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thirtyforthree for Kira Sakuya/Mudo Setsuna/Mudo Sara from Kaori Yuki's Angel Sanctuary. There will be spoilers in nearly every theme -- given the characters, it's nearly impossible to avoid them! -- and a lot of potentially objectionable content. This is because the source manga has a lot of potentially objectionable content. If incest squicks you, or you know you'll be bothered by some strange and/or negative interpretations of Judeo-Christian theology, you're probably better off not reading these stories.
With that said...
Theme: #12 - Alone
Warnings: spoilers!
Note: Pre-manga, in which I play around with relationships and timelines that canon leaves somewhat undefined. I think this will end up as the chronological first of these ficlets, since I can't very well go earlier in my personal interpretation of canon backstory and still include all three of my main characters. *grin*
---------------------------------------------
Alone
---------------------------------------------
The worst part about the bargain was the isolation. Not the physical prison -- Alexiel rather liked Eden. Not the visiting restrictions -- she'd never cared much for other angels, never liked their awe, their resentment, or their sycophantic flattery.
But she had to close her link with Rosiel. She could watch through his eyes, hear through his ears, feel his every emotion, but she couldn't return the favor. She couldn't risk communicating with him in any way, couldn't even relax when she slept and dreamed. Her soul would reach out for her twin, and she had to shock herself awake until constant withdrawal became ingrained, reflexive, like the learned avoidance of open flames. She taught herself not to show emotion, learned to lock her heart in iron bands so she could face her brother without breaking the rules and showing her love.
Angels weren't meant to have families, weren't meant to love, but Alexiel had always had Rosiel. She had always sent her heart to him, always reached past his useless senses to soothe his fear and loneliness. Separation was a death wound, festering in the darkness of her soul.
Rosiel tried. He came to visit her in the garden, telling her news of heaven and earth, of the strange creatures who had appeared in hell and called themselves demons, of the Grigori rebellion and its swift suppression. He stretched out his hands to hover a bare centimeter from her skin, letting their body heat mingle -- as close to touching as she could allow. He led visitors through Atziluth by roundabout routes, passing close by the shores of Eden so she could watch the flight of angels against the heartbreaking blue sky.
Every year, Alexiel saw despair and fury grow in her brother's eyes. The wound festered in his soul, too; it hurt more for him because he didn't know the reason behind her rejection. But she couldn't break the bargain. She couldn't condemn her brother back to his personal hell.
"I think God is still trying to create another Adam Kadamon, the way he tried with us," Rosiel said near the end of one visit, pacing back and forth in the stone courtyard near the garden entrance. "He's taken the four elements from their shrines and embodied them in angels, each of whom will head an order when they're grown. The oldest is earth -- he's about six now -- followed by water and wind, a girl and a boy. They were created with gender, like us."
Alexiel held her body like a statue, giving her brother no hint of her thoughts or state of attention. Her mind was closed like a fist around a sword.
Rosiel found or invented some cue anyway. "I thought you'd be interested," he said, smiling. And he could smile now, without his skin sloughing off his face -- for that alone, Alexiel would have made her bargain ten thousand times over.
"The angel of fire will be released from Atziluth tomorrow, along with his twin brother," Rosiel continued. "I don't know why God decided to combine this experiment with his older one, but something seems to have gone awry -- both children are male, instead of one of each gender. And their wings aren't split evenly; the angel of fire has two, while his twin has four."
Rosiel smiled again. "I was there when the Zodiac elders took the children from the tanks, and I was surprised how small they were." He held his hands apart at roughly the width of his torso in demonstration, and laughed. "I suppose everyone starts out tiny, but knowing is different from seeing. They were adorable, in a damp, wrinkly way. I almost wished, for a moment, that God hadn't forbidden angels to have children... but God knows best, of course."
His smile took on a disturbing edge. Alexiel pulled her mind further inward.
"I'll be leading the other three elemental guardians to meet their fourth tomorrow," Rosiel said after a pause. "You might want to watch. They're close in age and different from all the other angels, so they've become quite attached to each other. Almost like siblings. They can't stop talking about their new little brothers."
Alexiel made no response. She stared straight ahead, looking through Rosiel's golden eyes to her memory of God's stony face.
After a minute, Rosiel turned away. "I hope you get some joy from this, sister," he said softly. His wings snapped open in a thunder of feathers and he leapt into the sky. He didn't look back.
The next day, Alexiel climbed the walls around Eden and sat on the precipice. She watched the sun rise. She watched clouds scud across the achingly blue sky. She watched jewel-colored birds dip and soar on the wind, the way she no longer could.
Around midday, a group of angels flew past in the distance, too far for her to make out any details. They returned an hour later, passing much closer to Eden. Rosiel held the hand of a tiny, blue-haired girl, and cradled an even smaller blond boy in his other arm. He moved his captured hand, pointing toward Alexiel. She sat unmoving, a graven image mimicking God's indifferent scorn.
Rosiel turned away.
The blue-haired girl watched for a moment longer, her face scrunched up in puzzlement.
Alexiel held a finger to her lips, and smiled. "Be happy, little water guardian," she whispered. "I wish you better luck with your brothers than I've had with mine." She knew the girl couldn't hear, but she needed to say the words.
