[Fic] "Trollstuck," part 4 -- Homestuck
Apr. 19th, 2012 12:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
edenfallingOkay, apparently fic after all. There is only so much lying around going "ow, my arm" that I can do before going stark raving bananas. So have an argument instead. In fact, have a long argument.
back to part 3
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Trollstuck, part 4
---------------------------------------------
====>Troll Karkat
-- gleefulGorgon [GG] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
GG: good aftermidnight mister vantas!
GG: how are you on this fine dark season night?
GG: at home drowning your melodramatic loneliness in equally melodramatic shitty romcoms??????
GG: signs point to yes!
CG: OH GOG NO.
CG: NOT YOU. ANYONE BUT YOU.
GG: :DDDDDD
CG: FUCK YOU AND THE BARKBEAST YOU RODE IN ON.
CG: FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I AM BUSY CODING AWESOME AND DEADLY VIRUSES. ONE OF WHICH I WILL SHORTLY SEND TO YOU, HIDDEN AMONG NORMAL DATA PACKETS, WHERE IT WILL STEALTHILY EXECUTE AND BLOW UP YOUR COMPUTER SO THAT I WILL HAVE A SWEET, SWEET RESPITE FROM YOUR GANGRENOUS TYPING.
GG: no you wont your viruses never work right
GG: leave that to sollux
GG: he actually has a functioning thinkpan :)
CG: ...
CG: I WILL LET THAT STATEMENT SIT THERE AS ITS OWN SELF-EVIDENT ILLUSTRATION OF YOUR BLITHERING VAPIDITY.
GG: well okay HALF the time he does
GG: which is still more than you! ;)
CG: AT LEAST I HAVE THE SENSE NOT TO DELIBERATELY BURY MY HIVE IN A TANGLE OF CARNIVOROUS PLANTS.
CG: REMIND ME HOW MANY TIMES YOUR LUSUS HAS HAD TO RESCUE YOU FROM BEING DRAGGED OUT THROUGH A WINDOW, BURNED ALIVE BY THE MIDDAY SUN, AND DEVOURED BY YOUR OWN GARDEN.
CG: OH WAIT, DON'T BOTHER, BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE
CG: EVERY
CG: FUCKING
CG: WEEK.
GG: dont you trash talk my garden!
GG: its a beautiful garden!
GG: the plants are just being enthusiastic
CG: ENTHUSIASTIC FOR YOUR BLOOD.
CG: BUT SERIOUSLY, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING TO ME? I THOUGHT YOU PROMISED YOUR CATGIRL FRIEND THAT WE'D TRY NOT TO FIGHT SO OFTEN.
CG: WAIT.
CG: IS THIS YOUR ROBOT?
CG: THIS HAD FUCKING BETTER NOT BE YOUR ROBOT.
CG: DON'T THINK I WON'T LOGIC BOMB IT AGAIN.
GG: you only did that because youre too scared to leave your hive and fight me like a real troll
GG: scaredycrab!!!!!!
GG: and no this is not my robot!
CG: I AM NOT SCARED OF TRAVELING. IT'S JUST THAT SOME OF US AREN'T HIGH ENOUGH ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM TO AFFORD ANY FRIVOLOUS LUXURY TECHNOLOGY.
GG: my poor robot is STILL BROKEN you fuckass and nepeta hasnt talked her weirdo moirail into making me a new one
GG: which is a big part of my problem tonight
CG: YOU COULD HAVE FOOLED ME. YOU GET INCREDIBLY STUPID WHEN YOU'RE ASLEEP.
CG: THEN AGAIN, YOU ALWAYS SOUND INCREDIBLY STUPID.
GG: if i had my robot id have recordings of my dreams and then i might not have fucked up and accidentally made them start coming true instead of stopping them
GG: and now jothans going to tell vriska
GG: and vriskas going to use sollux to kill aradia
CG: WAIT.
CG: WHAT?
GG: and i cant reach him because hes got a migraine and hes trying to sleep it off
GG: and i cant reach her because shes not home and i dont know what shes done with her laptop
GG: and now aradias going to die and tavros is probably going to get culled
CG: WHAT?
