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edenfallingThis is the sequel to "The Way of the Apartment Manager," which can be found in clean draft here on ff.net, or in rough draft with comments here on my livejournal. It also has fanart, which can be found here.
This is a transitional chapter, and suffers a little because of it. Unfortunately, I needed the first scene because Iruka exists, damn it, and for him to vanish completely from the story would be weird. I needed the Eiji scene because he is one of the four viewpoint characters, and it's important that you know who he is and where he's coming from; I also needed to lay some background for future plot developments. And the third scene, which grew to be at least twice as long as I'd intended (my outline says only "Yukiko-tachi leave Konoha" -- I'm not quite sure how that turned into something like 2,000 words) is necessary because I forgot to explain certain things in previous chapters, or in the previous story, and because Seichi needs character development too.
*headdesk*
I swear, next chapter will have actual stuff happening! And tension! By all the gods that anyone ever held holy, there will be tension.
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The Guardian in Spite of Herself: Chapter 5
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Yukiko didn't usually visit Iruka at his house -- he tended to drop by her building at least once a week to take Naruto out for ramen, so there wasn't any need for her to visit him -- but she had a standing invitation from his great-aunt. Still, it would be polite to call instead of appearing out of the blue.
She dragged the phone directory out of her desk and thumbed through it, looking for Umino Iruka. The number had no address attached to it, naturally -- ninja never gave away their locations if they could help it. Most didn't even list their phone numbers, but Iruka needed to be available when parents had concerns over his students. Yukiko wondered if that made his aunt twitchy. She occasionally got twitchy about having her number listed -- and she really didn't like having her address in the directory, though she knew, rationally, that she needed it there for civilian business purposes -- and she hadn't grown up in a family saturated with ninja paranoia. Umino Sadako had. She had to care a lot about Iruka to let him reveal anything about their home.
Yukiko raised her phone and dialed; there was a several second pause while somebody at the closely guarded central switchboard read the numbers and connected her to Iruka's line. The phone picked up on the third ring.
"Ayakawa Yukiko calling," she said.
"Um, hello," answered Iruka. "Do you need me to come over?"
Iruka was a sweetheart, Yukiko thought as she twirled the phone cord in her fingers. He could hear in her voice that she wasn't hurt or panicking, but she never called him, so... "My mission got rescheduled because of Uchiha Itachi," she told him. "I leave tomorrow morning. I wanted to ask you to check on Naruto while I'm gone, and check on Uchiha Sasuke as well -- did I tell you he's living across the hall from Naruto now? Anyway, Naruto isn't thrilled about the mission, so he might skip lessons tomorrow. Don't kill him if he does, but I'd be grateful if you'd stop by to make sure he and Sasuke haven't killed each other -- you know how kids are."
"You didn't tell me about Sasuke, but Naruto did," Iruka said with a smile in his voice. "He talked my ear off while I was trying to grade papers -- for once, I actually wanted him to sneak off in search of ramen. I'll keep an eye on them." He shifted; something clinked and scraped, and Yukiko heard a sizzle on the other end of the line.
"Am I interrupting dinner?"
"Not yet," Iruka said, with the particular tone of voice that meant he was laughing at her but wouldn't admit it. "As long as you're on the line... do you know if Naga's still in the hospital? I was thinking of visiting her again this evening, but I just realized she might have signed out."
Shit. Iruka, with his protective tendencies, was not going to react well to Naga's new mission. In fact, Yukiko wouldn't put it past him to break into Kakashi's apartment and try attacking the jounin -- she didn't know how or when Iruka had found Kakashi's home, but he occasionally took advantage of that knowledge to ambush and yell at their self-proclaimed sensei. He'd also showed Naruto the apartment, which was cruel and unusual punishment for both the kid and the jounin. Yukiko had always suspected Iruka was hiding something devious behind his blushes and smiles; she considered that little maneuver proof positive that she'd been right.
"Yukiko? Yukiko?" Iruka's voice broke into her thoughts. "What's wrong with Naga?"
"She took a mission," Yukiko said, deciding to get everything in the open as fast as possible. "I don't have details, but she and Kakashi are tracking Uchiha Itachi, starting tomorrow."
The phone was ominously silent for a long moment. Then something clattered to the floor and Yukiko heard the click of a stovetop burner turning off.
"Excuse me," Iruka said with exquisite calm. "I have to go kill Kakashi." He hung up.
"Shit." Yukiko threw down the receiver and raked her hands through her hair. That went well. Iruka couldn't hurt Kakashi unless he got ridiculously lucky, of course, but you never could tell what casual comment might set the jounin off on some strange, internal tangent and make him vanish for several days... but talking about responsibility and dead teammates was a pretty good bet, and Iruka had sounded angry enough to try unbalancing Kakashi on purpose. This was absolutely not the time for that.
She picked up the phone and dialed another number. This one she knew by heart -- she'd called Taizen several times to discuss loopholes in the town's zoning laws, and the best ways to approach the council for permission to remodel her new building -- and she was fairly sure somebody would be home.
"It's Yukiko," she said when the phone picked up. "Naga?"
"Yeah. Want me to get my mother?"
"No. I told Iruka about your mission, and he said he's going to kill Kakashi. You might want to head him off."
"Why? Iruka can't touch-- oh, right." Naga groaned. "Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Can't afford to let Kakashi get weird now, but how do I stop Iruka when I don't know where Kakashi lives?"
"It's somewhere near the southeastern wall," Yukiko said. "Beyond that, you're a ninja. Track him! Good luck, and I hope you kill Uchiha Itachi very thoroughly and painfully. He deserves it." She hung up.
"Great. Just great." Yukiko rubbed the bridge of her nose and stared out her office window for a minute. She really hoped this wasn't an omen of trouble for her mission. Then she shook her head and knocked the heel of her hand against her temple. "Don't be superstitious," she ordered herself, and pulled open the file drawer that held the latest invoices, rent payments, and bank statements. She had a few more things to put in order before she left.
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"Daddy! You promised to help me cook breakfast today!"
The hoarse whisper insinuated itself into his dreams, slowly reeling him up out of sleep. Eiji opened gritty eyes to see his daughter's vivid blue eyes hovering over him. Thin sunlight fell across the floor from the corner of the far window; at that angle, it was far too early for Mitsuko to be up. "Mitsu-chan? What's wrong?"
