Homestuck shipping post, for Asuka
Jul. 10th, 2012 01:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
edenfallingFor ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
askerian, in response to her post on Homestuck shipping, because she said: XD Write it! though really if the answer is "what works the best/most convincingly at the time"... Your storytelling kinks/tropes/yesmoreplz buttons? I am two months late (which necessitated some revisions, to keep up with various revelations in the comic), but better late than never.
First off, let me explain my approach to shipping.
There are definitely some ships I like better than others, but I am willing to be at least superficially convinced of pretty much anything for the duration of a story. I ask two questions: "Do I like and/or find interesting the individual characters (or at least their portrayal in this fic)?" and "Has the writer put in the groundwork to convince me that the relationship makes sense in this story's particular situation?" If the answers to both questions are yes, we're good.
But. That's just about what I'm willing to read. What about what I like to read, to the point of seeking it out? That has a LOT more to do with characters and non-romantic plot elements than with shipping, though because shipping can be considered both an aspect of characterization and an aspect of plot, it is not a completely irrelevant consideration. So I am going to talk about ships for a while. :-)
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FAVORITE CHARACTERS
My favorite characters in Homestuck are as follows, in a roughly hierarchal ranking:
I like Dave Strider best. I don't know, I just love him, okay? I love his verbal adroitness, his utter inability to understand sports, his non-Earth-logic approach to irony (I really do not think that word means what he uses it to mean), his badassery with swords, his sense of humor, his occasionally displayed love of creepy dead things in jars, his tendency to hand out completely deadpan bullshit answers to any questions people ask, his Thing about his sunglasses, his dedication to his friends, etc. I love that he is an artist and a creator, even if he deliberately makes his art as bad as humanly possible most of the time. I love that he's a giant dickhead and he almost never breaks his pose of detachment even when his angst and care are neon obvious and the pose is beyond threadbare. I love that he's not-so-secretly a dork who wants to do things like go online just to tell his friend that he found some apple juice in his closet. I love the fucked-up relationship he has with his brother, which is based mostly on fighting and trying to freak each other out and never admitting anything, except it's obvious that they both love each other to death under all that.
I also freaking adore the potential of time travel as a story trope, especially since the Homestuck version deals with potential paradoxes by violently killing anyone who comes back to change the past after they've made the alteration.
So yeah. Dave's my favorite. But only by a little, because my second favorite is Terezi Pyrope, Queen of Badasses forever and always. She's like Daredevil if Daredevil were a teenage alien girl who smells and tastes colors instead of having sound-based radar. (But ten times more badass, seriously.) She wants to be a Legislacerator when she grows up, which is like a prosecutor in a justice system that doesn't have either a concept of innocent until proven guilty OR a concept of defense. Probably trolls also lack a concept of punishment that isn't the death penalty, given how culling-happy their society is in general. I think if the game hadn't intervened, she would have taken Alternia by storm.
I love Terezi because she is crazy and obsessive and has terrifying numbers of teeth; because she still cares about Vriska even though she knows exactly what Vriska is and what kind of damage she can do... and then kills her (former?) best friend anyway because Terezi can and will make the hard choices when necessary; because she manipulated both John and Dave into getting themselves killed but the former death turned out to actually be necessary for the timeline and she cried over the latter; because she believes in luck but knows it doesn't actually matter; because she makes terrible art by herself and with Dave and thinks it's the most hilarious thing in the world; because she has such obvious joy in life despite the things Alternia and the game have thrown at her; because she's fucking brilliant and doesn't put up with bullshit; because she cares about her friends and tries to keep their spirits up but that doesn't blunt her edges; because she grew up alone in a treehouse in a forest and decorates it with the hanged corpses of plush dragons; and because she's just flat-out awesome, amen, the end.
Also she can read your mind and know what decision you're going to make before you make it. *grin*
My third favorite is Karkat Vantas. When he first appears in the story, I think everyone's reaction is something along the lines of, "What a JERK!" I mean, he talks in permanent CAPSLOCK OF RAGE and while he is just as verbally adroit and given to extended metaphors as Dave, his word-smithing leans strongly toward profanity (in a weirdly technical and grammatically careful way) and gratuitous insults, and is aimed at characters the reader already likes, so. Not a good first impression. But after a while you realize that he yells because he cares and because he fails at people so he doesn't know how to interact in a more socially acceptable fashion. Also he hates himself more than anyone else ever could. (His arguments with his past and future selves are comedy gold, for serious.)
I love Karkat because he is one of the more self-aware characters in the series (when not getting carried away by transient fury) and rather than making him confident (as Terezi's self-knowledge does), that knowledge just makes him more awkward and increases his self-disgust. I love that he unironically and unashamedly loves romance and romantic comedies. I love that he wants to be a computer genius even though he sucks at it. I love that he can't shut up in social contexts unless he is literally holding his breath. I love how he puts up a front of self-importance and insists on being the leader of his game party, and then turns out to be the best (least hopelessly awful?) leader they could have chosen even though initially nobody really listens to him and they mock him all the way through for his transtimeline memos (seriously, comedy gold), because he cares. He cares about all of them, even the ones he doesn't like or thinks are creepy or is perpetually annoyed by, and I think he'd really try to die to save any one of them.
Also he manages to derail a terrifying chain reaction of murder and vengeance by insisting that Terezi and Kanaya stay out of it (and they trust him and listen!) and then hugging Gamzee back into sanity. How can you not love a guy who pulls that off?
My fourth favorite is a four-way tie between Jade Harley, John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, and Gamzee Makara. For very different reasons, obviously!
Jade and John both have a sort of determined sunny optimism, but I get the feeling that Jade's is more of a deliberate choice whereas John's is... either slightly more innate or a result of having less crud in his life prior to the game. I mean, Jade grew up alone on her island, her grandfather died while she was very young, she's known all her life that a dead version of her was stuffed and stashed in the equivalent of her attic, and yet she's open, cheerful, goofy, and friendly. She plays with her dog, she makes music (and sends it to Dave online! they remix each other's stuff! so cute!), she gardens, she tinkers with random nuclear science experiments in her bedroom, she would probably write furry fanfiction if she knew that was a thing, and she's just generally adorable.
She also has more of a temper than John. John's reaction to the trolls is to change his online handle, and to basically flat-out ignore Karkat being a dick or Vriska being herself. Jade doesn't hide; she bans them. (Ineffectively, but still.) And her reaction once in the game is to shout Karkat down and browbeat him into obeying a password system she sets up rather than go along with stupid transtemporal shenanigans, and to politely but firmly make Tavros stop being a giant creep when he's using Vriska as his template for what confidence looks like. Also, she hits Jack Noir on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and tells him he's a bad dog. Yeah, she has an advantage there because of the prototyping, but even so, that took stone cold guts and she didn't even blink.
(Two more notes. First, the goofy space-case is her dream self, not her waking self, and all dream selves are a little spacey. Yes, even Rose and Dave. When they first meet, their first reaction is to throw a dance party rather than do anything useful. Second, her narcolepsy? That was pretty much entirely Vriska's doing -- note how fast it vanishes once Vriska is focused on John instead.)
I like Jade. :-D
This is not to say that John's a wimp, by any means! He can be as big a dickhead as Dave, both on purpose (e.g. when he pretended to be Rose and trolled Kanaya) and by accident (mostly when he is oblivious to other people's emotions). But he lets things roll off him that Jade reacts to. Also I am weirdly fascinated by his obsession with Nicolas Cage, Matthew McConaughey, Armageddon, and other terrible movies and actors. I mean, what is even up with that??? I like some bad action movies, but that's because they're terrible, and therefore funny. He likes them straightforwardly, which I find baffling. Also bizarrely adorable. *hands* John's the kind of idiot everyman character who grows on you, you know? Plus he really does make other people into better versions of themselves, just by being honestly friendly and believing in them.
I always liked Rose, but fanfiction is what made me love her; in canon she comes off just a little too distant, I think. Epically badass, of course! This girl has no combat training whatsoever and yet kills a giant ogre by sticking knitting needles in its eyes and riding its corpse down a waterfall. EPIC. Also she writes terrible, overwrought wizard slash, uses pretension and psychology as a screen in an echo of the way Dave uses "irony" and verbal deflection, loves and misses her dead pet cat, wants so badly to connect with her mother (underneath the passive-aggressive front she puts up to the world and to herself), realizes the game is a setup and tries to break it, has a tentacle fetish, can be overconfident in her intelligence to the point of hubris, and is self-aware enough to realize how ridiculous she's being at times and mock herself for it.
All four of the beta kids have such a wonderful, tight friendship that includes sincere gestures of affection, enough trust to let insults and mockery fly without fear that they'll damage their bonds, and a willingness to kill and die for each other. There are not words for how much I love that.
Gamzee, though... Oh, Gamzee. He is a terrible, terrible person. He is so fucked up, first by drugs and later by withdrawal, a religious crisis, and his own psychological issues that the drugs were covering up. He's creepy, he's a murderer, he's completely nuts... and I love him anyway. I don't even know why. Well, okay, mostly I love him because he and Karkat have the most epic and wonderful pale romance ever, but while that was my entry point to caring about him, I have since come to appreciate his general failure at life, his squirm-inducing combination of hilarity and terrifying creepiness, and the way I never have any damn idea where he'll turn up next or what he'll be doing. He's the wild card character and it shows. Oh god does it ever show.
My fifth favorite is Aradia Megido. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the time travel thing. Maybe it's that same determined optimism I like in Jade, at least after her resurrection. I am deeply impressed by her equanimity in dealing with her constant changes in status from adorable living girl (that fedora!) to emotionless ghost to angry and depressed robot to fiercely cheerful goddess. Basically I just really like her. Also she's a telekinetic Indiana Jones cosplayer. How awesome is that?
My sixth favorite is another tie, this time between three of the alpha kids: Dirk Strider, Jane Crocker, and Roxy Lalonde. (Sorry, Jake!) I like Dirk because he actually is cool in ways Dave doesn't quite manage -- perhaps because he knows he's also a dork and is unashamed of his doofiness. I like that his solution to crushing loneliness was to build robots and essentially duplicate his brain in a computer program, and to go flat affect in his emotional reactions. I am ambivalent about the way he tries to manipulate everything, but I have a feeling that's going to spiral out of control and bite him sooner or later, no matter how precisely he and the Auto-Responder can calculate probabilities, and I want to see how he'll react to that kind of massive setback.
