No, I have not read the Liaden books, though from what little I have heard, I think I might enjoy them one of these years. What I meant by difficult phrasing is mostly things like taking seven words to say what two could have managed, or awkwardly close repetition of words... *hunts book, flips through pages*
Like this, from when they've just landed on ch'Rihan: Taking it all in required a few moments -- not surprising, for what Jim was looking at was partly obscured by the fume and smoke of the Firefalls themselves, not two miles away, and the carnage that had already begun to impose itself on an already wild and inhospitable landscape. (pp. 379-380) The first 'already' is unnecessary and, in combination with the second, sounds very clunky.
It was mostly stupid little things like that -- they scream to me that Duane didn't have quite enough time to edit for flow and phrasing, or her editor and/or copy editor was overworked, or maybe both.
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Date: 2009-08-03 06:54 am (UTC)Like this, from when they've just landed on ch'Rihan: Taking it all in required a few moments -- not surprising, for what Jim was looking at was partly obscured by the fume and smoke of the Firefalls themselves, not two miles away, and the carnage that had already begun to impose itself on an already wild and inhospitable landscape. (pp. 379-380) The first 'already' is unnecessary and, in combination with the second, sounds very clunky.
It was mostly stupid little things like that -- they scream to me that Duane didn't have quite enough time to edit for flow and phrasing, or her editor and/or copy editor was overworked, or maybe both.