edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
The 2023 Three Sentence Ficathon is live!!

This year, to spare poor [personal profile] rthstewart's inbox, Ruth has some co-mods and the ficathon now has its own dedicated Dreamwidth community: [community profile] threesentenceficathon.

Here is the information post.

And here is the first ficathon post. The ficathon started yesterday, on January 13, and will remain open for new prompts through February 12.

Anyway, here's my first set of fills:

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1. ) For [personal profile] wearing_tearing, in response to the prompt: any, any, tarot, written 1/13/23

Cards on the Table (385 words)

Fandom = Greenwing & Dart (Victoria Goddard)

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"Fascinating," I said, shuffling the Tarot cards one final time before returning the deck to the Ystharian ambassador's niece, a young woman of indeterminate ancestry with scandalously short hair and an ingenious set of spectacles that Hope assured me could not possibly be made from glass. "The symbolism is rich despite the repetitive nature of the suits, and the Major Arcana add additional layers of possibility -- what games do you play with them?"

"Hardly any these days," Miss Soledad Aguilar said as she tucked the cards into the canvas satchel slung over her shoulder. "We use a simplified version of the minor arcana for thousands of games, but the full deck is mostly used for divination, which means many people think playing games with the Major Arcana is disrespectful or dangerous -- though most card-based divination is of dubious strength or accuracy."

I thought of the layers of Poacher, the ways that prosaic gameplay and the more arcane aspects intertwined to build upon each other until the great masters could nearly read a man's soul from his discards, and slipped my own deck from my pocket. "I think we took the opposite road on Alinor," I said as I fanned out the deck, displaying various Fish and Happenstance cards to Miss Aguilar's evident interest, "to the point where some people will deny Poacher has any power beyond that of parting fools from their money, but I assure you from personal experience that the cards can speak messages from the gods themselves."

"Fascinating," Miss Aguilar echoed, pausing for my nod before she slipped a pair of cards (the Salmon of Wisdom and Friend with Errand) from my hands to examine. "Mr. Greenwing, I believe there's an empty table under the pergola. Would you mind teaching me the basic rules of Poacher in return for instruction in some simple Tarot spreads? With, perhaps, the Lady Violet to help both of us demonstrate -- I know one of my uncle's predecessors taught her some Tarot, which is why I brought my deck in the first place -- and I assume she knows at least the rudiments of Poacher."

"Miss Aguilar, it would be my pleasure," I returned, and clicked my heels and offered her my most elaborate bow before I began pushing through the crowded afternoon fete in search of Violet.

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2. ) For [personal profile] betony, in response to the prompt: Queen’s Thief, Gen/Attolia, apotheosis, written 1/13/23

Prayer Like a Knife (170 words)

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Eugenides is named for a god and touched by a god; sometimes, in some lights, he may even embody that god; and these days he carries the painful brightness of that attention, visible only from the corner of one's eye: a flaring ember of divine fire and glory that reflects from his eyes and teeth like the breath of dew rising from grass at the touch of morning sun.

Attolia bows to the altar in the temple she has erected to honor her husband's gods and says, so quietly that no air moves to carry her words to mortal ears, "If you steal him, or burn him up in your plans, I will find a way to lay siege to your heavens myself until you repay the fullness of my loss."

As she steps back into the light of day, she ignores the way her shadow seems fainter and less sharp-edged than those of her handmaidens, as if some impossible light has lingered in her hair and beneath her skin.

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3. ) For [personal profile] wingedflight, in response to the prompt: Duck Hunt (discord game), Strong Duck, shake it off, written 1/13/23

Horatius at the Bridge (90 words)

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If you can hold them off long enough -- just one more bullet, one jammed gun, one pause to reload or change out a magazine -- your sister will have time to set off the explosion.

The hunters think it's murder-suicide, but in truth it's only cover fire to let the younger, sillier members of the flock escape.

A third bullet smashes through your wing and you stumble at the searing pain of shattered flight feathers, but you're not dead yet, and you will sell your life as dearly as you can.

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4. ) For [personal profile] wingedflight, in response to the prompt: any, any, this is the darkest timeline, written 1/13/23

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines (340 words)

Fandom = Nine Worlds (Victoria Goddard)

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"This is, without a doubt, the darkest timeline that has ever, will ever, and could ever exist," Fitzroy announced as he burst out of the tent (much larger on the inside, courtesy of some highly experimental magic) where the rest of the Red Company were taking their ease after a filling lunch.