GG: and okay that part wasnt my fault
GG: i dont even play flarp its stupid and dumb
GG: but aradia dying totally is my fault and i dont know how to stop it
GG: this is the worst night of my life
GG: and i hate myself
CG: SLOW DOWN, IDIOT.
GG: but i hate you more
GG: and if i had my fucking robot, you fuckass, this wouldnt be a problem
GG: so really its all YOUR fault
GG: and im going to take my rocketsled to your hive and fucking smash your face up into your thinkpan
CG: JARLIA, SLOW DOWN.
GG: and lick your stupid hemononymous blood off my claws
GG: and then
GG: i
GG: will
GG: fucking
GG: LAUGH!!!!!!
CG: I SAID SLOW DOWN!
CG: YOU FUCKING NOOK-SNIFFING DOUCHEWAFFLE!
GG: i resent that
GG: im not a douchewaffle
GG: and hmm, have you been talking to jothan again?
GG: that sounds like something hed say
GG: what is a waffle anyway? is it some blueblood thing?
GG: but seriously! bad karcrab, stop red flirting with that guy!
GG: youre going to make nepeta sad!
CG: FIRST OF ALL, WHO I DO AND DON'T TALK TO IS ENTIRELY MY OWN CHOICE AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BIZARRE ROMANTIC FANTASIES OF AN AUTISTIC CATGIRL WHO LIVES IN A FUCKING CAVE AND THINKS YOUR FIXATION ON TROLLEATING PLANTS IS A-PURR-ABLE
CG: OR WHATEVER HORRIBLE PUN IS APPROPRIATE IN THIS SITUATION.
GG: hey! dont make fun of nepeta
CG: SECOND OF ALL, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, VRISKA'S GOING TO USE SOLLUX TO KILL ARADIA?
CG: I KNOW SHE'S A HUGE BITCH, BUT DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S A LITTLE OVERBOARD EVEN FOR HER?
GG: yes but you see, aradia sent ghosts to make her feel guilty about what she did to tavros
GG: and then i dreamed that she was going to kill aradia
GG: and i tried to be sneaky and get jothan to distract her
CG: THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM. YOU FUCKING FAIL AT STEALTH FOREVER.
GG: but he figured me out and
GG: hey! rude!!!!!!
CG: TRUTH ISN'T RUDE.
GG: oh yeah?
GG: try this!
GG: you are a pathetic social recluse who is even worse than ERIDAN at actual real life romance
GG: at least he and feferi and alonde have a stable ashen trio going now!
GG: you cant even tell nepeta yes or no
GG: let alone terezi
CG: SHUT UP.
GG: because youre too scared to let anyone in but youre too scared to tell them no either
CG: SERIOUSLY, SHUT UP.
GG: because then you might find out that troll serendipity will NEVER work for you
GG: and you will be alone forever
CG: FUCKING SHUT YOUR FUCKING CHITINOUS WINDHOLE, AGAION, OR I WILL STEAL ONE OF MY FUCKING NEIGHBORS' TRANSPORT MECHANISMS AND COME SHUT IT FOR YOU!
CG: FOR GOOD.
GG: id like to see you try :p
CG: YEAH WELL, YOU WON'T SEE ME COMING
CG: BECAUSE UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE, I CAN BE SNEAKIER THAN A PACK OF RABID BARKBEASTS CRASHING THROUGH THE FOREST ON THE TRAIL OF A WOUNDED GRUB.
GG: yeah well i have a crossbow
CG: DISTANCE WEAPONS ARE FOR HUNTING VERMIN AND ALIENS, NOT COMBAT.
CG: SCAREDY-PETAL.
GG: scaredypetal??????
GG: what is that even supposed to mean?
CG: SHUT UP, I WAS IN A HURRY.
GG: you fail at insulting nicknames forever
GG: scaredycrab!!!!!!
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: LIKE THAT EVEN MATTERS.
CG: WHICH OF US JUST SET OFF A CHAIN REACTION THAT'S GOING TO END WITH A FRIEND'S HORRIBLE GORY DEATH?
