[Meme] blind questions about 10 random characters

[edenfalling]

Here is another iteration of the 'name ten characters and answer silly questions about them' meme, this one gacked from selenak.

Name 10 characters without looking at the questions, then answer for them. (Note: two questions require some basic familiarity with Doctor Who and House, respectively, but nothing particularly detailed.)

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Characters:

1. Zuko (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
2. Nyota Uhura (Star Trek: AOS)
3. Sokka (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
4. Caine aka Hari Michaelson (The Acts of Caine series, by Matthew Stover)
5. Belial (Angel Sanctuary)
6. Izanami (Lucifer)
7. Lucifer (Angel Sanctuary)
8. Lady Taranis (Seaward, by Susan Cooper)
9. Joisan (The Crystal Gryphon trilogy, by Andre Norton)
10. Umino Iruka (Naruto)

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Questions:

--If 1 (Zuko) and 7 (Lucifer) had a baby and it was born with superpowers, what would they be? And how would the parents cope?

Um. First of all, they're both male. But let's assume somebody in one of heaven's research labs gets creative and whips up a test tube baby. (Actually, I could very easily see this happening, if we allow the Avatar world to either be substituted for the Earth of Angel Sanctuary, or be a subsidiary creation God had running as a side program that nobody discovered until after the third holy war ended.) The baby will obviously be a firebender. Lucifer is amused but will not take any responsibility, beyond breaking the baby out of the mad scientist's lab and dropping it off in the Fire Nation with an explanatory note (and/or a personal appearance complete with intimidating wings, to make sure Zuko believes him). Zuko then has to do some very fast talking to explain the situation to Mai, but I expect Aang will back him up, so he suddenly has a child to raise.

I think the kid, being technically a bastard, is not in the line of succession, which could possibly cause some problems later on since I think he or she will be a very powerful bender (and might also have some more esoteric astral powers, like the ability to create portals), but if Zuko and friends do their job right, the kid will be a great right hand for his or her little sibling who eventually inherits the throne. Lucifer may pop in now and then, but I don't think he'd stick around. Since the Avatar world considers him a resident of the spirit world and therefore dangerous and unpredictable -- kind of like Koh the Face-Stealer -- I think Zuko is happy not to have to deal with his genetic co-parent.


--If 3 (Sokka) gave 9 (Joisan) a hippopotamus, what would happen next?

Clearly Sokka has fallen through a Gate into the Witch World, is fascinated by non-hybrid animals, and has been collecting something of a menagerie as he travels in search of the adepts at Kar Garudwyn, whom he has been told might be able to send him home. He gives Joisan the hippopotamus because she's pregnant with her second child at the time (names escape me and I do not have a copy of Songsmith to hand for reference) and he's heard that hippopotami are symbols of fertility. Joisan is somewhat taken aback, but she assures herself it's meant as an honor and tries to figure out what to do with a water animal up in a mountain fortress. Probably it ends up down in the valley scaring all the horses. *grin* And then Kerovan comes home from dealing with a minor incursion of the Dark and is ten kinds of bemused at what's happened while he was away.

Sokka's reaction to Kerovan and Sylvya (who have some goat and bird physical characteristics, respectively) is along the lines of, "Huh, so in this world all the animals are separate, but the people get mixed up with them? Weird! Wait, does that mean if I stay here I'm going to end up with wings or a tail or something? Ack!" Whereupon Sylvya and Joisan laugh themselves sick, and Kerovan tries very hard not to be offended, until Sokka assures him that seriously, having a tail would be very cool, he's always kind of envied Appa and Momo for having them, and does Kerovan know how long it takes to get animal parts? He is mildly disappointed to learn he will remain perfectly normal no matter how long he stays in this world.

I have little idea what would happen in the rest of the story, but I am sure it would include a lot of wacky hijinks (courtesy of Sokka) and something to do with the balance in both the Avatar world and the Witch World being out of whack -- maybe Ozai made a bargain with evil powers from the Witch World, and Sokka has to help the people of Kar Garudwyn fix things. Also, perhaps Sokka learns that while he can't bend the elements, he can use some of the magic of the Witch World, and he brings that back home and Aang is all, "Hey, that's kind of like spiritbending, only upside-down and sideways," and Sokka tries to work it out scientifically and then teach people. Or maybe it only works for him, because he can pray to Yue and she answers because she still loves him. I dunno, there are lots of options.


