 version, with illustrations!) WIP, 51,800 words so far, started April 2012. In which the four beta!kids are and always were trolls on Alternia, Sgrub/Sburb does not exist, and Troll Jade Harley is on a quest to keep her friend Aradia from dying. Things will almost certainly get more complicated, but that's a good place to start. Ships to date include Rosec3<Feferic3<Eridan, Jade<3<Karkat, Aradia<>Sollux, Dave<>Terezi, Nepeta<>Equius. [prompt!fic for [livejournal.com profile] explodingfrogs]


Alpha Timeline Fluff

This is a collection of stories set in the alpha timeline. They all share continuity, which is probably most obvious in the idea of Jade, Dave, and Rose having been friends, lovers, and co-conspirators for several years before Jade's death, but they were written as standalones and are not part of any coherent, overarching narrative. Additionally, they are all fluffy (for certain values of fluff, often heavily leavened with angst), because even a dystopian timeline cannot have been unrelentingly awful, and I strongly believe in the Power of Friendship.

So, yeah. Alpha Timeline Fluff. Like it says on the tin. :)

(Parsing a single coherent timeline might get awkward if I write any fics about Dave and Rose set after Jane and Jake enter the Medium, but at the moment it's still fairly straightforward. *crosses fingers*)

[Content Note: The Rose/Jade/Dave threesome is a true threesome, and therefore technically includes Rose/Dave incest. Neither Rose nor Dave are aware of their genetic relationship, they were not raised as siblings, and there's never any on-page sex... but I understand that may still be a dealbreaker. If so, please skip any of the component fics marked with the full threesome ship and pretend they're a in a triangle relationship instead, with Jade at the apex. (Which is, in fact, what happened until Jade decided that scenario was inefficient and roped her two lovers into bed at the same time.)]

Some Company Would Be Nice: (AO3 version) 1,350 words, March 2014. Rose Lalonde meets Dave Strider for the first time on a college tour. They're not emotionally well equipped to have a touching, heartfelt reunion, but that's okay. They wouldn't be comfortable with that kind of thing anyway. Prompt: comfortable / content. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo. [15-minute fic]

The Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship: (AO3 version; ff.net version) 2,350 words, Dec. 2012. Wherein Dave Strider meets John Crocker at a Hollywood pool party. Alpha timeline fluff. (No, really!) Prompt: casual. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo.

*Veritas vos liberabit: (AO3 version) 1,750 words, Feb. 2014. Wherein Rose Lalonde, up-and-coming author and urban recluse, receives an unexpected telephone call from her friend Dave Strider to discuss a possible new ally in their struggle to unearth and publicize the shadowy danger that is slowly consuming their world. Prompt: keys. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo.

To the Lees: (AO3 version) 625 words, July 2014. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Jade/Dave. [15-minute fic]

Worth It, After All: (AO3 version) 1,575 words, Dec. 2014. In the woods near Rose's house, Dave braids Jade's hair and listens to memories of her family. Implied Dave/Jade/Rose. [15-minute fic]

Every Child a Wanted Child: (AO3 version; ff.net version) 2,000 words, Sept. 2012. Jade English never expected to have children, let alone grandchildren. She has her company, her allies, and her fight against Crockercorp to fill the void left when her brother refused to run away with her. Then she rescues a baby from a meteor crater and finds herself rearranging her life. Prompt: grandparents / grandchildren. Contains background angst inherent to a dystopian timeline. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo.

In Spite of Time, and Death, and the Space Between the Stars: (AO3 version) 950 words, Feb. 2014. Jade English calls her little brother one week before his birthday. [15-minute fic]

Gladly Beyond: (AO3 version) 250 words, Feb. 2015. Dave and Rose visit Hellmurder Island. Implied Dave/Jade/Rose. Written for [livejournal.com profile] ruanchunxian0 in the early 2015 Three Sentence Ficathon.

*Mad Science Family Reunion: 3,300 words, Jan. 2013. Rose made sure Roxy's lab would be waiting for her at the end of the world, but she needed a bit of help to set up the equipment. Who better than Jade English, whose explorations of the Medium have given her a better understanding of Sburb's technological artifacts than any other human, to lend a hand? (And maybe steal a kiss in the process.) Jade/Rose. Written for [personal profile] whilst in Ladystuck 2012.