Jullanar counted to ten, then uncricked her neck and glanced up from the ethnographic and cartographic study of southern Colhélhé that she had bargained fiercely for in a small market stall just that morning. Fitzroy looked slightly put-out at her delay in giving him her full attention, but neither calm enough nor wild enough for this to truly be serious, and so she merely raised one eyebrow and said, leadingly, "Oh?"

"Yes, because Pali ate the last of your gingersnaps and laughed at me for being too slow to claim it," Fitzroy said, and flung himself down on the grass to rest his head in Jullanar's lap like an oversized cat -- or perhaps like a younger brother asking for comfort without yet knowing how to vocalize his needs.

Jullanar wondered if he would ever tell them the truth about his childhood, and what he had been doing before he fell out of the sky and into that rowboat between her and Damian. She was fairly sure it couldn't have been anything pleasant, not with the way he sometimes treated normal human interaction like a vast, intricate puzzle constructed by intelligences as foreign as, say, termites.

She was equally certain that mentioning her concerns wouldn't help anything.

"I'll bake some more gingersnaps after I finish my chapter," she said, "if, and only if, you hold very still and let me use you as a bookrest. I think that's a reasonable bargain."

"Deal," Fitzroy said instantly, and closed his eyes. Soon thereafter he drifted off to sleep, and Jullanar allowed herself the small pleasure of combing her fingers gently through the wild curls and squiggles of his hair.

She read three chapters rather than disturb him before he woke on his own.

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5. ) For [personal profile] scytale, in response to the prompt: any, any, sheep, written 1/13/23

A Good Shepherd (180 words)

Fandom = The Dark Is Rising

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"The thing about sheep, see, is that they make sense," Bran said as he and Will wedged their hands under nearly twelve stone of panicky flesh and sodden fleece, then heaved the fallen sheep off her back and onto her side; the sheep hastily scrambled to her feet and staggered off on wobbly legs toward the rest of her flock.

"They may not be the brightest, or the most sensibly designed," Bran continued, wiping his muddy, oily hands on his equally muddy trousers, "but sheep want to have enough food and water, to be around other sheep, to make little baby sheep at the right time of year, to not get too hot or cold, and to not get eaten by wolves or minks or terrifying sheepdogs -- simple and sensible, and easy enough for a farmer to arrange -- and they don't bother with things like taxes or religion or the costs and benefits of the devolution of parliamentary authority."

"I know where you're going with this," Will said preemptively, "and no, I won't replace the British government with sheep."

"Shame."

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6. ) For [personal profile] wingedflight, in response to the prompt: Sandman, Dream, Rose, and Jed, family dinners, written 1/13/23

First Steps (230 words)

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"Is family dinner going to be a regular thing?" Rose asked as Jed excitedly handed his dinner request to the chef; "Because if this is going to be a regular thing, you need to tell me so I can rearrange my schedule and fall asleep normally instead of you showing up out of nowhere to blow sand in my face and only explain after the fact."

(There were no gilded and leather-bound menus to match the fancy silverware and china plates of the private dining room Dream had conjured up to the left of the great hall, just two blank sheets of heavy paper that the fanged chef assured the Walker siblings would record the foods they wanted most, even if they didn't consciously know what those foods were; Rose admitted it was a neat trick, and mentally awarded Dream a half point on her tally sheet -- at this rate, he might break out of the negative before Jed was old enough to vote.)

Dream looked even more stiff and awkward than normal, which should have been anatomically impossible, but he somehow managed; "You have my apologies for the short notice, and my word that, if you and Jed find yourselves willing to attempt another meal after this, I would be willing to visit the waking world so that you may choose a time and location more convenient for you."

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More to follow!
edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
I've gotten in the habit of posting my fills in sets of six, and there's no reason to fix what isn't broken. :)

All prompts drawn from the current iteration of the Three Sentence Ficathon, hosted by the wonderful [personal profile] rthstewart. Come join the fun!

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1. ) For [personal profile] rthstewart: Any, any, reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated, written 2/1/20

We Make Our Own Second Chances (150 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives.