I like Jane because she's a genuinely normal girl -- even more normal than John, I think -- who reacts with skepticism to her friends' bizarre claims, because that's the reaction real people would actually have. And yet when things start going haywire, she sets aside her preconceived worldview and rolls with the weirdness. She is realistically awkward about her crush and screws up talking to Jake because that's what people do sometimes -- no plot shenanigans required. Also, she cares deeply about her friends even when she thinks they're nuts, she's cheerful, she's adventurous, she's resourceful, and she's just a sweetheart overall.
I like Roxy because she is so lonely, and yet working so hard to be upbeat despite that. She's a freaking genius with computers, she's kind of flailing around in her personal life (alcohol, mother issues) and interpersonal relationships (trying to prod Jane into credulity and talking to Jake, poking at Dirk over his crush and his own awkward interactions with the Auto-Responder, etc.), she spent her childhood trying to help her carapace neighbors with apparently no expectation of reciprocity (and tried to save them from the Red Miles, too!), and she's just an adorable mess. I want to give her a hug so badly.
After that I like Sollux, Vriska, Kanaya, and Jake (at least in the sense of being interested in reading about them), then various of the troll Ancestors (mostly the Sufferer's crew and Redglare), and then everyone else. Feferi is cute but I am not hugely grabbed by her as a solo character. Nepeta and Equius are adorable together, but he's creepy in the bad way on his own and she's often written a little saccharine for my taste. Eridan is an entitled Nice Guy douchebag of massive proportions (okay, except sometimes in AUs). And Tavros just bores me. I don't know why -- he's a sweetheart, he has more backbone than a lot of people give him credit for, and there's certainly no reason to dislike him -- but he just... slides right out of my head. If I read fic about him it's almost always for the other characters involved or for the overarching scenario.
I am less interested in the carapaces, though if you know a source of good PM genfic I am so there, and Prospit and Derse are kind of interesting from a world-building perspective. I have no interest whatsoever in reading about the Felt or Doc Scratch -- the Felt because they are stupid and boring, and Doc Scratch because he's an insufferable creep and why would I inflict more of that on myself than absolutely necessary? I am generally uninterested in uu for similar reasons, but Calliope is a different story; she's adorable and if I have to put up with her brother to read about her, I am willing.
So that's the people. Logically, I prefer to read stories about characters I like instead of stories about characters I am somewhat indifferent to, so ships that include my favorites are automatically going to appeal to me more than ones without them... unless something about the interaction of a particular subset of my favorites puts me off, or something about the interaction of my not-so-favorites grabs me. Like for example, Gamzee and Dave as moirails makes no fucking sense, and would also break up Gamzee and Karkat, so I would need a LOT of convincing to read that and would never seek it out. Whereas, say the Helmsman and the Condesce can be interestingly screwed up in any quadrant, so I might well click on a story about them out of curiosity.
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QUADRANTS
Hmm. I should probably take a moment to mention Homestuck's shipping dynamics, shouldn't I? In other words, quadrant time! Basically trolls recognize four types of romantic relationships: moirallegiance (pale -- non-sexual, positive feelings, <> symbol), matespritship (red/flushed -- sexual, positive feelings, <3 symbol), kismesissitude (black/caliginous -- sexual, negative feelings, <3< symbol), and auspisticism (ashen -- non-sexual, negative feelings, c3< symbol). They also don't really believe in friendship as an everyday normal thing. This leads to all kinds of interesting disconnects when dealing with humanity's much less codified notions of friendship and love, particularly since trolls value pity as the most positive emotion. Also gender and physical sex are completely divorced from troll reproduction (I guess the closest Earth analogy is that they're all reproductive males and the mother grubs are the only reproductive females?) which again causes interesting disconnects when set against human biology and modern Western culture's notions of heterosexuality, homosexuality, etc.
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MY FAVORITE HOMESTUCK SHIP
Anyway. Given that I like Dave, Terezi, and Karkat best, and that all three of them bounce off each other in fun ways, and that there is canon justification for Terezi being attracted to both of them, for Karkat being attracted to Terezi, for Dave... well, I dunno if he likes her romantically/sexually or just as an awesome friend, but he definitely thinks she's freaking awesome, and for Dave and Karkat to at least react to each other rather than being indifferent, you can probably guess that they are collectively my favorite ship. DAVE/TEREZI/KARKAT ftw! *grin* In pretty much any combination. You want them all three together having sex? Sure! You want Dave<>Terezi and Terezi<3Karkat (or <3<Karkat)? Sure! Dave<3Terezi and Terezi<3<Karkat? Great! Dave<>Terezi (or<3Terezi) and Dave<3<Karkat? That's great too! About the only thing I won't believe is Dave<3<Terezi. Yes, even though she killed John in an alternate timeline. (And obviously Terezi<>Karkat is a no go, because Gamzeeeeee, my baby, I refuse to believe Karkat would ever cheat on him. So there.)
Right. I will try to be at least a little more organized from now on and borrow Asuka's one-character-at-a-time analysis pattern. *grin* Though I will be listing pretty much everything and discussing it, whether I actively ship it or not, because I am an obsessive completist like that.
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DAVE SHIPS
Dave/Karkat: yeah sure, I can go for that. I believe them a bit more as kismeses than as matesprits, because Dave's a dickhead and enjoys putting Karkat's back up way too much, and Karkat finds Dave incredibly frustrating and baffling, but I think if they could get past that stuff (which can be either more or less superficial depending on character interpretation), they could also meet on a less antagonistic and more supportive level, because they do have a lot in common when it comes to their willingness to do pretty much anything to save their friends and their own sense of always falling short and never measuring up to their ideal of a true knight. Also, their conversations are pure gold; they both play with language so beautifully in their own unique and horrifying ways. *pets them*
*Dave/Terezi: yes please DO WANT! They are pure awesome separately and together, they really get each other's sense of humor, they are willing to listen and sympathize with each other's problems (after a certain amount of verbal posturing, because they are almost always verbally playing with each other), they work together seamlessly to navigate the stable time loops of the beta kids' game session, and basically I love how they just click on so many levels. Flushed or pale, I don't care as long as their connection is there somehow.
*Dave/Jade: yes please DO WANT! Slightly less with the epic badass awesome and more with the epic badass cute. *grin* I dunno, I just really like how they bounce off each other. Like I said above, they send music to each other and make remixes together! Jade genuinely thinks he's cool (even when she's making fun of him). He genuinely thinks she's sweet (also very weird and sometimes freaky, but sweet). He's completely willing to hide behind her when they fight Jack Noir on LOFAF instead of doing the macho posturing thing (very significant, given his knight complex!) and she gets all grrrr protective and brings him back to life with a magical kiss. Basically they're adorable and you cannot convince me otherwise. (And even if they're not together romantically, they'll always be best friends. Just like all the beta kids.)
Dave/John: eh, whatever. I mean, I am not opposed to the pairing -- and its sheer popularity in fandom means there are a lot of very good fics out there with this ship as a premise -- but I do have to suspend disbelief a little, mostly because their canon interaction reads to me as platonic best bros for life, not sexual attraction and/or secret yearning love. Yeah okay Davesprite rewound time to save John, but he saved Jade at the same time, and anyway the real reason that timeline was doomed is that he prototyped Lil' Cal and thus prevented his body from being used to create Doc Scratch. (I think. Confusing temporal shenanigans are confusing!) They are clearly very important to each other, though, so I am perfectly willing to suspend my disbelief... but I do like them better as gen. They are awesome best friends.
Dave/Rose: um. Yeah. About this. I could argue about genetic sexual attraction and how they understand each other's defense mechanisms and dance elaborate verbal games around each other and know exactly where the weak points are... and... mostly it's just hot, okay? And generally in the context of two very damaged people finding solace in each other because they understand the source of the damage and the way they react to it (as opposed to John and Jade, who are less prone to overthinking things and leading themselves in emotional spirals down into really stupid and maladaptive coping mechanisms) and leaning on each other for whatever scraps of support they can muster. I'm sure it could be written in a happy fluffy manner, but that's not really what I'm interested in here. Also gen stories about them being siblings and giving each other shit and stuff are like catnip and I will never get tired of them.
Dave/Gamzee: eh, whatever. I've seen it written well. I've also seen it written as horrible scarring noncon, which is not what I'm looking for on an everyday basis, particularly not when it demonizes one or another of my favorites. Probably best as a side pairing in a long fic centered on other things. (Black or ashen, of course. I think I've seen maybe one or two fics with them as matesprits and just... why?)
Dave/Bro and/or Dave/Dirk: um. Yeah. As with Dave/Rose, mostly it's just freaking hot. And fucked up. And did I mention hot? I am much more interested in this when they're the same age (either Beta!Dave and Alpha!Dirk, or the much rarer Beta!Dirk and Alpha!Dave) because the abuse of authority inherent in Dave/Bro (or Alpha!Dave/Dirk, I guess) skeeves me out despite the hotness. Also I really, really, really like gen fics about them in any combination, just being awesome brothers and badasses and jerkasses and loving each other without ever saying the word aloud.
Dave/Aradia: d'awww, Time players for the win! I guess I like this for some of the same reasons I like Dave/Jade? Also they are the only two players who really understand what it's like to be unmoored from a single forward-pointed timeline. I see them more as moirails or good friends than matesprits, though they can be pretty hot as lovers. I mean, Aradia canonically used a bullwhip as a weapon, and Dave is hot when he lets a girlfriend dominate him (in or out of bed). That is crying out for porn. I am just saying. *grin*
Other Dave ships: Dave/Sollux is something I can see and enjoy but not something I have any need to seek out. Dave/Tavros is cute, but see above re: my inability to get invested in Tavros. Dave/Terezi/Rose is something I've only seen once, but people should write it for me because it's awesome. Dave/Roxy is ungodly hot in the same way that Dave/Rose and Dave/Dirk are, but it lacks the "knowing each other too well" issues and so is less emotionally fraught while still having that incest squick, which is weird. (I bet they would be kickass awesome bffs, though!) Dave/Jane... I kind of almost wrote this once, though that was Alpha!Dave rather than Beta!Dave, but I think they might be cute together. Dave/Jake seems to be popular as an angsty "Dave wishes he were with John but will make do with a substitute" thing. Since I don't believe in Dave/John to start with, I fail to see the point of that interpretation, and I don't see any other reason for them to get together. Pretty much everything else is crack and I am not interested. (I am particularly not interested in Dave/Dadbert. Seriously, why?)