Who You Are in the Dark: (AO3 version) 425 words, Sept. 2014. It's not safe to meet in person, to make these tiny, transient bubbles of illusory comfort. It's not safe, and it can't last. Rose/Jade/Dave. [15-minute fic]

The stream of everything that runs away: (AO3 version) 2,700 words, July 2014. In Dave's defense, he really, truly, honest to god, cross my heart, do I look like a liar to you, thought Jade and Rose had locked the super-fancy teleportalizicator console already -- set it to track baby alterna-Rose and her cat and nothing else -- and so it wouldn't matter if he twirled the dials and pushed the levers and sat on the big fuckoff green button. Especially since he wasn't anywhere near the zappy ray bits. Apparently accidental time travel is still a thing. Alpha!Dave and kid!Dirk, gen and feels. [kinkmeme prompt!fic; gift!fic for [personal profile] askerian]

Recipe for Success: (AO3 version) 2,400 words, Aug. 2013. When Jane Crocker is seven, she decides to bake a cake for her father's birthday. Tooth-rotting family fluff. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

*Contact for Proof: (AO3 version) 3,075 words, Oct. 2014. Dear Ms. Lalonde, my name is Jane and I met your daughter online last month... An epistolary adventure, told in a series of images. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

**Hollywood Shenanigans: (AO3 version; ff.net version) 3,500 words, Feb. 2012. Jane Crocker attends an entertainment industry party in honor of her poppop, escorted by, of all unlikely people, her friend Dirk's elusive older brother. Semi-fluffy, mostly gen -- by which I mean Jane has an unrequited crush on alpha!Dave. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

("Hollywood Shenanigans" was remixed by t34lbloods (perculious) in Ouroboros Mix 2013 as Afterparty, wherein Jane and Dave debrief.)

A Problem That You'll Understand: (AO3 version) 1,025 words, April 2016. Jane and Dirk cheer each other up after a bad day. Prompt: the little things. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] longroadstonowhere]

*waiting for the dragon: (AO3 version) 150 words, Jan. 2018. No regrets at the end of the world. Written for [livejournal.com profile] ama_ranth_827 in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2017.

Food and Cheer and Song: (AO3 version; ff.net version) 2,100 words, Sept. 2012. When you finally get a group of friends together after possibly the worst day of your collective lives, obviously the next step is to light a fire, toast marshmallows, and sing. Or at least it's obvious to Roxy. Prompt: sing. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo.


Tales from the Yellow Yard

Some loosely related stories about John, Jade, and Davesprite on their voyage between the beta and alpha sessions.

*Instant Corpse Party (Party Not Included): (AO3 version; ff.net version) 7,600 words, July 2012. What do you do with your own cadaver? Not to mention the bodies of your friends and guardians? A story of the first days traveling the yellow yard. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

Short Story Long: (AO3 version) 4,000 words, Jan. 2013. One week into their journey, Davesprite and Jade talk about everything, nothing, and frogs. Hints of Davesprite/Jade. Prompt: miniatures. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo.

*An Elephant with Laryngitis: (AO3 version) 625 words, July 2015. Jade brings Davesprite to LOFAF on a quest to recreate her eclectic bass. Naturally they get derailed by tangents. Light Davesprite/Jade. Prompt: music. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo. [15-minute fic]

Literal Interpretation: (AO3 version) 675 words, Sept. 2015. John has some questions about the repercussions of going God Tier. Davesprite and Jade are less than helpful. [prompt!fic for [personal profile] askerian]

untitled, Davesprite's wing: 225 words, June 2013. Davesprite discusses wing repair with John and Jade. Fragment.


Alternian Nights

Pre-Sgrub stories featuring the main troll cast. As with the Alpha Timeline Fluff series, these fics share continuity but have no unifying narrative arc.

General Content Warning: Alternia Is Terrible

*Romancing the Sky: (AO3 version; ff.net version) 1,100 words, Sept. 2012. Sollux Captor meets Aradia Megido when she's looking up at the stars instead of down at the ground. She takes him flying. Prompt: space. Contains background angst due to a dystopian alien society. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo.

In a Purple Wood: (AO3 version; ff.net version) 250 words, June 2013. Wherein Terezi first meets Nepeta. [15-minute fic]

Sing a Song of Sixpence: (AO3 version; ff.net version) 900 words, April 2013. Terezi and Vriska on a typical Team Scourge Flarp campaign. Prompt: money. Contains children killing children. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo.

*Scourge of the Sea: (AO3 version; ff.net version) 2,100 words, Sept. 2012. Vriska tries to teach herself to sail. Terezi waits on shore for the inevitable disaster. Prompt: lending a coat in the cold. Implicit acceptance of murder. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo.

The nerves in patterns on a screen: (AO3 version) 3,225 words, April 2014. Aradia and Sollux have been borderline non-platonic friends for a while, but neither has had the courage to take that last step and ask if the other is also feeling pale. Then Aradia has a run-in with her neighbor's robots and ends up with a psionic burnout headache at the most inconvenient time. Aradia<>Sollux. Prompt: headache. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo.

