can I pause the world for a few days, please?

[edenfalling]

I've been feeling pretty blah the past few days -- which I think may be a mix of tiredness and ineffectively ignored stress due to... I don't even know, lack of motivation/inspiration, maybe? In other words, I know what I need to write for NFE, but I just cannot make myself sit down and do the research and start writing it. I can't flip the switch between "I need to do this, it will be fun, I promise!" and actually opening a window and running the relevant searches, or going to the library and finding a few relevant books, or even opening a Word document and typing based on half-remembered snatches of stuff from my childhood and fixing the inevitable screwups later. It's just all, sorry, nope, short circuit, try again later.

But I am running out of later, and this upsets me. :-(

Also I am basically running the smoke shop while PM and BW are at Grassroots and PB is in Columbia for a friend's wedding, which means we are on ridiculously short staff and if anyone gets sick before Tuesday, we are shit out of luck. Plus RE put in his two weeks' notice and is moving to Kentucky to live off the grid with his girlfriend and her son (which, yay for them, it's nice when people get to live their dreams, but oh god I DO NOT WANT to deal with the hiring cycle -- do you know how completely INCOMPETENT most would-be applicants are??? it is truly unbelievable, I tell you), so we're in for more short staff scheduling. And on top of that, my parents are coming up to visit and drop off donations for my church's annual recycling sale (since their church basically cut their sale back to clothing-only), only the church website and newsletter were confusing about the drop-off date, so I asked PM for Tuesday evening and Wednesday off, but my parents assumed they were coming up Wednesday evening and doing visit-stuff Thursday morning and early afternoon, so I need to call PB as soon as he's back in the country and see if he can swap shifts with me.

Nothing really big, as you can see. Just a lot of little things making me go all "bleh, no!" and get twitchy and avoidant, and I don't like myself when I pull that shit. I need to just buckle down and deal with things, but aaaah, I don't want to.

...

Some days being an adult doesn't seem worth it. :-(

Comments

[lexicology]

*offers pettin's* I can really understand that sort of reaction. I hope this next week goes better for you.

[rthstewart]

Hang in there! You produce such wonderful, wonderful work, it is always worth the wait.

[branchandroot]

Perfectly good reasons to be going "bleh, no", I'd say. Basic low-spoon error. Insert start disk and reboot universe.

[edenfalling]

Oh, me too! *crosses fingers*

[edenfalling]

Thank you. :-)

I think I am going to have to scrap my planned story, though, and go for an alternate idea that is less complicated (and also much shorter), because clearly my planned idea doesn't want to be written. Now I just need to settle on what that alternate idea should be. :-/

[edenfalling]

Basic low-spoon error. Insert start disk and reboot universe.

If only I could... *wistful sigh*

I think I will go to bed early tonight and hope the extra sleep will clear out my brain a little. It doesn't always work, but while mental/emotional spoons are not the same as physical energy spoons, there is definitely a relationship between their stockpiles.

[rthstewart]

If you need to bounce ideas, lemme know! I'm usually on G-chat and can get on Skype. (If however your prompt includes links to other possible content as ideas/prompts) then never mind because it could be mine!

[edenfalling]

Thanks, but I generally like to bash on through by myself until I have something resembling a finished story to show to people. (My sister is about the only exception, when she's not crazy busy with her own life, but I think that sort of "okay, you are allowed to see me with my metaphorical pants down -- in fact, you are required to help me repair the broken zipper!" reciprocal trust is contractual in the sibling relationship. *grin*)