Sidenote on Davesprite: So, my thoughts on Davesprite, let me show them to you! First, I love him. He's Dave; how could I not? Plus he has the most angsty backstory ever, and he comes back in time and deliberately makes himself into a sprite to save his friends. But I don't like him in shipfic that much. Platonic bffs or moirail-type things, sure! And I can be convinced to suspend disbelief for the duration of a story if the characterization's good (...especially if it involves Jade, partly because they're adorable and partly because half of her was also a sprite for a little while), but my headcanon says that he's nonsexual now. Whether he was asexual as a human is up to you, but even if he wasn't, the prototyping overwrote any sexual impulses he might have had. Also he doesn't have genitals anymore. So basically, I think if he's in any pairing it would be entirely for emotional reasons and any sex would be to make his partner happy, not because he feels desire himself. (I'm pretty sure he can't reproduce, either.)
There's some interesting potential for awkwardness as Jade and John spend three years with Davesprite and then when they reach the alpha session they (and Dave) have to deal with the weirdness of knowing one version of their friend so much better than the other, but I completely and utterly do not buy the whole "John and Davesprite fall in love while traveling the yellow yard, and then ANGST!!!" genre. Sorry, but no. (Which is not to say I won't read and even enjoy those stories. I just can't fully believe in them.)
...Okay, and sometimes I also read shameless PWP porn with Davesprite, but PWP is a different beast altogether having very little to do with characterization and so on, and I can suspend ALL KINDS of disbelief when I am in the mood. *wry*
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TEREZI SHIPS
*Terezi/Dave: see above!
Terezi/Karkat: not generally as the main point of a fic. This is mostly because genre romance focused on them can tip way too easily into "Karkat is a nice guy, he loves her, and he's been through so much shit; therefore he deserves Terezi's love in return," which, fuck that noise. Terezi is not a prize. She pities him because he tries hard and cares about everyone and he's funny in his constant grumpiness, but she also finds his self-absorption and need to control people (for their own good, but still) deeply irritating and I think overall she likes him a lot but thinks he's too immature and insecure for a real relationship just yet. (Considering how Karkat persistently denies having had a "thing" with her, I have to agree.) Give it a few years and let Karkat settle into his own skin and I can see this, but not now. This goes for black as well as red -- and no, I don't buy Karkat's idea that they could flip quadrants as a long-term thing. That in itself is, I think, a sign that their feelings are too muddy to build anything solid on. (Unless you toss someone else in to shake up their dynamic... *evil grin*)
Terezi/Vriska: er, well, that's complicated? Mostly because their relationship is complicated and doesn't fit tidily into any troll quadrant OR into human platonic-vs.-romance paradigms. They clearly meant a lot to each other, Vriska is still obsessed with getting one up on her old partner/friend/enemy during the game, and Terezi, while much less heated about the whole thing, is not exactly indifferent herself. Their lives and deaths are inextricably entangled, and I would read gen epics about them in a heartbeat. (Presuming a good plot, of course.)
Terezi<3Nepeta: I haven't seen much of this, but I think they are great friends and would be freaking adorable matesprits. They roleplay together! They are upbeat and energetic and know how to survive out in the woods! They both have red leanings toward Karkat (Nepeta much more strongly, obviously) and are aware of each other's crushes, but don't let that get in the way of their friendship. I think Terezi might pity Nepeta for her social cluelessness, and maybe for having to put up with Equius; Nepeta probably pities Terezi for being blind, for not having a lusus, for having to put up with Vriska, and probably also for her sharp edges that scare people away sometimes. They would make each other laugh and goof around and just generally be too cute for words... but not too cute, because Terezi does have sharp edges and they're still trolls, and hunter and legislacerator aren't professions conducive to excessive sentimentality. (Note that Nepeta's IRL squee tendencies are aimed pretty solidly toward other trolls rather than cute baby animals. Cute baby animals are for killing and eating... unless she's roleplaying, of course, and even then she gets over her upset pretty damn fast. Perhaps because it's Terezi. *grin*)
Terezi/Rose: I haven't seen much of this either, but I could be convinced. Probably not as moirails -- I think they would rub each other the wrong way for that, and probably make each other more dangerous rather than less -- but they would make niftykeen rivals and might make good red lovers as well. It would be a relationship based on seeing and understanding entirely too much about each other, while having vastly different personalities. Rose is drawn inward, given to gloom and passive-aggression, while Terezi orients outward and is expansive and in-your-face. (I confess, one thing that amuses me about the idea of this pairing is imagining how Dave and Karkat might react to it. That could be hilarious. Kanaya would presumably be Rose's moirail in this scenario, which is not terribly far-fetched since she's already tried to talk Rose out of breaking the game and dealing with the horrorterrors.)
Other Terezi ships: Terezi<3<Gamzee is interesting in theory? He did kill Nepeta, after all, who is undeniably Terezi's friend. But she goes after him as much because of her justice fixation as for personal revenge, and I can't see him being that invested in hating her back; I think it would burn out fast. The idea of them as matesprits is just downright bizarre. Overall, this is probably a ship that works best in AUs. I've seen Terezi/Sollux a couple times, as moirails or as matesprits, which is another interesting idea that I think works best in AUs. I have also seen a couple Terezi<3Aradia fics, which were cute and often had an undercurrent of dark foreshadowing. They clearly got along before Aradia died, and Terezi was worried what Vriska might do to Aradia in revenge, but I see them more as friends than as any type of romance. (Terezi might well step in to auspisticize for Aradia and someone else, though. Hmm. Come to think of it, Terezic3<Aradiac3<Vriska has potential...)
That's all I can think of offhand. Terezi doesn't seem to get shipped with as many people as some other characters. :-(
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KARKAT SHIPS
*Karkat<>Gamzee: yes please DO WANT! Precious babies. *pets them, gingerly* They just fit, okay? Karkat prods Gamzee into taking care of himself and stops him from going murderclown on people, Gamzee calms Karkat down and gives him hugs and makes him feel useful. I would not quite say they are an OTP -- I can read and enjoy stories wherein one or the other of them has a different moirail -- but they are damn close. (In other words, if you want to give them different moirails, your options are to kill one of them or have the alternate moirallegiance happen before Gamzee and Karkat would have gotten together. I DO NOT LIKE infidelity here. ...Well, okay, and I am willing to be convinced of pale polyamory, but that's not the same thing at all. Anyway. Moving on.)
Karkat/Dave: see above!
Karkat/Terezi: see above!
Karkat/John: it's okay. I mean, I don't disbelieve it. I think it can be pretty darn cute, in fact, and given that it's one of the popular fandom ships, there's a lot of good stuff written for it. It's just not something I'm likely to go out of my way to read unless there is a promise of non-romance aspects to go along with the shippy stuff. (And this is assuming that they are written in-character. If Karkat loses his prickliness or John is suddenly Mister Weepy McSweetheart instead of Mister Friendleader-who-is-also-a-dickhead, I am outta there so fast.) If there is a plot or humor or interesting world-building, then yeah, sure, I'll buy what you're selling. :-) Flushed, generally, since John does not strike me as the kind of person who would take well to a relationship based on hatred. (I suppose they can be pale if Gamzee is dead or for some reason Karkat meets John first. Otherwise, sorry, no.)
Karkat/Jade: I like this more than Karkat/John, but I think that's mostly for novelty value. Or maybe because she yells him down and also learns something about herself from him (whereas John only learns outside facts about the game and so on). Interestingly, I can see them caliginous as well as flushed, given that Jade gets angry right back at him instead of ignoring the abuse or laughing it off (though she does laugh about it with John later on). Also, I don't think Jade is as strongly acculturated into the general Western ideal of romance as John is -- she does have internet access, but she basically raised herself and/or was raised by a dog, and her idea of "fun things to do with Bec" was to shoot him (even knowing that he'd just vanish the bullet, that's still a pretty violent game!), so I think she'd be much less freaked by the idea of violence and rivalry in a romantic relationship.
Karkat/Eridan: only when Roachpatrol writes it. Otherwise, why? I would not inflict canon!Eridan on anyone I like; he is way too much of a creepy belligerent narcissistic douchebag. (This ship generally seems to be pale or flushed, I guess because Karkat did talk to Eridan a bunch pre-game and tried to give him advice and sort out his life. Note, though, that Eridan completely failed to listen, let alone reciprocate. He does not give; he only takes. That is no basis for a healthy relationship of any kind.)
Karkat<3Nepeta: eh, whatever. She's way more invested in this possibility than he is. I don't think he outright dislikes her (in a platonic way), or at least not more than he platonically dislikes the entire universe, but he doesn't seem to reciprocate at all. Of course, I also don't think they spent a lot of time talking pre-game, and only rarely (if at all) met in person, so perhaps if they were around each other more something might click, but I don't really see it. It's okay as a background pairing in a multi-character plot-heavy story, but not something I'd seek out.
Other Karkat ships: Karkat/Sollux I have seen pale, flushed, and caliginous. I can believe all three, but I don't think they're the best fit in any of those quadrants; those relationships would take a lot of work and would always tend to blur the borders, because they like each other too much to be full-on black, but snipe at each other way too much to be full-on red. I have seen Karkat<3<Dirk a few times, and okay, if Dave<3<Karkat works, this can clearly work too. Karkat/Feferi might be neat in a sociological way. I feel kind of dirty saying this, but if not for Gamzee they might make really interesting moirails. Or they could maybe go black over political issues, or be a kind of shouty red. It's all good. Some people think Karkat<>Kanaya could work, but I'm sorry, I just can't see it. They read utterly platonic to me. I've also seen Karkat/Sufferer once or twice -- pale, red, and black. It tends to make for interesting character commentary on both of them, but I like that better gen than romantic or sexual. Karkat<3<Karkat is... well, I can see why it exists but mostly it makes me sad.
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Now I am going to analyze a whole bunch of other ships in much less detail, because otherwise Hussie will finish the comic before I finish this post.
OTHER BETA KID SHIPS
Jade/John: not anywhere near as hot as Dave/Rose, while retaining the incest squick, so eh. Can be cute though.
Jade/Rose: as with Dave/John, I have to suspend disbelief on this one. They just do not ping that way to me at all, at least as a twosome.
John/Rose: I go back and forth on this. They're very cute together, and the contrast of John's 110% sincerity versus Rose's habitual jabs and passive-aggressive attitude toward affection makes for an interesting dynamic if anyone explores it properly. But I'm not sure I see much romance in their friendship.
Rose/Kanaya: yeah sure, why not. They work well together, and I'm pretty sure Kanaya has a crush. I'm less sure whether Rose reciprocates, but I'm an easy sell here. Flushed or pale, obviously.
