[Fic] "Truth or Dare" -- Homestuck

[edenfalling]

runespoor7 said: Prompt: Rose + Dirk, Open, making Dave very nervous and Roxy very why-is-everything-always-so-wonderful.

Note: As you can see, Roxy stole POV rights before I could decide whether to give them to either Rose or Dirk, and she was so enthusiastic I didn't have the heart to take them away from her. *wry* (875 words)

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Truth or Dare
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"I still say this is an idea so bad the English language recoils in horror at attempting to describe it," Dave said as he sat cross-legged on the far corner of Rose and Kanaya's decadently oversized bed. "Also, the internet informs me this is usually a drinking game, which clearly isn't happening in this instance, so what fresh new horror have you guys come up with to use as a penalty?"

Roxy beamed at her ecto-son through the fringe of the afghan she'd wrapped around herself like a shawl. "Me and Rosie thought very hard about that! We settled on vinegar shots. And not, like, fancy sweet vinegar you use in salad dressing -- nah, we're gonna use the cheap shit you buy to clean limescale out of teakettles or whatever."

Not that she thought they'd be using much of it. Her ecto-family was pretty competitive, after all, and if anybody (*cough* Rose and Dirk *cough*) got too caught up in winning instead of having fun, Roxy knew for sure she could guilt Dirk into cutting that right the hell out and she was fairly sure Dave had enough ammunition on Rose to yank her back if necessary.

Or she could just make sure those two kept choosing each other as targets. Dave might spontaneously combust from secondhand embarrassment listening to them, but Roxy intended to take full advantage of their tendency to use excessive openness as a weapon. The best part? They'd never even notice her egging them on.

Mwahaha, hers was an evil laugh!

"So you're breaking out the technically edible equivalent of acetone. Sounds delicious," Dirk said as he adjusted a pillow to aid his artful slouch against the headboard.

"And suspicious," Dave added, matching his expression to his words. "You grew up in post-apocalyptic nowhere. The hell do you know about salad dressing and teakettles?"

"To quote you back at yourself, the internet informed me. Duh," Roxy said. "And to forestall your next question, obviously we're not settling up open bottles and shot glasses on Rose's schmancy bedspread. I'll just un-nothing them as needed."

She grinned wider and did jazz-hands by way of undemonstration.

On her left, Rose sighed with an artfully overdone air of longsuffering woe. "I assure you, Kanaya and I are very grateful for your consideration. And now, with the requisite complaints out of the way, may we proceed to the meat of the endeavor?"

"I don't see anyone stopping you," Dirk said, because he was a snarky assbutt.

Rose pulled a green yarn ball out of her nightstand and beaned Dirk in the forehead. "The rules are as follows: the interlocutor chooses a target, who must then choose truth or dare. If the target refuses the assigned question or challenge, they must drink a shot of vinegar. Anyone who vomits on my bed will suffer hideous and creative vengeance at a later date. Anyone who lies (and is discovered in that lie) has to tell the Mayor and the Parcel Mistress what they did and marinate in the resulting guilt and shame."

"Harsh," Dirk said.

"That was my idea," Roxy told him.

"If I may continue?" Rose said, snagging her yarn ball from the bedspread where it had rebounded, and tossing it pointedly between her hands. "Thank you. Once a round is complete, the target becomes the interlocutor and we begin again. The game continues until--"

"--five o'clock at the latest because I have to get ready for my dinner date with Karkat and Jade," Dave interrupted. "Which gives us two hours. I'm sure that's more than enough time for you three to make me retroactively regret my entire existence."

Dirk and Rose turned to stare at each other across the pile of pillows. Rose raised her eyebrows. He raised his back. They turned in synchrony toward Dave.

"Are you sure you want to make that a challenge, bro?" Dirk said.

Roxy pulled another yarn ball into reality (sunset multicolored, because reasons) and tossed it (gently! ...ish) at Dirk's nose. "C'mon, don't make this all weird before we even start. The point's to get comfy with each other like actual family, not to do breaking point stress-tests. That goes for you too," she added, reaching sideways to flick Rose's shoulder.

"I think you have an implausibly idealized notion of what family entails," Rose said after a moment. "But fine. We'll aim for harmless embarrassment rather than anything truly uncomfortable."

"So generous," Dave said, slouching further. "So who's up first, you or Roxy?"

"Me," Roxy said brightly. "And I pick Dirk. So. Bearing in mind that I know aaaallllllllll your deepest darkest secrets and I'm not afraid to share them: truth or dare?"

Please pick dare, please pick dare, please pick dare...

He didn't even hesitate. "Truth."

Drat and botheration. But that was all right; Roxy had backup plans. "All right, Mister Strider! Please tell me, leaving no detail unexamined, exactly how sexual your interest in horses actually is."

Sooner or later someone would pick dare and she'd get them all into a long-overdue group hug. For now, the expressions on her family's faces as her words sank in were hilarious enough to store in memory forever.

(Hey, she never said she wasn't a competitive assbutt herself. Mwahahahaha!)

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Bingo again! \o/