Mitsuko poked his shoulder. "You have to get up and teach me to cook miso and rice and everything -- you promised, Daddy! Last night you said I couldn't make Mommy breakfast for her birthday unless someone taught me to cook, and then I asked who would teach me, and Uncle Ginji said you could, and you smiled. 'Silence implies consent,' Daddy -- you always say that. So it's like you agreed, and that's like a promise. So get up!"
Beside Eiji, Tetsuko groaned and tugged the blanket up over her face. "Anata, fix whatever is bothering Mitsu-chan and let me sleep."
"Your wish is my command, oh mistress of my account books," Eiji said, leaning over to kiss her ear. Then he clambered out of bed and adjusted the covers over his wife's body. "Sleep well."
"Come on, Daddy!" Mitsuko said, still in her overly-loud whisper. "And be quiet -- Uncle Ginji's sleeping on the sofa again, and I don't want him to wake up and tell Mommy. You know where the quiet places are in the floor -- carry me so we don't wake him up."
"First of all, Uncle Ginji is very good at keeping secrets," Eiji told his daughter as he tied his bathrobe. "He won't tell your mother unless you give him permission. Second, he's a shinobi. He'll hear us no matter how quiet we are. So we shouldn't even try to be quiet -- if we sneak around, he might think we're thieves or assassins, and he might hurt us before he wakes up all the way and realizes his mistake."
Mitsuko's expression grew solemn. "He'd be awfully sad if he hurt us by accident -- but Uncle Ginji's so fast! He'd stop in time, I know he would."
"But he'd still be sad that he came close to hurting you, Mitsu-chan, and then he'd worry that he might not be fast enough the next time," Eiji said as he followed his daughter downstairs. "So let's be a little noisy -- not too noisy, so we don't bother your mother -- but just enough. If we worry, Uncle Ginji won't have to." He deliberately stepped on the first singing board at the foot of the stairs, and hid a smile when Mitsuko started to jump on every third board; the thud of her paired feet drowned out the carefully tuned squeaks and groans.
The sofa faced away from the stairs, but the quality of silence emanating from it carried a tinge of watchful amusement.
"Unless you feel up to teaching Mitsu-chan to cook, go back to sleep," Eiji said as he leaned over the sofa's back. "But next time you volunteer me for things like this, I'm going to tell Tetsuko that I saw you watching one of the waitresses at the sushi place down by Rika's office."
"I watch her because she moves wrong -- she's too graceful." Ginji cracked open his eyes, and then held up a hand to shield them from the sunlight falling across his face.
"Not every civilian is as naturally clumsy as you think they are," Eiji said. "Shinobi don't have a monopoly on coordination. Maybe she likes to dance on her nights off -- you could ask her. It wouldn't hurt you to be more social anyway."
"Daddy!" Mitsuko gripped the kitchen doorframe, swinging back and forth. "Stop bothering Uncle Ginji and help me get the rice from the cupboards."
"It seems I'm summoned," Eiji said, laughing. "When Akiko gets here, tell her she can have the morning off. You might take her out for breakfast -- I'm fairly sure I'll burn something, despite Mitsu-chan's help, and there's no need for you to suffer."
"I don't have time to be social," Ginji grumbled, "and even if I did, I wouldn't start with your housekeeper. It's all right for you to be frivolous once in a while, but you have no sense of proportion."
Eiji raised one eyebrow and met Ginji's blue eyes steadily. "Which of us is the employer here? But yes, we'll talk about Akatsuki. Bring Takeshi and Rika to my office at three, and one or two of our missing-nin -- whichever ones you think are most trustworthy. Don't tell Tetsuko."
Something metallic crashed in the kitchen "Daddy! I dropped the pots!"
"Right," Ginji said. "Now go burn some rice before Mitsu-chan destroys your kitchen."
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Yukiko set her alarm for dawn and woke, as usual, five minutes before it rang. She pushed the knob to off and set about washing up and gathering her things. Half an hour later, a key turned in her apartment door and Naruto trudged in.
"Your missions start too early, Yukiko-neechan," he said as he plopped into a chair.
"We can't waste daylight," she told him. "Come on, kid, smile. I made you shrimp ramen and I excused you from the academy for the day -- you can do what you want, as long as you don't go too wild. I'll be back in a few weeks, and Iruka will stop by while I'm gone." She set a bowl down in front of the kid and ruffled his spiky hair. "Hey, maybe you'll even get to be friends with Sasuke -- wouldn't it be fun to have a boy as a friend, as well as Shinnin and Sakura?"
"Maybe," Naruto said, as he leaned over his ramen bowl and took a deep breath. "But not that jerk -- Kiba's cooler, or maybe Tora or Shikamaru. They don't act like they're better than everyone else, and they know how to have fun. That jerk never has fun. He just frowns and glares all the time, Yukiko-neechan, and nobody's really like that. Nobody's really that messed-up, right?"
"He never has fun, huh?" Yukiko stirred her miso thoughtfully. "You know, Sasuke might not know how to have fun. The Uchiha were really big on formality and duty, so I bet he spent a lot of time training instead of playing. And he was the son of the clan head, so he probably didn't have a lot of friends within his family -- they wouldn't have wanted to distract him from learning to be a ninja and to help run the clan."
Naruto looked skeptical. "Everyone knows how to have fun, Yukiko-neechan."
"Maybe everyone starts out knowing, but a lot of people forget. It's one of the sad things about growing up."
Naruto, spoon still in his mouth, made a disgusted face. "I'm not gonna forget! But maybe the jerk forgot -- that'd make me angry, so maybe that's why he's such a jerk. Hey, hey, I bet I can make him remember!"
Yukiko concealed a wince. "I'm sure you can, but don't play any tricks on Sasuke until I get back and you can run them by me first. Remember, he just lost all his family, so I don't think he'd really appreciate any jokes right now."
Naruto mumbled something into his ramen. Yukiko gave him a pointed look, and he sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I'll go easy on him."
"Kid, I know what you mean by 'going easy.' That's not going to cut it. Promise me: no tricks on Sasuke until I get back from my mission, and even then, you ask me first so I can make sure they're harmless."
"I promise I won't play any jokes on the jerk until after I ask you and you say it's okay," Naruto said. "You're mean, Yukiko-neechan. Who am I supposed to play jokes on now?"
"Iruka," Yukiko said, blithely sacrificing her friend. "I'm sure he'll understand. And don't tease Sasuke either," she added as an afterthought. Naruto pouted; she did her best to look unmoved.