Jade/Kanaya: I don't think I've ever read a story with this pairing, but I would be interested in seeing someone explore it.
Jade/Feferi: If they can overcome Jade's initial freakout, this might work. Or they could drive each other crazy. Hard to say!
Rose/Eridan: I have seen this black and I have seen it pale, and frankly? No. Even if Rose might want to pick apart his issues, she does not want to support him, and even if she thinks he's a douchebag (which he is!), she would prefer to obliterate him and move on rather than put up with him indefinitely.
Rose/Sollux: this I have seen done very well by paraTactician. I am not sure I completely buy his character interpretations outside of that particular scenario, but I wouldn't mind seeing other people try their hands at this ship.
John/Vriska: I will buy this! They were bizarrely adorable together in canon, and it was really interesting to watch John's effect on her -- I think he might have been the first person she stopped putting up a front for, at least some of the time. I am less sure what he got out of that interaction on an emotional level. (What he got on a practical level is obvious.) And any non-AU fic that evades the weight of Vriska's past actions and the difficulty of overcoming years of destructive and socially maladaptive habits because "love" is a magic wand that makes everything better... ugh. Just ugh. But they can be really interesting together, and in AUs where Vriska's past is less dire, I think they make really awesome crazy bffs, the kind who get along like a house on fire and have a similar "oh shit now what have they done?" effect on the people around them. Pale, preferably, though flushed can also work.
Rose/Jade/Kanaya or Rose/Jade/Feferi: I have a vague notion that I have seen these threesomes as background ships in stories about something else, thought they were cute, and wished they'd received more page time to explore the ramifications.
John/Karkat/Dave: here you run into the problem of me not really buying Dave/John and being a little skeptical about Karkat/John. But I can be convinced for the duration of an otherwise interesting story, if only because I want Dave and Karkat to be happy and if what they want is John and he's amenable... eh, whatever.
Jade/Karkat/John: okay, yes, this is good. My interest in this threesome is entirely Asuka's fault, by the way, and she'd better keep writing more of it if she knows what's good for her. *overly toothy smile*
Rose/Dirk: as with Dave/Roxy, this is very hot. It's also incest but without the "I know you too well" aspects that make various other Derse dreamer pairings so fascinating. On the other hand, even if they don't start out knowing each other, they'd pick up the details pretty fast, because that's what Rose and Dirk do. This would be a lot pricklier than Dave and Roxy. And really, I think those four should all get together in a giant family pile (probably at the instigation of the Prospitian contingent) and get awkwardly drunk, and then, I dunno, play strip poker for the irony of it all or something. I just want them to get along. Somehow. I don't care how.
Rose/Roxy: weirds me right the fuck out, which Dave and Dirk fail to do despite the inherent dirtybadwrong frisson of incest ships. I think it's the difference between parent-child and sibling-sibling dynamics. Even though Bro effectively was Dave's dad, they didn't mentally frame their relationship that way, and Dirk likewise doesn't think of Alpha!Dave as a parental figure whereas Roxy does think of Alpha!Rose as her mother and Rose obviously reciprocated toward her own mother.
On that note, I completely and utterly fail to find any interest in John/Jake, John/Jane, or Jade/Jake. I have even less interest in those pairings when they're intergenerational within the same universe. (And I think by and large fandom agrees with me, because I have not seen them written or drawn anywhere.) Part of that is probably the increased generation gap, but a larger part is just that they collectively just don't ping me as being socially maladjusted in those particular ways. *shrug* (Jade/Jane might be cute, though. And don't ask me what makes that different from the other three options.) Four-way family hug piles are always a good thing, though!
*Beta!kid foursome: yes please DO WANT! I don't know why, but somehow throwing all four of them together smoothes over any issues I have with the various component twosomes. Maybe because having more people creates more options, so they always have somebody to talk to or hang out with or commiserate with if there's tension creeping in elsewhere. Maybe just because I don't want any of them left out. Whatever the reason, I am always in favor of this ship. :-D
Moving on!
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ALPHA KID SHIPS
Mostly I just want them to all collapse into a giant pile of hugs, as with the beta kids -- *alpha!kid foursome for the win!!! -- but if I have to separate them out... nrgh. Okay.
Dirk/Jake: I am ambivalent about this. While they are great friends and it's awesome how Jake trusts him and I don't want Dirk to get his heart broken, I am not sure how healthy they would be as a romantic pairing. Dirk's mastermind tendencies are a bit worrying, and I'm not sure how much Jake actually likes him romantically versus thinking that he ought to like him. But they can be pretty cute, and anywhere from ridiculously silly to heartbreaking. And they are definitely great friends!
Dirk<>Jane: yes, good, tell me more... *steeples fingers* No, really! They have long, serious conversations, they respect each other's intelligence and judgment in ways they don't quite manage with either Jake or Roxy (despite the wall her skepticism throws up between them), he made her Lil' Sebastian, she's willing to try being happy for him and Jake despite her own crush, he tries to ignore his huge problems on Derse to help her enter the Medium... Yeah. (I don't see them sexually at all, though.)
Dirk<>Roxy: also good! They are literally the only two people on earth who know what the other one has lived through growing up. Roxy clearly trusts him, and he obviously feels protective of her, but... there are some weird fault lines running underneath that. They also exasperate each other to a huge degree, he gets dismissive of her judgment, she pokes at him and is maneuvering to sink his romantic hopes, etc. It's complicated! And fascinating.
Roxy/Jane: d'awww. You know, despite Roxy trying to set Jane up with Jake, I get the feeling that she has had (maybe still has) flushed crushes on all three of her friends, and is more invested in Jane being happy in general than in Jane being happy specifically with Jake. If she could make Jane happy instead, awesome! And while Jane doesn't believe a lot of the things Roxy says and is annoyed at her drinking and apparent randomness, she clearly considers her a good friend, feels bad about not believing her, and... who knows? *grin* (I feel a little dirty for shipping something that uu ships, because that guy is skeevy to the max, but still. They'd be wicked cute!) This has been slightly complicated by Roxy's inability to kiss Jane's dead body, but one could argue that was more about the corpse thing than the kissing a platonic friend thing. Even if there is no sexual attraction, the way Roxy is so clearly thrilled to meet Jane in person later on is adorable.
Roxy/Jake: uh, yeah, I have no idea. She likes him, but has clearly stepped aside in favor of Jane (or Dirk, I guess), and he seems to see her in a firmly platonic light. Also, they don't seem to talk one-on-one as often as any of the other pairs. This is reminiscent of the way Rose and Jade interact, actually -- friends, but very hard to see in a romantic light.
Jane/Jake: I dunno about this any more than Dirk/Jake, really. Yeah she likes him and he... kind of reciprocates? But while they'd be cute and her skepticism and his gullibility might cancel each other out in healthy ways, I can't help feeling they'd be more likely to annoy each other in the enforced closeness of a romantic relationship without Dirk and Roxy to buffer them. Also, Jake is astonishingly emotionally dense when it comes to reading Jane's behavior. Sorry Jane, but I can't really get behind this.
Dirk<3<undyingUmbrage: sorry, but no. I can see where this comes from, but to me, Dirk reads as bored and/or tiredly annoyed and bemused by uu's provocations. There's no emotional investment on his end and I'm not sure uu actually cares that much either; he seems to be poking at Dirk with sticks because he's equally bored and kind of spiteful toward the universe in general, not because he genuinely wants a relationship with an alien.
Jane/Calliope: they'd be cute, but I don't really see this either. I like them as awkward friends, though.
*Roxy/Calliope: yes please DO WANT! Just... they are freaking adorable and sweet and tragic. It's clear that Calliope is horribly lonely and connects on a more emotional level to the alpha girls than the boys; she can be open with Roxy in a way she can't so much with Jane. Roxy is equally lonely and reaches right back across the gap between universes. I desperately want them to have a happy ending of some sort, romantic or otherwise.
Roxy/Gamzee: I think this started as a joke ship -- alcoholic and stoner, what's not to like? -- but in all honesty, I can see it. They have childhood isolation in common, they both seem to need people in a way that Roxy's friends don't and Gamzee's erstwhile friends are probably not willing to accommodate after his murder spree, they have a similar rules-what-rules? attitude toward social conventions, etc. It could be interesting!
Dirk/Equius: yeah sure okay. This is another that I think started as a joke ship -- robots, horse fetish, guy who likes to pull strings vs. guy who likes being dominated -- but I have read some scorching stories and I am cool with anything that produces fic that hot while also being in-character.
Jake/Aranea: hahaha, nope! Sorry, I have a sympathetic embarrassment SQUICK, not an embarrassment fetish. And while he might be interested, I think she is way too busy with other things and is also too caught up in her thing with Meenah.
Sidenote on the Auto-Responder: As with Davesprite, I don't go looking for shipfic involving AR, though unlike Davesprite I think AR may be capable of sexual as well as romantic attraction. And no, I'm not sure how that works for a sentient computer program. I really don't ship AR with Jake -- their interaction is all the negative parts of human!Dirk's relationship with Jake cranked up to eleven, with very little of the sweetness and trust that leaven human!Dirk's manipulation of his crush -- but I do moirail ship him with Jane and Roxy about the same way I moirail ship human!Dirk with the girls.
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OTHER SHIPS
Even faster now!
YES, GOOD!: Aradia<>Sollux, Feferi<3Sollux, Aradia/Sollux/Feferi (polyamory for the win!); Nepeta<>Equius; Aranea<3Meenah or Aranea<>Meenah (they're cute, okay?); Signless<3Disciple, Signless<>Psiionic; Condesce<3<Psiionic, Condesce<3<Handmaid, Condesce<>Grand Highblood; PM+WV+AR friendship
OKAY, WHATEVER: Gamzee<3Tavros; Eridan<3<Feferi or Eridan<3<Sollux; Darkleer<>Disciple; Aradia<3<Equius or Aradia<3<Vriska; Jack Noir<3<Black Queen (any iteration)
UM, NO: Vriska<>Tavros, Vriska<3Tavros, or Vriska<3<Tavros (they are very bad for each other, okay?); Kanaya<>Vriska or Kanaya<3 Vriska (unless Vriska is making a serious effort to change her ways); Aradia<3Equius (that was way skeevy in canon)
FUCK NO!!!: Eridan<> or <3 anybody, until and unless he does some serious self-reflection and learns how to listen to other people and give as well as take; uu/anyone; Doc Scratch/anyone
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If there is a ship I have failed to mention, or if you want more details on anything (such as one of the ships I skimmed over at lightning speed), feel free to ask!
askerian, in response to her post on Homestuck shipping, because she said: XD Write it! though really if the answer is "what works the best/most convincingly at the time"... Your storytelling kinks/tropes/yesmoreplz buttons? I am two months late (which necessitated some revisions, to keep up with various revelations in the comic), but better late than never.First off, let me explain my approach to shipping.
