[Fic] "Trollstuck," part 27 - Homestuck
Nov. 14th, 2012 11:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
edenfallingback to part 26
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Trollstuck, part 27
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====>Be the spidertroll haunted by ghosts
...
...
Okay, fine, that's good enough. I won't waste time arguing about literal versus metaphorical definitions of ghosts, or even what an actual spider-troll hybrid might look like. You want Vriska? You got it.
====>Sweeps in the future (but hours in the past)
You are VRISKA SERKET: Scourge Sister, reigning supreme Flarp champion, adventurer, treasure hunter, mistress of manipulation, and descendant of Marquise Spinneret Mindfang, the most awesome pirate in the history of the universe.
You are also starting to really, truly, sincerely wish that you had never been hatched. Even if you had to come into this world, you wish that past you had somehow had the foresight to steal some other troll's identity if this is what being Vriska Serket leads to.
A ghost drifts through your chest, trailing the burning, fetid stains of platonic loathing on intangible tendrils. Your mind is like a flooded hive, the filthy water rising higher with each incursion until finally you'll be left clinging to a tiny scrap of roof and then drowned altogether. You can feel exactly what they think of you, the way you always can.
Wretched. Scum. Worthless piece of shit.
Except you can't transmute that to the clean snap of fear the way you can with the living. The dead don't even have the sense to fear Megido and she could make them dance a jig for all eternity if she wanted. The dead do nothing but hate, platonically. Cold. Disdainful. Implacable.
They are wearing you away.
====>Fight them
How? You can't hurt the dead. Their hate hurts you but yours only makes them stronger. Maybe if you could find and hold a happy thought that might act as a shield, but you don't have any happy thoughts. Every time you've tried, the ghosts twist the memory until it goes sour and rotten in your grasp.
Every victory, every game, every joke shared between friends -- all tainted.
Your friends don't really like you anyway. You know that. You can feel it in their minds, underneath the surface. Some of them want to solve you. Some of them want to use you. Some of them are afraid of you. Some of them want to fix you. Some of them just pretend to put up with you because of their real friends.
The only person who's on your side is Jothan, and deep down you know that's because he doesn't actually see you. He just sees the face you show the world, the fake Vriska who's everything you want to be but aren't. Brave. Cool. Smart. Funny. Helpful. Trustworthy. Respected. Loved.
Nobody could love the real you.
Not even your own lusus.
Another ghost drifts through your body where you sit curled in your chair, face tucked between your knees and arms wrapped around your shins as if you could hide yourself in a protective cocoon by sheer force of desperate need. You see glimpses of your face cast in darkness, only your fangs and horns flashing in the sinister red glow of your focusing lens, and you feel terror-pain-shame-guilt-terror-horror-hatred-pain-pain-pain-pain-hate-fear-hate-fear-HATE pound at your brain as the ghost forces its last living memories into your brain.
"I'm sorry!" you whisper into the tiny, dark cave between your forehead and your knees. It does no good; the dead can't hear you. They wouldn't care about your excuses anyway, even if they believed your words. You don't think you believe them anymore either.
You would give anything to make this stop.
====>Anything?
Anything.
A noise breaks the suffocating silence of your hive. You flinch in anticipation of renewed torment before you remember that ghosts can't talk. Oh shit, that means somebody came to visit. Nobody can see you like this!
You look around wildly, wondering when your hive got so filthy -- really, how have you never noticed the spider webs in the corners and the broken crap all over the floor? -- before the noise comes again and you realize it's your computer signaling that someone is trying to contact you on Trollian.
====>Answer your friend
You don't want to talk to anyone. But the ghosts have drawn slightly away from your computer, apparently confused by the chime of the chat window opening, so you might as well roll your chair closer and at least see who's trolling you.
Oh. It's Jothan.
You're not sure if that's a relief or a disappointment. Of course Jothan wants to hang out with you -- you're his best friend. Except maybe for Karkat, and Gamzee, and Davven, and Jarlia, and... god damn it, how does he have so many more friends than you do? It's not fair!
A ghost swirls toward you as you raise your head. You duck and stare harder at your computer screen.
But you don't want Jothan to talk to you. Jothan always takes your side, so his support doesn't mean anything.
You want Aradia to say she's sorry and she's calling off the ghosts. You want Terezi to admit she has no stupid moral high ground and was just as guilty in your Flarp campaigns as you were -- it's not like she couldn't have chosen her own victims if she was that picky, right? You want Tavros to say he understands why you got so mad and to just once in his stupid life take a stand and not be a giant wuss! (You want him to say he forgives you.)