--If you had to send two of these characters on a blind date, who would you send, and how would it go?

Are we trying to create a functional relationship or just go for maximum entertainment to anyone watching said blind date? If the latter, then Belial with either Zuko or Sokka. Both boys freak out so marvelously, and Belial's main goal in life (besides the war with heaven) is upsetting people's expectations and indulging in schadenfreude. There is a possibility that after the yelling (and explosions, if Zuko is involved... actually, maybe even if Sokka is involved; he had that gunpowder equivalent at the Fire Shrine after all), Belial would decide the boys are cute and adopt them as a project, sort of like se did with Kurai after the whole 'bride of Lucifer' thing fell through. That would, of course, lead to more flailing and explosions. (...I would kind of love to see both of these blind dates, followed by Belial setting Sokka and Zuko up with each other, for yet more explosions, and maybe some embarrassing confessions. Then, of course, the boys would start plotting against Belial, but I don't think they'd get very far.)

If we are aiming for a functional relationship, I would have to say Iruka with either Joisan or Uhura, preferably before either lady became attached to her respective partner. Considering Joisan was betrothed very young and hung onto her attachment to Kerovan even when she had no reason to think he was alive (and she hadn't even met him yet!), I think Uhura is a better bet.

If we fuse Star Trek characters into Naruto, Uhura makes a kick-ass kunoichi, probably specializing in intelligence work. She and Iruka both know what they want out of life, and negotiate appropriate compromises to make space for a relationship. And probably she takes a desk job for a few years in her late twenties while she and Iruka have a couple kids, for whom Naruto becomes a crazy/cool uncle. Shortly after the youngest child reaches toddlerhood, Uhura returns to work and Iruka becomes primary caregiver. I think they are both happy with that. (This is easiest if they are both Leaf-nin. If the Star Trek characters are from a small but allied village -- which is more likely, I think -- it would be trickier since both Iruka and Uhura would have classified things they couldn't talk about to each other, and they'd have to negotiate which village to live in. I think they'd end up based out of Konoha, with the kids raised as Leaf-nin, and Uhura would switch to diplomatic work instead of intelligence as she got older, but that would probably be the source of several arguments over the years.)

If we fuse Naruto characters into Star Trek, Iruka is... hmm, maybe a primary school teacher, in which case I think while he and Uhura date for a few months and enjoy each other's company, they break up due to incompatible career paths. They remain good friends, though. Or maybe he goes into social work, mentoring troubled youth... but that leads to the same result. I cannot really get Iruka into space, not until the time of TNG when children become enough of a presence aboard starships to need caretakers.

Or wait, maybe Iruka is so bitter about his parents' deaths in a Klingon attack on their colony planet that he joins Starfleet initially out of revenge. In that case, he meets Uhura while they're both at Starfleet Academy; they date for a few months and break up angrily rather than amicably. Several years later, Iruka is left in charge of a little refugee kid (Naruto) after some colony planet disaster, and keeps in touch with him after Naruto gets placed into foster care; this gradually mellows Iruka out. After a while, he remembers Uhura, feels ashamed, and gets back in touch with her. She tells him about Spock and the crazy adventures of the Enterprise. In return, Iruka tells her about some of his fellow crewmembers on the Hidden Leaf, like Anko, the crazy engineer who seems to have a crush on him, and Kakashi, the enigmatic weapons officer who seems to have made it his mission in life to drive Iruka insane. Iruka and Uhura become long-distance friends, and he persuades her to show Naruto's class around the Enterprise one day, which results in the kids getting mixed up in some wacky hijinks and helping save the day.

...Clearly, I think about these things way too hard.


--Which Doctor would be most likely to take on 2 (Nyota Uhura) and 6 (Izanami) as companions? How would that go?

Um. I don't think One or Two would choose them, and I doubt they'd put up with Three, Four, Six, or Ten. They'd walk all over Five, so he'd probably avoid choosing them as well. That leaves Seven, who might enjoy the challenge briefly (before Uhura and Izanami got fed up with him and left), or Eight or Nine. As I have trouble working either Uhura or Izanami into the Doctor Who universe -- they depend too much on world-building that contradicts various aspects of the show's mythos -- and Nine no longer has access to alternate universes, I think we're left with Eight. He picks Uhura up during a brief school break during her years at Starfleet Academy, promising her the chance to hear languages nobody else in her era and universe will ever get to hear. She gets very cozy with the TARDIS and learns to manipulate the telepathic translation circuits better than the Doctor can, and learns that if you think around corners, there really is no such thing as a no-win scenario. (There is also, generally, no such thing as a no-cost scenario; she learns that too.)