There are definitely some ships I like better than others, but I am willing to be at least superficially convinced of pretty much anything for the duration of a story. I ask two questions: "Do I like and/or find interesting the individual characters (or at least their portrayal in this fic)?" and "Has the writer put in the groundwork to convince me that the relationship makes sense in this story's particular situation?" If the answers to both questions are yes, we're good.
But. That's just about what I'm willing to read. What about what I like to read, to the point of seeking it out? That has a LOT more to do with characters and non-romantic plot elements than with shipping, though because shipping can be considered both an aspect of characterization and an aspect of plot, it is not a completely irrelevant consideration. So I am going to talk about ships for a while. :-)
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FAVORITE CHARACTERS
My favorite characters in Homestuck are as follows, in a roughly hierarchal ranking:
I like Dave Strider best. I don't know, I just love him, okay? I love his verbal adroitness, his utter inability to understand sports, his non-Earth-logic approach to irony (I really do not think that word means what he uses it to mean), his badassery with swords, his sense of humor, his occasionally displayed love of creepy dead things in jars, his tendency to hand out completely deadpan bullshit answers to any questions people ask, his Thing about his sunglasses, his dedication to his friends, etc. I love that he is an artist and a creator, even if he deliberately makes his art as bad as humanly possible most of the time. I love that he's a giant dickhead and he almost never breaks his pose of detachment even when his angst and care are neon obvious and the pose is beyond threadbare. I love that he's not-so-secretly a dork who wants to do things like go online just to tell his friend that he found some apple juice in his closet. I love the fucked-up relationship he has with his brother, which is based mostly on fighting and trying to freak each other out and never admitting anything, except it's obvious that they both love each other to death under all that.
I also freaking adore the potential of time travel as a story trope, especially since the Homestuck version deals with potential paradoxes by violently killing anyone who comes back to change the past after they've made the alteration.
So yeah. Dave's my favorite. But only by a little, because my second favorite is Terezi Pyrope, Queen of Badasses forever and always. She's like Daredevil if Daredevil were a teenage alien girl who smells and tastes colors instead of having sound-based radar. (But ten times more badass, seriously.) She wants to be a Legislacerator when she grows up, which is like a prosecutor in a justice system that doesn't have either a concept of innocent until proven guilty OR a concept of defense. Probably trolls also lack a concept of punishment that isn't the death penalty, given how culling-happy their society is in general. I think if the game hadn't intervened, she would have taken Alternia by storm.
I love Terezi because she is crazy and obsessive and has terrifying numbers of teeth; because she still cares about Vriska even though she knows exactly what Vriska is and what kind of damage she can do... and then kills her (former?) best friend anyway because Terezi can and will make the hard choices when necessary; because she manipulated both John and Dave into getting themselves killed but the former death turned out to actually be necessary for the timeline and she cried over the latter; because she believes in luck but knows it doesn't actually matter; because she makes terrible art by herself and with Dave and thinks it's the most hilarious thing in the world; because she has such obvious joy in life despite the things Alternia and the game have thrown at her; because she's fucking brilliant and doesn't put up with bullshit; because she cares about her friends and tries to keep their spirits up but that doesn't blunt her edges; because she grew up alone in a treehouse in a forest and decorates it with the hanged corpses of plush dragons; and because she's just flat-out awesome, amen, the end.
Also she can read your mind and know what decision you're going to make before you make it. *grin*
My third favorite is Karkat Vantas. When he first appears in the story, I think everyone's reaction is something along the lines of, "What a JERK!" I mean, he talks in permanent CAPSLOCK OF RAGE and while he is just as verbally adroit and given to extended metaphors as Dave, his word-smithing leans strongly toward profanity (in a weirdly technical and grammatically careful way) and gratuitous insults, and is aimed at characters the reader already likes, so. Not a good first impression. But after a while you realize that he yells because he cares and because he fails at people so he doesn't know how to interact in a more socially acceptable fashion. Also he hates himself more than anyone else ever could. (His arguments with his past and future selves are comedy gold, for serious.)
I love Karkat because he is one of the more self-aware characters in the series (when not getting carried away by transient fury) and rather than making him confident (as Terezi's self-knowledge does), that knowledge just makes him more awkward and increases his self-disgust. I love that he unironically and unashamedly loves romance and romantic comedies. I love that he wants to be a computer genius even though he sucks at it. I love that he can't shut up in social contexts unless he is literally holding his breath. I love how he puts up a front of self-importance and insists on being the leader of his game party, and then turns out to be the best (least hopelessly awful?) leader they could have chosen even though initially nobody really listens to him and they mock him all the way through for his transtimeline memos (seriously, comedy gold), because he cares. He cares about all of them, even the ones he doesn't like or thinks are creepy or is perpetually annoyed by, and I think he'd really try to die to save any one of them.
Also he manages to derail a terrifying chain reaction of murder and vengeance by insisting that Terezi and Kanaya stay out of it (and they trust him and listen!) and then hugging Gamzee back into sanity. How can you not love a guy who pulls that off?
My fourth favorite is a four-way tie between Jade Harley, John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, and Gamzee Makara. For very different reasons, obviously!
Jade and John both have a sort of determined sunny optimism, but I get the feeling that Jade's is more of a deliberate choice whereas John's is... either slightly more innate or a result of having less crud in his life prior to the game. I mean, Jade grew up alone on her island, her grandfather died while she was very young, she's known all her life that a dead version of her was stuffed and stashed in the equivalent of her attic, and yet she's open, cheerful, goofy, and friendly. She plays with her dog, she makes music (and sends it to Dave online! they remix each other's stuff! so cute!), she gardens, she tinkers with random nuclear science experiments in her bedroom, she would probably write furry fanfiction if she knew that was a thing, and she's just generally adorable.
She also has more of a temper than John. John's reaction to the trolls is to change his online handle, and to basically flat-out ignore Karkat being a dick or Vriska being herself. Jade doesn't hide; she bans them. (Ineffectively, but still.) And her reaction once in the game is to shout Karkat down and browbeat him into obeying a password system she sets up rather than go along with stupid transtemporal shenanigans, and to politely but firmly make Tavros stop being a giant creep when he's using Vriska as his template for what confidence looks like. Also, she hits Jack Noir on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and tells him he's a bad dog. Yeah, she has an advantage there because of the prototyping, but even so, that took stone cold guts and she didn't even blink.
(Two more notes. First, the goofy space-case is her dream self, not her waking self, and all dream selves are a little spacey. Yes, even Rose and Dave. When they first meet, their first reaction is to throw a dance party rather than do anything useful. Second, her narcolepsy? That was pretty much entirely Vriska's doing -- note how fast it vanishes once Vriska is focused on John instead.)
I like Jade. :-D
This is not to say that John's a wimp, by any means! He can be as big a dickhead as Dave, both on purpose (e.g. when he pretended to be Rose and trolled Kanaya) and by accident (mostly when he is oblivious to other people's emotions). But he lets things roll off him that Jade reacts to. Also I am weirdly fascinated by his obsession with Nicolas Cage, Matthew McConaughey, Armageddon, and other terrible movies and actors. I mean, what is even up with that??? I like some bad action movies, but that's because they're terrible, and therefore funny. He likes them straightforwardly, which I find baffling. Also bizarrely adorable. *hands* John's the kind of idiot everyman character who grows on you, you know? Plus he really does make other people into better versions of themselves, just by being honestly friendly and believing in them.
I always liked Rose, but fanfiction is what made me love her; in canon she comes off just a little too distant, I think. Epically badass, of course! This girl has no combat training whatsoever and yet kills a giant ogre by sticking knitting needles in its eyes and riding its corpse down a waterfall. EPIC. Also she writes terrible, overwrought wizard slash, uses pretension and psychology as a screen in an echo of the way Dave uses "irony" and verbal deflection, loves and misses her dead pet cat, wants so badly to connect with her mother (underneath the passive-aggressive front she puts up to the world and to herself), realizes the game is a setup and tries to break it, has a tentacle fetish, can be overconfident in her intelligence to the point of hubris, and is self-aware enough to realize how ridiculous she's being at times and mock herself for it.
All four of the beta kids have such a wonderful, tight friendship that includes sincere gestures of affection, enough trust to let insults and mockery fly without fear that they'll damage their bonds, and a willingness to kill and die for each other. There are not words for how much I love that.
Gamzee, though... Oh, Gamzee. He is a terrible, terrible person. He is so fucked up, first by drugs and later by withdrawal, a religious crisis, and his own psychological issues that the drugs were covering up. He's creepy, he's a murderer, he's completely nuts... and I love him anyway. I don't even know why. Well, okay, mostly I love him because he and Karkat have the most epic and wonderful pale romance ever, but while that was my entry point to caring about him, I have since come to appreciate his general failure at life, his squirm-inducing combination of hilarity and terrifying creepiness, and the way I never have any damn idea where he'll turn up next or what he'll be doing. He's the wild card character and it shows. Oh god does it ever show.
My fifth favorite is Aradia Megido. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the time travel thing. Maybe it's that same determined optimism I like in Jade, at least after her resurrection. I am deeply impressed by her equanimity in dealing with her constant changes in status from adorable living girl (that fedora!) to emotionless ghost to angry and depressed robot to fiercely cheerful goddess. Basically I just really like her. Also she's a telekinetic Indiana Jones cosplayer. How awesome is that?
My sixth favorite is another tie, this time between three of the alpha kids: Dirk Strider, Jane Crocker, and Roxy Lalonde. (Sorry, Jake!) I like Dirk because he actually is cool in ways Dave doesn't quite manage -- perhaps because he knows he's also a dork and is unashamed of his doofiness. I like that his solution to crushing loneliness was to build robots and essentially duplicate his brain in a computer program, and to go flat affect in his emotional reactions. I am ambivalent about the way he tries to manipulate everything, but I have a feeling that's going to spiral out of control and bite him sooner or later, no matter how precisely he and the Auto-Responder can calculate probabilities, and I want to see how he'll react to that kind of massive setback.
