wherein work goes... weird
Jan. 12th, 2019 08:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
edenfallingI. Have had. A DAY.
Here is a slightly redacted version of the incident report I emailed to Mom Boss and Aunt Boss, which I wrote in pieces after each phone call.
---------------
"Nancy" is the spring subtenant in [apartment redacted]. She is a subtenant of [name redacted]. [Contact information redacted]
She came in this morning to pick up three packages. She had a pair of glasses that she kept wearing in different positions and wanted to know if they made her look like a grandmother. I said no, but one position made her look like a disapproving librarian. She said she'd paid $250 for them, took her packages, and left. I didn't think anything of this at the time (except that it was slightly odd), but it turned out to be the opening of a saga.
Nancy called the first time around 11:45 to report an incident. She only provided her name and apartment after repeated requests, and seemed to assume I should just automatically know who she was. It was similarly difficult to get any sort of coherent or useful information about the incident. To paraphrase, on the way home from picking up her packages she saw a really cute guy driving a ZipCar, so she was in a good mood. She should have taken the stairs, but the packages were heavy so she pressed the elevator button. But then a Maintenance worker got out of the elevator, dressed in work clothes, and said "Excuse me" as he passed her. And her day was ruined! She wants to be invisible to Maintenance staff, because they are invisible to her. He looked "ready for action," and you can never tell what these people -- "Ithaca people," which she defined as all people in Ithaca who aren't Cornell students (but apparently didn't connect this to our office staff?) -- are thinking. She's been taking a social psychology course and there's always an observer and actor and...
I told her I would pass on her complaint (that she doesn't want Maintenance staff to interact with her) to the leasing agents, and she ended the call.
She then called back about five minutes later to say (paraphrased and edited for coherence) that her mood was ruined, because there are lot of creeps out there. And moods are really important. It takes a lot of effort to control your moods, and you can't control what people are around you. And she thinks it's really weird how "Ithaca people" are always "ready to take action." She doesn't know what it is, but certain people really creep her out and she doesn't think they know that they're creepy. To her, Maintenance staff are invisible, they're not like human beings, because of things she's gone through, "like a lot of noises." Sometimes people just have really bad vibes and it makes you really uncomfortable. She hopes she wasn't a bad vibe to the Maintenance person.
She wanted to watch our security footage to identify the specific Maintenance worker she encountered. I told her that was against company policy. She then asked if we could let her know where all our Maintenance staff were at all times. I told her no; that's not practical and also would violate their privacy, which they have just like she does. She didn't understand why I emphasized that Maintenance staff are people too, and we can't surveil our staff for her. She wants Maintenance staff to never talk to her, even if they pass her in the hallway. She only wants to interact with Cornell students. I told her that even if we instructed Maintenance to never interact with her, that would require us to give them her information and it sounded like that would also distress her. She paused and said, "Oh, that's a good point." (She did that several times when I raised logical objections to her wishes, or pointed out that the Maintenance worker had no way to know that she wanted him to be an invisible robot.)
I suggested she take steps to control her own experience by turning or moving away from Maintenance staff if she encountered them. She said she'd still hear them. I suggested headphones. She said people had already suggested that to her, that it wouldn't work, and that she didn't want to listen to music all day long anyway. It was clear that she didn't want to take responsibility for her own life and wanted me/us to somehow magically prevent her from ever having to interact with non-Cornell-students. (I have no idea how she LIVES, seriously.)
At this point, since Nancy had rejected my attempts to propose practical solutions and kept insisting her day was ruined and rambling incoherently about wanting to be invisible, I said it sounded like she was experiencing a lot of distress, and suggested she talk to someone at the university health center. She got more upset and angry, and said she'd already gone to the health center because of the things she'd been through, because of "Ithaca people." I made sympathetic noises, but she reacted like I'd expressed disbelief and clarified that she'd been forced to go to the health center because "Ithaca people" thought she was depressed and schizophrenic, but all it did was waste her time and money because there was nothing wrong with her. (Note: I think whoever those people were, they were absolutely right to push her toward mental health services. Nancy doesn't follow any kind of conversational logic AT ALL. Getting any clear narrative or explanations from her was like pulling teeth -- she seemed to expect me to already know exactly what she was talking about whenever she started mid-thread or jumped randomly around.)
