wherein Liz discusses some family changes
Jan. 30th, 2019 06:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
edenfallingI have been sitting on this for a couple weeks, but I have permission to talk about it now, so.
It turns out that I don't actually have a little sister Vicky. Instead, I have a little brother Nicholas! (Hence my request for ridiculous nickname assistance.)
Nick hasn't told our parents yet, but intends to do that sometime in February. He's also started on testosterone.
I think at this point I am mostly tangled up in how to refer to our childhood, which is something I need to hash out with him because all the options are messy and I want to make sure he gets to pick what type of messy he prefers. Like, do I talk about tiny!us as sisters, and then maybe run into explaining that no, I had a sister but now I have a brother, or do I talk about tiny!us as sister and brother and then run up against all the ways that social gender expectations make our childhood interactions read really weird if you're imagining a girl and her little brother instead of a girl and her little sister, or do I preface everything with an awkward construction like, "back when we thought Nick was my sister..."? *hands* In an ideal world, nobody would care, but there is no ideal world because people have conflicting needs and also language is inherently imprecise and it's very frustrating.
On a less fraught note, I also have a weird kneejerk "no, you need a second middle name!" reaction because Nick's new name no longer fits the rhythm of a silly personalized lullaby our dad made up for both of us. (It goes "[Name] Elizabeth Culmer [Name], it's time to go to sleep my dear," or conversely, "Victoria [Name] Culmer [Name], it's time to go to sleep my dear." And "Nicholas Culmer [Name] is missing some necessary beats.) This distressed me enough that it kept me awake one night until I dredged up another family middle name that fit the rhythm, making him "Nicholas [Name] Culmer [Name]" and then I fell asleep feeling that I'd resolved a huge problem. Which is ridiculous, because A) it's Nick's name; he can do what he wants with it, and B) Dad hasn't sung that lullaby to either of us for something like fifteen years now. But brains are weird.
Anyway, I really like Nick's new name, because it preserves the same etymological root (just Greek instead of Roman) and also a similar sound in nickname form. (Hopefully this will help prevent verbal slips!)
Also I really want to be able to give him a hug in person, but geography inconveniently exists and thus we are separated by about a thousand miles. :(
It turns out that I don't actually have a little sister Vicky. Instead, I have a little brother Nicholas! (Hence my request for ridiculous nickname assistance.)
Nick hasn't told our parents yet, but intends to do that sometime in February. He's also started on testosterone.
I think at this point I am mostly tangled up in how to refer to our childhood, which is something I need to hash out with him because all the options are messy and I want to make sure he gets to pick what type of messy he prefers. Like, do I talk about tiny!us as sisters, and then maybe run into explaining that no, I had a sister but now I have a brother, or do I talk about tiny!us as sister and brother and then run up against all the ways that social gender expectations make our childhood interactions read really weird if you're imagining a girl and her little brother instead of a girl and her little sister, or do I preface everything with an awkward construction like, "back when we thought Nick was my sister..."? *hands* In an ideal world, nobody would care, but there is no ideal world because people have conflicting needs and also language is inherently imprecise and it's very frustrating.
On a less fraught note, I also have a weird kneejerk "no, you need a second middle name!" reaction because Nick's new name no longer fits the rhythm of a silly personalized lullaby our dad made up for both of us. (It goes "[Name] Elizabeth Culmer [Name], it's time to go to sleep my dear," or conversely, "Victoria [Name] Culmer [Name], it's time to go to sleep my dear." And "Nicholas Culmer [Name] is missing some necessary beats.) This distressed me enough that it kept me awake one night until I dredged up another family middle name that fit the rhythm, making him "Nicholas [Name] Culmer [Name]" and then I fell asleep feeling that I'd resolved a huge problem. Which is ridiculous, because A) it's Nick's name; he can do what he wants with it, and B) Dad hasn't sung that lullaby to either of us for something like fifteen years now. But brains are weird.
Anyway, I really like Nick's new name, because it preserves the same etymological root (just Greek instead of Roman) and also a similar sound in nickname form. (Hopefully this will help prevent verbal slips!)
Also I really want to be able to give him a hug in person, but geography inconveniently exists and thus we are separated by about a thousand miles. :(