*Raiders of the Deep Caverns: 6,300 words, Jan. 2014. Wherein Aradia Megido, intrepid explorer and amateur archaeologist, discovers an abandoned brooding cavern complex and invites her hatefriends Terezi Pyrope and Vriska Serket to assist in the exploration of its wild and dangerous depths. Featuring six pesterlogs, three dialogue-only passages, four third-person limited POV sections, a brief beach interlude, a tenuous framing device, and worldbuilding that flies right over the various protagonists' heads and horns. Written for [archiveofourown.org profile] lyricalIcarus in Ladystuck 2013.

The Practical Uses of Poltergeists: (AO3 version) 150 words, Dec. 2018. Aradia considers idiosyncratic methods of caretaking. Written for [personal profile] candlesinthewell in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2018-19.

though it be silent as light: (AO3 version) 250 words, Dec. 2017. Kanaya is fairly sure her neighbors consider her a cryptid. Written for anonymous in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2017.

Excelsior: (AO3 version) 375 words, Aug. 2014. It's hard, having an egg for a lusus. But Terezi has no regrets. [15-minute fic]


Ancestral Nights

These are a sort of side-annex to the Alternian Nights fic series. I do consider them part of the same continuity, but they have even less pretense at a unified time period or set of characters.

General Content Warning: Alternia Is Terrible

*The Time-Traveler's Kismesis: Counterthesis: (AO3 version) 850 words, Aug. 2014. Shortly after the Dolorosa flees the brooding caverns with the Signless, she meets the Demoness for the second time... at least from her perspective. Implied Dolorsa<3<Handmaid. [15-minute fic]

the treason of pity: (AO3 version) 250 words, Jan. 2017. Even in the depths of slavery, the Dolorosa spins might-have-beens. The Demoness knows better. Written for [livejournal.com profile] silvr_dagger in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2016.

Sandedge: 1,325 words, Jan. 2015. Unfortunately, when you turn around, you realize the cave was already occupied. Fortunately, the occupant can be reasoned with. (AKA, the Dolorosa meets the Disciple.) Written for [archiveofourown.org profile] ratherrumpus in Ladystuck Treats 2014.

The Whole of the Law: (AO3 version) 400 words, Oct. 2014. The cult of the Signless Sufferer has no clergy, no rites, and only one rule. Latula Pyrope is five sweeps old when she first learns it. [15-minute fic]

*Let the Water Take Me: 2,450 words, Jan. 2016. You've known since you were a wiggler that one night Meenah Peixes will set you free. You've known for almost as long that your death will only draw her further into the trap of your Master's schemes. And it only took one sweep in your Master's active service before it occurred to you that she is the only other troll in the universe who will live as long as you, with all the loneliness and loss that implies. It would take a far stronger person than you will ever be to not love and pity her a little, if only in the abstract. (You will destroy her anyway.) Handmaid<3/<>Condesce, depression, suicidal ideation, attempted suicide. Part of the Ancestral Nights series. Written for [archiveofourown.org profile] Burgundyrose in Ladypalooza 2015.

Three Views of Alternia: (AO3 version) 100 words, Dec. 2017. War is kind. Written for anonymous in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2017.


Untimely Ripped

This is a humanstuck urban fantasy AU -- except it's set in small-town New York, near the Susquehanna River, so I guess rural fantasy would be a better description. Anyway, the root story is about Aradia Megido attempting to resurrect her older sister Damara several months after Damara's suicide. She doesn't really expect the spell to work... but then it does, and they both have to deal with the consequences.

***Untimely Ripped: 10,775 words, Nov. 2013-June 2014. Most spellbooks are bullshit. Everyone knows this. But they're made of words and you need words to fill the hole in the center of your mind, so you flick through this one at the same mechanical pace you read a cheesy romance yesterday and plan to read a stupidly anachronistic spy thriller tomorrow. The clock on the living room wall ticks rhythmically above your head. Outside, light November rain mists down on the fallen leaves and dormant grass. Damara's cat watches you disdainfully from the mantel. You turn another page. And then a spell title jumps out at you: For the Restoration of Life After Untimely Death. Aradia & Damara, humanstuck, aftermath of suicide, clinical depression, discussion of suicide. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

Have Lighted Fools the Way: (AO3 version) 1,050 words, Nov. 2014. The day after Untimely Ripped, Aradia's absence from school doesn't go unnoticed. Sollux & Terezi, discussion of suicide. [15-minute fic]

And Beat Them Backward Home: (AO3 version) 625 words, Nov. 2015. Aradia's friends come to check up on her and make sure her brush with magic hasn't backfired. [15-minute fic]

**Almost at Odds with Morning: (AO3 version) 2,100 words, May 2016. Four months after her resurrection, Damara arranges a meeting with an old friend. Contains discussion of suicide and depression. Prompt: sunrise/sunset. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] asukaskerian]


Leaf and Letter

A non-Sburb AU in which Rose is a writer and Jade owns a flower shop. They fall in love. :D

[Content note: Rose and her mother both have a troubled history with alcohol, but that is only foregrounded in the second fic.]

