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edenfallingHmm.
I have been sort of flinching away from answering the long and thoughtful AO3 comments on a certain fic for several days now, and I'm trying to figure out why. Clearly there is something about that process that's tripping me up, but what?
Generally I am not just cool with but actively interested in talking literary analysis and authorial intent versus reader experience, or varying theological perspectives, but in this case I just... dunwanna, I guess. And that puzzles me. Why am I so flinchy here? Possibly it's just that I am already shouldering a lot of mental/emotional stress right now, what with college courses and the general state of the world? But that doesn't feel like all of it.
I think some of it may be just that I don't want to deal with criticism right now. Which, you know, fair. Nobody is always in the right frame of mind to deal constructively with criticism.
Some of it may also be that I don't feel emotionally up to untangling criticism I consider valid (look at that plot hole! it sure is a pretty deep plot hole if you don't know the mental handwave I have never actually written or published!) from criticism I consider invalid (based on theories of literature I think are bullshit and/or irretrievably anchored in purity culture) from criticism I consider interesting but tangential at best (based on radically different religious perspectives and therefore best handled by explaining that I have a different religious perspective and discussion on that topic is not going to go anywhere useful unless that's acknowledged, generally followed by polite disengagement).
[Yes, this is a Narnia fic. That is really the only fandom in which I encounter this issue. Other fandoms, I either get complete whackjob rants or thoughtful appreciation. Narnia is the only one that seems to inspire, hmm, call them literary/theological rabbit holes that just don't stop from getting deeper, I guess. And I am congenitally weak to the temptations of rabbit holes.]
Some of it may also be that I want to write the story that fills the plot hole so I can then point to it and say, "See, I have dealt with your only relevant objection! Ha!" but that story would of necessity be long and complicated and also centered around a particular kind of emotional arc I'm not great at handling and would prefer to avoid. I mean, I could probably technically fill the plot hole with a much shorter vignette sort of thing, but I did make one stab at that approach and it fell utterly flat, so.
...Maybe I was just trying to use the wrong POV? That might have been a significant part of the flatness, come to think of it. Perhaps I could just try writing a drabble or a 3-sentence ficlet and see if the structural restriction can shove me past the sticking points.
Yeah, I think that wanting to have a solid thing I can point to and say, "See! This solves the plot hole!" is definitely the main reason I'm reluctant to answer the comments just yet. And probably general political/cultural exhaustion is also part of it. I wonder if I'll feel less twitchy after the midterm elections, assuming they go well? (Maybe even if they go badly; even then they'll still be done.) So I will try the structured tiny!fic approach and see if that produces anything useful, and otherwise absolve myself of any need to answer the comments until at least Saturday night.
*nods firmly*
Yes. That is my plan.
I have been sort of flinching away from answering the long and thoughtful AO3 comments on a certain fic for several days now, and I'm trying to figure out why. Clearly there is something about that process that's tripping me up, but what?
Generally I am not just cool with but actively interested in talking literary analysis and authorial intent versus reader experience, or varying theological perspectives, but in this case I just... dunwanna, I guess. And that puzzles me. Why am I so flinchy here? Possibly it's just that I am already shouldering a lot of mental/emotional stress right now, what with college courses and the general state of the world? But that doesn't feel like all of it.
I think some of it may be just that I don't want to deal with criticism right now. Which, you know, fair. Nobody is always in the right frame of mind to deal constructively with criticism.
Some of it may also be that I don't feel emotionally up to untangling criticism I consider valid (look at that plot hole! it sure is a pretty deep plot hole if you don't know the mental handwave I have never actually written or published!) from criticism I consider invalid (based on theories of literature I think are bullshit and/or irretrievably anchored in purity culture) from criticism I consider interesting but tangential at best (based on radically different religious perspectives and therefore best handled by explaining that I have a different religious perspective and discussion on that topic is not going to go anywhere useful unless that's acknowledged, generally followed by polite disengagement).
[Yes, this is a Narnia fic. That is really the only fandom in which I encounter this issue. Other fandoms, I either get complete whackjob rants or thoughtful appreciation. Narnia is the only one that seems to inspire, hmm, call them literary/theological rabbit holes that just don't stop from getting deeper, I guess. And I am congenitally weak to the temptations of rabbit holes.]
Some of it may also be that I want to write the story that fills the plot hole so I can then point to it and say, "See, I have dealt with your only relevant objection! Ha!" but that story would of necessity be long and complicated and also centered around a particular kind of emotional arc I'm not great at handling and would prefer to avoid. I mean, I could probably technically fill the plot hole with a much shorter vignette sort of thing, but I did make one stab at that approach and it fell utterly flat, so.
...Maybe I was just trying to use the wrong POV? That might have been a significant part of the flatness, come to think of it. Perhaps I could just try writing a drabble or a 3-sentence ficlet and see if the structural restriction can shove me past the sticking points.
Yeah, I think that wanting to have a solid thing I can point to and say, "See! This solves the plot hole!" is definitely the main reason I'm reluctant to answer the comments just yet. And probably general political/cultural exhaustion is also part of it. I wonder if I'll feel less twitchy after the midterm elections, assuming they go well? (Maybe even if they go badly; even then they'll still be done.) So I will try the structured tiny!fic approach and see if that produces anything useful, and otherwise absolve myself of any need to answer the comments until at least Saturday night.
*nods firmly*
Yes. That is my plan.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-11-06 04:12 am (UTC)I think so highly of you, your work and your vision. You are an unbelievably talented writer.
(no subject)
Date: 2018-11-07 05:36 pm (UTC)I'm mostly annoyed at myself because I was hoping to address the plot hole before anyone brought it up, and so I feel a little embarrassed for writing out of order and leaving it hanging. And then having that thing I completely agree with mixed in with a bunch of other stuff I could normally just shrug and say, "Yeah, whatever, different points of view" is a little emotionally tricky. *sigh*
I am pretty sure I will feel more stable once I get the plot hole filled, at which point I can untangle the rest of the commentary and do my usual "my background/perspective is not your background/perspective, and that's okay" thing.