I like Jane because she's a genuinely normal girl -- even more normal than John, I think -- who reacts with skepticism to her friends' bizarre claims, because that's the reaction real people would actually have. And yet when things start going haywire, she sets aside her preconceived worldview and rolls with the weirdness. She is realistically awkward about her crush and screws up talking to Jake because that's what people do sometimes -- no plot shenanigans required. Also, she cares deeply about her friends even when she thinks they're nuts, she's cheerful, she's adventurous, she's resourceful, and she's just a sweetheart overall.
I like Roxy because she is so lonely, and yet working so hard to be upbeat despite that. She's a freaking genius with computers, she's kind of flailing around in her personal life (alcohol, mother issues) and interpersonal relationships (trying to prod Jane into credulity and talking to Jake, poking at Dirk over his crush and his own awkward interactions with the Auto-Responder, etc.), she spent her childhood trying to help her carapace neighbors with apparently no expectation of reciprocity (and tried to save them from the Red Miles, too!), and she's just an adorable mess. I want to give her a hug so badly.
After that I like Sollux, Vriska, Kanaya, and Jake (at least in the sense of being interested in reading about them), then various of the troll Ancestors (mostly the Sufferer's crew and Redglare), and then everyone else. Feferi is cute but I am not hugely grabbed by her as a solo character. Nepeta and Equius are adorable together, but he's creepy in the bad way on his own and she's often written a little saccharine for my taste. Eridan is an entitled Nice Guy douchebag of massive proportions (okay, except sometimes in AUs). And Tavros just bores me. I don't know why -- he's a sweetheart, he has more backbone than a lot of people give him credit for, and there's certainly no reason to dislike him -- but he just... slides right out of my head. If I read fic about him it's almost always for the other characters involved or for the overarching scenario.
I am less interested in the carapaces, though if you know a source of good PM genfic I am so there, and Prospit and Derse are kind of interesting from a world-building perspective. I have no interest whatsoever in reading about the Felt or Doc Scratch -- the Felt because they are stupid and boring, and Doc Scratch because he's an insufferable creep and why would I inflict more of that on myself than absolutely necessary? I am generally uninterested in uu for similar reasons, but Calliope is a different story; she's adorable and if I have to put up with her brother to read about her, I am willing.
So that's the people. Logically, I prefer to read stories about characters I like instead of stories about characters I am somewhat indifferent to, so ships that include my favorites are automatically going to appeal to me more than ones without them... unless something about the interaction of a particular subset of my favorites puts me off, or something about the interaction of my not-so-favorites grabs me. Like for example, Gamzee and Dave as moirails makes no fucking sense, and would also break up Gamzee and Karkat, so I would need a LOT of convincing to read that and would never seek it out. Whereas, say the Helmsman and the Condesce can be interestingly screwed up in any quadrant, so I might well click on a story about them out of curiosity.
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QUADRANTS
Hmm. I should probably take a moment to mention Homestuck's shipping dynamics, shouldn't I? In other words, quadrant time! Basically trolls recognize four types of romantic relationships: moirallegiance (pale -- non-sexual, positive feelings, <> symbol), matespritship (red/flushed -- sexual, positive feelings, <3 symbol), kismesissitude (black/caliginous -- sexual, negative feelings, <3< symbol), and auspisticism (ashen -- non-sexual, negative feelings, c3< symbol). They also don't really believe in friendship as an everyday normal thing. This leads to all kinds of interesting disconnects when dealing with humanity's much less codified notions of friendship and love, particularly since trolls value pity as the most positive emotion. Also gender and physical sex are completely divorced from troll reproduction (I guess the closest Earth analogy is that they're all reproductive males and the mother grubs are the only reproductive females?) which again causes interesting disconnects when set against human biology and modern Western culture's notions of heterosexuality, homosexuality, etc.
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MY FAVORITE HOMESTUCK SHIP
Anyway. Given that I like Dave, Terezi, and Karkat best, and that all three of them bounce off each other in fun ways, and that there is canon justification for Terezi being attracted to both of them, for Karkat being attracted to Terezi, for Dave... well, I dunno if he likes her romantically/sexually or just as an awesome friend, but he definitely thinks she's freaking awesome, and for Dave and Karkat to at least react to each other rather than being indifferent, you can probably guess that they are collectively my favorite ship. DAVE/TEREZI/KARKAT ftw! *grin* In pretty much any combination. You want them all three together having sex? Sure! You want Dave<>Terezi and Terezi<3Karkat (or <3<Karkat)? Sure! Dave<3Terezi and Terezi<3<Karkat? Great! Dave<>Terezi (or<3Terezi) and Dave<3<Karkat? That's great too! About the only thing I won't believe is Dave<3<Terezi. Yes, even though she killed John in an alternate timeline. (And obviously Terezi<>Karkat is a no go, because Gamzeeeeee, my baby, I refuse to believe Karkat would ever cheat on him. So there.)
Right. I will try to be at least a little more organized from now on and borrow Asuka's one-character-at-a-time analysis pattern. *grin* Though I will be listing pretty much everything and discussing it, whether I actively ship it or not, because I am an obsessive completist like that.
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DAVE SHIPS
Dave/Karkat: yeah sure, I can go for that. I believe them a bit more as kismeses than as matesprits, because Dave's a dickhead and enjoys putting Karkat's back up way too much, and Karkat finds Dave incredibly frustrating and baffling, but I think if they could get past that stuff (which can be either more or less superficial depending on character interpretation), they could also meet on a less antagonistic and more supportive level, because they do have a lot in common when it comes to their willingness to do pretty much anything to save their friends and their own sense of always falling short and never measuring up to their ideal of a true knight. Also, their conversations are pure gold; they both play with language so beautifully in their own unique and horrifying ways. *pets them*
*Dave/Terezi: yes please DO WANT! They are pure awesome separately and together, they really get each other's sense of humor, they are willing to listen and sympathize with each other's problems (after a certain amount of verbal posturing, because they are almost always verbally playing with each other), they work together seamlessly to navigate the stable time loops of the beta kids' game session, and basically I love how they just click on so many levels. Flushed or pale, I don't care as long as their connection is there somehow.
*Dave/Jade: yes please DO WANT! Slightly less with the epic badass awesome and more with the epic badass cute. *grin* I dunno, I just really like how they bounce off each other. Like I said above, they send music to each other and make remixes together! Jade genuinely thinks he's cool (even when she's making fun of him). He genuinely thinks she's sweet (also very weird and sometimes freaky, but sweet). He's completely willing to hide behind her when they fight Jack Noir on LOFAF instead of doing the macho posturing thing (very significant, given his knight complex!) and she gets all grrrr protective and brings him back to life with a magical kiss. Basically they're adorable and you cannot convince me otherwise. (And even if they're not together romantically, they'll always be best friends. Just like all the beta kids.)
Dave/John: eh, whatever. I mean, I am not opposed to the pairing -- and its sheer popularity in fandom means there are a lot of very good fics out there with this ship as a premise -- but I do have to suspend disbelief a little, mostly because their canon interaction reads to me as platonic best bros for life, not sexual attraction and/or secret yearning love. Yeah okay Davesprite rewound time to save John, but he saved Jade at the same time, and anyway the real reason that timeline was doomed is that he prototyped Lil' Cal and thus prevented his body from being used to create Doc Scratch. (I think. Confusing temporal shenanigans are confusing!) They are clearly very important to each other, though, so I am perfectly willing to suspend my disbelief... but I do like them better as gen. They are awesome best friends.
Dave/Rose: um. Yeah. About this. I could argue about genetic sexual attraction and how they understand each other's defense mechanisms and dance elaborate verbal games around each other and know exactly where the weak points are... and... mostly it's just hot, okay? And generally in the context of two very damaged people finding solace in each other because they understand the source of the damage and the way they react to it (as opposed to John and Jade, who are less prone to overthinking things and leading themselves in emotional spirals down into really stupid and maladaptive coping mechanisms) and leaning on each other for whatever scraps of support they can muster. I'm sure it could be written in a happy fluffy manner, but that's not really what I'm interested in here. Also gen stories about them being siblings and giving each other shit and stuff are like catnip and I will never get tired of them.
Dave/Gamzee: eh, whatever. I've seen it written well. I've also seen it written as horrible scarring noncon, which is not what I'm looking for on an everyday basis, particularly not when it demonizes one or another of my favorites. Probably best as a side pairing in a long fic centered on other things. (Black or ashen, of course. I think I've seen maybe one or two fics with them as matesprits and just... why?)
Dave/Bro and/or Dave/Dirk: um. Yeah. As with Dave/Rose, mostly it's just freaking hot. And fucked up. And did I mention hot? I am much more interested in this when they're the same age (either Beta!Dave and Alpha!Dirk, or the much rarer Beta!Dirk and Alpha!Dave) because the abuse of authority inherent in Dave/Bro (or Alpha!Dave/Dirk, I guess) skeeves me out despite the hotness. Also I really, really, really like gen fics about them in any combination, just being awesome brothers and badasses and jerkasses and loving each other without ever saying the word aloud.
Dave/Aradia: d'awww, Time players for the win! I guess I like this for some of the same reasons I like Dave/Jade? Also they are the only two players who really understand what it's like to be unmoored from a single forward-pointed timeline. I see them more as moirails or good friends than matesprits, though they can be pretty hot as lovers. I mean, Aradia canonically used a bullwhip as a weapon, and Dave is hot when he lets a girlfriend dominate him (in or out of bed). That is crying out for porn. I am just saying. *grin*
Other Dave ships: Dave/Sollux is something I can see and enjoy but not something I have any need to seek out. Dave/Tavros is cute, but see above re: my inability to get invested in Tavros. Dave/Terezi/Rose is something I've only seen once, but people should write it for me because it's awesome. Dave/Roxy is ungodly hot in the same way that Dave/Rose and Dave/Dirk are, but it lacks the "knowing each other too well" issues and so is less emotionally fraught while still having that incest squick, which is weird. (I bet they would be kickass awesome bffs, though!) Dave/Jane... I kind of almost wrote this once, though that was Alpha!Dave rather than Beta!Dave, but I think they might be cute together. Dave/Jake seems to be popular as an angsty "Dave wishes he were with John but will make do with a substitute" thing. Since I don't believe in Dave/John to start with, I fail to see the point of that interpretation, and I don't see any other reason for them to get together. Pretty much everything else is crack and I am not interested. (I am particularly not interested in Dave/Dadbert. Seriously, why?)