After Eight and Uhura travel together for a few months, they jump universes to shake some particularly persistent alien menace off their trail, and discover that the TARDIS can't fly or get back into the Vortex from Izanami's hellish desert world; their only chance is to reach Izanami's house and get her to alter the rules. The Doctor is amused by the deadly riddle game, but Uhura is having none of it. They jointly finesse or knock down all the challenges Izanami throws in their path, impressing her so much she leaves her children as temporary caretakers of her house and its stolen dreamers and travels outside the bounds of her universe. Centuries later, she draws on what she learns from watching the Doctor in order to more successfully play Adversary to Elaine, figuring that while tradition is the aim, misdirection, unpredictability, and whimsy are useful now and then. Meanwhile, Uhura sometimes wonders how the Doctor would fit in on the Enterprise, and whether his ego is bigger than Kirk's; this induces gales of laughter she carefully bites back, so only Spock knows something is up.


--What is 4's (Caine's) secret shame?

I don't think he has any by this point.


--5 (Belial) comes down with a mysterious disease and is sent to Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital for diagnosis. What happens?

Chaos, obviously! Also a lot of sexual confusion, as they try to define Belial's gender and whether it has anything to do with hir disease. Belial occasionally slips out of hir room and plays 'angel of death' or 'angel of mercy' around other patients, which draws hordes of reporters to the hospital and drives Cuddy mad trying to deal with the media and House's snarking.

(I don't even watch House; how is it I am able to concoct this general scenario anyway? Stupid fannish internet osmosis. *grumbles*)


--If 10 (Umino Iruka) has to throw 8 (Lady Taranis) a birthday party and invite all the others, where would the party be held? What would be the decorations, refreshments, games, and/or party favors? Would it be a birthday 8 (Lady Taranis) would remember fondly?

You cannot throw Death a birthday party. But if anyone would try, I suppose Iruka might; he's that nice a person, and as a ninja, he is intimately familiar with death and dying. As for the other guests, maybe Taranis gets to pick her own guest list, and randomly pulls a bunch of living people/beings in hopes that they will act amusingly, and that some might agree to come to her country and keep her company when she returns home. Weirdly, though, everyone she pulls has the mystic/psychic ability to recognize her, or is familiar enough with weird shit (Uhura, Zuko, and Sokka) that they know something is fishy about the woman with white hair. But most of them are also familiar with death, and many come from worlds where death is not an absolute end, so I think they would not be scared of her, and Taranis would leave the party oddly charmed and would show her gentle face to the worlds for a time.


--For what are 3 (Sokka) and 4 (Caine) most likely to get arrested together?

Mouthing off to authority and/or starting a brawl, probably.

Hmm. Now I am trying to figure out how to make their respective worlds play nice with each other. Either the Avatar world is the continents in the other hemisphere of Overworld (which seems unlikely, as the spiritual setups are very different), or someone on Overworld opens a dil T'llan to a new world and Ma'elKoth prods Caine into investigating, or scientists on Earth find a new harmonic parallel and try to set up the Studio system there since Overworld has become more trouble than it's worth and Caine goes to fuck up their plans. I like the third option.

Let's say the Studio found the Avatar world at the tail end of Azulon's reign and wants to keep the war going; they are understandably taken aback when Aang wakes up. The resulting scramble attracts the attention of Overworld spies on Earth (I am sure they will establish spies eventually, since Delian is not stupid) and Caine either forces his way to the new world via a dil T'llan or by way of causing incidental chaos on Earth while commandeering a transfer facility. Anyway, he decides (on a whim, or to have a nice story to tell Faith, or because some Fire Nation soldiers have pissed him off) to support the Water Tribes and the Earth Kingdom in their fight against the Fire Nation, and he runs into Sokka while the Gaang are undercover in the Fire Nation. Maybe he catches Sokka and Toph running con games again?

Anyway, they are in a bar, and words are said and then heads are smashed into tables, and eventually some firebending city guards show up (or the local home guard military detachment?) and Caine and Sokka figure surrendering for the moment is smarter than fighting until unconsciousness. They wind up sharing a holding cell. Caine is impressed by Sokka's ingenuity, Sokka is both impressed and horrified by Caine's violence, and this is the beginning of... well, a lot of complications. *grin* This only works if you take a more realistic attitude toward the Avatar plotline than a children's show generally allows for, but there's enough underlying darkness in the premise that that wouldn't be too hard.


