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edenfallingToday I got a review of "Guardian" that, while it makes me uncomfortable in certain ways (anyone who tells you they're completely happy about receiving criticism is lying -- I like the ability to fix stuff, but it's painful to admit that anything more serious than typos needs fixing), is polite, well written, and well thought out. However, the reviewer and I seem to be working from different assumptions, and since those assumptions are fairly basic to what I'm trying to do with "Guardian," I thought I'd talk about some of them.
Here's the review:
The quality of your writing is still good, possibly a little better than when you wrote Way of the Apartment Manager, but Guardian in Spite of Herself is not as good a fanfic due to content.
WotAM worked because readers could care about Yukiko because of her caring for Naruto, and then it was ok that a lot of the story was about her. However in GiSoH, Naruto's role has shrunk *even more* and not by having more stuff around Yukiko, who readers already have an attachment to, but because of too much material about stuff happening around Yukiko, Naruto and Sasuke.
Seriously, you can still have the plot proceed at the pace you've set without having to have scenes showing everything going on (like with Ginji, etc). For an original work, you can do whatever to give the cast equal time but that's not a good idea for fanfics because after a certain point, when the main characters of the fandom have effectively become minor characters (which is what's happened to Naruto and Sasuke), that you start to lose the point of the fandom.
We don't have to see Naga telling her Mom that she *has* to go on the mission despite her injuries. We don't have to see side characters we have no emotional investment in (like Ginji and Eiji). Naga is interesting, but it would be better if you don't write in scenes with her unless Yukiko, Naruto or Sasuke are also in that scene.
The main thing that made WotAM good was the interplay between Yukiko and Naruto and her internal conflict between doubt and her desire to become a better ninja. That's lost in Guardian in Spite of Herself - Yukiko has hardly had any interaction with both Naruto and Sasuke, which would have made for a very good initial hook, and there's too much other stuff going on. This is one of those cases where you seem a little too preoccupied with a good plot and have maybe lost sight of the primary appeal of your scenario.
You can either show less of the other material and focus more on the boys and Yukiko to keep up the pace of your plot, or slow down your plot and space the scenes of those lesser characters farther in between by having more material with the boys and/or Yukiko. Really, you did a great job in Apartment Manager of making your OC interesting and compelling, it's a shame that the focus on her and her interaction with the boys has become less important than proceeding with the plot.
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The most obvious thing to start out with is that yes, I have sidelined Naruto in "Guardian." I've also sidelined Yukiko. I've introduced a LOT of new original characters, and I will introduce several more before the story's over (albeit mostly in bit roles)... and the story isn't anywhere near over -- we're only just getting out of the introductory phase.
So for people who liked the focus on Yukiko and Naruto's relationship, and Yukiko's character arc, "Guardian" will not be nearly as enjoyable.
This is true. I do not dispute this.
However, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. You see, "Guardian" is very deliberately set up to be a different kind of story from "Apartment Manager". The first story was about one character's personal growth and the relationships among a small group of people. Nothing in it was really life-or-death, and there was a light-heartedness that I found very fun to write.
"Guardian," in contrast, is a story about how ninja society interacts with and impinges on the wider world. By its very nature, it's darker, it involves a larger cast, and it's not as personally focused on any single character or relationship. The themes of family and the importance of pursuing one's goals/dreams do carry over (the first one carries over because it seems to end up in everything I write, and the second is at the heart of the manga), but the overall tone and thrust of the stories is very different.
So yes, I know that my choices won't work for everyone who liked "Apartment Manager," but I knew what I was doing when I planned "Guardian," and I think it's an equally good story. It's just going for a different effect.
As for the argument about the nature of fandom and fanfiction, I think this is another instance of differing assumptions/definitions. I realize that most people read fanfiction because they want more of characters they like. I do this too. However, I also read fanfiction because I want more of a world I like. I want to see fictional worlds explained, explored, and filled in with all kinds of things the canon source can't (or shouldn't, for plot, pacing, or tone reasons) take the time to show.
My obsession with world-building was fairly clear in "Apartment Manager," but it was at the service of a character-driven story, so I tried hard to subordinate it. "Guardian" is a more plot-driven story, which gives me a bit of scope to step back from the characters and let the world breathe a little. (This is not to say that character motivations don't matter -- they matter very much! -- but they're taking a back seat to mission orders [Yukiko and Naga] or plans for complete social reform [Eiji]. Sasuke comes the closest to a purely character-driven arc, but even he's being shoved around by events outside his control.)
I'm trying to give equal focus to all the viewpoint characters because otherwise the story feels unbalanced to me. I realize that this downplays Naruto, Sasuke, and Yukiko. Again, that's because they're not the main focus of the story. I cannot say that enough. The focus of the story (or at least what I'm attempting to focus on) is the flaws and virtues (or costs and benefits) of the shinobi society portrayed in Naruto, explored through the specific examples of Itachi, Akatsuki, and Eiji on the one hand, and various 'good' protagonist ninja on the other. (Seichi, at the moment, could be used to argue for either side. So could Kakashi, come to that.)
I realize that sequels are often 'more of the same'. Sometimes that's okay. Sometimes that's all you want to write. I wanted to stretch myself, though, wanted to make use of more of the Naruto world.