*New Roots: 2,300 words, Jan. 2015. I think a fic with gardener Jade and author Rose would be nice. Perhaps Rose was buying flowers for her mom, or Rose simply keeps a garden at home. Maybe Jade could be the person who helps Rose out, then discovers that Rose was the person who wrote Jade's favorite book. Written for [archiveofourown.org profile] Ghost_Assist in Ladystuck 2014.

*Who Contract the Habit of Eating: (AO3 version) 2,450 words, May 2016. Jade has a bad day and invites Rose over for cuddles and nature documentaries, which Rose gladly accepts. Unfortunately they have wildly different reactions to Jade's chosen comfort food. Prompt: favorite. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] gracefularchitect]

*Roll for Seduction: (AO3 version) 1,175 words, Jan. 2019. Jade's attempt to make New Year's cookies derails into an impromptu singalong. Prompt: we wanted to cook but now we are dramatically singing a duet with kitchen utensils in our hands, this is quality PerformanceTM, from [tumblr.com profile] snogfairy's wholesome domestic prompts list. Prompt: sigh no more, ladies. [community profile] ladiesbingo fill.

Part of Your World: (AO3 version) 675 words, Oct. 2015. Rose asks Jade to move in with her. Prompt: bed. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] gracefularchitect]

Sweets to the Sweet: (AO3 version) 1,000 words, June 2017. Rose buys Jade a bonsai azalea, just because. Prompt: i brought you home flowers just for the hell of it, no it doesn't matter that we've been together for three years and i've never done this before, they are pretty (and so are you i love you), from [tumblr.com profile] snogfairy's wholesome domestic prompts list.

*Till It Is Lost in Fleeces: (AO3 version) 2,200 words, Feb. 2018. Snowy days are for curling up on the sofa with hot cocoa and making out under the afghans. Prompt: we, the blankets, and the pet have tangled into an irreversible knot on the couch and if no one comes save us this might be our end, from [tumblr.com profile] snogfairy's wholesome domestic prompts list. Prompt: free. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo.

Take a Break: (AO3 version) 600 words, Aug. 2018. Rose has a bad day. Jade has a solution. Prompt: i've had a horrible week and you just brought me home my favourite treat, from [tumblr.com profile] snogfairy's wholesome domestic prompts list. Prompt: takeout. Written for [community profile] genprompt_bingo.


Stories Nominally Based in Canon

A lot of these have since been jossed, but they all assume the existence of Sburb and the general structure of canon up through whenever I wrote them. I mean, some of them got pretty damn speculative as to what may or may not happen at the end of the comic, but they were all technically possible at the time of writing. (Or at least at the time I started writing... *headdesk*)

ETA, 1/24/17: I have made an executive decision to mostly ignore the credits snapchats and all further epilogue content (though I may steal a few elements if I like them). My canon runs up through Act 7, after which the characters escaped the game (and therefore the story) and I think everything after that is equally possible; Hussie's version gets no more weight than anyone else's.

Anyway, this list was getting unwieldy, so I have attempted to subdivide it by time period.


Pre-Canon Stories

paving stones: (AO3 version) 185 words, March 2013. Calliope has only the best intentions. Written for [personal profile] cest_what in the 2013 Three Sentence Ficathon.

untitled, Jade on isolation: 100 words, June 2013. Human contact and the lack thereof. Fragment.

A Single Step: (AO3 version) 675 words, Nov. 2014. Jade can make things be fine on her own. She can! But sometimes it gets hard. Injury, isolation, and depression. [15-minute fic]

persuasion: (AO3 version) 150 words, Jan. 2014. Alpha!Rose considers her work. Written for [livejournal.com profile] silvr_dagger in the 2014/2015 Three Sentence Ficathon.

*Tiny Grass Is Dreaming (Failure To Communicate): 1,500 words, July 2016. Something about talking to Damara makes Aranea feel like all her words twist in her mouth and come out as unintelligible nonsense. She hates it. Remix of Tiny Grass Is Dreaming by [archiveofourown.org profile] feralphoenix, written for Ladystuck Remix 2016.

*Hold the Line (As Dreamers Do): 2,475 words, July 2016. 1994: The Betty Crocker conglomerate invites Dr. Jade English, celebrated astrophysicist and CEO of Skaianet Technologies, to teach one year of classes at their first foray into private education, Marjorie Husted University in Houston, Texas. Jade says yes. Meanwhile, the Condesce is staging a corporate takeover of Disney. Remix of Hold the Line by [archiveofourown.org profile] dashery, written for Ladystuck Remix 2016.

Skin Hunger: (AO3 version) 100 words, Dec. 2018. Dirk contemplates loneliness. Written for [personal profile] capribornio in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2018-19.

*Mad Science Recruitment Pitch: (AO3 version) 175 words, Dec. 2018. Dr. Lalonde recruits for Skaia Labs. Written for [personal profile] jjhunter in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2018-19.

