Vicky in Spain
Dec. 12th, 2010 12:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
edenfallingSo after a month and a half of being the lousiest correspondent who ever failed to correspond (which is par for the course, really), I pulled myself together and wrote to Vicky -- partly about Christmas presents but partly just to say, "Hi, this is my life at the moment, how are you?"
It turns out she's not doing that great. The school has her working twice the hours she was told to expect, without any compensating pay increase. She is trying to make friends, but doesn't feel she has the time to really get to know anyone, so she has no local support system. She is constantly busy, has no confidence in her Spanish fluency and teaching skills, and is getting acne from stress. She's sharing an apartment with another American she met by chance; because she's the new tenant and doesn't have much in common with her flatmate (to borrow a term more accurate than the American "roommate"), she doesn't feel she can relax even in her own home. On top of all that, she feels guilty because people keep telling her she should be having the time of her life, and she's really, really not.
I am doing my best to lend a listening ear (insofar as one can listen by reading email), but I don't have much relevant life experience. I mean, I taught homeschool for a year and had moments of "What the hell am I doing? I don't know anything about this! I will screw these kids up for life!" but my reaction to that kind of stress is generally to panic briefly and then decide that I am doing the best I can and coherently presenting the information I am supposed to impart, and nobody ever said being cool was in the job description anyway. And so I soldier on and generally stop worrying. The thing is, that's a reaction based on my own emotional temperament and it would never in a million years work for Vicky, who is a lot more volatile than I tend to be.
So what I am asking, basically, is if anyone has advice on A) being a new teacher and coping with the emotional stress of the job, B) moving to a foreign country and establishing a support network, and C) dealing with a job that is not what you were told it would be, and perhaps negotiating for some changes (or at least a raise).
It turns out she's not doing that great. The school has her working twice the hours she was told to expect, without any compensating pay increase. She is trying to make friends, but doesn't feel she has the time to really get to know anyone, so she has no local support system. She is constantly busy, has no confidence in her Spanish fluency and teaching skills, and is getting acne from stress. She's sharing an apartment with another American she met by chance; because she's the new tenant and doesn't have much in common with her flatmate (to borrow a term more accurate than the American "roommate"), she doesn't feel she can relax even in her own home. On top of all that, she feels guilty because people keep telling her she should be having the time of her life, and she's really, really not.
I am doing my best to lend a listening ear (insofar as one can listen by reading email), but I don't have much relevant life experience. I mean, I taught homeschool for a year and had moments of "What the hell am I doing? I don't know anything about this! I will screw these kids up for life!" but my reaction to that kind of stress is generally to panic briefly and then decide that I am doing the best I can and coherently presenting the information I am supposed to impart, and nobody ever said being cool was in the job description anyway. And so I soldier on and generally stop worrying. The thing is, that's a reaction based on my own emotional temperament and it would never in a million years work for Vicky, who is a lot more volatile than I tend to be.
So what I am asking, basically, is if anyone has advice on A) being a new teacher and coping with the emotional stress of the job, B) moving to a foreign country and establishing a support network, and C) dealing with a job that is not what you were told it would be, and perhaps negotiating for some changes (or at least a raise).
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(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-12 06:58 am (UTC)Out of curiosity, how many other foreign teachers work at her school? If there are any other expat teachers, they would be the first resource I would go to for friends, advice, and/or job support.
A support network of expats should be easiest to set up and probably most helpful at this point. I know people who use meetup.com to find groups to join and meet up with, and make new friends that way. It may seem that she doesn't have a lot of time to know people, but as long as she repeatedly makes plans with people, and fills up her schedule with dinners/lunches with people, I personally find it easier to get to know people over food, and it is harder to dwell on tings I am upset about if I'm out all the time. (That's also a my-personality thing, though.)
Otherwise, I might advise advertising on craigslist or some other website looking for a language exhange partner. (I think lang-8.com might be able to help with that, too?) If she can find a good language exchange partner, that should help with her Spanish fluency and hopefully provide a native who can help her with any issues she has adjusting to the city, and also give her a friend.
If she's religious at all, I know a lot of my co-workers here found a really good support network when they found a church (note: generally, this is an expat, English-language church which also helps because they have that shared background) they were comfortable with.
Oh, and as for the roommate thing, does she have her own room? Because if so, it will really help if she has her own space (even if not the entire apartment) where she can just relax and do whatever. If she doesn't have her own room but there's only the one other roommate, and the roommate spends most of her time in the room, maybe your friend could spend more time in the living room? I know I've done that in the past, where I wanted to relax but my roommate was in my room, so I just sprawled across the couch in the living room and surfed the Internet there, and it gave me the illusion that I had my own room.