I tried to reassure her that my suggestion she talk to someone was not me saying there was something wrong with her, just that sometimes people have a lot going on and the health center could help her cope; I have found therapy helpful myself. She said I don't understand what she's going through, and "it was revenge" (??? possibly she meant the Maintenance worker knew she didn't want to interact and said "excuse me" as revenge for her knowing that "Ithaca people" had sent her to the health center for no reason??? or possibly the people who sent her to the health center did so in revenge for some unnamed incident??? I couldn't follow the (lack of) logic), and then mockingly asked if I was depressed, since I'd said I had a lot going on. I said that was personal, and she said she didn't actually want to know, she was just trying to make me feel bad since I didn't understand. She said she just wants to look down on Maintenance staff as if they're not people, and is that so wrong?
This conversation dragged on for at least fifteen minutes and I couldn't get her to either propose a feasible course of action or agree to wait for a leasing agent to contact her on Monday. I asked her several times if there was anything I could do for her in my professional capacity as an employee of the renting company. She just kept rambling and wouldn't answer, so I told her that I thought we should end the call since it was clearly upsetting her further. She replied that actually "lashing out" made her feel better, and because it was one of our staff who upset her in the first place, she felt I had to sit there and take it. I said if she continued to talk like this, I would report her to the police for harassment.
She then said she didn't want a call from the leasing agents on Monday, and I hung up.
Nancy called a third time around 12:45 to say that she had one last message: "If you rebrand yourself, there's a line you cross and you just attract people like that to you, so you can't really rebrand yourself. I just wanted to let you know." Then she hung up.
She called a fourth time at 12:50 to say that she didn't need to rebrand herself. Her reputation is perfectly fine. I told her that sounded like something she should discuss with the health center. She said she was just addressing what I'd said. I said okay, have a good day, and hung up while she started winding up for another incoherent ramble. (I have no idea where she got the rebranding thing from. I never said anything related to that.)
She called a fifth time at 12:55pm, to advise me to schedule a manicure or skin care appointment, because they say the nicest things about you for $35 plus a tip and that's about the same as a health center appointment. I said okay, have a good day, and hung up.
She called a sixth time at 1:25 to say that she doesn't need to go to the health center; she already has friends here. I said okay, have a good day, and hung up. (I never suggested that she doesn't have friends.)
She called a seventh time at 1:45 but hung up without saying anything.
She called an eighth time at 1:50 to say there's nothing she needs to rebrand herself about. Do I know about [unintelligible name]? I told her to have a good afternoon and hung up. (In retrospect, this might be the Lauren Gray she mentioned later.)
She called a ninth time at 2:00pm to say, "And also, the good-looking guy in the ZipCar was going back. Like way back. In reverse." I said okay and hung up.
Nancy called a tenth time at 2:10 to say that she wanted to add something about the Maintenance guy she encountered in the elevator. She's been listening to her mantras about accessibility, and when you're exposed to negative energy it has a pervasive effect, even if it's something you can't control. Then she said, "Oh wait, am I victimizing myself?" I said that was up to her. She repeated, in a sort of wheedling, sing-song tone, "Am I victimizing myself?" as if she wanted to lead me into saying something she could take offense to. I asked if she had anything else she wanted to report. She said nothing for over a second, so I said okay and hung up.
She called an eleventh time at 3:50 to ask if I had a choice between going to Lawrence College or Princeton, which would I choose? I said I really couldn't say, and hung up over her attempt to continue the conversation. She called back immediately to say, "Lauren Gray, do you know her? She goes to Lawrence College. I'm her wannabe." I said okay and hung up. (I don't know if she meant Lawrence University, Sara Lawrence, or St. Laurence College. I am also not clear if this is a random person she knows or if it's Loren Gray, who Google informs me is some kind of teen YouTube celebrity.)
She called a thirteenth time at 4:00pm to say, "Do you think there's a difference between being a wannabe and having a female role model?" and then hung up. She called back immediately to say, "I'm having a daily dose of inspiration." I said okay and hung up.
It's clear that Nancy needs help, but we're not equipped to provide it or to meet her demand to never see or hear Maintenance staff.
I kept answering her calls because I was worried that if I didn't she might escalate to an in-person confrontation, and I wanted to avoid that complication. I didn't give her my name over the phone, and I told Miss Goldberry not to pick up calls from her number to reduce the number of people involved.