Make New Friends: (AO3 version) 125 words, Jan. 2019. Rose would be the first to admit she was skeptical of Jade's efforts to introduce all her friends to each other. Written for [personal profile] reccyls in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2018-19.


During-Canon Stories

I Must Increase My Bust: (AO3 version) 6,800 words, Feb. 2012. Dave has a thing for large breasts. Jade discovers she does too. Explicit sex, shameless abuse of Jade's Witch of Space powers for kinky breast expansion purposes. I am assured that this is way more adorable than it has any right to be for something that is basically light porn. Jade/Dave. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

*The Fire in Which We Burn: (AO3 version) 1,650 words, March 2012. "The first watch keeps the correct time. Always. Terezi tried starting out of sync the third time they played this game, but without that one thread of the right beat to cling to, the grating wrongness of the other watches knocked Dave out of the mood long before he could hit trance state." Terezi/Dave, idiosycratic forms of bondage. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

An Intricate Courtship Process: (AO3 version) 1,850 words, March 2012. Wherein Karkat Vantas asks Dave Strider an important question about quadrants and romantic intentions; after much soul-searching and random digression, Dave gives him an unexpected answer; and Terezi Pyrope's approval is sought for potential kinky shenanigans. Prompt: But I'd also love to see ... I was going to say "(one of) the boys initiating it" but then I thought about it a little more and I started laughing because it'd be awesome but I can NOT figure out how the hell that would ever happen, considering their personalities. XD So if you can figure it out, whee. If not I won't be surprised. XD Dave<3Terezi, Karkat<3Terezi, Dave???Karkat. [prompt!fic for [personal profile] askerian]

*Wherein Two Moirails Make the Best of a Stolen Afternoon: (AO3 version; ff.net version) 1,600 words, March 2012. Karkat and Gamzee cuddle on the meteor road trip to nowhere. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

Me, Myself, and Die: (AO3 version) 2,400 words, May 2012. Wherein Dave Strider goes back in time to save his friends at the cost of himself. Turning into a game program is not anyone's idea of happily ever after. ANGST. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

**Milk and Honey: (AO3 version) 3,650 words, August 2012. In which Aradia meets herself in a dreambubble and decides to express her joy in being alive via sex. Contains selfcest, explicit (underage) sex, references to the porn version of Troll Indiana Jones, mild kink with a bottle of honey and a leather whip handle, and non-fanon-standard troll genitalia. Aradia/Aradia. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

*Waking Persephone: (AO3 version; ff.net version) 1,100 words, Sept. 2012. Jade and Dave take a break in their frog hunt, in the aftermath of the volcano and the coming of spring to LOFAF. Prompt: four seasons (one or all). Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo.

Gifts Unlooked For: (AO3 version; ff.net version) 2,750 words, Nov. 2012. A week after they enter the Medium, Roxy and Jane take a trip to Prospit. Hints of Roxy/Jane. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

***Maid of Life and Death (Her Every Breath a Blade): 4,600 words, March 2013. In the Furthest Ring, Skaia's light is a distant, faint blue dot, barely enough for Jane to see the contours of the rocks she threads her way between. Now and again metal structures gleam like the edge of a blade reflecting starlight, but there are no stars in this ebon sky. Before her lies nothing but nightmare. Remix of Bend Around The Blades by [archiveofourown.org profile] lantadyme, written for Ouroboros Mix 2013.

an idea so bad it's AWESOME: (AO3 version) 175 words, March 2013. Jake has a brilliant idea! (No, he really doesn't.) Written for [livejournal.com profile] with_rainfall in the 2013 Three Sentence Ficathon.

**Film Noir, Alternian Style: (AO3 version) 1,375 words, Nov. 2013. Terezi makes Dave watch ashen porn. [prompt!fic for anonymous]

Be the Food of Love: (AO3 version) 2,300 words, Feb. 2014. Rose attempts to alchemize a violin and deal with her attraction to Kanaya. She gets some help with the first goal; for the other, she's on her own. Rose<3Kanaya. Prompt: music. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo.

A Medley of Extemporanea: (AO3 version) 875 words, Aug. 2014. Dave and Rose meet in person at the start of the doomed timeline. [15-minute fic]

lost in translation: (AO3 version) 50 words, Oct. 2014. Dave/Jade angst. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] missgvc]

*classic detective games: (AO3 version) 100 words, March 2015. Terezi and Dave play Clue. Written for [personal profile] rthstewart in the early 2015 Three Sentence Ficathon.