CG: HMMM?
CG: OH RIGHT, NOT ME.
GG: :(
GG: do you even care that aradias going to die or are you just going to use it to score points against me?
CG: OF COURSE I CARE!
CG: WHAT KIND OF FUCKING SELF-CENTERED ROT-PANNED BULGE-REEKING ASSHOLE DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?
CG: NO, WAIT
GG: do you really want me to answer that?
CG: DON'T ANSWER THAT.
CG: BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?
CG: I'D TALK TO SOLLUX BUT YOU ALREADY SAID THAT WON'T WORK.
CG: AND THERE'S NO WAY VRISKA WOULD LISTEN TO ME ANY MORE THAN SHE WOULD TO YOU.
GG: buuuuuut, maybe you could make jothan realize this isnt like one of his pranks?
GG: and that you cant just laugh and say sorry when somebody dies?
GG: he doesnt even care that aradia wont know vriskas plan so it wont be a fair fight!
CG: WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, HIS MOIRAIL?
CG: THAT FUCKHEAD DOES WHAT HE WANTS WHEN HE WANTS, JUST LIKE HIS SPIDERBITCH FRIEND.
CG: I BET HE THINKS ITS FAIR BECAUSE TECHNICALLY ARADIA STRUCK FIRST, WITH HER GHOSTS, SO SHE SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED VRISKA TO RETALIATE.
GG: but aradia warned vriska first!
CG: THAT JUST MEANS SHE SPOILED THE PUNCHLINE TO HER JOKE.
CG: IT DOESN'T BIND VRISKA TO THE SAME RULES.
GG: death is not a joke!!!!!!
CG: I KNOW. BUT THAT'S HOW JOTHAN WILL SEE IT.
CG: JUST BECAUSE HE'S MY FRIEND DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S LIKE.
GG: fuck
GG: what am i supposed to do now?
CG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
CG: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I KEEP TELLING YOU YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
CG: LOOK. YOU HAVE THREE OPTIONS:
CG: ONE, GET SOMEBODY TO STOP VRISKA DIRECTLY.
CG: TWO, GET SOMEBODY TO MAKE JOTHAN STOP VRISKA.
CG: THREE, GET SOMEBODY TO FIND ARADIA AND EITHER TAKE HER AWAY OR DEFEND HER WHEN SOLLUX ARRIVES.
CG: THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.
GG: well obviously not
GG: rocket science is easy!
GG: people are hard
GG: thats why romance is interesting!
CG: I THINK THAT'S THE FIRST SENSIBLE THING I'VE SEEN YOU SAY IN FOUR PERIGEES.
CG: I GUESS STATISTICALLY SPEAKING IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN SOONER OR LATER.
GG: shut up, fuckass
GG: if youre such a master of troll interaction, tell me who to try for each of those options
CG: VRISKA DOESN'T LISTEN TO ANYONE EXCEPT SOMETIMES JOTHAN, OR KANAYA WHEN SHE WANTS TO PLAY AT BEING NICE. I DOUBT SHE'S FEELING NICE TONIGHT AND YOU ALREADY TRIED JOTHAN. SO THAT'S NOT LIKELY TO WORK.
CG: IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE JOTHAN'S MIND, THE ONLY PERSON I CAN THINK OF WHO MIGHT MANAGE IT IS ALONDE.
CG: AND I AM SO FUCKING NOT GOING TO TOUCH ALL THE REASONS WHY TALKING TO HER IS A TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, EXTREMELY INADVISABLE IDEA.
CG: BUT IF YOU WANT TO RISK IT, GO AHEAD.
GG: shes not that bad
GG: youre just being a scaredycrab again
CG: THIS IS ANOTHER FACET OF THE INSANITY THAT MANIFESTS ITSELF IN YOUR MURDEROUS HOUSEPLANTS, ISN'T IT?
CG: ANYWAY, I'D GO WITH OPTION THREE. FIND SOMEBODY TO SAVE ARADIA.
GG: ......
GG: ............
GG: ..................
GG: yeah about that
CG: HMMM?