Sorry about this mess!
Liz
---------------
...
...
...
So yeah, that happened. I mean, I feel bad for Nancy. She is in distress and her coping methods are severely maladaptive! But wow, that is not the way to go about getting to a better mental place.
I have no idea what Mom Boss and Aunt Boss will do on Monday, but I feel I have provided them a thorough account on which to base any actions.
Here is a slightly redacted version of the incident report I emailed to Mom Boss and Aunt Boss, which I wrote in pieces after each phone call.
---------------
"Nancy" is the spring subtenant in [apartment redacted]. She is a subtenant of [name redacted]. [Contact information redacted]
She came in this morning to pick up three packages. She had a pair of glasses that she kept wearing in different positions and wanted to know if they made her look like a grandmother. I said no, but one position made her look like a disapproving librarian. She said she'd paid $250 for them, took her packages, and left. I didn't think anything of this at the time (except that it was slightly odd), but it turned out to be the opening of a saga.
Nancy called the first time around 11:45 to report an incident. She only provided her name and apartment after repeated requests, and seemed to assume I should just automatically know who she was. It was similarly difficult to get any sort of coherent or useful information about the incident. To paraphrase, on the way home from picking up her packages she saw a really cute guy driving a ZipCar, so she was in a good mood. She should have taken the stairs, but the packages were heavy so she pressed the elevator button. But then a Maintenance worker got out of the elevator, dressed in work clothes, and said "Excuse me" as he passed her. And her day was ruined! She wants to be invisible to Maintenance staff, because they are invisible to her. He looked "ready for action," and you can never tell what these people -- "Ithaca people," which she defined as all people in Ithaca who aren't Cornell students (but apparently didn't connect this to our office staff?) -- are thinking. She's been taking a social psychology course and there's always an observer and actor and...
I told her I would pass on her complaint (that she doesn't want Maintenance staff to interact with her) to the leasing agents, and she ended the call.
She then called back about five minutes later to say (paraphrased and edited for coherence) that her mood was ruined, because there are lot of creeps out there. And moods are really important. It takes a lot of effort to control your moods, and you can't control what people are around you. And she thinks it's really weird how "Ithaca people" are always "ready to take action." She doesn't know what it is, but certain people really creep her out and she doesn't think they know that they're creepy. To her, Maintenance staff are invisible, they're not like human beings, because of things she's gone through, "like a lot of noises." Sometimes people just have really bad vibes and it makes you really uncomfortable. She hopes she wasn't a bad vibe to the Maintenance person.
She wanted to watch our security footage to identify the specific Maintenance worker she encountered. I told her that was against company policy. She then asked if we could let her know where all our Maintenance staff were at all times. I told her no; that's not practical and also would violate their privacy, which they have just like she does. She didn't understand why I emphasized that Maintenance staff are people too, and we can't surveil our staff for her. She wants Maintenance staff to never talk to her, even if they pass her in the hallway. She only wants to interact with Cornell students. I told her that even if we instructed Maintenance to never interact with her, that would require us to give them her information and it sounded like that would also distress her. She paused and said, "Oh, that's a good point." (She did that several times when I raised logical objections to her wishes, or pointed out that the Maintenance worker had no way to know that she wanted him to be an invisible robot.)
I suggested she take steps to control her own experience by turning or moving away from Maintenance staff if she encountered them. She said she'd still hear them. I suggested headphones. She said people had already suggested that to her, that it wouldn't work, and that she didn't want to listen to music all day long anyway. It was clear that she didn't want to take responsibility for her own life and wanted me/us to somehow magically prevent her from ever having to interact with non-Cornell-students. (I have no idea how she LIVES, seriously.)
At this point, since Nancy had rejected my attempts to propose practical solutions and kept insisting her day was ruined and rambling incoherently about wanting to be invisible, I said it sounded like she was experiencing a lot of distress, and suggested she talk to someone at the university health center. She got more upset and angry, and said she'd already gone to the health center because of the things she'd been through, because of "Ithaca people." I made sympathetic noises, but she reacted like I'd expressed disbelief and clarified that she'd been forced to go to the health center because "Ithaca people" thought she was depressed and schizophrenic, but all it did was waste her time and money because there was nothing wrong with her. (Note: I think whoever those people were, they were absolutely right to push her toward mental health services. Nancy doesn't follow any kind of conversational logic AT ALL. Getting any clear narrative or explanations from her was like pulling teeth -- she seemed to expect me to already know exactly what she was talking about whenever she started mid-thread or jumped randomly around.)