*Mycophilia: (AO3 version) 300 words, March 2015. Rose tells Kanaya about a weird sex dream. Rose/Kanaya. [15-minute fic]

In Abeyance, In Arrears: (AO3 version) 150 words, Sept. 2015. If Bro had smiled, even once... [prompt!fic for anonymous on Tumblr]

the real treasure: (AO3 version) 250 words, Dec. 2015. Dave is a dashing pirate! (Karkat disagrees.) Written for an anon in the late 2015 Three Sentence Ficathon.

*questionably intelligent design: (AO3 version) 150 words, Dec. 2016. But why frogs, really? Jade is sure there are more logical animals. Written for [livejournal.com profile] mermaids_feet in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2016.

you can be me when I'm gone: (AO3 version) 125 words, Dec. 2017. Calliope considers her other self. Written for anonymous in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2017.

church and state: (AO3 version) 125 words, Jan. 2018. Cardhenge and its implications for Can Town. Written for anonymous in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2017.

feeling blue: (AO3 version) 150 words, Jan. 2018. Technically speaking, Rose is a Sagittarius. Written for anonymous in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2017.

by her own petard: (AO3 version) 175 words, Jan. 2018. In the first year on the meteor, Rose alchemized a pair of friendship rings. Written for anonymous in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2017.

Mutually Assured Destruction: (AO3 version) 400 words, Dec. 2018. "So, cards on the table, anything said here will never leave this room, blah blah whatever," Terezi said as she dropped carelessly into a chair opposite Rose in the meteor lab's library. "What bullshit side effect did you get as the booby prize in the Seer package?" Written for [personal profile] sholio in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2018-19.

I want a shot at redemption: (AO3 version) 100 words, Jan. 2019. You hit rock bottom as soon as you stop digging. Written for [personal profile] inkpaws in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2018-19.


Post-Canon Stories

**Ass O'Clock in Dusseldorf: (AO3 version) 2,200 words, May 2012. A lighthearted vignette wherein a young lady, away from home at a professional conference, utilizes the internet to discuss an important issue in interpersonal relationships with the young man she has been cohabiting with for several years. Files are sent, metaphors are abused, and a happy ending is guaranteed. Jade/Dave. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

Ring the Changes: (AO3 version; ff.net version) 1,150 words, July 2012. Rose and Roxy connect via a shared literary interest. [15-minute fic]

**Walk on the Ocean: (AO3 version; ff.net version) 4,300 words, Oct. 2012. Karkat wanders away from the chaotic post-game reunion/victory party to relax on the shore of Jade's island. Dave and Jade find him there. Karkat/Dave/Jade. [gift!fic for [personal profile] askerian]

*All That We Survey: (AO3 version) 4,750 words, Oct. 2013. Jane and Dave are on a mission to thoroughly map certain areas of bodily terrain. Jane/Dave, explicit sex, light bondage. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

*The mind is its own place, and in itself: (AO3 version) 1,275 words, Feb. 2014. Here's the thing: nobody ever deserves happiness. There isn't any law laying out what crimes merit the permanent loss of happiness as a punishment, or what penance must be done in order to regain the ability to smile and laugh and enjoy your life. Sometimes you think the world would be easier to accept if there were such a law. Background Terezi/Karkat/Dave, reflection on past depression. Prompt: healing. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo [prompt!fic for [personal profile] askerian].

**Giant Robot Mayhem Doesn't Happen in a Day: 5,250 words, March 2014. In which Jade Harley approaches Dirk Strider with a proposal for a secret mecha construction project, because giant robots are awesome, good science and engineering partners are hard to find, and they need to do SOMETHING with their lives after the game. Written for [archiveofourown.org profile] ratherrumpus in Jadefest 2014.

Linnaeus Never Had a Robot: 850 words, March 2014. When attempting to classify monstrous megafauna, it's helpful to mechanize the specimen collection process. Jade & Dirk friendship. Written for [archiveofourown.org profile] ratherrumpus in Jadefest 2014 Treats.

If Kaiju, Therefore Mecha: 525 words, March 2014. If your life isn't already enough like a shonen anime, just add kaiju and mecha. Jade & Dirk friendship. Written for [archiveofourown.org profile] ratherrumpus in Jadefest 2014 Treats.

picnic at 20,000 feet: (AO3 version) 125 words, Oct. 2014. Rose and Sollux, on a plane. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] bramblemouth]

**The Moons of Skaia: 2,450 words, Jan. 2015. Twelve sweeps after the Collapse, Justiciar Redglare came to the moons of Skaia on the trail of Her Imperious Condescension. Written for chthonianCrocuta in Ladystuck 2014.

Things To Do Post-Sburb When You're Bored: (AO3 version) 575 words, April 2015. Rose said later that "I was really fucking bored" was insufficient explanation or indeed justification for the First Triennial Human/Troll Flashstepping Competition. A ficlet in two parts. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] madamehardy]

**The Law of Conservation of Mangrit: 15,300 words, Aug. 2012-April 2015. It starts out ironically, of course, but by the time Dave's wearing a corset and a swanky evening dress and Terezi's in a three-piece suit, Jade wants nothing more than to get them both into bed as soon as possible. Jade/Dave/Terezi, explicit sex.