GG: im pretty sure the only person who can reach her in time
GG: and also get away faster than sollux can fly and/or fight sollux without getting blown up
GG: is davven
CG: SO?
CG: LAST I KNEW HE WAS YOUR FRIEND AND DIDN'T HAVE ANY REASON TO DISLIKE ARADIA OR LIKE VRISKA.
GG: thats true but you see......
GG: hes always been the person i ask to help me change the future
GG: and he got so sick of me telling him to do things because of horrible futures
GG: which he didnt see happen
GG: that he said he was never going to listen to me again
GG: even though the reason those futures didnt happen is because he DID listen to me
GG: and if he hadnt listened terrible things would have happened to him and me and everybody else!
GG: like whats happening now
CG: YOUR SYNTAX IS GIVING ME A HEADACHE.
GG: well SORRY!
GG: its not my fault alternian wasnt designed with the right tenses for weird time shit
CG: DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE ABOUT YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSES?
GG: you look like scaredycrab gray hemononymous text on my computer screen :p
CG: DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE ABOUT YOUR INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND FIGURES OF SPEECH?
CG: DON'T ANSWER THAT.
CG: THE POINT, IF I PARSED YOUR SELF-PITYING DRIVEL CORRECTLY, IS THAT KRONOS WON'T HELP YOU BECAUSE YOU ABUSED HIS WILLINGNESS TO HUMOR YOU.
GG: if you want to be mean about it yeah
CG: TRUTH IS NOT MEAN.
CG: THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUS. GET SOMEBODY ELSE TO PERSUADE KRONOS TO INTERVENE ON ARADIA'S END
CG: WHILE YOU TALK TO ALONDE AND ASK HER TO INTERVENE ON JOTHAN AND VRISKA'S END.
CG: A NEWLY-HATCHED GRUB COULD FUCKING FIGURE THAT ONE OUT.
GG: asshole
CG: I WILL GRACIOUSLY INTERPRET THAT AS, "THANK YOU FOR SOLVING MY PROBLEM, KARKAT, BECAUSE I'M TOO MUCH OF A HYSTERICAL IDIOT WITH A POLLEN-ROTTED THINKPAN TO FIX MY OWN MISTAKES."
GG: whatever
GG: i dont have time to tell you all the ways youre so completely wrong about that
GG: but......
CG: BUT WHAT?
GG: this physically hurts to ask, but will you get terezi to talk to davven?
GG: while i talk to alonde?
GG: i know you hate talking to him, but shell listen to you and hell listen to her
CG: ...
GG: well?
GG: we dont have all night, fuckass!
GG: give me an answer so i know who to troll next
CG: OKAY. MUCH AS IT PAINS ME TO WORK WITH YOU FOR ANY REASON, I WILL EXPLAIN THE SITUATION TO TEREZI AND ASK HER TO DEAL WITH KRONOS.
CG: MEANWHILE, I HOPE ALONDE FEEDS YOU TO ONE OF HER PET SHADOW-WRAITHS.
CG: I WILL FIND HER INEVITABLE RECORDING OF THE EXPERIMENT, AND I WILL GORGE MYSELF SICK ON POPPED AND SALTED KERNELS WHILE I WATCH AND LAUGH AT YOUR PAINFUL, SICKENING CORRUPTION AND DEATH.
GG: ......
GG: youre still a fuckass and i still blame you for breaking my robot, but............
GG: thank you karkat
GG: <3<
-- gleefulGorgon [GG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
CG: WAIT, WHAT?
CG: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT AND RUN AWAY.
CG: WHO'S THE SCAREDY-BEAST NOW?
CG: I'LL TALK TO NEPETA ABOUT THE FUCKING ROBOT. TOMORROW. MAYBE.
CG: <3<
---------------
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Okay, big question time!
This is the end of chapter one. In chapter two, I am going to switch POV. Do you want to follow Alonde or Terezi? You will get to ride along with both of them eventually, but which plot thread do you want to see first?