Ten minutes later, she shooed the kid out of her apartment and checked her preparations one last time. She had a typical traveling backpack to carry a few changes of clothes, some snacks, a book for slow hours, and, of course, her wallet, a checkbook, an account book, and several letters of reference from various traders and shop owners. Those were absolutely legitimate, acquired through purchases of specialty supplies for her uncle, and they were the third most important part of her cover.
The second most important part was her appearance. She was wearing ninja-style sandals, but a lot of civilians used that style of shoe for long trips -- they were easy to walk in and gave good arch support -- so that wouldn't be too suspicious. Beyond that, she'd done her best not to look like a ninja. She'd pulled her hair up in a high ponytail to make herself look younger, and she'd dressed in a knee-length skirt rather than her usual pants. She couldn't even bring weapons, since Amane Eiji employed a cadre of missing-nin and they'd probably search her bags. She could pass off a single spool of wire as packing supplies, and one knife as a sensible precaution for a woman traveling through uncertain territory, but beyond that she was unarmed.
"This would kill a weapons-master," Yukiko muttered as she looked down at her collection of kunai, shuriken, and trap supplies. Her forehead protector draped, lifeless and accusing, on top of the pile. She touched the metal plate one last time, tracing her fingers over the leaf symbol, and then shoved the mess into a cupboard with her baking sheets.
Naruto had gotten annoyingly good at picking the locks on her safe and filing cabinets, but there was no way the kid would look through her cooking supplies, not when she'd left a box full of instant ramen cups out in plain sight as a distraction. He was bad enough with buckets, paints, and the blunted weapons the academy issued. She didn't want to think what he could get up to with good knives and trap materials.
Yukiko paused as a sudden thought hit her. Sasuke had brought real weapons from his old house. If he and the kid got to be friends...
She shook her head. Whatever might happen in the future, right now those two wouldn't even give each other the time of day, and that wasn't likely to change in the month she was gone. If it did, well, that was Iruka's problem.
Yukiko locked her apartment door and crossed the hall to make sure she'd left her office in order. The plans for her new building were laid neatly on her desk, and Yusuke's drawer in the left-hand filing cabinet had a blank check in case the boiler died before Yukiko got back to deal with it. "Naruto, touch this and die," she scribbled on a piece of scrap paper, and left the message on top of the architect's blueprints.
Then she locked her office, slipped out of her building, and left herself behind.
If she'd been on better terms with her uncle, and had been thinking long-term before her first intelligence mission, she would have built a complete cover identity. It was easy enough to pass herself as a year or two younger or older than 24, and Intelligence could have forged records for a non-existent second daughter of Ayakawa Yukina and Aoi. But she'd given her real name to the suppliers on that swing through Wave and River Countries, and it would look suspicious if a sister suddenly took over that role.
As it was, Intelligence had buried any record of her current service, letting people think that she'd simply passed the chuunin exam as a test to herself, and then quit to look after Naruto and her business. Yukiko rarely wore her chuunin vest; she ordered Yusuke to tell people she was out of town on purchasing trips, not spying missions; she wove distraction genjutsu over the yard before she practiced taijutsu or weapons; and she hoped nobody ever got suspicious enough during her brief visits to investigate her background in depth.
She wondered what cover Seichi used. He'd have to change his name -- the Fuuma weren't a particularly powerful ninja clan, but they were known, and he'd have a hard time hiding the darkness in his eyes if anyone looked closely.
Yukiko slowed her walk to an amble as she came in sight of the eastern gates. The guards glanced up at her footsteps, and unobtrusively looked her over. Yukiko waved casually to one of them -- her old classmate Hikari -- who smiled sourly and held out a hand for Yukiko's paperwork. She examined it for nearly three minutes, which was two minutes and thirty seconds longer than necessary, in Yukiko's opinion, and then pushed one side of the massive gate open with a deceptive ease meant to remind foreigners and civilians of the Leaf's strength. That it also reminded Yukiko that Hikari was a taijutsu expert while Yukiko had barely passed the taijutsu requirements to graduate from the ninja academy was an unspoken bonus.
Hikari handed back the papers and waved Yukiko through to where the caravan had gathered beside the forest. Yukiko put on her best dumb civilian look and beamed at Hikari. "Wow! Those gates must be awfully heavy. You're a lot stronger than you look, huh? Can you do lots of other ninpou too, like explosions and illusions?"
"None of your business, and you know the answer anyway," Hikari said irritably. "Go play trader like the washout you are, and get out of my face."
"How nice that we want the same thing," Yukiko murmured, and let Hikari close the gate behind her. She wasn't a washout -- she was a chuunin, Hikari's rank, and she had Intelligence clearance as well -- but she couldn't exactly proclaim that. Now and then, it rankled.
But this wasn't the time to think about that. Yukiko resettled her pack and walked toward the huddle of mules and people.
The eastern gate of Konoha opened onto forest, with only a narrow firebreak to separate the trees from the towering wall. On the northern side of town, the wall wasn't necessary -- instead, the short, steep-sided plateau that held the Hokage monument and the Hokage's tower served as a natural barrier. The southern and western gates led to the cultivated parts of Konoha's valley, and as such were almost always barred to foreigners. Trade caravans left through the eastern gates and traveled on foot or muleback through the forest and hills, guided by ninja along the ever-shifting paths around sentries and man-killer traps. Two trade roads ran within a day's civilian-paced walk -- one to the northeast and one to the south -- and Konoha maintained shelters where merchants could store their goods and wagons while they conducted business amongst the Leaf-nin.
Kurenai beckoned Yukiko toward the group and asked politely for her papers. "We're waiting for two more people," she said as she scanned them, "but if they don't arrive within half an hour, we'll have to leave without them. I believe one is traveling with you?"
"Yeah, a family friend," Yukiko said, just loud enough to let the nearest cluster of people overhear, without sounding like she wanted to be heard. "My uncle wants me to show him the ropes of specialty trading -- we'll see how it goes."
"Hopefully all will go well," Kurenai said. "Your papers are in order, Yukiko-san. Would you like to load your bag onto one of the spare mules?"
"Yes, thanks." Yukiko busied herself arranging her pack while subtly keeping an eye out for Seichi. It was good that he'd let her arrive first -- she knew a couple of these traders by sight, and now she'd laid the ground for his cover -- but he didn't seem like the type to be late.