I am very sorry if that's not what people wanted to read, but there's a certain point past which, if you're not writing what you want to write, you might as well give up.
--------------------------------------
Anyway, it was a good review. It made me think, and it's good to articulate both what I'm trying to write and why I'm trying to write it.
Here's the review:
The quality of your writing is still good, possibly a little better than when you wrote Way of the Apartment Manager, but Guardian in Spite of Herself is not as good a fanfic due to content.
WotAM worked because readers could care about Yukiko because of her caring for Naruto, and then it was ok that a lot of the story was about her. However in GiSoH, Naruto's role has shrunk *even more* and not by having more stuff around Yukiko, who readers already have an attachment to, but because of too much material about stuff happening around Yukiko, Naruto and Sasuke.
Seriously, you can still have the plot proceed at the pace you've set without having to have scenes showing everything going on (like with Ginji, etc). For an original work, you can do whatever to give the cast equal time but that's not a good idea for fanfics because after a certain point, when the main characters of the fandom have effectively become minor characters (which is what's happened to Naruto and Sasuke), that you start to lose the point of the fandom.
We don't have to see Naga telling her Mom that she *has* to go on the mission despite her injuries. We don't have to see side characters we have no emotional investment in (like Ginji and Eiji). Naga is interesting, but it would be better if you don't write in scenes with her unless Yukiko, Naruto or Sasuke are also in that scene.
The main thing that made WotAM good was the interplay between Yukiko and Naruto and her internal conflict between doubt and her desire to become a better ninja. That's lost in Guardian in Spite of Herself - Yukiko has hardly had any interaction with both Naruto and Sasuke, which would have made for a very good initial hook, and there's too much other stuff going on. This is one of those cases where you seem a little too preoccupied with a good plot and have maybe lost sight of the primary appeal of your scenario.
You can either show less of the other material and focus more on the boys and Yukiko to keep up the pace of your plot, or slow down your plot and space the scenes of those lesser characters farther in between by having more material with the boys and/or Yukiko. Really, you did a great job in Apartment Manager of making your OC interesting and compelling, it's a shame that the focus on her and her interaction with the boys has become less important than proceeding with the plot.
--------------------------------------
The most obvious thing to start out with is that yes, I have sidelined Naruto in "Guardian." I've also sidelined Yukiko. I've introduced a LOT of new original characters, and I will introduce several more before the story's over (albeit mostly in bit roles)... and the story isn't anywhere near over -- we're only just getting out of the introductory phase.
So for people who liked the focus on Yukiko and Naruto's relationship, and Yukiko's character arc, "Guardian" will not be nearly as enjoyable.
This is true. I do not dispute this.
However, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. You see, "Guardian" is very deliberately set up to be a different kind of story from "Apartment Manager". The first story was about one character's personal growth and the relationships among a small group of people. Nothing in it was really life-or-death, and there was a light-heartedness that I found very fun to write.
"Guardian," in contrast, is a story about how ninja society interacts with and impinges on the wider world. By its very nature, it's darker, it involves a larger cast, and it's not as personally focused on any single character or relationship. The themes of family and the importance of pursuing one's goals/dreams do carry over (the first one carries over because it seems to end up in everything I write, and the second is at the heart of the manga), but the overall tone and thrust of the stories is very different.
So yes, I know that my choices won't work for everyone who liked "Apartment Manager," but I knew what I was doing when I planned "Guardian," and I think it's an equally good story. It's just going for a different effect.
As for the argument about the nature of fandom and fanfiction, I think this is another instance of differing assumptions/definitions. I realize that most people read fanfiction because they want more of characters they like. I do this too. However, I also read fanfiction because I want more of a world I like. I want to see fictional worlds explained, explored, and filled in with all kinds of things the canon source can't (or shouldn't, for plot, pacing, or tone reasons) take the time to show.
My obsession with world-building was fairly clear in "Apartment Manager," but it was at the service of a character-driven story, so I tried hard to subordinate it. "Guardian" is a more plot-driven story, which gives me a bit of scope to step back from the characters and let the world breathe a little. (This is not to say that character motivations don't matter -- they matter very much! -- but they're taking a back seat to mission orders [Yukiko and Naga] or plans for complete social reform [Eiji]. Sasuke comes the closest to a purely character-driven arc, but even he's being shoved around by events outside his control.)
I'm trying to give equal focus to all the viewpoint characters because otherwise the story feels unbalanced to me. I realize that this downplays Naruto, Sasuke, and Yukiko. Again, that's because they're not the main focus of the story. I cannot say that enough. The focus of the story (or at least what I'm attempting to focus on) is the flaws and virtues (or costs and benefits) of the shinobi society portrayed in Naruto, explored through the specific examples of Itachi, Akatsuki, and Eiji on the one hand, and various 'good' protagonist ninja on the other. (Seichi, at the moment, could be used to argue for either side. So could Kakashi, come to that.)
I realize that sequels are often 'more of the same'. Sometimes that's okay. Sometimes that's all you want to write. I wanted to stretch myself, though, wanted to make use of more of the Naruto world.
I am very sorry if that's not what people wanted to read, but there's a certain point past which, if you're not writing what you want to write, you might as well give up.
--------------------------------------
Anyway, it was a good review. It made me think, and it's good to articulate both what I'm trying to write and why I'm trying to write it.