*In Sure and Certain Hope: (AO3 version) 275 words, Sept. 2015. Does a funeral really count if you know the person it's for will resurrect tomorrow? Beta kid friendship. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] shinyrock6498]

Freedom Ride: (AO3 version) 425 words, Sept. 2015. Aradia and Kanaya, in the moments before a guerrilla raid on Battleship Condescension. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] gracefularchitect]

Picture Perfect: (AO3 version) 150 words, Sept. 2015. Davepetasprite takes up an old hobby in a new medium. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] primtheamazing]

Necessary Measures: (AO3 version) 200 words, Sept. 2015. Kanaya takes steps to end a recurring argument. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] primtheamazing]

Only Children: (AO3 version) 650 words, Oct. 2015. The thing is, Roxy never really wanted a sister. She wanted her mom. Prompt: acceptance. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo. [15-minute fic]

Can't Catch Me: (AO3 version) 375 words, Dec. 2015. "Jade," she asked, eyes slowly surveying the remains, "what happened to the lab?" Jane & Jade. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] gracefularchitect]

But Not Quite THAT Bored: (AO3 version) 150 words, March 2016. Dirk wants to plan the Second Triennial Human/Troll Flashstepping Competition. Dave would prefer not to. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] madamehardy]

*Truth or Dare: (AO3 version) 875 words, June 2016. In the name of family bonding, Roxy, Rose, Dave, and Dirk play a game of truth or dare. (They may regret this plan.) Prompt: open. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] runespoor7]

on the internet, nobody can do your emotional labor for you: (AO3 version) 200 words, Nov. 2016. The perils of punctuation and/or the lack thereof. Implied Jade/Dave/Karkat. Written for [livejournal.com profile] deceivepolyps in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2016.

*truly an eloquent turn of phrase: (AO3 version) 225 words, Dec. 2016. Rose courts Kanaya via magnetic poetry and bad memes. Written for [livejournal.com profile] runespoor7 in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2016.

*Some Little Talk a While of Me and Thee: (AO3 version) 2,725 words, Jan 2017. It's the post-Sburb world, there are too many people all the time, and tonight Roxy wants to grab Dirk and flee screaming to a (pair of) faraway mountains. Prompt: cuddle. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] madamehardy]

**I Am the One Who Lives with the Ocean: (AO3 version) 700 words, June 2017. Callie loves the rain. Roxy/Calliope. Prompt: soft. Prompt: monsoon. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo and [community profile] genprompt_bingo. [prompt!fic for [personal profile] mme_hardy]

*Wedding Date: 2,000 words, April 2018. Terezi and Dave get reacquainted at Rose and Kanaya's wedding. Written for [archiveofourown.org profile] raininshadows in Hetswap 2018.

Kitchen Science: (AO3 version) 175 words, April 2018. "You're the queen of bakers," Dirk said, "dread mistress of all things battered and glazed. I bet you could even bake a mathematically perfect cake." Prompt: lighthearted. Written for [community profile] genprompt_bingo. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] longroadstonowhere]

Truth Rising From His Armchair To Shame Some Hatefriends: (AO3 version) 125 words, Dec. 2018. In which Dave is fed up with John and Terezi's bullshit. Written for [personal profile] runespoor in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2018-19.


Assorted Partial AUs

These are stories that assume the existence of Alternia and/or Sburb, but also have substantial AU aspects that were AU when I wrote them rather than becoming AU retroactively as the comic marched onward.

*Four by Four: (AO3 version) WIP, 11,800 words so far, started Feb. 2012. Wherein the beta kids have an agreement to form a sedoretu once they're old enough, as told in a series of standalone pesterlogs. Part 1 - Dave, Rose, Jade, and John meet in a chat room on Jade's thirteenth birthday to talk about nothing in particular. Part 2 - The kids attempt to explain moiety to the trolls mid-game, which goes about as smoothly as you'd expect. Part 3 - Interludes. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

Sparkly Rainbow Blood: (AO3 version) 2,050 words, March 2012. Wherein going God Tier has made the humans' genetic material and other bodily fluids sparkly and rainbow colored. Various people react to this change. Complete nonsense, basically, but hopefully fun! Includes Terezi<3Dave, Rose<3Kanaya, Dave/Terezi/Karkat, and Karkat<>Gamzee. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

Adverse Working Conditions: (AO3 version) 100 words, Dec. 2018. Heat versus humidity. Written for [personal profile] sholio in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2018-19.