I tried to reassure her that my suggestion she talk to someone was not me saying there was something wrong with her, just that sometimes people have a lot going on and the health center could help her cope; I have found therapy helpful myself. She said I don't understand what she's going through, and "it was revenge" (??? possibly she meant the Maintenance worker knew she didn't want to interact and said "excuse me" as revenge for her knowing that "Ithaca people" had sent her to the health center for no reason??? or possibly the people who sent her to the health center did so in revenge for some unnamed incident??? I couldn't follow the (lack of) logic), and then mockingly asked if I was depressed, since I'd said I had a lot going on. I said that was personal, and she said she didn't actually want to know, she was just trying to make me feel bad since I didn't understand. She said she just wants to look down on Maintenance staff as if they're not people, and is that so wrong?
This conversation dragged on for at least fifteen minutes and I couldn't get her to either propose a feasible course of action or agree to wait for a leasing agent to contact her on Monday. I asked her several times if there was anything I could do for her in my professional capacity as an employee of the renting company. She just kept rambling and wouldn't answer, so I told her that I thought we should end the call since it was clearly upsetting her further. She replied that actually "lashing out" made her feel better, and because it was one of our staff who upset her in the first place, she felt I had to sit there and take it. I said if she continued to talk like this, I would report her to the police for harassment.
She then said she didn't want a call from the leasing agents on Monday, and I hung up.
Nancy called a third time around 12:45 to say that she had one last message: "If you rebrand yourself, there's a line you cross and you just attract people like that to you, so you can't really rebrand yourself. I just wanted to let you know." Then she hung up.
She called a fourth time at 12:50 to say that she didn't need to rebrand herself. Her reputation is perfectly fine. I told her that sounded like something she should discuss with the health center. She said she was just addressing what I'd said. I said okay, have a good day, and hung up while she started winding up for another incoherent ramble. (I have no idea where she got the rebranding thing from. I never said anything related to that.)
She called a fifth time at 12:55pm, to advise me to schedule a manicure or skin care appointment, because they say the nicest things about you for $35 plus a tip and that's about the same as a health center appointment. I said okay, have a good day, and hung up.
She called a sixth time at 1:25 to say that she doesn't need to go to the health center; she already has friends here. I said okay, have a good day, and hung up. (I never suggested that she doesn't have friends.)
She called a seventh time at 1:45 but hung up without saying anything.
She called an eighth time at 1:50 to say there's nothing she needs to rebrand herself about. Do I know about [unintelligible name]? I told her to have a good afternoon and hung up. (In retrospect, this might be the Lauren Gray she mentioned later.)
She called a ninth time at 2:00pm to say, "And also, the good-looking guy in the ZipCar was going back. Like way back. In reverse." I said okay and hung up.
Nancy called a tenth time at 2:10 to say that she wanted to add something about the Maintenance guy she encountered in the elevator. She's been listening to her mantras about accessibility, and when you're exposed to negative energy it has a pervasive effect, even if it's something you can't control. Then she said, "Oh wait, am I victimizing myself?" I said that was up to her. She repeated, in a sort of wheedling, sing-song tone, "Am I victimizing myself?" as if she wanted to lead me into saying something she could take offense to. I asked if she had anything else she wanted to report. She said nothing for over a second, so I said okay and hung up.
She called an eleventh time at 3:50 to ask if I had a choice between going to Lawrence College or Princeton, which would I choose? I said I really couldn't say, and hung up over her attempt to continue the conversation. She called back immediately to say, "Lauren Gray, do you know her? She goes to Lawrence College. I'm her wannabe." I said okay and hung up. (I don't know if she meant Lawrence University, Sara Lawrence, or St. Laurence College. I am also not clear if this is a random person she knows or if it's Loren Gray, who Google informs me is some kind of teen YouTube celebrity.)
She called a thirteenth time at 4:00pm to say, "Do you think there's a difference between being a wannabe and having a female role model?" and then hung up. She called back immediately to say, "I'm having a daily dose of inspiration." I said okay and hung up.
It's clear that Nancy needs help, but we're not equipped to provide it or to meet her demand to never see or hear Maintenance staff.
