edenfalling | Dec. 10th, 2003

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Dec. 10th, 2003

I have a violent streak. It's a fairly wide violent streak, all things considered. This tends to astonish people who meet me nowadays, but that's just because I've learned how to disconnect my impulses from my behavior. I don't hit people anymore -- I think the last time was five years ago (and he damn well deserved it after repeatedly calling me a bitch and kicking me in the ear). I don't even curse all that much.

But I still have a lot of times when I just want to beat the shit out of something, something that will resist me and make lovely noises and shatter when it breaks. People break very nicely, and screams or gasps are a good noise, but the guilt issues involved are rather horrific and completely not worth it. So I tend to save it up and go split logs, or shovel snow, or throw rocks at trees, or beat the ground with some of my dad's garden tools.

This morning, after waking up at a godforsaken early hour, I discovered a new outlet. The gutter and roof edge just outside my window are coated about three inches thick with ice. It's tough, it's solid enough to take a good hit, and it shatters and falls very nicely under a hammer. (I keep the hammer around for household repairs.) There is something deeply satisfying about breaking it.

There's nothing wrong with a violent streak, per se. You just have to know when and how to let it out.

Current Mood: drunk on life
Current Music: icicles going *smash*

I have a violent streak. It's a fairly wide violent streak, all things considered. This tends to astonish people who meet me nowadays, but that's just because I've learned how to disconnect my impulses from my behavior. I don't hit people anymore -- I think the last time was five years ago (and he damn well deserved it after repeatedly calling me a bitch and kicking me in the ear). I don't even curse all that much.

But I still have a lot of times when I just want to beat the shit out of something, something that will resist me and make lovely noises and shatter when it breaks. People break very nicely, and screams or gasps are a good noise, but the guilt issues involved are rather horrific and completely not worth it. So I tend to save it up and go split logs, or shovel snow, or throw rocks at trees, or beat the ground with some of my dad's garden tools.

This morning, after waking up at a godforsaken early hour, I discovered a new outlet. The gutter and roof edge just outside my window are coated about three inches thick with ice. It's tough, it's solid enough to take a good hit, and it shatters and falls very nicely under a hammer. (I keep the hammer around for household repairs.) There is something deeply satisfying about breaking it.

There's nothing wrong with a violent streak, per se. You just have to know when and how to let it out.

Current Mood: drunk on life
Current Music: icicles going *smash*

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Elizabeth Culmer

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- hamlet [1]
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- leverage [3]
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- merlin [8]
- murderbot diaries [7]
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- nine worlds [8]
- othello [1]
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- project hail mary [1]
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- rise of the guardians [3]
- rusty quill gaming [4]
- sailor moon [8]
- saiyuki [6]
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- spinning silver [1]
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- the hidden almanac [1]
- the hunger games [1]
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