Assorted Complete AUs

Sburb What Sburb? *grin*

Worse Fates: 725 words, March 2012. Even in AUs, the Sufferer tends to earn his name. Backstory snippet for an AU I am not currently writing. Imprisonment, torture, rape, cannibalism, betrayal. [comment!fic for [personal profile] askerian]

*And the Big Bad Wolf: 2,400 words, May 2013. Jane has nothing to fear in the forest. The girl in the white fur dress is not so sure. Implied mind control and mild gore. Written for the Ladystuck Blind Darkfic Challenge.

*Aspects of Immortality: 3,750 words, Mar. 2012-Aug. 2013. Dave and Aradia always knew there was something different about them, but being weird's not a problem if you're weird together. Dave<>Aradia, fantasy AU. Fragment.

**Cutthroat Hiring Process: (AO3 version) 2,025 words, Oct. 2013. Jane Crocker submits a job application to the district legislacerators. The resulting interview process is unique. Guest-starring Terezi Pyrope! Prompt: I becomes we. Written for [community profile] cottoncandy_bingo.

*Dance With Another: (AO3 version) 2,775 words, Nov. 2013. Dave and Rose cooperatively seduce older people for no-strings threesomes. Mr. Egbert has no idea what's about to hit him. Dave/Rose/Dad, incest, intergenerational. [kinkmeme prompt!fic]

***Of Stone and of Sky: 5,300 words, Jan. 2014. As the sun plummeted toward the western mountains' waiting teeth, the jagged terrain of the badlands fell away, stone dropping in layers of gray, gold, ochre, down to a vast, barren plain. This was Hammerfall, the cursed place where the gods struck the earth to raise the Anvil. No rain fell. No rivers ran. No life grew. Even the vultures avoided this place, knowing in their bones that it was both holy and inimical. Here the gathered holds of the northwest quarter came, every twenty years, to call the rain. Here they brought life from death. Rose & Terezi, Roxy & Latula. Written for chthonianCrocuta in Ladystuck 2013.

*Work in Progress: 1,275 words, Jan. 2014. It's hard being a graduate student, trying to write a thesis, create a revolutionary computer program, or prove the existence of dragons while living in a shitty apartment with your two girlfriends. It's hard, but at least your girlfriends understand. Porrim<3Roxy<3Latula. Written for [archiveofourown.org profile] scrunch in Ladystuck Treats 2013.

For Science!: (AO3 version) 550 words, Aug. 2014. Jade is a scientist deploying an experimental satellite around a neutron star. Karkat and Dave are the pilots of the ship she hires as transport. Together, they... don't actually have sex on-screen, but you know where I'm going with this. ;) Karkat/Dave/Jade. [15-minute fic; gift!fic for [personal profile] askerian]

*The Rule of Threes: 1,375 words, Jan. 2015. The day Aradia Megido arrived in New York, three important things happened, though she only noted two at the time. Humanstuck urban fantasy AU. Written for [archiveofourown.org profile] ChameleonSerket in Ladystuck Treats 2014.

*The Snow Queen: A Story in Six Parts: 6,650 words, May 2015. Back in the days when meteors still fell from the sky in dozens at a time, a girl and a boy grew up next door to each other in the shadow of a fallen city. They were as close as sister and brother (And maybe they were! It's hard to say, since so many people lost their families back then and were taken in by strangers), and in three seasons of the year they played together every day in the garden around the girl's house, where nothing grew but roses and even they were mostly thorns. Of course, it couldn't last. Beta kid OT4 friendship, written for [archiveofourown.org profile] light_rises in Betapalooza 2015.

Wear Your Finest Hour: 1,350 words, Jan 2016. Rose and Jade go dress-shopping for prom. Light Jade/Rose. Written for [archiveofourown.org profile] casetrippy in Ladypalooza 2015.

*In what distant deeps or skies: (AO3 version) 625 words, March 2016. Assigned to different ships at opposite ends of the Federation, in the middle of an interminable war, Dave and Jade do their best to stay in touch. Lightly implied Jade/Dave. [prompt!fic for [tumblr.com profile] madamehardy]

SPNstuck (And Sit Them Down for Thanksgiving Dinner): 2,125 words, Sept. 2018. You still aren't entirely sure how your family got designated as hosts for the great angel/demon peace summit of 2018. The demons are obviously in it for the chaos, flames and shouting that might as well be your family's trademark. The angels make much less sense. Like, seriously, what kind of celestial morons think you and your siblings are any kind of diplomatic? And why pick Thanksgiving dinner when none of them need to eat in the first place? It's completely absurd and will only end in tears. (Oddly, the day winds up being the most successful infernal/celestial summit anyone can ever remember.) Remix of SPNstuck by [archiveofourown.org profile] maypop, written for Remix Revival 2018.

*Theogony: (AO3 version) 100 words, Dec. 2018. They say the Lady of Luck and the Lady of Death were not always the only gods. Written for [personal profile] slippy in the Three Sentence Ficathon 2018-19.


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Elizabeth Culmer

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