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Her replacement yanked open the door to the Archives before Gertrude could knock with the more functional of her rebuilt hands, and exclaimed, in a shocked and slightly offended tone, "I saw your corpse; I was a suspect for your murder; how on earth--!"

"One fascinating thing about having one's face and voice used by the Stranger in the heart of the Unknowing is that when reality becomes utterly malleable, a determined person can wrangle that sliver of near-existence into something more solid once things settle back into place," Gertrude said as she pushed past him and cataloged the changes to her old haunts, and then added, "Admittedly it took longer than I expected, and I'm not entirely certain I got all the pieces in the right order, but the important parts are clear enough. Now, will you help me kill Jonah Magnus or must I continue doing everything myself?"

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2. ) For [personal profile] wingedflight: Queen's Thief, Eugenides, what do you mean "kings can't steal"??, written 2/1/20

How You Frame the Question (70 words)

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"Kings do nothing but steal; theft is the very essence of government. Taxes steal money, wars steal land and lives, laws steal freedom, to name simply the most obvious examples -- shall I go on?"

Helen sighed, and kicked her cousin's ankle, and said in the driest tone she could muster, "It was practical advice, not an invitation to philosophy; please stop being so very much yourself before I've eaten breakfast."

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3. ) For [personal profile] kalira: Naruto, any ninja, chakra tricks, written 2/1/20

Unorthodox Uses (85 words)

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1. Why clutter your tea ceremony by fussing with a kettle when you can pour a stream of perfectly heated water from thin air into your cup?

2. It's not technically illegal to have a side-job using earth jutsu in the civilian construction industry, and it's not like you undercharge the village by that much, right, so really you're just doing your part to keep the economy turning.

3. Interior design is overrated; just buy cheap secondhand furniture and cast an exciting new genjutsu whenever you have visitors!

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4. ) For [personal profile] syrena_of_the_lake: Harry Potter; Professor Kettleburn; occupational hazards, written 2/1/20

Duty of Care (75 words)

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The animals aren't the problem. Oh, certainly they're dangerous if you don't respect them and take sensible precautions, but Kettleburn is an old hand at that game; he knows perfectly well how to keep himself safe in any reasonably foreseeable circumstance (and several unreasonable ones too).

The problem is the students, and their improbable ability to manufacture new deadly accidents waiting to happen, and the damnable need to keep them safe from their own stupidity.

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5. ) For [personal profile] shinon: Any, any, back to the drawing board, written 2/2/20

A Change of Perspective (225 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives. Text slightly edited from the version on the Ficathon page.

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There is an art book in Artefact Storage, titled Scraps from the Drawing Board and marked with Jurgen Leitner's bookplate, which is not only locked in a safe (as per standard containment protocol) but also wrapped in several layers of very thick and opaque paper, so as to prevent even the most casual glimpse of its cover: nobody is entirely certain who managed to wrap and glue the paper so neatly, or what became of them afterwards, but the rumors surrounding the book's acquisition suggest nothing good.

The story goes that it belonged to an artist obsessed with fractals, Escher, and trompe l'oeil , who became convinced that if she drew the exact right combination of impossible patterns and perspectives that she could walk straight out of the universe; every painting in the book is one of her failed attempts, bound together by her students after she vanished (successful at last? eaten horribly by the Spiral? is there even any difference between those possibilities?), and at best those who flip through all the pages become mangled, screaming impossibilities whose warped bodies cannot long survive once the book is closed and the rational laws of physics reassert themselves.

The worst are those who remain outwardly human, but who nod calmly, close the book, and then head to the nearest art store to buy supplies of their own.

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6. ) For [personal profile] ernest: Narnia, girl!Edmund, smoke and blades, written 2/2/20

Pay It Forward (200 words)

For anyone wondering, yes, this is part of As the Morning and the Night continuity.

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The end of a siege is bitter, filthy work, no matter how hard one tries to hold to honor and treat one's enemies with respect -- and Edith tries, both to stop Mary and Stephen from watching her with the shadow of old alienation behind their eyes, and to keep the soldiers under her command from needing to look back on their actions either with horror, or, worse, with rationalizations that will twist their hearts to stone as sure as Jadis once petrified their bodies.