Sure enough, she'd barely finished tying down her bag when the gate swung open again and Hikari ushered a tall, rust-haired figure through. Seichi was wearing the same gray duster, this time over a deep blue shirt with the top buttons undone in concession to the summer heat. A gold chain winked from around his neck, a sloppily packed bag was slung carelessly over his left shoulder, and his gait hovered halfway between a saunter and a strut.
One of the younger women in the caravan -- dark-haired, wearing the wide sash and billowy, striped pants that were popular down in the islands these days -- gave a wolf whistle. Yukiko wasn't sure whether to join in, frown at her new partner for attracting attention, or laugh herself silly over the incongruity of an Anbu assassin playing a roguish trader -- a lady-killer, no less. She settled for standing on her tiptoes and waving.
"There you are!" she called. "Come put your bag with mine."
The whistling woman glared at her. Yukiko smiled serenely and made sure to brush up against Seichi as he tried to work out how to attach his pack to the mule.
"Are we lovers?" he murmured for her ears only.
"Not yet, but if the idiot over there irritates me too much, that could change. What's your name?"
"Still Seichi -- it's common enough, and I prefer to keep things simple -- but Tsukene instead of Fuuma." He unzipped his bag, revealing badly folded clothes, several folders of various papers, bundled pens and pencils, a locked writing-case for ink and brushes, and at least ten decks of cards, each neatly tied together with silk cords. Seichi pulled out the cards and turned to face Yukiko. "Hold these, will you?"
His eyes were still ice-blue, but the flat, deathlike emptiness was gone, replaced by a spark of humor and an easy confidence. Yukiko blinked, and then let Seichi dump the cards into her arms. "Huh. I take it you gamble?" she asked.
"A little," Seichi said as he rearranged his bag until it lay a bit flatter against the side of the long-suffering mule. "Just for fun, though, not high stakes -- I don't let it get in the way of business. I think I have room now."
Yukiko handed the cards back. Seichi slid them carefully into his bag, except for one deck which he tucked into the pocket of his duster. "I don't know any card games except poker, hearts, and two kinds of solitaire," Yukiko said as he zipped his bag shut. "How many do you know?"
"Five hundred forty-six, last count, including fifty-two variants of solitaire. I like the three variants of hearts much better," Seichi said, reaching out to grab Yukiko's right hand before she realized what he was doing. He held it up, running his scarred thumb along her fingers, and smiled. "You have good hands -- delicate for fancy work, but strong enough to handle the cards. Would you like me to teach you some games?"
"It would certainly make the nights more interesting," Yukiko said. She caught his hand with her left and pulled it away from her fingers. "Until then, hands off."
"Pity," Seichi said softly. Then he tilted his head and life drained out of his eyes in a heartbeat. "Cover established?"
"...For now," Yukiko said after a pause to regain her bearings.
"Good. The last trader just arrived; we'll leave in a minute. I'll circulate -- it fits the persona." A mask of insouciance slid back over his face, and he added, "I hope the idiot irritates you soon." Then he grinned, winked, and ambled away toward a pair of middle-aged women in traditional Wind Country robes. It took him less than a minute to make them flutter their hands in helpless, smiling laughter.
Yukiko wondered what he'd said to them, and then wondered why she cared. It was just part of his cover, and no matter how nice his hands were, or how well he could pull off an outfit that by all rights should have looked cheap and tacky, there was no way she was going to forget that he was an assassin. No mooning over anybody with dead eyes or with more than twice her number of psychological issues -- that was her thumb rule, and she was sticking by it.
Besides, if Seichi kept this up, sooner or later someone was going to slap him. It might even be Yukiko, if he didn't drop the act once they picked up a wagon and some privacy.
Humming tunelessly to herself, Yukiko grabbed the mule's guide rope and followed Kurenai into the trees.
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End of Chapter Five
Back to chapter 4
Continue to chapter 6
Read the clean version here on ff.net. (Trust me, you want to read the clean version. Think of the lj version as what I'd send to beta-readers if this were Harry Potter fanfic.)
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I am rambling and I am quite sure this chapter could be trimmed by 300-500 words. Please, please tell me what to cut. Also, if I'm slipping OOC somewhere, tell me that too! I have no perspective whatsoever on this chapter, not after I spent nearly three months chasing it through my subconscious.
This is a transitional chapter, and suffers a little because of it. Unfortunately, I needed the first scene because Iruka exists, damn it, and for him to vanish completely from the story would be weird. I needed the Eiji scene because he is one of the four viewpoint characters, and it's important that you know who he is and where he's coming from; I also needed to lay some background for future plot developments. And the third scene, which grew to be at least twice as long as I'd intended (my outline says only "Yukiko-tachi leave Konoha" -- I'm not quite sure how that turned into something like 2,000 words) is necessary because I forgot to explain certain things in previous chapters, or in the previous story, and because Seichi needs character development too.
*headdesk*
I swear, next chapter will have actual stuff happening! And tension! By all the gods that anyone ever held holy, there will be tension.
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The Guardian in Spite of Herself: Chapter 5
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Yukiko didn't usually visit Iruka at his house -- he tended to drop by her building at least once a week to take Naruto out for ramen, so there wasn't any need for her to visit him -- but she had a standing invitation from his great-aunt. Still, it would be polite to call instead of appearing out of the blue.
She dragged the phone directory out of her desk and thumbed through it, looking for Umino Iruka. The number had no address attached to it, naturally -- ninja never gave away their locations if they could help it. Most didn't even list their phone numbers, but Iruka needed to be available when parents had concerns over his students. Yukiko wondered if that made his aunt twitchy. She occasionally got twitchy about having her number listed -- and she really didn't like having her address in the directory, though she knew, rationally, that she needed it there for civilian business purposes -- and she hadn't grown up in a family saturated with ninja paranoia. Umino Sadako had. She had to care a lot about Iruka to let him reveal anything about their home.
Yukiko raised her phone and dialed; there was a several second pause while somebody at the closely guarded central switchboard read the numbers and connected her to Iruka's line. The phone picked up on the third ring.
"Ayakawa Yukiko calling," she said.
"Um, hello," answered Iruka. "Do you need me to come over?"
