[Fic] "Into the Fire" -- Harry Potter
Sep. 8th, 2004 03:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
edenfallingI am unable to make Harry talk to me in a monologue -- he keeps glaring at me suspiciously, being sullenly silent, and occasionally yelling when I ask a personal question -- so I wrote this instead.
Maybe I should try talking to a younger version of him?
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Into the Fire
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It's funny, Harry thinks, that the magical world he thought would free him from the Dursleys is really just another trap, another place where he can't set a foot out of line. Only now the consequences of 'misbehavior' are deadly.
And he still has to go 'home' to his 'family' every summer.
"Did you weed the garden?" asks Aunt Petunia when he walks into the kitchen, sweaty and exhausted. She sniffs disapprovingly at his disheveled state.
"Yes," says Harry, and imagines her reaction if he told her that he wouldn't be dirtying her kitchen (which he cleans) if she hadn't made him weed that garden she's so proud of. In former years, she'd have yelled and swatted him, and sent him to his cupboard or room without a chance at the toilet.
These days, he's not so sure. She still hates him -- he's convinced of that -- but she's stopped shoving him out of sight all the time. And now and then, when he hears Uncle Vernon trying to convince her that he's nothing but a threat to their safety and sanity, that they should throw him out of the house, Aunt Petunia shuts her husband down in seconds.
Harry's been taking notes on her style. He thinks it might be useful for dealing with Malfoy, or for cutting short some of Hermione's wilder tirades.
In another week, he can leave for Grimmauld Place, the house that drove Sirius to his death. Some improvement -- he's only exchanging one prison for another. He'd almost -- almost -- rather stay. At least on Privet Drive nobody offers him false sympathy, or tiptoes around him as if he's an unexploded land mine.
Here, even if everyone hates him, the world makes sense. Here he can be an ordinary not quite sixteen year old boy, in a world where children aren't expected -- aren't forced -- to be murderers, where parents aren't killed because of stupid prophecies about their children, where nobody thinks he's anything special.
Because really, Harry knows, he isn't special. Yeah, maybe he's lucky with the way he keeps escaping death, but he doesn't think it's very lucky to have people around him die instead. Yeah, maybe there's a prophecy that says he can kill an immortal, evil wizard, but it would be nice if his destiny came with some instructions. Yeah, maybe he can save everyone somehow -- but he can't do it all by himself.
Somehow wizards always forget that.
Well, Ron and Hermione don't. They're with him all the way. But Dumbledore didn't even care enough to tell Harry why his parents died, why Voldemort's after him. Oh, Dumbledore can say he wanted Harry to be happy, but what he really means is that he was scared. Dumbledore had no idea how a boy could kill Voldemort, and so he stood back and hoped Harry could handle it on his own.
Harry's not completely sure he wants to save a world that dumps all its troubles on the shoulders of a teenage boy without ever asking if he wants the responsibility. He's really not sure he wants to be a killer for a world that selfish, that cold.
But they won't let him get away. Now that they've finally realized he was telling the truth, now they've realized that Voldemort is back, the witches and wizards of Britain are determined that Harry is their savior. He isn't allowed to say, "Sorry, I have no idea what to do. I hate him as much as anyone -- probably more -- but I'm not a murderer. Why don't you kill him yourselves?"
Harry's been pushed and shoved into the front of the war, propped up with empty words and wounded friends, and told to win or die.
One false step, and they'll turn on him too.
---------------------------------------------
Inspired by the 9/7/04![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
15minuteficlets word #71: falter
Minor revisions as of 2/2/08
---------------------------------------------
In RL news, I chickened out of visiting two temp agencies today, but will be going to my first class on early childhood education this evening. Eh, you win some, you lose some.
Also, it's raining. Bleh.
Maybe I should try talking to a younger version of him?
---------------------------------------------
Into the Fire
---------------------------------------------
It's funny, Harry thinks, that the magical world he thought would free him from the Dursleys is really just another trap, another place where he can't set a foot out of line. Only now the consequences of 'misbehavior' are deadly.
And he still has to go 'home' to his 'family' every summer.
"Did you weed the garden?" asks Aunt Petunia when he walks into the kitchen, sweaty and exhausted. She sniffs disapprovingly at his disheveled state.
"Yes," says Harry, and imagines her reaction if he told her that he wouldn't be dirtying her kitchen (which he cleans) if she hadn't made him weed that garden she's so proud of. In former years, she'd have yelled and swatted him, and sent him to his cupboard or room without a chance at the toilet.
These days, he's not so sure. She still hates him -- he's convinced of that -- but she's stopped shoving him out of sight all the time. And now and then, when he hears Uncle Vernon trying to convince her that he's nothing but a threat to their safety and sanity, that they should throw him out of the house, Aunt Petunia shuts her husband down in seconds.
Harry's been taking notes on her style. He thinks it might be useful for dealing with Malfoy, or for cutting short some of Hermione's wilder tirades.
In another week, he can leave for Grimmauld Place, the house that drove Sirius to his death. Some improvement -- he's only exchanging one prison for another. He'd almost -- almost -- rather stay. At least on Privet Drive nobody offers him false sympathy, or tiptoes around him as if he's an unexploded land mine.
Here, even if everyone hates him, the world makes sense. Here he can be an ordinary not quite sixteen year old boy, in a world where children aren't expected -- aren't forced -- to be murderers, where parents aren't killed because of stupid prophecies about their children, where nobody thinks he's anything special.
Because really, Harry knows, he isn't special. Yeah, maybe he's lucky with the way he keeps escaping death, but he doesn't think it's very lucky to have people around him die instead. Yeah, maybe there's a prophecy that says he can kill an immortal, evil wizard, but it would be nice if his destiny came with some instructions. Yeah, maybe he can save everyone somehow -- but he can't do it all by himself.
Somehow wizards always forget that.
Well, Ron and Hermione don't. They're with him all the way. But Dumbledore didn't even care enough to tell Harry why his parents died, why Voldemort's after him. Oh, Dumbledore can say he wanted Harry to be happy, but what he really means is that he was scared. Dumbledore had no idea how a boy could kill Voldemort, and so he stood back and hoped Harry could handle it on his own.
Harry's not completely sure he wants to save a world that dumps all its troubles on the shoulders of a teenage boy without ever asking if he wants the responsibility. He's really not sure he wants to be a killer for a world that selfish, that cold.
But they won't let him get away. Now that they've finally realized he was telling the truth, now they've realized that Voldemort is back, the witches and wizards of Britain are determined that Harry is their savior. He isn't allowed to say, "Sorry, I have no idea what to do. I hate him as much as anyone -- probably more -- but I'm not a murderer. Why don't you kill him yourselves?"
Harry's been pushed and shoved into the front of the war, propped up with empty words and wounded friends, and told to win or die.
One false step, and they'll turn on him too.
---------------------------------------------
Inspired by the 9/7/04
15minuteficlets word #71: falterMinor revisions as of 2/2/08
---------------------------------------------
In RL news, I chickened out of visiting two temp agencies today, but will be going to my first class on early childhood education this evening. Eh, you win some, you lose some.
Also, it's raining. Bleh.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-09-09 11:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-09-09 07:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-10 10:15 am (UTC)ok i need food now. obviusly 2 hours ofextra sleep mademe skip breakfast and so I' mgroggy and starved now ,adn talkig nlike I pulled an all-nighter.
It's scary but we'll have to prepare fthe factthat Harry migth feel lie kthis by now. eh..the reluctant hero .and is' only reasonable he's liek that now.