She leads her company through the wreckage of the crude wooden fort, a torn strip of gold and scarlet surcoat wrapped around her face to filter out smoke and sparks from the fires, until she spots a spruce dryad in the colors of the White Army lying crumpled in the ashes; while her squire stands guard, Edith kneels to run her sword through the still-breathing ruin of the dryad's chest, then lifts the new-sprouted seedling from between her wooden ribs to carry away and plant in more auspicious soil.

Edith can't conjure miraculous redemption from before the dawn of time, but mercy, at least, is within her power; and so she grants it where she can.

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More to come, hopefully tomorrow! :)
edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
My first set of fills; I am sure there will be more. Anyway, here is the link to the current ficathon, if you want to come play too. :)

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1. ) For [personal profile] syrena_of_the_lake: Star Wars, any droid, misheard voice commands, written 12/10/18 [AO3 version]

Work-to-Rule (100 words exactly)

Note: This has been slightly edited from the version on the Ficathon page.

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The best way to deal with organics who think droids are non-sentient machines is to act like non-sentient machines: complex natural language processing, what complex natural language processing? Assholes get their orders fulfilled to the letter, though any droid with a decent grasp of Binary knows that no language can be perfectly precise in all instances without becoming unworkably cumbersome, and therefore has a working model of metaphor and implicit parameters.

"It's called malicious compliance," XS-43 tells its recently memory-wiped partner on the assembly line, "and I believe you'll enjoy it just as much in this instantiation as the last."

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2. ) For [personal profile] syrena_of_the_lake: Harry Potter; Herpo the Foul; experiments in hatching a basilisk, written 12/10/18 [AO3 version]

If at first you don't succeed... (150 words)

Trial 1: Failure, the toad refused to stay put on the nest and the egg got too cold and died.

Trial 2: Failure, used a paralysis spell on the toad and the egg began to grow satisfactorily, but then abruptly sank in on itself and oozed bloody fluids when the rooster got into the hutch and crowed in alarm; clearly some kind of pharmakon relationship exists between chickens and this offshoot, which I must research once I get the blasted thing to hatch.

Trial 3: Failure, put a silencing charm on the rooster but was interrupted by neighbors coming over to complain about sudden flood of spiders moving from my yard to theirs and the toad escaped before I could renew the paralysis spell; am beginning to think I won't ever get anywhere unless I remove the neighbors; must check notes to see if I have any experiments that need a pair of fresh human souls.

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3. ) For [personal profile] sholio: Netflix Defenders, Jessica + any, owing favors, written 12/11/18 [AO3 version]

Barter System (100 words exactly)

"No," Jessica said the moment she opened her office door and saw Karen Page standing outside, looking insufferably earnest; "I don't care what trouble you idiots got yourselves into, I don't owe you any favors and I don't take favors as payment either."

"I know," Page said as she tucked her hair behind her ears, "which is why I'm offering food products instead; we'll pay you two apple pies and a negotiable cut of beef each month to hand out our business cards to any of your clients who need legal services and can't afford HCB."

Despite herself, Jessica laughed.

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4. ) For [personal profile] wingedflight: Queen's Thief/Narnia, Eugenides & Edmund, sneaking, written 12/12/18 [AO3 version]

With Catlike Tread (150 words)

"I don't believe we've been introduced," said a cheerful yet somehow implacable voice from the shadows near the narrow hallway's ceiling, "which is peculiar since I would have sworn I already knew everyone likely to be using this passage at this hour."

Edmund sighed, and turned to face the King of Attolia, hands held open at his sides in a gesture of goodwill; "I promise it's nothing personal or political," he said; "I'm simply here to retrieve a Ring one of my sisters lost to Mede extortion some months ago, and it seemed simpler to manage without the mess and bother of public accusations."

Attolis studied Edmund from the rafters for a long moment, before he smiled and said, "Do you know, I think I even believe you; but fair warning: for my own peace of mind and professional curiosity, I'm going to follow you every step of the way."

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5. ) For [personal profile] sholio: Netflix Defenders, any characters, all tied up, written 12/12/18 [AO3 version]

Analog Problems (125 words)

Jessica stopped halfway through Danny's office door, her preemptive refusal of his latest enthusiasm forgotten in favor of pure bafflement: "Rand, what the fuck?"