---------------------------------------------
continue to part 5
I didn't mean for that chatlog to be quite so long, but once I got them started, Karkat and Jarlia just would not shut up. Which I suppose is better than the opposite problem of characters refusing to talk to each other or to me, but even so. Kind of frustrating, especially since they would not keep to the point either!
back to part 3
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Trollstuck, part 4
---------------------------------------------
====>Troll Karkat
-- gleefulGorgon [GG] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
GG: good aftermidnight mister vantas!
GG: how are you on this fine dark season night?
GG: at home drowning your melodramatic loneliness in equally melodramatic shitty romcoms??????
GG: signs point to yes!
CG: OH GOG NO.
CG: NOT YOU. ANYONE BUT YOU.
GG: :DDDDDD
CG: FUCK YOU AND THE BARKBEAST YOU RODE IN ON.
CG: FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I AM BUSY CODING AWESOME AND DEADLY VIRUSES. ONE OF WHICH I WILL SHORTLY SEND TO YOU, HIDDEN AMONG NORMAL DATA PACKETS, WHERE IT WILL STEALTHILY EXECUTE AND BLOW UP YOUR COMPUTER SO THAT I WILL HAVE A SWEET, SWEET RESPITE FROM YOUR GANGRENOUS TYPING.
GG: no you wont your viruses never work right
GG: leave that to sollux
GG: he actually has a functioning thinkpan :)
CG: ...
CG: I WILL LET THAT STATEMENT SIT THERE AS ITS OWN SELF-EVIDENT ILLUSTRATION OF YOUR BLITHERING VAPIDITY.
GG: well okay HALF the time he does
GG: which is still more than you! ;)
CG: AT LEAST I HAVE THE SENSE NOT TO DELIBERATELY BURY MY HIVE IN A TANGLE OF CARNIVOROUS PLANTS.
CG: REMIND ME HOW MANY TIMES YOUR LUSUS HAS HAD TO RESCUE YOU FROM BEING DRAGGED OUT THROUGH A WINDOW, BURNED ALIVE BY THE MIDDAY SUN, AND DEVOURED BY YOUR OWN GARDEN.
CG: OH WAIT, DON'T BOTHER, BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE
CG: EVERY
CG: FUCKING
CG: WEEK.
GG: dont you trash talk my garden!
GG: its a beautiful garden!
GG: the plants are just being enthusiastic
CG: ENTHUSIASTIC FOR YOUR BLOOD.
CG: BUT SERIOUSLY, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING TO ME? I THOUGHT YOU PROMISED YOUR CATGIRL FRIEND THAT WE'D TRY NOT TO FIGHT SO OFTEN.
CG: WAIT.
CG: IS THIS YOUR ROBOT?
CG: THIS HAD FUCKING BETTER NOT BE YOUR ROBOT.
CG: DON'T THINK I WON'T LOGIC BOMB IT AGAIN.
GG: you only did that because youre too scared to leave your hive and fight me like a real troll
GG: scaredycrab!!!!!!
GG: and no this is not my robot!
CG: I AM NOT SCARED OF TRAVELING. IT'S JUST THAT SOME OF US AREN'T HIGH ENOUGH ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM TO AFFORD ANY FRIVOLOUS LUXURY TECHNOLOGY.
GG: my poor robot is STILL BROKEN you fuckass and nepeta hasnt talked her weirdo moirail into making me a new one
GG: which is a big part of my problem tonight
CG: YOU COULD HAVE FOOLED ME. YOU GET INCREDIBLY STUPID WHEN YOU'RE ASLEEP.
CG: THEN AGAIN, YOU ALWAYS SOUND INCREDIBLY STUPID.
GG: if i had my robot id have recordings of my dreams and then i might not have fucked up and accidentally made them start coming true instead of stopping them
GG: and now jothans going to tell vriska
GG: and vriskas going to use sollux to kill aradia
CG: WAIT.
CG: WHAT?
GG: and i cant reach him because hes got a migraine and hes trying to sleep it off
GG: and i cant reach her because shes not home and i dont know what shes done with her laptop
GG: and now aradias going to die and tavros is probably going to get culled
CG: WHAT?
