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edenfallingDespite being stupidly exhausted all day (dear body: what the hell?), I have successfully: gone to church, photographed my peppers, paid my credit card and health insurance bills, filled out two college-related forms (one of which I can't do anything further about until the 27th, the other of which I will mail later this week), changed my linens, cooked a batch of Laddie's hotdish, put out the household recycling bins, drawn pretty flowers on my aunt's birthday card, and renewed my health insurance for 2018. Also I read another chunk of Ancillary Sword and continued work on the detailed scene breakdowns for a WIP.
This is how I can tell the Celexa is working, you know? Before, on a day like this I would have managed the church thing (because it was an obligation, and even when I'm down a well, I can generally still manage obligations that involve potentially disappointing other people), but then I would have sat around like a slug for the rest of the day until grudgingly dealing with the recycling around 7pm and then crashing. Maybe I would also have dealt with the bills, but probably I would have left them for tomorrow and hoped I'd have more spoons then.
Instead, while it's still been a slow day, and I still have some trouble kicking myself into gear, I have done actual useful things. I have also done stuff I enjoy just because I wanted to, and was able to do that instead of stewing in a general pit of ugh.
I mean, I'd love to have medication that worked a little more directly on my executive dysfunction. I would cheerfully maim for a more reliable ability to say, "I will do the thing" and then actually do it. But it's astounding how much easier it is to work around my shoddy brain wiring if I'm feeling positive about the world and myself, instead of gray and faded and pointless.
So, you know, if you can't make your own serotonin, storebought is fine. :)
This is how I can tell the Celexa is working, you know? Before, on a day like this I would have managed the church thing (because it was an obligation, and even when I'm down a well, I can generally still manage obligations that involve potentially disappointing other people), but then I would have sat around like a slug for the rest of the day until grudgingly dealing with the recycling around 7pm and then crashing. Maybe I would also have dealt with the bills, but probably I would have left them for tomorrow and hoped I'd have more spoons then.
Instead, while it's still been a slow day, and I still have some trouble kicking myself into gear, I have done actual useful things. I have also done stuff I enjoy just because I wanted to, and was able to do that instead of stewing in a general pit of ugh.
I mean, I'd love to have medication that worked a little more directly on my executive dysfunction. I would cheerfully maim for a more reliable ability to say, "I will do the thing" and then actually do it. But it's astounding how much easier it is to work around my shoddy brain wiring if I'm feeling positive about the world and myself, instead of gray and faded and pointless.
So, you know, if you can't make your own serotonin, storebought is fine. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2017-11-20 05:44 am (UTC)Not entirely dissimilarly, maybe, my SAD light does not actually cheer me up, but it makes me more energetic in my misery, and *that* cheers me up.
(no subject)
Date: 2017-11-20 01:57 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-11-20 02:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-11-20 02:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-11-20 02:58 pm (UTC)Have an internet all your very own.
(no subject)
Date: 2017-11-20 03:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-11-20 07:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-11-20 08:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2017-11-20 09:51 pm (UTC)