on the death of Pat S., my friend and former employer

[edenfalling]

When I was in high school, and during my college breaks, I used to work part-time for a woman named Pat S. She'd had crippling rheumatoid arthritis since she was a child, and she needed aid for almost all physical tasks (though her mind was just fine, and she worked as a social worker for many years, until her health problems got too bad). I cooked for her, helped her move around the house, helped her use the toilet, put her to bed, dressed her, drove her to appointments, watered her plants, cleaned her house, organized paperwork, provided conversation, did some basic medical tests, etc. The pay was crap (even after I switched from direct wages to working via a state agency), but I liked Pat, and I felt useful.

Pat died last Monday, July 7th.

I have the details second- or third-hand, from Susan and from Vicky's friend Heather.

To set the scene: Pat had a ramp attached to her back door, so she could get to her driveway. Most of it had a guardrail, but the flat section immediately outside the door did not have a railing -- presumably this was so other people could more easily go out and work in the yard.

On Monday, Pat's electric wheelchair fell off the ramp and into the shrubbery. The two people working there at the time called the ambulance, since she had a broken leg and collar bone, a lot of cuts, and a lot of bruising. Pat was apparently very upset and didn't want to be touched. One of the helpers told the EMTs not to touch her, which seems to have meant that legally they couldn't do anything to help her.

Eventually they got her to a hospital, and there seems to have been a resucitation attempt -- she'd understandably gotten worse -- but it didn't work. She died.

Nobody is sure exactly what the funeral arrangements will be, but Susan tells me Pat's family is thinking of cremation and a delayed memorial service. I hope I will be able to attend.

I feel awful about this in general, but I feel particularly bad because I didn't call or visit Pat the last time I was down in NJ, for Cat's bridal shower. I didn't have the time for a long visit -- especially since a half hour visit often turned into two hours of unofficial labor -- so I thought it would be simpler to just avoid Pat until the next time I was in Madison.

And now I will never see or speak with her again.

ETA: Here is her obituary.

ETA, 8/21/08: And here is a longer obituary and retrospective, transcribed from the Madison Eagle.

Comments

[askerian]

*hugs* I'm sorry.

[edenfalling]

Thank you.