GG: and okay that part wasnt my fault
GG: i dont even play flarp its stupid and dumb
GG: but aradia dying totally is my fault and i dont know how to stop it
GG: this is the worst night of my life
GG: and i hate myself
CG: SLOW DOWN, IDIOT.
GG: but i hate you more
GG: and if i had my fucking robot, you fuckass, this wouldnt be a problem
GG: so really its all YOUR fault
GG: and im going to take my rocketsled to your hive and fucking smash your face up into your thinkpan
CG: JARLIA, SLOW DOWN.
GG: and lick your stupid hemononymous blood off my claws
GG: and then
GG: i
GG: will
GG: fucking
GG: LAUGH!!!!!!
CG: I SAID SLOW DOWN!
CG: YOU FUCKING NOOK-SNIFFING DOUCHEWAFFLE!
GG: i resent that
GG: im not a douchewaffle
GG: and hmm, have you been talking to jothan again?
GG: that sounds like something hed say
GG: what is a waffle anyway? is it some blueblood thing?
GG: but seriously! bad karcrab, stop red flirting with that guy!
GG: youre going to make nepeta sad!
CG: FIRST OF ALL, WHO I DO AND DON'T TALK TO IS ENTIRELY MY OWN CHOICE AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BIZARRE ROMANTIC FANTASIES OF AN AUTISTIC CATGIRL WHO LIVES IN A FUCKING CAVE AND THINKS YOUR FIXATION ON TROLLEATING PLANTS IS A-PURR-ABLE
CG: OR WHATEVER HORRIBLE PUN IS APPROPRIATE IN THIS SITUATION.
GG: hey! dont make fun of nepeta
CG: SECOND OF ALL, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, VRISKA'S GOING TO USE SOLLUX TO KILL ARADIA?
CG: I KNOW SHE'S A HUGE BITCH, BUT DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S A LITTLE OVERBOARD EVEN FOR HER?
GG: yes but you see, aradia sent ghosts to make her feel guilty about what she did to tavros
GG: and then i dreamed that she was going to kill aradia
GG: and i tried to be sneaky and get jothan to distract her
CG: THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM. YOU FUCKING FAIL AT STEALTH FOREVER.
GG: but he figured me out and
GG: hey! rude!!!!!!
CG: TRUTH ISN'T RUDE.
GG: oh yeah?
GG: try this!
GG: you are a pathetic social recluse who is even worse than ERIDAN at actual real life romance
GG: at least he and feferi and alonde have a stable ashen trio going now!
GG: you cant even tell nepeta yes or no
GG: let alone terezi
CG: SHUT UP.
GG: because youre too scared to let anyone in but youre too scared to tell them no either
CG: SERIOUSLY, SHUT UP.
GG: because then you might find out that troll serendipity will NEVER work for you
GG: and you will be alone forever
CG: FUCKING SHUT YOUR FUCKING CHITINOUS WINDHOLE, AGAION, OR I WILL STEAL ONE OF MY FUCKING NEIGHBORS' TRANSPORT MECHANISMS AND COME SHUT IT FOR YOU!
CG: FOR GOOD.
GG: id like to see you try :p
CG: YEAH WELL, YOU WON'T SEE ME COMING
CG: BECAUSE UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE, I CAN BE SNEAKIER THAN A PACK OF RABID BARKBEASTS CRASHING THROUGH THE FOREST ON THE TRAIL OF A WOUNDED GRUB.
GG: yeah well i have a crossbow
CG: DISTANCE WEAPONS ARE FOR HUNTING VERMIN AND ALIENS, NOT COMBAT.
CG: SCAREDY-PETAL.
GG: scaredypetal??????
GG: what is that even supposed to mean?
CG: SHUT UP, I WAS IN A HURRY.
GG: you fail at insulting nicknames forever
GG: scaredycrab!!!!!!
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: LIKE THAT EVEN MATTERS.
CG: WHICH OF US JUST SET OFF A CHAIN REACTION THAT'S GOING TO END WITH A FRIEND'S HORRIBLE GORY DEATH?
CG: HMMM?
CG: OH RIGHT, NOT ME.