Iruka was a sweetheart, Yukiko thought as she twirled the phone cord in her fingers. He could hear in her voice that she wasn't hurt or panicking, but she never called him, so... "My mission got rescheduled because of Uchiha Itachi," she told him. "I leave tomorrow morning. I wanted to ask you to check on Naruto while I'm gone, and check on Uchiha Sasuke as well -- did I tell you he's living across the hall from Naruto now? Anyway, Naruto isn't thrilled about the mission, so he might skip lessons tomorrow. Don't kill him if he does, but I'd be grateful if you'd stop by to make sure he and Sasuke haven't killed each other -- you know how kids are."
"You didn't tell me about Sasuke, but Naruto did," Iruka said with a smile in his voice. "He talked my ear off while I was trying to grade papers -- for once, I actually wanted him to sneak off in search of ramen. I'll keep an eye on them." He shifted; something clinked and scraped, and Yukiko heard a sizzle on the other end of the line.
"Am I interrupting dinner?"
"Not yet," Iruka said, with the particular tone of voice that meant he was laughing at her but wouldn't admit it. "As long as you're on the line... do you know if Naga's still in the hospital? I was thinking of visiting her again this evening, but I just realized she might have signed out."
Shit. Iruka, with his protective tendencies, was not going to react well to Naga's new mission. In fact, Yukiko wouldn't put it past him to break into Kakashi's apartment and try attacking the jounin -- she didn't know how or when Iruka had found Kakashi's home, but he occasionally took advantage of that knowledge to ambush and yell at their self-proclaimed sensei. He'd also showed Naruto the apartment, which was cruel and unusual punishment for both the kid and the jounin. Yukiko had always suspected Iruka was hiding something devious behind his blushes and smiles; she considered that little maneuver proof positive that she'd been right.
"Yukiko? Yukiko?" Iruka's voice broke into her thoughts. "What's wrong with Naga?"
"She took a mission," Yukiko said, deciding to get everything in the open as fast as possible. "I don't have details, but she and Kakashi are tracking Uchiha Itachi, starting tomorrow."
The phone was ominously silent for a long moment. Then something clattered to the floor and Yukiko heard the click of a stovetop burner turning off.
"Excuse me," Iruka said with exquisite calm. "I have to go kill Kakashi." He hung up.
"Shit." Yukiko threw down the receiver and raked her hands through her hair. That went well. Iruka couldn't hurt Kakashi unless he got ridiculously lucky, of course, but you never could tell what casual comment might set the jounin off on some strange, internal tangent and make him vanish for several days... but talking about responsibility and dead teammates was a pretty good bet, and Iruka had sounded angry enough to try unbalancing Kakashi on purpose. This was absolutely not the time for that.
She picked up the phone and dialed another number. This one she knew by heart -- she'd called Taizen several times to discuss loopholes in the town's zoning laws, and the best ways to approach the council for permission to remodel her new building -- and she was fairly sure somebody would be home.
"It's Yukiko," she said when the phone picked up. "Naga?"
"Yeah. Want me to get my mother?"
"No. I told Iruka about your mission, and he said he's going to kill Kakashi. You might want to head him off."
"Why? Iruka can't touch-- oh, right." Naga groaned. "Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Can't afford to let Kakashi get weird now, but how do I stop Iruka when I don't know where Kakashi lives?"
"It's somewhere near the southeastern wall," Yukiko said. "Beyond that, you're a ninja. Track him! Good luck, and I hope you kill Uchiha Itachi very thoroughly and painfully. He deserves it." She hung up.
"Great. Just great." Yukiko rubbed the bridge of her nose and stared out her office window for a minute. She really hoped this wasn't an omen of trouble for her mission. Then she shook her head and knocked the heel of her hand against her temple. "Don't be superstitious," she ordered herself, and pulled open the file drawer that held the latest invoices, rent payments, and bank statements. She had a few more things to put in order before she left.
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"Daddy! You promised to help me cook breakfast today!"
The hoarse whisper insinuated itself into his dreams, slowly reeling him up out of sleep. Eiji opened gritty eyes to see his daughter's vivid blue eyes hovering over him. Thin sunlight fell across the floor from the corner of the far window; at that angle, it was far too early for Mitsuko to be up. "Mitsu-chan? What's wrong?"
Mitsuko poked his shoulder. "You have to get up and teach me to cook miso and rice and everything -- you promised, Daddy! Last night you said I couldn't make Mommy breakfast for her birthday unless someone taught me to cook, and then I asked who would teach me, and Uncle Ginji said you could, and you smiled. 'Silence implies consent,' Daddy -- you always say that. So it's like you agreed, and that's like a promise. So get up!"
Beside Eiji, Tetsuko groaned and tugged the blanket up over her face. "Anata, fix whatever is bothering Mitsu-chan and let me sleep."
"Your wish is my command, oh mistress of my account books," Eiji said, leaning over to kiss her ear. Then he clambered out of bed and adjusted the covers over his wife's body. "Sleep well."
"Come on, Daddy!" Mitsuko said, still in her overly-loud whisper. "And be quiet -- Uncle Ginji's sleeping on the sofa again, and I don't want him to wake up and tell Mommy. You know where the quiet places are in the floor -- carry me so we don't wake him up."
"First of all, Uncle Ginji is very good at keeping secrets," Eiji told his daughter as he tied his bathrobe. "He won't tell your mother unless you give him permission. Second, he's a shinobi. He'll hear us no matter how quiet we are. So we shouldn't even try to be quiet -- if we sneak around, he might think we're thieves or assassins, and he might hurt us before he wakes up all the way and realizes his mistake."
Mitsuko's expression grew solemn. "He'd be awfully sad if he hurt us by accident -- but Uncle Ginji's so fast! He'd stop in time, I know he would."
"But he'd still be sad that he came close to hurting you, Mitsu-chan, and then he'd worry that he might not be fast enough the next time," Eiji said as he followed his daughter downstairs. "So let's be a little noisy -- not too noisy, so we don't bother your mother -- but just enough. If we worry, Uncle Ginji won't have to." He deliberately stepped on the first singing board at the foot of the stairs, and hid a smile when Mitsuko started to jump on every third board; the thud of her paired feet drowned out the carefully tuned squeaks and groans.
The sofa faced away from the stairs, but the quality of silence emanating from it carried a tinge of watchful amusement.
"Unless you feel up to teaching Mitsu-chan to cook, go back to sleep," Eiji said as he leaned over the sofa's back. "But next time you volunteer me for things like this, I'm going to tell Tetsuko that I saw you watching one of the waitresses at the sushi place down by Rika's office."