I kept answering her calls because I was worried that if I didn't she might escalate to an in-person confrontation, and I wanted to avoid that complication. I didn't give her my name over the phone, and I told Miss Goldberry not to pick up calls from her number to reduce the number of people involved.
Sorry about this mess!
Liz
---------------
...
...
...
So yeah, that happened. I mean, I feel bad for Nancy. She is in distress and her coping methods are severely maladaptive! But wow, that is not the way to go about getting to a better mental place.
I have no idea what Mom Boss and Aunt Boss will do on Monday, but I feel I have provided them a thorough account on which to base any actions.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 01:57 am (UTC)AND call the police.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 02:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 02:35 am (UTC)also I just noticed the post number in the URL and I am impressed by the number of zeroes
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 02:45 am (UTC)And yeah. I am cool with general customer service types of getting yelled at -- by people who think we screwed up on cleaning something, or we didn't notify somebody of a planned maintenance event in enough different ways, or they shouldn't have to pay for Service X for the full duration of their lease, or whatever. It's not pleasant, but it's a known part of the job. I'm here to absorb a certain amount of venting, make sympathetic noises, and either offer a standard resolution or pass the issue on to the person with authority to make a non-standard resolution.
This was... not that. I'm not sure what it was, but it was not normal customer service venting.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 03:08 am (UTC)(I had a colleague two cubicles over who displayed similar distressing behavior; she was likely clinically paranoid. I tried to ride it out as best I could -- no, someone pointing a barcode scanner at you isn't trying to give you cancer -- but I could take so much before I'd blow. That you didn't... seriously. Good work.)
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 03:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 03:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 03:32 am (UTC)I have yet to top some of the customers from my years at the smoke shop, but college students and their parents are making valiant plays for medals in my bizarre customer service story rankings.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 04:31 am (UTC)Because she brought it up (as other people thought she was schizophrenic), I wonder if she is schizophrenic. She sounds, at the very least, like her thoughts don't follow an easy pattern. Either way, I'm glad you were able to hang up on her and didn't have to deal with it face-to-face. Hopefully, she'll leave you guys alone, and get whatever she needs to become less distressed.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 04:58 am (UTC)So yeah. I am pretty sure there was a reason the unnamed people suspected her of schizophrenia. I don't know if that's actually her problem, but the potential diagnosis wasn't pulled out of thin air.
I also hope she gets help, and does not repeat this behavior next week.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 05:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 05:25 am (UTC)Anyway, Nancy didn't sound like she was at immediate risk of harming herself, so I figured I'd err on the side of deescalating. It seems to have worked, at least in the short term. Fingers crossed nothing goes terribly sideways on Sunday.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 05:45 am (UTC)...hopefully she won't keep calling?
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 06:29 am (UTC)Reminds me of a few customers we've had (and one volunteer) at my workplace.
The volunteer, at least, has medical issues, and always does the "starts conversations as though you already know the subject and people involved" thing.
For a while was also having some paranoia issues, and was convinced that her neighbours were spying on her and gossiping about her, and/or complaining about her to the landlord trying to get her in trouble. She was maybe a little more logical than "Nancy," but the gaps showed up if you listened, in details like the 'complainers' complaining about things they couldn't possibly know (e.g. actions taken in a windowless room).
The in-medias-res takes on conversation I just find entertaining, but the paranoid tendences are definitely one of those situations where it's really difficult to figure out what approach to take! "Make sympathetic noises, redirect the subject" is about the best I ever came up with, too.
Hopefully Nancy will find some new vibes and forget all about you, now that she's talked you out!
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-13 03:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-14 01:30 am (UTC)It does very much sound like she needs help (and isn't inclined to get it, or rejected it when it was offered). Here's hoping you don't have to deal with her again!
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-14 02:34 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-14 02:39 am (UTC)I think the really frustrating thing about a lot of mental issues is that you can fight them with logic all you want, but the broken thought-process will just double down on its nonsense. (This is part of what annoys me about depression -- it keeps declaring everything pointless and insisting I shouldn't bother doing anything because I'll never enjoy it, which I know is bullshit -- and Vicky reports that anxiety is even worse in that regard.)
(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-14 02:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2019-01-14 02:43 am (UTC)I am a bit apprehensive about checking the office answering machine on Monday morning...