external motivation accountability report, Sunday 2/21

[edenfalling]

Fuck depression in the ear. That is all.

Anyway, despite various brain obstacles, I managed to pay three bills, mail two belated birthday thank-you notes, and write 200 words of fiction today. "Guardian " ch. 17 is now at 900 total, and scene one is finished. (I went for the immediate cut.)

Scenes two and three need a bit of blocking and research before I can really get started on them. The research is because it's been forever since I read any of the chapters about Sasuke and the Uchiha Massacre, and I am sadly fuzzy on the details of what actually happened and what he remembered at what points in his life, which makes it difficult to write flashbacks. *evil smile* The blocking is because I need the choreography of scene three to be very clear, and that means I need a reasonable idea of which people and what objects are in which locations at the start of the scene. I may need to draw a tiny sketch of the caravan and the Hokutou trade road, actually, because at this point I am not honestly even sure how many wagons are involved, let alone how many people. *sigh*

Well, at least I have Monday off from work?

Comments

[wistfulmemory.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Sorry about the depression. I'm glad you were still able to be productive. And days off are always nice. Good luck with the writing.

[edenfalling]

Eh, it comes and it goes. At this point in my life, depression is less a mood thing than an executive dysfunction thing. That is, I don't feel sad or gloomy; I just feel constantly tired, I have very little motivation for anything, and even when I do dredge up some motivation, it's hard to translate than into any sort of action.

I can mostly push myself through basic life tasks, like meals and showers and a daily walk. I can easily get myself to my job and perform my assigned tasks. Those are both automatic responses I have spent a lot of time and effort training into myself over the years.

But anything involving creativity, and anything that feels in any sense 'optional,' tends to be somewhat beyond me while my brain chemistry has blithely fucked off to Siberia. Hence the attempt at external rather than internal motivation. If I can make writing into a job with accountability, that helps me get around the massive potholes my brain has set up to trap me. *wry*