"I watch her because she moves wrong -- she's too graceful." Ginji cracked open his eyes, and then held up a hand to shield them from the sunlight falling across his face.
"Not every civilian is as naturally clumsy as you think they are," Eiji said. "Shinobi don't have a monopoly on coordination. Maybe she likes to dance on her nights off -- you could ask her. It wouldn't hurt you to be more social anyway."
"Daddy!" Mitsuko gripped the kitchen doorframe, swinging back and forth. "Stop bothering Uncle Ginji and help me get the rice from the cupboards."
"It seems I'm summoned," Eiji said, laughing. "When Akiko gets here, tell her she can have the morning off. You might take her out for breakfast -- I'm fairly sure I'll burn something, despite Mitsu-chan's help, and there's no need for you to suffer."
"I don't have time to be social," Ginji grumbled, "and even if I did, I wouldn't start with your housekeeper. It's all right for you to be frivolous once in a while, but you have no sense of proportion."
Eiji raised one eyebrow and met Ginji's blue eyes steadily. "Which of us is the employer here? But yes, we'll talk about Akatsuki. Bring Takeshi and Rika to my office at three, and one or two of our missing-nin -- whichever ones you think are most trustworthy. Don't tell Tetsuko."
Something metallic crashed in the kitchen "Daddy! I dropped the pots!"
"Right," Ginji said. "Now go burn some rice before Mitsu-chan destroys your kitchen."
---------------------------------------------
Yukiko set her alarm for dawn and woke, as usual, five minutes before it rang. She pushed the knob to off and set about washing up and gathering her things. Half an hour later, a key turned in her apartment door and Naruto trudged in.
"Your missions start too early, Yukiko-neechan," he said as he plopped into a chair.
"We can't waste daylight," she told him. "Come on, kid, smile. I made you shrimp ramen and I excused you from the academy for the day -- you can do what you want, as long as you don't go too wild. I'll be back in a few weeks, and Iruka will stop by while I'm gone." She set a bowl down in front of the kid and ruffled his spiky hair. "Hey, maybe you'll even get to be friends with Sasuke -- wouldn't it be fun to have a boy as a friend, as well as Shinnin and Sakura?"
"Maybe," Naruto said, as he leaned over his ramen bowl and took a deep breath. "But not that jerk -- Kiba's cooler, or maybe Tora or Shikamaru. They don't act like they're better than everyone else, and they know how to have fun. That jerk never has fun. He just frowns and glares all the time, Yukiko-neechan, and nobody's really like that. Nobody's really that messed-up, right?"
"He never has fun, huh?" Yukiko stirred her miso thoughtfully. "You know, Sasuke might not know how to have fun. The Uchiha were really big on formality and duty, so I bet he spent a lot of time training instead of playing. And he was the son of the clan head, so he probably didn't have a lot of friends within his family -- they wouldn't have wanted to distract him from learning to be a ninja and to help run the clan."
Naruto looked skeptical. "Everyone knows how to have fun, Yukiko-neechan."
"Maybe everyone starts out knowing, but a lot of people forget. It's one of the sad things about growing up."
Naruto, spoon still in his mouth, made a disgusted face. "I'm not gonna forget! But maybe the jerk forgot -- that'd make me angry, so maybe that's why he's such a jerk. Hey, hey, I bet I can make him remember!"
Yukiko concealed a wince. "I'm sure you can, but don't play any tricks on Sasuke until I get back and you can run them by me first. Remember, he just lost all his family, so I don't think he'd really appreciate any jokes right now."
Naruto mumbled something into his ramen. Yukiko gave him a pointed look, and he sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I'll go easy on him."
"Kid, I know what you mean by 'going easy.' That's not going to cut it. Promise me: no tricks on Sasuke until I get back from my mission, and even then, you ask me first so I can make sure they're harmless."
"I promise I won't play any jokes on the jerk until after I ask you and you say it's okay," Naruto said. "You're mean, Yukiko-neechan. Who am I supposed to play jokes on now?"
"Iruka," Yukiko said, blithely sacrificing her friend. "I'm sure he'll understand. And don't tease Sasuke either," she added as an afterthought. Naruto pouted; she did her best to look unmoved.
Ten minutes later, she shooed the kid out of her apartment and checked her preparations one last time. She had a typical traveling backpack to carry a few changes of clothes, some snacks, a book for slow hours, and, of course, her wallet, a checkbook, an account book, and several letters of reference from various traders and shop owners. Those were absolutely legitimate, acquired through purchases of specialty supplies for her uncle, and they were the third most important part of her cover.
The second most important part was her appearance. She was wearing ninja-style sandals, but a lot of civilians used that style of shoe for long trips -- they were easy to walk in and gave good arch support -- so that wouldn't be too suspicious. Beyond that, she'd done her best not to look like a ninja. She'd pulled her hair up in a high ponytail to make herself look younger, and she'd dressed in a knee-length skirt rather than her usual pants. She couldn't even bring weapons, since Amane Eiji employed a cadre of missing-nin and they'd probably search her bags. She could pass off a single spool of wire as packing supplies, and one knife as a sensible precaution for a woman traveling through uncertain territory, but beyond that she was unarmed.
"This would kill a weapons-master," Yukiko muttered as she looked down at her collection of kunai, shuriken, and trap supplies. Her forehead protector draped, lifeless and accusing, on top of the pile. She touched the metal plate one last time, tracing her fingers over the leaf symbol, and then shoved the mess into a cupboard with her baking sheets.
Naruto had gotten annoyingly good at picking the locks on her safe and filing cabinets, but there was no way the kid would look through her cooking supplies, not when she'd left a box full of instant ramen cups out in plain sight as a distraction. He was bad enough with buckets, paints, and the blunted weapons the academy issued. She didn't want to think what he could get up to with good knives and trap materials.
Yukiko paused as a sudden thought hit her. Sasuke had brought real weapons from his old house. If he and the kid got to be friends...
She shook her head. Whatever might happen in the future, right now those two wouldn't even give each other the time of day, and that wasn't likely to change in the month she was gone. If it did, well, that was Iruka's problem.
Yukiko locked her apartment door and crossed the hall to make sure she'd left her office in order. The plans for her new building were laid neatly on her desk, and Yusuke's drawer in the left-hand filing cabinet had a blank check in case the boiler died before Yukiko got back to deal with it. "Naruto, touch this and die," she scribbled on a piece of scrap paper, and left the message on top of the architect's blueprints.