GG: :(
GG: do you even care that aradias going to die or are you just going to use it to score points against me?
CG: OF COURSE I CARE!
CG: WHAT KIND OF FUCKING SELF-CENTERED ROT-PANNED BULGE-REEKING ASSHOLE DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?
CG: NO, WAIT
GG: do you really want me to answer that?
CG: DON'T ANSWER THAT.
CG: BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?
CG: I'D TALK TO SOLLUX BUT YOU ALREADY SAID THAT WON'T WORK.
CG: AND THERE'S NO WAY VRISKA WOULD LISTEN TO ME ANY MORE THAN SHE WOULD TO YOU.
GG: buuuuuut, maybe you could make jothan realize this isnt like one of his pranks?
GG: and that you cant just laugh and say sorry when somebody dies?
GG: he doesnt even care that aradia wont know vriskas plan so it wont be a fair fight!
CG: WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, HIS MOIRAIL?
CG: THAT FUCKHEAD DOES WHAT HE WANTS WHEN HE WANTS, JUST LIKE HIS SPIDERBITCH FRIEND.
CG: I BET HE THINKS ITS FAIR BECAUSE TECHNICALLY ARADIA STRUCK FIRST, WITH HER GHOSTS, SO SHE SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED VRISKA TO RETALIATE.
GG: but aradia warned vriska first!
CG: THAT JUST MEANS SHE SPOILED THE PUNCHLINE TO HER JOKE.
CG: IT DOESN'T BIND VRISKA TO THE SAME RULES.
GG: death is not a joke!!!!!!
CG: I KNOW. BUT THAT'S HOW JOTHAN WILL SEE IT.
CG: JUST BECAUSE HE'S MY FRIEND DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S LIKE.
GG: fuck
GG: what am i supposed to do now?
CG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
CG: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I KEEP TELLING YOU YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
CG: LOOK. YOU HAVE THREE OPTIONS:
CG: ONE, GET SOMEBODY TO STOP VRISKA DIRECTLY.
CG: TWO, GET SOMEBODY TO MAKE JOTHAN STOP VRISKA.
CG: THREE, GET SOMEBODY TO FIND ARADIA AND EITHER TAKE HER AWAY OR DEFEND HER WHEN SOLLUX ARRIVES.
CG: THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.
GG: well obviously not
GG: rocket science is easy!
GG: people are hard
GG: thats why romance is interesting!
CG: I THINK THAT'S THE FIRST SENSIBLE THING I'VE SEEN YOU SAY IN FOUR PERIGEES.
CG: I GUESS STATISTICALLY SPEAKING IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN SOONER OR LATER.
GG: shut up, fuckass
GG: if youre such a master of troll interaction, tell me who to try for each of those options
CG: VRISKA DOESN'T LISTEN TO ANYONE EXCEPT SOMETIMES JOTHAN, OR KANAYA WHEN SHE WANTS TO PLAY AT BEING NICE. I DOUBT SHE'S FEELING NICE TONIGHT AND YOU ALREADY TRIED JOTHAN. SO THAT'S NOT LIKELY TO WORK.
CG: IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE JOTHAN'S MIND, THE ONLY PERSON I CAN THINK OF WHO MIGHT MANAGE IT IS ALONDE.
CG: AND I AM SO FUCKING NOT GOING TO TOUCH ALL THE REASONS WHY TALKING TO HER IS A TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, EXTREMELY INADVISABLE IDEA.
CG: BUT IF YOU WANT TO RISK IT, GO AHEAD.
GG: shes not that bad
GG: youre just being a scaredycrab again
CG: THIS IS ANOTHER FACET OF THE INSANITY THAT MANIFESTS ITSELF IN YOUR MURDEROUS HOUSEPLANTS, ISN'T IT?
CG: ANYWAY, I'D GO WITH OPTION THREE. FIND SOMEBODY TO SAVE ARADIA.
GG: ......
GG: ............
GG: ..................
GG: yeah about that
CG: HMMM?
GG: im pretty sure the only person who can reach her in time
GG: and also get away faster than sollux can fly and/or fight sollux without getting blown up
GG: is davven
CG: SO?