The girl pressed her hand against her mouth and nodded her head vigorously. Rosiel glanced down at her, saying something lost in wind and distance; the girl pointed toward a flight of cloud whales, diverting his attention.
Alexiel watched the group soar out of sight.
She stayed on the cliffs until nightfall, watching through her brother's eyes as the new children were settled into a house with their caretakers. The other elemental guardians ran around, laughing and shouting and generally getting in everyone's way. Several times one of the Sisters or the guards asked Rosiel to send them away, but he smiled and shook his head.
"They're children, and today they're finally all together. Let them enjoy the moment -- just because we aren't lucky enough to have families is no reason to deprive them."
Alexiel broke the link.
Then she went down into the garden, to the Tree of Life, and beat her hands raw against the wood so her heart wouldn't shatter as well.
---------------------------------------------
End
---------------------------------------------
Cross-posted here onthirtyforthree.
---------------------------------------------
Further Notes: As far as I remember, canon never says whether Alexiel and Rosiel are older than Lucifer and the elemental guardians, or the other way around. It seems clear that Lucifer was, at one point, officially set as one of the highest angels in heaven, but whether that was before Rosiel was put in charge, whether he temporarily displaced Rosiel, or whether he was in charge of everyone except Rosiel is open for interpretation.
I'm going with either the second or third explanation, mostly because I like the way they play into Rosiel's dislike of Lucifer. I also think they put the fewest snarls into the timeline, since they allow Rosiel to be relatively sane during the first holy war, and also to be isolated as a 'weird experiment' when he was young. Presumably the elemental guardians were also regarded as somewhat weird and experimental, so if they had already been around during Rosiel and Alexiel's youth, I think Uriel and Jibril might have attempted to help the other angels. Furthermore, making Rosiel and Alexiel older than the elemental guardians allows Michael to be quite young during the first holy war while also allowing Alexiel enough time cooped up in Eden to become quite fatalistic. (I admit that I could also solve that problem by making the two sets of twins the same age, but I like an age gap better.)
As for Alexiel and Rosiel's relationship, I assume that Alexiel knew what she was getting in for, and that she did it mostly out of love. There was fear involved as well -- which I believe she says flat-out in vol. 20 -- but I think love was her most important motivation. I'm playing a little fast and loose with mental communication between her and Rosiel, but canon itself is a hopeless muddle on telepathy; eventually I gave up trying to make sense of things and just used what worked best in this story.
If you remember something about canon that invalidates any of my assumptions, please tell me!
thirtyforthree for Kira Sakuya/Mudo Setsuna/Mudo Sara from Kaori Yuki's Angel Sanctuary. There will be spoilers in nearly every theme -- given the characters, it's nearly impossible to avoid them! -- and a lot of potentially objectionable content. This is because the source manga has a lot of potentially objectionable content. If incest squicks you, or you know you'll be bothered by some strange and/or negative interpretations of Judeo-Christian theology, you're probably better off not reading these stories.With that said...
Theme: #12 - Alone
Warnings: spoilers!
Note: Pre-manga, in which I play around with relationships and timelines that canon leaves somewhat undefined. I think this will end up as the chronological first of these ficlets, since I can't very well go earlier in my personal interpretation of canon backstory and still include all three of my main characters. *grin*
---------------------------------------------
Alone
---------------------------------------------
The worst part about the bargain was the isolation. Not the physical prison -- Alexiel rather liked Eden. Not the visiting restrictions -- she'd never cared much for other angels, never liked their awe, their resentment, or their sycophantic flattery.
But she had to close her link with Rosiel. She could watch through his eyes, hear through his ears, feel his every emotion, but she couldn't return the favor. She couldn't risk communicating with him in any way, couldn't even relax when she slept and dreamed. Her soul would reach out for her twin, and she had to shock herself awake until constant withdrawal became ingrained, reflexive, like the learned avoidance of open flames. She taught herself not to show emotion, learned to lock her heart in iron bands so she could face her brother without breaking the rules and showing her love.
Angels weren't meant to have families, weren't meant to love, but Alexiel had always had Rosiel. She had always sent her heart to him, always reached past his useless senses to soothe his fear and loneliness. Separation was a death wound, festering in the darkness of her soul.
Rosiel tried. He came to visit her in the garden, telling her news of heaven and earth, of the strange creatures who had appeared in hell and called themselves demons, of the Grigori rebellion and its swift suppression. He stretched out his hands to hover a bare centimeter from her skin, letting their body heat mingle -- as close to touching as she could allow. He led visitors through Atziluth by roundabout routes, passing close by the shores of Eden so she could watch the flight of angels against the heartbreaking blue sky.
Every year, Alexiel saw despair and fury grow in her brother's eyes. The wound festered in his soul, too; it hurt more for him because he didn't know the reason behind her rejection. But she couldn't break the bargain. She couldn't condemn her brother back to his personal hell.