Then she locked her office, slipped out of her building, and left herself behind.
If she'd been on better terms with her uncle, and had been thinking long-term before her first intelligence mission, she would have built a complete cover identity. It was easy enough to pass herself as a year or two younger or older than 24, and Intelligence could have forged records for a non-existent second daughter of Ayakawa Yukina and Aoi. But she'd given her real name to the suppliers on that swing through Wave and River Countries, and it would look suspicious if a sister suddenly took over that role.
As it was, Intelligence had buried any record of her current service, letting people think that she'd simply passed the chuunin exam as a test to herself, and then quit to look after Naruto and her business. Yukiko rarely wore her chuunin vest; she ordered Yusuke to tell people she was out of town on purchasing trips, not spying missions; she wove distraction genjutsu over the yard before she practiced taijutsu or weapons; and she hoped nobody ever got suspicious enough during her brief visits to investigate her background in depth.
She wondered what cover Seichi used. He'd have to change his name -- the Fuuma weren't a particularly powerful ninja clan, but they were known, and he'd have a hard time hiding the darkness in his eyes if anyone looked closely.
Yukiko slowed her walk to an amble as she came in sight of the eastern gates. The guards glanced up at her footsteps, and unobtrusively looked her over. Yukiko waved casually to one of them -- her old classmate Hikari -- who smiled sourly and held out a hand for Yukiko's paperwork. She examined it for nearly three minutes, which was two minutes and thirty seconds longer than necessary, in Yukiko's opinion, and then pushed one side of the massive gate open with a deceptive ease meant to remind foreigners and civilians of the Leaf's strength. That it also reminded Yukiko that Hikari was a taijutsu expert while Yukiko had barely passed the taijutsu requirements to graduate from the ninja academy was an unspoken bonus.
Hikari handed back the papers and waved Yukiko through to where the caravan had gathered beside the forest. Yukiko put on her best dumb civilian look and beamed at Hikari. "Wow! Those gates must be awfully heavy. You're a lot stronger than you look, huh? Can you do lots of other ninpou too, like explosions and illusions?"
"None of your business, and you know the answer anyway," Hikari said irritably. "Go play trader like the washout you are, and get out of my face."
"How nice that we want the same thing," Yukiko murmured, and let Hikari close the gate behind her. She wasn't a washout -- she was a chuunin, Hikari's rank, and she had Intelligence clearance as well -- but she couldn't exactly proclaim that. Now and then, it rankled.
But this wasn't the time to think about that. Yukiko resettled her pack and walked toward the huddle of mules and people.
The eastern gate of Konoha opened onto forest, with only a narrow firebreak to separate the trees from the towering wall. On the northern side of town, the wall wasn't necessary -- instead, the short, steep-sided plateau that held the Hokage monument and the Hokage's tower served as a natural barrier. The southern and western gates led to the cultivated parts of Konoha's valley, and as such were almost always barred to foreigners. Trade caravans left through the eastern gates and traveled on foot or muleback through the forest and hills, guided by ninja along the ever-shifting paths around sentries and man-killer traps. Two trade roads ran within a day's civilian-paced walk -- one to the northeast and one to the south -- and Konoha maintained shelters where merchants could store their goods and wagons while they conducted business amongst the Leaf-nin.
Kurenai beckoned Yukiko toward the group and asked politely for her papers. "We're waiting for two more people," she said as she scanned them, "but if they don't arrive within half an hour, we'll have to leave without them. I believe one is traveling with you?"
"Yeah, a family friend," Yukiko said, just loud enough to let the nearest cluster of people overhear, without sounding like she wanted to be heard. "My uncle wants me to show him the ropes of specialty trading -- we'll see how it goes."
"Hopefully all will go well," Kurenai said. "Your papers are in order, Yukiko-san. Would you like to load your bag onto one of the spare mules?"
"Yes, thanks." Yukiko busied herself arranging her pack while subtly keeping an eye out for Seichi. It was good that he'd let her arrive first -- she knew a couple of these traders by sight, and now she'd laid the ground for his cover -- but he didn't seem like the type to be late.
Sure enough, she'd barely finished tying down her bag when the gate swung open again and Hikari ushered a tall, rust-haired figure through. Seichi was wearing the same gray duster, this time over a deep blue shirt with the top buttons undone in concession to the summer heat. A gold chain winked from around his neck, a sloppily packed bag was slung carelessly over his left shoulder, and his gait hovered halfway between a saunter and a strut.
One of the younger women in the caravan -- dark-haired, wearing the wide sash and billowy, striped pants that were popular down in the islands these days -- gave a wolf whistle. Yukiko wasn't sure whether to join in, frown at her new partner for attracting attention, or laugh herself silly over the incongruity of an Anbu assassin playing a roguish trader -- a lady-killer, no less. She settled for standing on her tiptoes and waving.
"There you are!" she called. "Come put your bag with mine."
The whistling woman glared at her. Yukiko smiled serenely and made sure to brush up against Seichi as he tried to work out how to attach his pack to the mule.
"Are we lovers?" he murmured for her ears only.
"Not yet, but if the idiot over there irritates me too much, that could change. What's your name?"
"Still Seichi -- it's common enough, and I prefer to keep things simple -- but Tsukene instead of Fuuma." He unzipped his bag, revealing badly folded clothes, several folders of various papers, bundled pens and pencils, a locked writing-case for ink and brushes, and at least ten decks of cards, each neatly tied together with silk cords. Seichi pulled out the cards and turned to face Yukiko. "Hold these, will you?"
His eyes were still ice-blue, but the flat, deathlike emptiness was gone, replaced by a spark of humor and an easy confidence. Yukiko blinked, and then let Seichi dump the cards into her arms. "Huh. I take it you gamble?" she asked.
"A little," Seichi said as he rearranged his bag until it lay a bit flatter against the side of the long-suffering mule. "Just for fun, though, not high stakes -- I don't let it get in the way of business. I think I have room now."
Yukiko handed the cards back. Seichi slid them carefully into his bag, except for one deck which he tucked into the pocket of his duster. "I don't know any card games except poker, hearts, and two kinds of solitaire," Yukiko said as he zipped his bag shut. "How many do you know?"