Sidenote on Davesprite: So, my thoughts on Davesprite, let me show them to you! First, I love him. He's Dave; how could I not? Plus he has the most angsty backstory ever, and he comes back in time and deliberately makes himself into a sprite to save his friends. But I don't like him in shipfic that much. Platonic bffs or moirail-type things, sure! And I can be convinced to suspend disbelief for the duration of a story if the characterization's good (...especially if it involves Jade, partly because they're adorable and partly because half of her was also a sprite for a little while), but my headcanon says that he's nonsexual now. Whether he was asexual as a human is up to you, but even if he wasn't, the prototyping overwrote any sexual impulses he might have had. Also he doesn't have genitals anymore. So basically, I think if he's in any pairing it would be entirely for emotional reasons and any sex would be to make his partner happy, not because he feels desire himself. (I'm pretty sure he can't reproduce, either.)
There's some interesting potential for awkwardness as Jade and John spend three years with Davesprite and then when they reach the alpha session they (and Dave) have to deal with the weirdness of knowing one version of their friend so much better than the other, but I completely and utterly do not buy the whole "John and Davesprite fall in love while traveling the yellow yard, and then ANGST!!!" genre. Sorry, but no. (Which is not to say I won't read and even enjoy those stories. I just can't fully believe in them.)
...Okay, and sometimes I also read shameless PWP porn with Davesprite, but PWP is a different beast altogether having very little to do with characterization and so on, and I can suspend ALL KINDS of disbelief when I am in the mood. *wry*
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TEREZI SHIPS
*Terezi/Dave: see above!
Terezi/Karkat: not generally as the main point of a fic. This is mostly because genre romance focused on them can tip way too easily into "Karkat is a nice guy, he loves her, and he's been through so much shit; therefore he deserves Terezi's love in return," which, fuck that noise. Terezi is not a prize. She pities him because he tries hard and cares about everyone and he's funny in his constant grumpiness, but she also finds his self-absorption and need to control people (for their own good, but still) deeply irritating and I think overall she likes him a lot but thinks he's too immature and insecure for a real relationship just yet. (Considering how Karkat persistently denies having had a "thing" with her, I have to agree.) Give it a few years and let Karkat settle into his own skin and I can see this, but not now. This goes for black as well as red -- and no, I don't buy Karkat's idea that they could flip quadrants as a long-term thing. That in itself is, I think, a sign that their feelings are too muddy to build anything solid on. (Unless you toss someone else in to shake up their dynamic... *evil grin*)
Terezi/Vriska: er, well, that's complicated? Mostly because their relationship is complicated and doesn't fit tidily into any troll quadrant OR into human platonic-vs.-romance paradigms. They clearly meant a lot to each other, Vriska is still obsessed with getting one up on her old partner/friend/enemy during the game, and Terezi, while much less heated about the whole thing, is not exactly indifferent herself. Their lives and deaths are inextricably entangled, and I would read gen epics about them in a heartbeat. (Presuming a good plot, of course.)
Terezi<3Nepeta: I haven't seen much of this, but I think they are great friends and would be freaking adorable matesprits. They roleplay together! They are upbeat and energetic and know how to survive out in the woods! They both have red leanings toward Karkat (Nepeta much more strongly, obviously) and are aware of each other's crushes, but don't let that get in the way of their friendship. I think Terezi might pity Nepeta for her social cluelessness, and maybe for having to put up with Equius; Nepeta probably pities Terezi for being blind, for not having a lusus, for having to put up with Vriska, and probably also for her sharp edges that scare people away sometimes. They would make each other laugh and goof around and just generally be too cute for words... but not too cute, because Terezi does have sharp edges and they're still trolls, and hunter and legislacerator aren't professions conducive to excessive sentimentality. (Note that Nepeta's IRL squee tendencies are aimed pretty solidly toward other trolls rather than cute baby animals. Cute baby animals are for killing and eating... unless she's roleplaying, of course, and even then she gets over her upset pretty damn fast. Perhaps because it's Terezi. *grin*)
Terezi/Rose: I haven't seen much of this either, but I could be convinced. Probably not as moirails -- I think they would rub each other the wrong way for that, and probably make each other more dangerous rather than less -- but they would make niftykeen rivals and might make good red lovers as well. It would be a relationship based on seeing and understanding entirely too much about each other, while having vastly different personalities. Rose is drawn inward, given to gloom and passive-aggression, while Terezi orients outward and is expansive and in-your-face. (I confess, one thing that amuses me about the idea of this pairing is imagining how Dave and Karkat might react to it. That could be hilarious. Kanaya would presumably be Rose's moirail in this scenario, which is not terribly far-fetched since she's already tried to talk Rose out of breaking the game and dealing with the horrorterrors.)
Other Terezi ships: Terezi<3<Gamzee is interesting in theory? He did kill Nepeta, after all, who is undeniably Terezi's friend. But she goes after him as much because of her justice fixation as for personal revenge, and I can't see him being that invested in hating her back; I think it would burn out fast. The idea of them as matesprits is just downright bizarre. Overall, this is probably a ship that works best in AUs. I've seen Terezi/Sollux a couple times, as moirails or as matesprits, which is another interesting idea that I think works best in AUs. I have also seen a couple Terezi<3Aradia fics, which were cute and often had an undercurrent of dark foreshadowing. They clearly got along before Aradia died, and Terezi was worried what Vriska might do to Aradia in revenge, but I see them more as friends than as any type of romance. (Terezi might well step in to auspisticize for Aradia and someone else, though. Hmm. Come to think of it, Terezic3<Aradiac3<Vriska has potential...)
That's all I can think of offhand. Terezi doesn't seem to get shipped with as many people as some other characters. :-(
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KARKAT SHIPS
*Karkat<>Gamzee: yes please DO WANT! Precious babies. *pets them, gingerly* They just fit, okay? Karkat prods Gamzee into taking care of himself and stops him from going murderclown on people, Gamzee calms Karkat down and gives him hugs and makes him feel useful. I would not quite say they are an OTP -- I can read and enjoy stories wherein one or the other of them has a different moirail -- but they are damn close. (In other words, if you want to give them different moirails, your options are to kill one of them or have the alternate moirallegiance happen before Gamzee and Karkat would have gotten together. I DO NOT LIKE infidelity here. ...Well, okay, and I am willing to be convinced of pale polyamory, but that's not the same thing at all. Anyway. Moving on.)
Karkat/Dave: see above!
Karkat/Terezi: see above!
Karkat/John: it's okay. I mean, I don't disbelieve it. I think it can be pretty darn cute, in fact, and given that it's one of the popular fandom ships, there's a lot of good stuff written for it. It's just not something I'm likely to go out of my way to read unless there is a promise of non-romance aspects to go along with the shippy stuff. (And this is assuming that they are written in-character. If Karkat loses his prickliness or John is suddenly Mister Weepy McSweetheart instead of Mister Friendleader-who-is-also-a-dickhead, I am outta there so fast.) If there is a plot or humor or interesting world-building, then yeah, sure, I'll buy what you're selling. :-) Flushed, generally, since John does not strike me as the kind of person who would take well to a relationship based on hatred. (I suppose they can be pale if Gamzee is dead or for some reason Karkat meets John first. Otherwise, sorry, no.)
Karkat/Jade: I like this more than Karkat/John, but I think that's mostly for novelty value. Or maybe because she yells him down and also learns something about herself from him (whereas John only learns outside facts about the game and so on). Interestingly, I can see them caliginous as well as flushed, given that Jade gets angry right back at him instead of ignoring the abuse or laughing it off (though she does laugh about it with John later on). Also, I don't think Jade is as strongly acculturated into the general Western ideal of romance as John is -- she does have internet access, but she basically raised herself and/or was raised by a dog, and her idea of "fun things to do with Bec" was to shoot him (even knowing that he'd just vanish the bullet, that's still a pretty violent game!), so I think she'd be much less freaked by the idea of violence and rivalry in a romantic relationship.
Karkat/Eridan: only when Roachpatrol writes it. Otherwise, why? I would not inflict canon!Eridan on anyone I like; he is way too much of a creepy belligerent narcissistic douchebag. (This ship generally seems to be pale or flushed, I guess because Karkat did talk to Eridan a bunch pre-game and tried to give him advice and sort out his life. Note, though, that Eridan completely failed to listen, let alone reciprocate. He does not give; he only takes. That is no basis for a healthy relationship of any kind.)
Karkat<3Nepeta: eh, whatever. She's way more invested in this possibility than he is. I don't think he outright dislikes her (in a platonic way), or at least not more than he platonically dislikes the entire universe, but he doesn't seem to reciprocate at all. Of course, I also don't think they spent a lot of time talking pre-game, and only rarely (if at all) met in person, so perhaps if they were around each other more something might click, but I don't really see it. It's okay as a background pairing in a multi-character plot-heavy story, but not something I'd seek out.
Other Karkat ships: Karkat/Sollux I have seen pale, flushed, and caliginous. I can believe all three, but I don't think they're the best fit in any of those quadrants; those relationships would take a lot of work and would always tend to blur the borders, because they like each other too much to be full-on black, but snipe at each other way too much to be full-on red. I have seen Karkat<3<Dirk a few times, and okay, if Dave<3<Karkat works, this can clearly work too. Karkat/Feferi might be neat in a sociological way. I feel kind of dirty saying this, but if not for Gamzee they might make really interesting moirails. Or they could maybe go black over political issues, or be a kind of shouty red. It's all good. Some people think Karkat<>Kanaya could work, but I'm sorry, I just can't see it. They read utterly platonic to me. I've also seen Karkat/Sufferer once or twice -- pale, red, and black. It tends to make for interesting character commentary on both of them, but I like that better gen than romantic or sexual. Karkat<3<Karkat is... well, I can see why it exists but mostly it makes me sad.
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Now I am going to analyze a whole bunch of other ships in much less detail, because otherwise Hussie will finish the comic before I finish this post.
OTHER BETA KID SHIPS
Jade/John: not anywhere near as hot as Dave/Rose, while retaining the incest squick, so eh. Can be cute though.
Jade/Rose: as with Dave/John, I have to suspend disbelief on this one. They just do not ping that way to me at all, at least as a twosome.
John/Rose: I go back and forth on this. They're very cute together, and the contrast of John's 110% sincerity versus Rose's habitual jabs and passive-aggressive attitude toward affection makes for an interesting dynamic if anyone explores it properly. But I'm not sure I see much romance in their friendship.
Rose/Kanaya: yeah sure, why not. They work well together, and I'm pretty sure Kanaya has a crush. I'm less sure whether Rose reciprocates, but I'm an easy sell here. Flushed or pale, obviously.