I think that's all I have to offer. The thing to keep in mind is that she SHOULD be having the time of her life, but there's always a period of culture shock/homesickness/transitioning that is difficult to overcome first. And it sucks. But this, too, shall pass. Does she have a year-long contract? Because the teachers here tend to be on a year-long contract, and most people complain that by the time they've finally got the hang of it, have their friends and their routines and know what to do and where to go and so on, by the time they have it ALL figured out, it's time to leave.
Hope that advice is somewhat helpful?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-13 05:03 am (UTC)She does have her own room, thank goodness. It's just that she feels beholden to her flatmate, since the flatmate was living alone perfectly well and doesn't need help with the rent -- Vicky is living there essentially as a gift, even though she does pay her own way. So she feels she has to be on "good behavior," and also she's never previously lived with someone she wasn't already friends with, so there's some adjustment shock going on.
But I will definitely tell her about using meetup.com and craigslist to find potential friends and other expats, and will ask her about the details of the English program at her school. Thanks for the tips!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-12 07:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-13 04:54 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-13 03:11 pm (UTC)(via
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-14 03:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-13 04:22 pm (UTC)Ah! This sounds so familiar! I taught English in Italy a few years ago and spent the first few months utterly miserable. It can be hard times, and a lot of schools are very bad for exploiting their staff.
So - the first thing she should know is she is not alone, or somehow failing because she's not having a good time. I think almost everyone finds it extremely hard to get settled in a new country and to feel like they're part of things. I was soooo unhappy when I started out, and had the exact same experience of feeling like I had somehow failed by not having the time of my life. But! Once I got past that, I DID have the time of my life. :D
Regarding the teaching thing - my experience has been that teachers who put their foot down about being exploited largely got an easing off of the workload, but I know that I never felt that comfortable doing that. Still, she should know that it is REASONABLE to say no, even if in practice she feels like she can't.
My number one tip based on my experience is to seek out friendships with local people (not just expats) and to embrace opportunities to be welcomed into their families. Spanish culture is quite similar to Italian, and i found that as a twenty-three-year-old girl on my own, I attracted a lot of sympathy for being in Italy without my family. Making friends with Spanish girls (I'm guessing yr sister is in her early 20s) means that you are pretty likely to be 'adopted' by their families, which feels warm and comfortable.
Finally, and I say this as someone who finds it VERY hard to approach things like this, I think that teaching abroad requires you to let go of your high standards a bit. I didn't really start enjoying myself until I took a more brutal aspect of 'I'll just get through this without it killing me' - which meant working less hard - and then lo and behold I did relax a bit and stop second-guessing myself / my teaching / my langauge skills. Which made me better at all those things.
Hard to FORCE yourself to go with it. But it will get better! And it is normal to feel like it was the worst idea ever!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-14 03:46 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-13 04:56 pm (UTC)I am Spanish living in England. A big part of how to deal with her problems depends on where she is in Spain. There is a lot of unemployment in Spain at the moment and employers take advantage of that, particularly in the worst hit areas. They know that if you don't like the working conditions and leave, there'll be plenty of other people queuing up for the job. It is crap, but that's what happens in some places. The type of contract she has would also be relevant, but I'll assume it is what we know as "contrato basura" (rubbish contract), a short term contract that means you have to be on your best behaviour if you want it to be renewed. Talking to her work colleagues to see what their situation is could give her a clue about what to do.
Couchsurfing, as somebody else suggested, can be a good idea if she wants to meet people. I know that, as well as allowing tourists sleeping space, couchsurfers meet up sometimes just to socialise.
If you want to give her my email address ( alicit at gmail dot com), I'll be happy to answer any questions she may have. Also, I am going back to Spain next week for Christmas, if she is somewhere in the North West maybe we could meet and talk about whatever she needs.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-14 03:48 am (UTC)Here via Copperbadge
Date: 2010-12-13 05:15 pm (UTC)Re: Here via Copperbadge
Date: 2010-12-14 03:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-13 06:08 pm (UTC)I haven't taught abroad myself, but many of my friends did a couple of years ago as part of our language degree (in German, fwiw). There are a couple of suggestions I can make:
- a good friend of mine had the problem of the school making him teach twice as many hours as agreed for no pay. Did she get the job through a third-party organisation of some kind? If so, she should talk to them about the hours issue, as they may be able to help. Otherwise, if she speaks good enough Spanish, she should try to find the local employee advice office - unfortunately my Spanish isn't good enough to find out what this is, but there will definitely be something like that there!
- with the flatmate situation - this probably isn't that helpful, but she really shouldn't feel like her flatmate is 'doing her a favour' by renting the room. Firstly, the flatmate probably has no choice but to rent out the room in order to make their own rent, and secondly, many people live in a similar kind of set-up in Spain. If the flatmate was willing to take on a flatmate, it's because they wanted one. However, if it really makes her uncomfortable then it may be worth her looking for a new apartment/living set-up, or maybe just finding a cafe that she can go relax in instead? (when I lived in Germany and had flatmate issues I used to spend all my time in the awesome cafe down the street).