"Five hundred forty-six, last count, including fifty-two variants of solitaire. I like the three variants of hearts much better," Seichi said, reaching out to grab Yukiko's right hand before she realized what he was doing. He held it up, running his scarred thumb along her fingers, and smiled. "You have good hands -- delicate for fancy work, but strong enough to handle the cards. Would you like me to teach you some games?"
"It would certainly make the nights more interesting," Yukiko said. She caught his hand with her left and pulled it away from her fingers. "Until then, hands off."
"Pity," Seichi said softly. Then he tilted his head and life drained out of his eyes in a heartbeat. "Cover established?"
"...For now," Yukiko said after a pause to regain her bearings.
"Good. The last trader just arrived; we'll leave in a minute. I'll circulate -- it fits the persona." A mask of insouciance slid back over his face, and he added, "I hope the idiot irritates you soon." Then he grinned, winked, and ambled away toward a pair of middle-aged women in traditional Wind Country robes. It took him less than a minute to make them flutter their hands in helpless, smiling laughter.
Yukiko wondered what he'd said to them, and then wondered why she cared. It was just part of his cover, and no matter how nice his hands were, or how well he could pull off an outfit that by all rights should have looked cheap and tacky, there was no way she was going to forget that he was an assassin. No mooning over anybody with dead eyes or with more than twice her number of psychological issues -- that was her thumb rule, and she was sticking by it.
Besides, if Seichi kept this up, sooner or later someone was going to slap him. It might even be Yukiko, if he didn't drop the act once they picked up a wagon and some privacy.
Humming tunelessly to herself, Yukiko grabbed the mule's guide rope and followed Kurenai into the trees.
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End of Chapter Five
Back to chapter 4
Continue to chapter 6
Read the clean version here on ff.net. (Trust me, you want to read the clean version. Think of the lj version as what I'd send to beta-readers if this were Harry Potter fanfic.)
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I am rambling and I am quite sure this chapter could be trimmed by 300-500 words. Please, please tell me what to cut. Also, if I'm slipping OOC somewhere, tell me that too! I have no perspective whatsoever on this chapter, not after I spent nearly three months chasing it through my subconscious.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-19 12:57 am (UTC)The Hikari section as well as the description of the village is again nice characterization and nice world-building respectively but probably could be cut.
I quite liked the interaction between the characters, including the blithe sacrifice of Iruka (heh). I still don't feel a real connection to Eiji but the info's necessary I suppose. Why is Eiji sleeping next to his accountant?
--
Secrets:
Hrm. I think the biggest problem for me is I don't particularly like HP canon and I'm indifferent to Ginny. I mainly like the HP world and its implications on material outside canon.
This Ginny seems to be more in control of herself than what it appeared like in the canon books (no uncontrollable blushing every time she sees Harry), and she seems so mature at times and then eleven at others. It's a bit disconcerting although that may just be due to her unique background. The loneliness and isolation you're portraying for Ginny is very evident though.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-19 12:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-19 01:43 am (UTC)I started writing "Secrets" because I wanted to make sense of her actions during that year. The isolation and loneliness were a side-effect of that, though they may be another reason I was drawn to the story.
I flail back and forth over Ginny's maturity. The problem is that I have direct experience with kids about 6 and 7 years old, because I'm a volunteer religious education teacher, but I don't have direct contact with people between 8 and about 18, so I have to guess at some of it, and base the rest off my own memories... and in a lot of ways, I really wasn't typical of girls that age. In particular, I didn't have crushes on boys, which is undoubtedly why my Ginny is relatively more composed around Harry and less gushy about some things.
Thanks for this review, too!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-19 01:37 am (UTC)As for the cuts... I don't want to cut the description of the village, since the isolation is a plot point. Also, I want to be absolutely clear about the assumptions I'm using as the base for any talk about Konoha's economy, location, and degree of 'hiddenness.' I may cut the Hikari dialogue, though. I like it, but you're right that it isn't particularly necessary. *sigh* "Kill your darlings," they say. *grits teeth and takes a deep breath*
As for the bit about Naruto and knives and Yukiko straightening her office, I do want her thoughts about Sasuke to stay -- I want to be clear that Yukiko has no idea that Sasuke and Naruto are willing to work together, and she's going to be shocked if they sneak along on her mission -- but the office-straightening can probably go. I will see about tweaking that tonight.
Thank you very much!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-19 02:04 am (UTC)The eastern gate of Konoha opened onto forest, without only a narrow firebreak to separate the trees from the towering wall. <--- this sentence seems rather awkward. I'm not sure if you mis-edited and meant "with only a narrow firebreak", or if you meant "without even a narrow firebreak".
Overall, I think it's a good chapter. ^^ I'm not noticing any OOC, except maybe that Yukiko told Iruka about Naga's mission in the first place... but I can't recall just how classified that mission would be, if it was. Not sure why you would want to shorten the chapter at all.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-19 02:37 am (UTC)I want the chapter shorter because I want it tighter, not because of the word count per se. "Guardian" is built on an action/adventure skeleton, and the timing of events matters a lot, so I don't want to let the pace lag too much even in quieter transitions.
Um. Hmm. Naga and Kakashi's mission really ought to be at least minimally classified, but then again, Kakashi told Yukiko, and it's obvious that somebody has to hunt Itachi, and neither Yukiko nor Iruka has any details... Still, it's odd, and it does want a bit of clarification, somehow or other.
Thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-19 02:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-19 03:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-19 03:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-19 04:05 am (UTC)I felt it necessary to have Yukiko getting her affairs in order and warning off Naruto, and I liked the setup for Iruka's rather messy time of dealing with Kakashi and Naruto in the near future. So no suggestions there.
The intro of the new faces seemed overly long, but they need to come in some time. Getting underway with the traders was nicely concise.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-19 04:24 am (UTC)As for the other bits, even if I don't cut them outright, I definitely want to tighten them.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-20 04:53 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-05-20 05:13 pm (UTC)I worry about world-building passages because world-building is one of my great loves and I know that, given half a chance, I can go on and on about details that fascinate me, but bore 75-90% of readers to tears. But I've been editing and tightening the chapter overall -- a bit here, a bit there -- so I think I may leave them in, just... adjusted a little. :-)
...de-lurking...
Date: 2006-05-21 03:48 pm (UTC)Remember, people have gotten away with spending a page on an escalator. (No, not kidding. Though I may misremember the exact minor thing which got the attention.)