"I think God is still trying to create another Adam Kadamon, the way he tried with us," Rosiel said near the end of one visit, pacing back and forth in the stone courtyard near the garden entrance. "He's taken the four elements from their shrines and embodied them in angels, each of whom will head an order when they're grown. The oldest is earth -- he's about six now -- followed by water and wind, a girl and a boy. They were created with gender, like us."
Alexiel held her body like a statue, giving her brother no hint of her thoughts or state of attention. Her mind was closed like a fist around a sword.
Rosiel found or invented some cue anyway. "I thought you'd be interested," he said, smiling. And he could smile now, without his skin sloughing off his face -- for that alone, Alexiel would have made her bargain ten thousand times over.
"The angel of fire will be released from Atziluth tomorrow, along with his twin brother," Rosiel continued. "I don't know why God decided to combine this experiment with his older one, but something seems to have gone awry -- both children are male, instead of one of each gender. And their wings aren't split evenly; the angel of fire has two, while his twin has four."
Rosiel smiled again. "I was there when the Zodiac elders took the children from the tanks, and I was surprised how small they were." He held his hands apart at roughly the width of his torso in demonstration, and laughed. "I suppose everyone starts out tiny, but knowing is different from seeing. They were adorable, in a damp, wrinkly way. I almost wished, for a moment, that God hadn't forbidden angels to have children... but God knows best, of course."
His smile took on a disturbing edge. Alexiel pulled her mind further inward.
"I'll be leading the other three elemental guardians to meet their fourth tomorrow," Rosiel said after a pause. "You might want to watch. They're close in age and different from all the other angels, so they've become quite attached to each other. Almost like siblings. They can't stop talking about their new little brothers."
Alexiel made no response. She stared straight ahead, looking through Rosiel's golden eyes to her memory of God's stony face.
After a minute, Rosiel turned away. "I hope you get some joy from this, sister," he said softly. His wings snapped open in a thunder of feathers and he leapt into the sky. He didn't look back.
The next day, Alexiel climbed the walls around Eden and sat on the precipice. She watched the sun rise. She watched clouds scud across the achingly blue sky. She watched jewel-colored birds dip and soar on the wind, the way she no longer could.
Around midday, a group of angels flew past in the distance, too far for her to make out any details. They returned an hour later, passing much closer to Eden. Rosiel held the hand of a tiny, blue-haired girl, and cradled an even smaller blond boy in his other arm. He moved his captured hand, pointing toward Alexiel. She sat unmoving, a graven image mimicking God's indifferent scorn.
Rosiel turned away.
The blue-haired girl watched for a moment longer, her face scrunched up in puzzlement.
Alexiel held a finger to her lips, and smiled. "Be happy, little water guardian," she whispered. "I wish you better luck with your brothers than I've had with mine." She knew the girl couldn't hear, but she needed to say the words.
The girl pressed her hand against her mouth and nodded her head vigorously. Rosiel glanced down at her, saying something lost in wind and distance; the girl pointed toward a flight of cloud whales, diverting his attention.
Alexiel watched the group soar out of sight.
She stayed on the cliffs until nightfall, watching through her brother's eyes as the new children were settled into a house with their caretakers. The other elemental guardians ran around, laughing and shouting and generally getting in everyone's way. Several times one of the Sisters or the guards asked Rosiel to send them away, but he smiled and shook his head.
"They're children, and today they're finally all together. Let them enjoy the moment -- just because we aren't lucky enough to have families is no reason to deprive them."
Alexiel broke the link.
Then she went down into the garden, to the Tree of Life, and beat her hands raw against the wood so her heart wouldn't shatter as well.
---------------------------------------------
End
---------------------------------------------
Cross-posted here on
thirtyforthree.---------------------------------------------
Further Notes: As far as I remember, canon never says whether Alexiel and Rosiel are older than Lucifer and the elemental guardians, or the other way around. It seems clear that Lucifer was, at one point, officially set as one of the highest angels in heaven, but whether that was before Rosiel was put in charge, whether he temporarily displaced Rosiel, or whether he was in charge of everyone except Rosiel is open for interpretation.
I'm going with either the second or third explanation, mostly because I like the way they play into Rosiel's dislike of Lucifer. I also think they put the fewest snarls into the timeline, since they allow Rosiel to be relatively sane during the first holy war, and also to be isolated as a 'weird experiment' when he was young. Presumably the elemental guardians were also regarded as somewhat weird and experimental, so if they had already been around during Rosiel and Alexiel's youth, I think Uriel and Jibril might have attempted to help the other angels. Furthermore, making Rosiel and Alexiel older than the elemental guardians allows Michael to be quite young during the first holy war while also allowing Alexiel enough time cooped up in Eden to become quite fatalistic. (I admit that I could also solve that problem by making the two sets of twins the same age, but I like an age gap better.)
As for Alexiel and Rosiel's relationship, I assume that Alexiel knew what she was getting in for, and that she did it mostly out of love. There was fear involved as well -- which I believe she says flat-out in vol. 20 -- but I think love was her most important motivation. I'm playing a little fast and loose with mental communication between her and Rosiel, but canon itself is a hopeless muddle on telepathy; eventually I gave up trying to make sense of things and just used what worked best in this story.
If you remember something about canon that invalidates any of my assumptions, please tell me!