CG: LAST I KNEW HE WAS YOUR FRIEND AND DIDN'T HAVE ANY REASON TO DISLIKE ARADIA OR LIKE VRISKA.
GG: thats true but you see......
GG: hes always been the person i ask to help me change the future
GG: and he got so sick of me telling him to do things because of horrible futures
GG: which he didnt see happen
GG: that he said he was never going to listen to me again
GG: even though the reason those futures didnt happen is because he DID listen to me
GG: and if he hadnt listened terrible things would have happened to him and me and everybody else!
GG: like whats happening now
CG: YOUR SYNTAX IS GIVING ME A HEADACHE.
GG: well SORRY!
GG: its not my fault alternian wasnt designed with the right tenses for weird time shit
CG: DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE ABOUT YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSES?
GG: you look like scaredycrab gray hemononymous text on my computer screen :p
CG: DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE ABOUT YOUR INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND FIGURES OF SPEECH?
CG: DON'T ANSWER THAT.
CG: THE POINT, IF I PARSED YOUR SELF-PITYING DRIVEL CORRECTLY, IS THAT KRONOS WON'T HELP YOU BECAUSE YOU ABUSED HIS WILLINGNESS TO HUMOR YOU.
GG: if you want to be mean about it yeah
CG: TRUTH IS NOT MEAN.
CG: THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUS. GET SOMEBODY ELSE TO PERSUADE KRONOS TO INTERVENE ON ARADIA'S END
CG: WHILE YOU TALK TO ALONDE AND ASK HER TO INTERVENE ON JOTHAN AND VRISKA'S END.
CG: A NEWLY-HATCHED GRUB COULD FUCKING FIGURE THAT ONE OUT.
GG: asshole
CG: I WILL GRACIOUSLY INTERPRET THAT AS, "THANK YOU FOR SOLVING MY PROBLEM, KARKAT, BECAUSE I'M TOO MUCH OF A HYSTERICAL IDIOT WITH A POLLEN-ROTTED THINKPAN TO FIX MY OWN MISTAKES."
GG: whatever
GG: i dont have time to tell you all the ways youre so completely wrong about that
GG: but......
CG: BUT WHAT?
GG: this physically hurts to ask, but will you get terezi to talk to davven?
GG: while i talk to alonde?
GG: i know you hate talking to him, but shell listen to you and hell listen to her
CG: ...
GG: well?
GG: we dont have all night, fuckass!
GG: give me an answer so i know who to troll next
CG: OKAY. MUCH AS IT PAINS ME TO WORK WITH YOU FOR ANY REASON, I WILL EXPLAIN THE SITUATION TO TEREZI AND ASK HER TO DEAL WITH KRONOS.
CG: MEANWHILE, I HOPE ALONDE FEEDS YOU TO ONE OF HER PET SHADOW-WRAITHS.
CG: I WILL FIND HER INEVITABLE RECORDING OF THE EXPERIMENT, AND I WILL GORGE MYSELF SICK ON POPPED AND SALTED KERNELS WHILE I WATCH AND LAUGH AT YOUR PAINFUL, SICKENING CORRUPTION AND DEATH.
GG: ......
GG: youre still a fuckass and i still blame you for breaking my robot, but............
GG: thank you karkat
GG: <3<
-- gleefulGorgon [GG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
CG: WAIT, WHAT?
CG: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT AND RUN AWAY.
CG: WHO'S THE SCAREDY-BEAST NOW?
CG: I'LL TALK TO NEPETA ABOUT THE FUCKING ROBOT. TOMORROW. MAYBE.
CG: <3<
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Okay, big question time!
This is the end of chapter one. In chapter two, I am going to switch POV. Do you want to follow Alonde or Terezi? You will get to ride along with both of them eventually, but which plot thread do you want to see first?
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continue to part 5
I didn't mean for that chatlog to be quite so long, but once I got them started, Karkat and Jarlia just would not shut up. Which I suppose is better than the opposite problem of characters refusing to talk to each other or to me, but even so. Kind of frustrating, especially since they would not keep to the point either!