Your computer chimes again.
Ha. Jothan's pulling out all the stops now, repeating himself in eights all over the place. You still don't want to talk, but he's ridiculously persistent. If you don't say something, he'll just come over to your hive and that will be even worse.
The ghosts are drawing closer again, no longer repelled by the sound of your computer. You have to work fast, whatever you decide.
====>Convince Jothan to leave you alone
You answer Jothan and proceed to have a conversation we've already witnessed.
====>Vriska: Fix this
You need the ghosts to go away. If killing Aradia is the only way to do that, fine! Jarlia already saw you doing that, so it's not like you can help killing her, right? Isn't that what Davven had a huge fight with little miss dreamwalker about last perigee? Right! So it's obviously not your fault, and everyone thinks you're a horrible person anyway, so you know what? Fuck them! If they want you to be evil, you'll show them evil! You'll show them how much you've been holding back and how thoughtful and nice you've really been all these sweeps, and then they'll be sorry they never liked you!
And the ghosts will be gone and you can find new friends who won't talk about you behind your back and everything will be fine.
You know exactly how to start. First you need your secret advantage, which is down in one of your treasure stashes. You've been experimenting this past sweep, and you think you've finally found the trick to using it without giving yourself migraines trying to see into its depths and then work out the cryptic bullshit answers. Then you just need to grab control of Sollux. Megido's not the only one who can hit people where it hurts the worst.
As you storm through the endless secret passageways of your hive, a ghost trails its hands through your head, ragged intangible fingers tangling in your horns and hair as it dumps burning cold hatred into your mind.
You don't even notice.
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I still don't know if the transition from depression and self-directed hatred to outward-directed hatred quite works, but this is apparently the best I can do on my own. If anyone has suggestions for improving Vriska's emotional arc in this section, I am all ears! (Well, eyes, technically, but you know what I mean. *wry*)
Next section will basically be Vriska setting up her plan, but there is always time for people to troll her. Not Alonde yet -- she has too many other conversations to have before she's free -- and not Davven either, since Karkat has to talk to Terezi and Terezi has to talk to him before he'd be available. But Jarlia will be free soon, and I am always game for someone completely random, like Feferi. (Confession: I really like the bit in Alterniabound where Feferi snarks at Vriska.) Or Kanaya could attempt to check up on Vriska -- she's not trying to be her moirail (or matesprit) in this AU, but she still thinks Vriska needs someone to look after her and has natural meddling tendencies.
Thoughts, anyone?
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continue to part 28
And now to bed, because while I am recovering nicely (I was able to drink Coca-Cola again today! my lovely caffeinated nectar of tooth-rotting goodness! never leave me), I don't want to push too hard too fast and have a relapse. Also my parents are making a flash-visit tomorrow, which is basically a car handoff lightly disguised by the pretense of a lunch date between me and my mom. I will have the car until Thanksgiving, because it's logistically easier for me to drive myself down than for someone to pick me up and my mom is leery of depending on rentals around Thanksgiving. *rolls eyes*
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Trollstuck, part 27
---------------------------------------------
====>Be the spidertroll haunted by ghosts
...
...
Okay, fine, that's good enough. I won't waste time arguing about literal versus metaphorical definitions of ghosts, or even what an actual spider-troll hybrid might look like. You want Vriska? You got it.
====>Sweeps in the future (but hours in the past)
You are VRISKA SERKET: Scourge Sister, reigning supreme Flarp champion, adventurer, treasure hunter, mistress of manipulation, and descendant of Marquise Spinneret Mindfang, the most awesome pirate in the history of the universe.
You are also starting to really, truly, sincerely wish that you had never been hatched. Even if you had to come into this world, you wish that past you had somehow had the foresight to steal some other troll's identity if this is what being Vriska Serket leads to.
A ghost drifts through your chest, trailing the burning, fetid stains of platonic loathing on intangible tendrils. Your mind is like a flooded hive, the filthy water rising higher with each incursion until finally you'll be left clinging to a tiny scrap of roof and then drowned altogether. You can feel exactly what they think of you, the way you always can.
Wretched. Scum. Worthless piece of shit.
Except you can't transmute that to the clean snap of fear the way you can with the living. The dead don't even have the sense to fear Megido and she could make them dance a jig for all eternity if she wanted. The dead do nothing but hate, platonically. Cold. Disdainful. Implacable.
They are wearing you away.