- often universities will allow foreign teachers to sit in on classes as guests - that means not actually being enrolled in the course, but just able to sit in and listen. It's a good way of meeting people, though, and a lot of my friends did it!
- Finally, definitely, she should check out the expat bar thing. Or also, look into evening language courses for expats - they're often a good way to meet people.
It takes a while to build up a network of friends and support, but once it happens she'll have a great time :)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-14 03:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-13 11:03 pm (UTC)I'm in Spain (Toledo) right now as a conversation aid and having similar issues with building a social structure. Not until I got here did I realize how much my social-structure building skills sucked in the States as well. I'm lucky because there are other people doing the exact same thing here, so I kind of...fell into a social life. But I'm also trying to find a church community and getting my butt out of the apartment to things even as boring as the grocery shopping alone, going to the library, and talking to nice old men at the busstop.
So, I might not be that much help, because without the Internet I would be a horribly lonely person, but if she's in the Toledo/Madrid area I'd be happy to meet up for a coffee sometime...
Oh, about roommates, they can be scary. I've been living with one American and 3-4 Spanish folk for over a month and THIS WEEK I'm starting to feel more comfortable chatting, and telling them that YES I MOPPED IN THE KITCHEN WHEN IT WAS MY TURN, DAMMIT (expect put that in really really broken Spanish, without profanity), and chatting and not running for the safetly of my room when they appear in the common areas. If she is paying rent, she has every right to be there. So it's a matter of actually convincing herself of that, or finding a place she feels safe, and calm.
That said, I don't leave my room sometimes when I can hear that there are people in the living room. But sometimes I do. And neither choice is better than the other.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-14 04:07 am (UTC)Also here via Copperbadge
Date: 2010-12-14 12:41 am (UTC)It probably doesn't feel like it right now, but the job does get easier over time, especially once a routine is established. When I first started teaching (which was in Japan without being able to speak any Japanese), for the first couple of months, I had a lot of nights where I would wonder to myself, "What in the world am I even doing here?" as it just didn't seem like I was doing anything right, and I was feeling very frustrated with the whole situation.
Don't be afraid to try new ideas in the classroom. Sometimes they don't work at all, and sometimes they're such a huge hit one wonders why no one has ever mentioned them. It's also good to get a feel for the students as some classes enjoy certain activities where other classes would rather die than participate in those activities. It's okay to have fun in class, but it's also important to have the students' respect, and that can be a fine line to balance. Also, it's more than okay to be spontaneous. Some of my best ideas for a class occur while I'm in the middle of teaching the class, and there have been many times that I would throw out what I had planned out beforehand and went with what I had just thought up, and it worked well.
For the emotional stress, it's good to have time for oneself. Because of my work schedule in Japan, I only had Fridays completely free, and the staff at my school knew that Friday was MY day, and they wouldn't plan something on a Friday unless there was no other day it could be done. I had a time set up when I would Skype with my parents every week. This was nice because I could speak English freely without having to worry about whether or not I would be understood, and it also helped with any homesickness I might have experienced.
Do you happen to know what kind of classes and/or what age levels Vicky teaches? If you do, I could probably give her some more suggestions based on what she's actually doing as I've taught ESL in Japan and am currently a 9th grade teacher, and both of those teaching positions require different aspects of teaching.
Re: Also here via Copperbadge
Date: 2010-12-14 04:09 am (UTC)Anyway, thanks for the general suggestions!
Re: Also here via Copperbadge
Date: 2010-12-14 04:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-14 12:59 am (UTC)I don't have any experience teaching abroad, so I'm afraid I'm not much help on the job front, but: when I was studying abroad, skype was really a lifesaver. It's a great way to feel close to friends/family/loved ones back home. I don't know what her internet situation is like, but if it's at all possible for the two of you to see each other, even over video chat, I think that would really help her out. I wish her luck on the rest! Hope some of these other comments help her out.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-14 04:11 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-14 04:52 am (UTC)The other thing was that it's really, really exhausting to live in a foreign country rather than visit it. I know what she means about not having a safe haven to relax. It's really easy just to retreat and crash. What I found best was to try to have a really regular routine for sleep and meals, so that when I wanted to do something different, I had the energy to do it.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-15 09:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-14 10:06 pm (UTC)1) make her room hers. Posters, stencils, print out ridiculous quotes or fanart or cheap small versions of whatever she loves and put them all over the room. If the house can't feel like a sanctuary, the room can. Having a hidey-hole that is exactly what you want it to be can be sanity-saving.
2) get to know the kids. It is a stressful job in so many ways; the only way to feel like it's worthwhile (for me, anyway) is to really know and understand the people you're helping to form. Once you know what they need and that you can give it to them, are giving it to them, it can be a huge relief.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-15 09:44 pm (UTC)