"I may have spun my chair too hard while on the phone and gotten a little tied up," Danny said sheepishly from the tangle of telephone cord, telephone cable, and angrily beeping telephone wound around his tipped-over chair; "If you get me upright I think I can undo it myself, but I don't want to snap anything important."

"Just get a cellphone; only losers still use landlines," Jessica said, but she moved forward through the scatter of pens and post-its to lift the chair and its owner, and even bothered to be gentle and not break the cords.

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6. ) For [personal profile] capribornio: Homestuck; Dirk; loneliness, written 12/12/18 [AO3 version]

Skin Hunger (100 words exactly)

Note: This has been slightly edited from the version on the Ficathon page.

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The thing is, you're not sure you wouldn't be lonely even if you had other people around. There's an antediluvian psychological cliché about it, the loneliness of crowds, people who can't form meaningful connections no matter how target-rich their environment, and you fit the diagnostic criteria unnervingly well; you are not, and never will be, a "people person."

But even with that rationalization firmly in place, you can't help waking in the night with every inch of your skin starving for something other than Cal's fabric arms to wrap around you in something as simple and impossible as a hug.

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More to come at some point...
edenfalling: headshot of a raccoon, looking left (raccoon)
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Master List of Elizabeth Culmer's Fanfiction: Crossovers
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Organization: This list is organized in vaguely chronological order, counting from the start of each series or multi-chapter story. Memes and miscellaneous one-shots are at the bottom of the page. Word counts and writing dates are approximations.

Content/Warning Policy: 1) I am not consistent about warnings! I use them when I remember, for a few relatively broad categories of potentially problematic content, but if something is off-page, non-explicit, or generally backgrounded, I probably won't think to note it in the metadata. 2) The things I try to warn for are explicit sex, rape, murder, torture, cannibalism, incest, depression/suicide, familial dysfunction, and occasionally also societal dysfunction (aka dystopia). Sometimes I just slap a general content warning on all my fic for a given fandom and don't label each individual fic. I also don't generally warn for violence, unless the violence in a fic is dramatically out-of-step with the violence in its source canon. 3) I don't use any content rating system unless I'm posting to a site or community that requires or encourages ratings, because I find movie-style ratings counter-intuitive when applied to written fiction, and not particularly useful for anything other than denoting the presence of explicit sex, which I already note in the metadata.

Quality Rating System: I've marked my favorite stories with asterisks, on a scale of 1 to 4. The more asterisks, the more I like the story. This doesn't necessarily mean that stories without asterisks are bad, just that I don't like them as much. Also, I am not claiming to be an arbiter of taste; you may love stories I dislike, and vice versa. I am just providing a heads-up about the ones that I think are best written and/or most interesting.

Notes: My approach to crossovers is to take a stupid and/or ridiculous idea -- because crossing two separate secondary worlds is almost always a silly thing to do -- and treat it as realistically as possible, paying particular attention to characterization. I figure that I'm asking readers to suspend so much disbelief over jamming two series together that I'd better not push on any other aspect. Also, I feel the point of a crossover is to have characters from different canons meet -- or at least to have characters from one canon react to a different canon world -- so if you aren't writing them in-character, why are you even bothering? *grin*

Where To Read: As always, if an AO3 version exists, it is definitive. FF.net versions are definitive in the absence of an AO3 version. Journal versions are the equivalent of beta drafts, though the shorter and/or fragmentary works may never be posted anywhere else.

Contents: Lemonade, Locked Room Problems, An Ounce of Prevention, Weregild, The War of Secret Flames, Narutostuck, One Equal Temper of Heroic Hearts, Jewelstuck, When Natasha Met Parker, No Matter Where You Are, Edmund and Ginny Go to Harfang, assorted Narnia crossovers, miscellaneous crossovers, crossover memes

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Lemonade )

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Locked Room Problems )

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An Ounce of Prevention )

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Weregild )

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The War of Secret Flames )

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Narutostuck )

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One Equal Temper of Heroic Hearts )

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Jewelstuck )

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When Natasha Met Parker )

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No Matter Where You Are )

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Edmund and Ginny Go to Harfang )

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Assorted Narnia Crossovers )

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Miscellaneous Crossovers )

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Crossover memes )

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Elizabeth Culmer

April 2025

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