====>Fight them
How? You can't hurt the dead. Their hate hurts you but yours only makes them stronger. Maybe if you could find and hold a happy thought that might act as a shield, but you don't have any happy thoughts. Every time you've tried, the ghosts twist the memory until it goes sour and rotten in your grasp.
Every victory, every game, every joke shared between friends -- all tainted.
Your friends don't really like you anyway. You know that. You can feel it in their minds, underneath the surface. Some of them want to solve you. Some of them want to use you. Some of them are afraid of you. Some of them want to fix you. Some of them just pretend to put up with you because of their real friends.
The only person who's on your side is Jothan, and deep down you know that's because he doesn't actually see you. He just sees the face you show the world, the fake Vriska who's everything you want to be but aren't. Brave. Cool. Smart. Funny. Helpful. Trustworthy. Respected. Loved.
Nobody could love the real you.
Not even your own lusus.
Another ghost drifts through your body where you sit curled in your chair, face tucked between your knees and arms wrapped around your shins as if you could hide yourself in a protective cocoon by sheer force of desperate need. You see glimpses of your face cast in darkness, only your fangs and horns flashing in the sinister red glow of your focusing lens, and you feel terror-pain-shame-guilt-terror-horror-hatred-pain-pain-pain-pain-hate-fear-hate-fear-HATE pound at your brain as the ghost forces its last living memories into your brain.
"I'm sorry!" you whisper into the tiny, dark cave between your forehead and your knees. It does no good; the dead can't hear you. They wouldn't care about your excuses anyway, even if they believed your words. You don't think you believe them anymore either.
You would give anything to make this stop.
====>Anything?
Anything.
A noise breaks the suffocating silence of your hive. You flinch in anticipation of renewed torment before you remember that ghosts can't talk. Oh shit, that means somebody came to visit. Nobody can see you like this!
You look around wildly, wondering when your hive got so filthy -- really, how have you never noticed the spider webs in the corners and the broken crap all over the floor? -- before the noise comes again and you realize it's your computer signaling that someone is trying to contact you on Trollian.
====>Answer your friend
You don't want to talk to anyone. But the ghosts have drawn slightly away from your computer, apparently confused by the chime of the chat window opening, so you might as well roll your chair closer and at least see who's trolling you.
Oh. It's Jothan.
You're not sure if that's a relief or a disappointment. Of course Jothan wants to hang out with you -- you're his best friend. Except maybe for Karkat, and Gamzee, and Davven, and Jarlia, and... god damn it, how does he have so many more friends than you do? It's not fair!
A ghost swirls toward you as you raise your head. You duck and stare harder at your computer screen.
But you don't want Jothan to talk to you. Jothan always takes your side, so his support doesn't mean anything.
You want Aradia to say she's sorry and she's calling off the ghosts. You want Terezi to admit she has no stupid moral high ground and was just as guilty in your Flarp campaigns as you were -- it's not like she couldn't have chosen her own victims if she was that picky, right? You want Tavros to say he understands why you got so mad and to just once in his stupid life take a stand and not be a giant wuss! (You want him to say he forgives you.)
Your computer chimes again.
Ha. Jothan's pulling out all the stops now, repeating himself in eights all over the place. You still don't want to talk, but he's ridiculously persistent. If you don't say something, he'll just come over to your hive and that will be even worse.
The ghosts are drawing closer again, no longer repelled by the sound of your computer. You have to work fast, whatever you decide.
====>Convince Jothan to leave you alone
You answer Jothan and proceed to have a conversation we've already witnessed.
====>Vriska: Fix this
You need the ghosts to go away. If killing Aradia is the only way to do that, fine! Jarlia already saw you doing that, so it's not like you can help killing her, right? Isn't that what Davven had a huge fight with little miss dreamwalker about last perigee? Right! So it's obviously not your fault, and everyone thinks you're a horrible person anyway, so you know what? Fuck them! If they want you to be evil, you'll show them evil! You'll show them how much you've been holding back and how thoughtful and nice you've really been all these sweeps, and then they'll be sorry they never liked you!
And the ghosts will be gone and you can find new friends who won't talk about you behind your back and everything will be fine.
You know exactly how to start. First you need your secret advantage, which is down in one of your treasure stashes. You've been experimenting this past sweep, and you think you've finally found the trick to using it without giving yourself migraines trying to see into its depths and then work out the cryptic bullshit answers. Then you just need to grab control of Sollux. Megido's not the only one who can hit people where it hurts the worst.