--Describe 2's (Nyota Uhura's) childhood imaginary friend.

Clearly a talking hippopotamus! (Really, I have no idea, but childhood imaginary friends rarely make much sense to anyone other than the people who invent them. *pause* Actually, I rather like the hippopotamus idea, and may kidnap it for use in "The Light in Your Eyes," which, btw, I am still working on.)


--Which of the others is 7 (Lucifer) most likely to choose to take to a deserted island for a year? How does that person feel about being chosen?

There is no way Lucifer would be stuck on an island for a year unless he wanted to be stuck there, and he's pretty good at survival skills (it comes of millennia of experience and way too much power), so his choice would be based entirely on how he gets along with the other person. He is used to Belial, annoying though se is. I think Uhura might remind him of Alexiel. Joisan might remind him of Sara and/or Jibril. He could talk shop with Izanami, but I think they'd bore each other after a while. I think he would be uninterested in Iruka, annoyed by Caine, and wary of Taranis. Sokka and Zuko might remind him of Setsuna in various ways, but I think he'd find either of them too annoying to deal with for a whole year.

Belial would be flattered, of course, and would waver between reverence and teasing/taunting over-familiarity. Uhura would be extremely unimpressed and keep her distance, until the isolation got to her; she is a people person, no matter how self-contained she seems. Joisan would be surprised, put out, and worried about getting home and how Kerovan (and her children) would be dealing without her; she also might well notice things about Lucifer he'd prefer to keep secret or private, and try to make him feel better and be a better person.

I think he'd be most comfortable with Belial, but that's just from sheer familiarity, and I think he might want to use a year's worth of vacation to do something new. So he'd probably go with Uhura or Joisan in the end.


--9 (Joisan) and 6 (Izanami) have just been recruited to work for a secret organization. What kind of secret organization is it? Do they do their best work, or subvert the organization from the inside?

I am trying to think of a secret organization that could possibly want such disparate people/beings from such disparate worlds as agents. I am failing, badly. The only way I can make this work is to go wildly AU and make Izanami into a Dark or borderline Dark adept in the Witch World, and have both her and Joisan recruited to a society that wants to reopen the Gates after their closing. Izanami is in favor of this; Joisan is opposed, but she's being blackmailed into it to save her family's lives. Possibly they get assigned as partners, and they bond a little over the trouble with raising headstrong children. They quickly realize each other's true allegiance, and each tries to recruit the other to her side, but neither will budge. Eventually they talk their bosses into assigning them on a long-term research mission to understand the nature of Gates; this will be useful both for opening and closing them, so both women are willing to put forth their best efforts and stop sabotaging each other.


--Suppose 10 (Umino Iruka) and 5 (Belial) have been pen pals for years; what happens when they finally meet?

*brain explodes from cognitive dissonance* Erm. Well, let's suppose that all of Naruto takes place in the rebuilt upper levels of hell, or in whatever new spiritual realm forms from the ruins where hell crashed into heaven. All the ninja are really the descendents of the Grigori, who were granted bodies without wings and whose astral powers now manifest as chakra. Belial, having ignored the new lands for generations while hell proper was rebuilding, is now curious and insinuates hirself into the ninja realm by writing to various people so as to gather information. Iruka thinks Belial is a wandering mystic with a strange sense of humor, who is willing to commiserate over difficult colleagues and the frustrations of dealing with children and teenagers.

Eventually Belial is intrigued by Iruka's apparent innocence and sincerity despite his profession, and decides to meet him in person. Wacky hijinks ensue, ending with explosions and maybe Iruka finally getting a date. (Look, I'm sorry, but the idea is inherently stupid and that's the best I can do.)


--If 8 (Lady Taranis) gives 1 (Zuko) a makeover, how will that go?

I cannot imagine her trying, nor can I imagine him accepting. If she did, though, it would probably be as part of a spell to trap him in his memories, so she would be reimposing his childhood appearance on him. And I cannot think that Zuko would react well at all. So, probably explosions, followed by angst.

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The lesson here, of course, is that it is much easier to create an interesting scenario than it is to attach a functional plot to said scenario, let alone sit down and write an actual story about it.