edenfalling: circular blue mosaic depicting stylized waves (ocean mosaic)
Um, avast, ye scurvy dogs?

...

I fail utterly at talking like a pirate. As compensation (and as proof that I was not quite sane during high school), I offer you the only thing I have ever written that has a pirate in it: an excerpt from "Imsim Incorporated," an 11-part story I never did get around to finishing.

Anyway, I will summarize parts 1-5, because otherwise part 6 will make even less sense than it's intended to.

1. Imsim Is Dead: A Modern Fable, in which various people (Lize, Arte & Anir, Ea, and Ruth) react to Imsim's death.

2. The President Is Deleted: Another Modern Fable, in which various other people react to the President’s disappearance, and a bit of plot concerning Lize, Tethturo, and Omar the Tentmaker (Director of the FBI) is laid.

3. The Epic Tragedy of Herbil the Gerbil and Taik the Snake, in which various people react (or fail to react) to the disappearance of Herbil and Taik, Udlym fails to appear, and a bit of plot concerning Zinnia is laid.

4. The Epic Comedy of the Magenta Plastic Raincoat, in which a magenta plastic raincoat wreaks havoc with Operation Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, and plot concerning Nietzsche and the galactic heroes & interstellar time bandits is laid.

5. The Day It Rained Turtles, in which both Udlym and some proper narrative finally make an appearance, and Yekaterina the Witch takes Seth off to save the galaxy.


Imsim Incorporated, Part 6: The Pirate, the Witch, and the Demon Rum )


And as I say, I never did get around to finishing the story.

I did have titles and summaries for parts 7-11 -- "Doughtnuts on the Flying Dutchman," "Nuclear War: A Beginner's Manual," "Everything Happens at Once," "Everything Else Happens at Breakneck Speed," and "God Is Dead: The Last Modern Fable" -- but I never wrote more than the first paragraph of part 7. The rest has languished for nearly eight years now, because I am not the same person I was back then and I can't figure out how to recontort my brain so my original plan seems like any sort of good idea.

Like I said, I was not particularly sane as a teenager. I flatter myself that I've gotten a bit more stable since then, and also learned how to write proper stories instead of faffing around with impenetrable bad jokes.

Your mileage, of course, may vary. :-)
edenfalling: circular blue mosaic depicting stylized waves (ocean mosaic)
Um, avast, ye scurvy dogs?

...

I fail utterly at talking like a pirate. As compensation (and as proof that I was not quite sane during high school), I offer you the only thing I have ever written that has a pirate in it: an excerpt from "Imsim Incorporated," an 11-part story I never did get around to finishing.

Anyway, I will summarize parts 1-5, because otherwise part 6 will make even less sense than it's intended to.

1. Imsim Is Dead: A Modern Fable, in which various people (Lize, Arte & Anir, Ea, and Ruth) react to Imsim's death.

2. The President Is Deleted: Another Modern Fable, in which various other people react to the President’s disappearance, and a bit of plot concerning Lize, Tethturo, and Omar the Tentmaker (Director of the FBI) is laid.

3. The Epic Tragedy of Herbil the Gerbil and Taik the Snake, in which various people react (or fail to react) to the disappearance of Herbil and Taik, Udlym fails to appear, and a bit of plot concerning Zinnia is laid.

4. The Epic Comedy of the Magenta Plastic Raincoat, in which a magenta plastic raincoat wreaks havoc with Operation Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, and plot concerning Nietzsche and the galactic heroes & interstellar time bandits is laid.

5. The Day It Rained Turtles, in which both Udlym and some proper narrative finally make an appearance, and Yekaterina the Witch takes Seth off to save the galaxy.


Imsim Incorporated, Part 6: The Pirate, the Witch, and the Demon Rum )


And as I say, I never did get around to finishing the story.

I did have titles and summaries for parts 7-11 -- "Doughtnuts on the Flying Dutchman," "Nuclear War: A Beginner's Manual," "Everything Happens at Once," "Everything Else Happens at Breakneck Speed," and "God Is Dead: The Last Modern Fable" -- but I never wrote more than the first paragraph of part 7. The rest has languished for nearly eight years now, because I am not the same person I was back then and I can't figure out how to recontort my brain so my original plan seems like any sort of good idea.

Like I said, I was not particularly sane as a teenager. I flatter myself that I've gotten a bit more stable since then, and also learned how to write proper stories instead of faffing around with impenetrable bad jokes.

Your mileage, of course, may vary. :-)

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Elizabeth Culmer

October 2017

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