As you storm through the endless secret passageways of your hive, a ghost trails its hands through your head, ragged intangible fingers tangling in your horns and hair as it dumps burning cold hatred into your mind.
You don't even notice.
---------------
---------------
---------------
I still don't know if the transition from depression and self-directed hatred to outward-directed hatred quite works, but this is apparently the best I can do on my own. If anyone has suggestions for improving Vriska's emotional arc in this section, I am all ears! (Well, eyes, technically, but you know what I mean. *wry*)
Next section will basically be Vriska setting up her plan, but there is always time for people to troll her. Not Alonde yet -- she has too many other conversations to have before she's free -- and not Davven either, since Karkat has to talk to Terezi and Terezi has to talk to him before he'd be available. But Jarlia will be free soon, and I am always game for someone completely random, like Feferi. (Confession: I really like the bit in Alterniabound where Feferi snarks at Vriska.) Or Kanaya could attempt to check up on Vriska -- she's not trying to be her moirail (or matesprit) in this AU, but she still thinks Vriska needs someone to look after her and has natural meddling tendencies.
Thoughts, anyone?
---------------------------------------------
continue to part 28
And now to bed, because while I am recovering nicely (I was able to drink Coca-Cola again today! my lovely caffeinated nectar of tooth-rotting goodness! never leave me), I don't want to push too hard too fast and have a relapse. Also my parents are making a flash-visit tomorrow, which is basically a car handoff lightly disguised by the pretense of a lunch date between me and my mom. I will have the car until Thanksgiving, because it's logistically easier for me to drive myself down than for someone to pick me up and my mom is leery of depending on rentals around Thanksgiving. *rolls eyes*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2013-01-24 11:58 pm (UTC)HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THIS UPDATE FOR THREE WHOLE MONTHS?
I am so, so sorry for not replying before now. (I blame college finals, and my own scatterbrained tendencies.)
As for the story itself...hmm. Now that we've seen Vriska's perspective, I'm starting to think that she's not the only one who could benefit from being forced to see the consequences of her actions. Aradia comes off as a lot less sympathetic when you consider how blithely she inflicted this kind of torture on Vriska (did she know that Vriska is empathic?), and there's also the fact that she denied Tavros aid that could allow him to walk again based entirely on her prejudice against blue-bloods, without considering what he might want. When you really think about it, the entirety of her involvement in the whole FLARP incident debacle and its followup just made things a whole lot worse than they might have been otherwise. I can't really see it happening right away, but maybe at some point in the future of the story (the aftermath of the present incident, maybe?) she might be confronted with just how much of the responsibility for how awful things got lies with her. Maybe a barbed lecture from Alonde?
In a more immediate sense, I did advocate for all four Kid!Trolls contacting Vriska at some point during her chapter, so I suggest that Jarlia be next.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-02-01 03:51 am (UTC)I don't think Aradia knows Vriska is an empath. Actually I don't think anyone knows that. It's not obvious at all from the way she habitually uses her powers, and I certainly don't think she's told anyone, with the possible exception of Jothan. Terezi and Alonde may well have figured it out on their own, but I doubt they've told anyone either for various reasons -- Terezi because they are/were friends, and Alonde because she likes collecting secrets and potential blackmail. Equius might know because they grew up next door to each other, but again, I doubt he would've told anyone, particularly not anyone lower on the hemospectrum.
As for denying Tavros potential artificial limbs, well, initially that is indeed Aradia's choice and you're right that she should not have made it for him. Later on, though... I am of two minds here, given that in canon, which starts at least a year later, Tavros is still using a wheelchair, and a very primitive wheelchair at that. Which is downright weird, in a culture easily able to create things like rocket shoes and Vriska's robot arm. He clearly had the chance to ask for artificial legs at some point, and just as clearly didn't ask. Now, you can easily argue that that's a sign of Tavros's self-esteem issues and say that his friends should have pushed him into getting robot legs, but that would just circle right back to other people making his choices for him. Which actually they seem to have done in canon -- at least we never really hear that Tavros asked Kanaya to cut him in half, though he seems happy with the end results of that surgery and Equius's engineering.
Anyway, you are definitely right that the FLARP mess was a clusterfuck on all sides and Vriska was not the only person who made bad choices. (IIRC, Terezi already mentioned that in a glancing fashion, something to the effect of having told Aradia it was a dumb idea to back Vriska into a metaphorical corner and she should hold off on any revenge attempts.)
The next interruption will be Jarlia! *makes note, hopes for inspiration to break past the annoying bit of exposition that's been stuck for two months*