neurochemistry was a mistake
Jul. 14th, 2021 10:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
edenfallingI am in a blue funk, and probably have been for a week or so.
It's taken me longer than usual to notice, because it's been... milder, maybe? than my usual periodic depressive episodes are. I mean, they always sneak up on me, but my standard description is brain-down-a-well, and in this case it's less down-a-well and more... hmm... softly rocking in a rowboat with no oars drifting to nowhere on a misty lake? There's still that sense of inability to properly touch/interact with the world and my own emotions, but it's gentler than I am accustomed to.
...
Celexa does a great job at beating back generalized anhedonia (thus allowing me to have, you know, a functional life!), but it can only somewhat soften/lessen the periodic part of my depressive disorder. And because there is no rhythm whatsoever to my blue funks, there's no real way to switch medications to deal with them -- and I don't want to try anything stronger for my generalized anhedonia because the Celexa works and I would prefer not to play dice with side effects. So I just kind of grit my teeth and slog through for a few weeks.
With the Celexa, at least I know there's an exit to aim for. The importance of that certainty should not be underestimated.
...
Anyway, I'm going to go listen to some more old episodes of Rusty Quill Gaming, which is currently serving as my tenuous anchor back out of the rowboat to nowhere. *wry*
It's taken me longer than usual to notice, because it's been... milder, maybe? than my usual periodic depressive episodes are. I mean, they always sneak up on me, but my standard description is brain-down-a-well, and in this case it's less down-a-well and more... hmm... softly rocking in a rowboat with no oars drifting to nowhere on a misty lake? There's still that sense of inability to properly touch/interact with the world and my own emotions, but it's gentler than I am accustomed to.
...
Celexa does a great job at beating back generalized anhedonia (thus allowing me to have, you know, a functional life!), but it can only somewhat soften/lessen the periodic part of my depressive disorder. And because there is no rhythm whatsoever to my blue funks, there's no real way to switch medications to deal with them -- and I don't want to try anything stronger for my generalized anhedonia because the Celexa works and I would prefer not to play dice with side effects. So I just kind of grit my teeth and slog through for a few weeks.
With the Celexa, at least I know there's an exit to aim for. The importance of that certainty should not be underestimated.
...
Anyway, I'm going to go listen to some more old episodes of Rusty Quill Gaming, which is currently serving as my tenuous anchor back out of the rowboat to nowhere. *wry*