Jade/Kanaya: I don't think I've ever read a story with this pairing, but I would be interested in seeing someone explore it.
Jade/Feferi: If they can overcome Jade's initial freakout, this might work. Or they could drive each other crazy. Hard to say!
Rose/Eridan: I have seen this black and I have seen it pale, and frankly? No. Even if Rose might want to pick apart his issues, she does not want to support him, and even if she thinks he's a douchebag (which he is!), she would prefer to obliterate him and move on rather than put up with him indefinitely.
Rose/Sollux: this I have seen done very well by paraTactician. I am not sure I completely buy his character interpretations outside of that particular scenario, but I wouldn't mind seeing other people try their hands at this ship.
John/Vriska: I will buy this! They were bizarrely adorable together in canon, and it was really interesting to watch John's effect on her -- I think he might have been the first person she stopped putting up a front for, at least some of the time. I am less sure what he got out of that interaction on an emotional level. (What he got on a practical level is obvious.) And any non-AU fic that evades the weight of Vriska's past actions and the difficulty of overcoming years of destructive and socially maladaptive habits because "love" is a magic wand that makes everything better... ugh. Just ugh. But they can be really interesting together, and in AUs where Vriska's past is less dire, I think they make really awesome crazy bffs, the kind who get along like a house on fire and have a similar "oh shit now what have they done?" effect on the people around them. Pale, preferably, though flushed can also work.
Rose/Jade/Kanaya or Rose/Jade/Feferi: I have a vague notion that I have seen these threesomes as background ships in stories about something else, thought they were cute, and wished they'd received more page time to explore the ramifications.
John/Karkat/Dave: here you run into the problem of me not really buying Dave/John and being a little skeptical about Karkat/John. But I can be convinced for the duration of an otherwise interesting story, if only because I want Dave and Karkat to be happy and if what they want is John and he's amenable... eh, whatever.
Jade/Karkat/John: okay, yes, this is good. My interest in this threesome is entirely Asuka's fault, by the way, and she'd better keep writing more of it if she knows what's good for her. *overly toothy smile*
Rose/Dirk: as with Dave/Roxy, this is very hot. It's also incest but without the "I know you too well" aspects that make various other Derse dreamer pairings so fascinating. On the other hand, even if they don't start out knowing each other, they'd pick up the details pretty fast, because that's what Rose and Dirk do. This would be a lot pricklier than Dave and Roxy. And really, I think those four should all get together in a giant family pile (probably at the instigation of the Prospitian contingent) and get awkwardly drunk, and then, I dunno, play strip poker for the irony of it all or something. I just want them to get along. Somehow. I don't care how.
Rose/Roxy: weirds me right the fuck out, which Dave and Dirk fail to do despite the inherent dirtybadwrong frisson of incest ships. I think it's the difference between parent-child and sibling-sibling dynamics. Even though Bro effectively was Dave's dad, they didn't mentally frame their relationship that way, and Dirk likewise doesn't think of Alpha!Dave as a parental figure whereas Roxy does think of Alpha!Rose as her mother and Rose obviously reciprocated toward her own mother.
On that note, I completely and utterly fail to find any interest in John/Jake, John/Jane, or Jade/Jake. I have even less interest in those pairings when they're intergenerational within the same universe. (And I think by and large fandom agrees with me, because I have not seen them written or drawn anywhere.) Part of that is probably the increased generation gap, but a larger part is just that they collectively just don't ping me as being socially maladjusted in those particular ways. *shrug* (Jade/Jane might be cute, though. And don't ask me what makes that different from the other three options.) Four-way family hug piles are always a good thing, though!
*Beta!kid foursome: yes please DO WANT! I don't know why, but somehow throwing all four of them together smoothes over any issues I have with the various component twosomes. Maybe because having more people creates more options, so they always have somebody to talk to or hang out with or commiserate with if there's tension creeping in elsewhere. Maybe just because I don't want any of them left out. Whatever the reason, I am always in favor of this ship. :-D
Moving on!
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ALPHA KID SHIPS
Mostly I just want them to all collapse into a giant pile of hugs, as with the beta kids -- *alpha!kid foursome for the win!!! -- but if I have to separate them out... nrgh. Okay.
Dirk/Jake: I am ambivalent about this. While they are great friends and it's awesome how Jake trusts him and I don't want Dirk to get his heart broken, I am not sure how healthy they would be as a romantic pairing. Dirk's mastermind tendencies are a bit worrying, and I'm not sure how much Jake actually likes him romantically versus thinking that he ought to like him. But they can be pretty cute, and anywhere from ridiculously silly to heartbreaking. And they are definitely great friends!
Dirk<>Jane: yes, good, tell me more... *steeples fingers* No, really! They have long, serious conversations, they respect each other's intelligence and judgment in ways they don't quite manage with either Jake or Roxy (despite the wall her skepticism throws up between them), he made her Lil' Sebastian, she's willing to try being happy for him and Jake despite her own crush, he tries to ignore his huge problems on Derse to help her enter the Medium... Yeah. (I don't see them sexually at all, though.)
Dirk<>Roxy: also good! They are literally the only two people on earth who know what the other one has lived through growing up. Roxy clearly trusts him, and he obviously feels protective of her, but... there are some weird fault lines running underneath that. They also exasperate each other to a huge degree, he gets dismissive of her judgment, she pokes at him and is maneuvering to sink his romantic hopes, etc. It's complicated! And fascinating.
Roxy/Jane: d'awww. You know, despite Roxy trying to set Jane up with Jake, I get the feeling that she has had (maybe still has) flushed crushes on all three of her friends, and is more invested in Jane being happy in general than in Jane being happy specifically with Jake. If she could make Jane happy instead, awesome! And while Jane doesn't believe a lot of the things Roxy says and is annoyed at her drinking and apparent randomness, she clearly considers her a good friend, feels bad about not believing her, and... who knows? *grin* (I feel a little dirty for shipping something that uu ships, because that guy is skeevy to the max, but still. They'd be wicked cute!) This has been slightly complicated by Roxy's inability to kiss Jane's dead body, but one could argue that was more about the corpse thing than the kissing a platonic friend thing. Even if there is no sexual attraction, the way Roxy is so clearly thrilled to meet Jane in person later on is adorable.
Roxy/Jake: uh, yeah, I have no idea. She likes him, but has clearly stepped aside in favor of Jane (or Dirk, I guess), and he seems to see her in a firmly platonic light. Also, they don't seem to talk one-on-one as often as any of the other pairs. This is reminiscent of the way Rose and Jade interact, actually -- friends, but very hard to see in a romantic light.
Jane/Jake: I dunno about this any more than Dirk/Jake, really. Yeah she likes him and he... kind of reciprocates? But while they'd be cute and her skepticism and his gullibility might cancel each other out in healthy ways, I can't help feeling they'd be more likely to annoy each other in the enforced closeness of a romantic relationship without Dirk and Roxy to buffer them. Also, Jake is astonishingly emotionally dense when it comes to reading Jane's behavior. Sorry Jane, but I can't really get behind this.
Dirk<3<undyingUmbrage: sorry, but no. I can see where this comes from, but to me, Dirk reads as bored and/or tiredly annoyed and bemused by uu's provocations. There's no emotional investment on his end and I'm not sure uu actually cares that much either; he seems to be poking at Dirk with sticks because he's equally bored and kind of spiteful toward the universe in general, not because he genuinely wants a relationship with an alien.
Jane/Calliope: they'd be cute, but I don't really see this either. I like them as awkward friends, though.
*Roxy/Calliope: yes please DO WANT! Just... they are freaking adorable and sweet and tragic. It's clear that Calliope is horribly lonely and connects on a more emotional level to the alpha girls than the boys; she can be open with Roxy in a way she can't so much with Jane. Roxy is equally lonely and reaches right back across the gap between universes. I desperately want them to have a happy ending of some sort, romantic or otherwise.
Roxy/Gamzee: I think this started as a joke ship -- alcoholic and stoner, what's not to like? -- but in all honesty, I can see it. They have childhood isolation in common, they both seem to need people in a way that Roxy's friends don't and Gamzee's erstwhile friends are probably not willing to accommodate after his murder spree, they have a similar rules-what-rules? attitude toward social conventions, etc. It could be interesting!
Dirk/Equius: yeah sure okay. This is another that I think started as a joke ship -- robots, horse fetish, guy who likes to pull strings vs. guy who likes being dominated -- but I have read some scorching stories and I am cool with anything that produces fic that hot while also being in-character.
Jake/Aranea: hahaha, nope! Sorry, I have a sympathetic embarrassment SQUICK, not an embarrassment fetish. And while he might be interested, I think she is way too busy with other things and is also too caught up in her thing with Meenah.
Sidenote on the Auto-Responder: As with Davesprite, I don't go looking for shipfic involving AR, though unlike Davesprite I think AR may be capable of sexual as well as romantic attraction. And no, I'm not sure how that works for a sentient computer program. I really don't ship AR with Jake -- their interaction is all the negative parts of human!Dirk's relationship with Jake cranked up to eleven, with very little of the sweetness and trust that leaven human!Dirk's manipulation of his crush -- but I do moirail ship him with Jane and Roxy about the same way I moirail ship human!Dirk with the girls.
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OTHER SHIPS
Even faster now!
YES, GOOD!: Aradia<>Sollux, Feferi<3Sollux, Aradia/Sollux/Feferi (polyamory for the win!); Nepeta<>Equius; Aranea<3Meenah or Aranea<>Meenah (they're cute, okay?); Signless<3Disciple, Signless<>Psiionic; Condesce<3<Psiionic, Condesce<3<Handmaid, Condesce<>Grand Highblood; PM+WV+AR friendship
OKAY, WHATEVER: Gamzee<3Tavros; Eridan<3<Feferi or Eridan<3<Sollux; Darkleer<>Disciple; Aradia<3<Equius or Aradia<3<Vriska; Jack Noir<3<Black Queen (any iteration)
UM, NO: Vriska<>Tavros, Vriska<3Tavros, or Vriska<3<Tavros (they are very bad for each other, okay?); Kanaya<>Vriska or Kanaya<3 Vriska (unless Vriska is making a serious effort to change her ways); Aradia<3Equius (that was way skeevy in canon)
FUCK NO!!!: Eridan<> or <3 anybody, until and unless he does some serious self-reflection and learns how to listen to other people and give as well as take; uu/anyone; Doc Scratch/anyone
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If there is a ship I have failed to mention, or if you want more details on anything (such as one of the ships I skimmed over at lightning speed), feel free to ask!
