[Fic] "Fall Into the Sea" -- original
Jan. 21st, 2011 02:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
edenfallingYet another 15-minute fic exercise that ran overtime -- about 60 minutes for this one. Also, I don't think it works very well. It flails badly and keeps wanting to be a different story entirely.
I actually figured out, about two paragraphs from the end, what the "egg" ought to be, and therefore what story I should have been telling instead, but that one will take a lot longer to write and also hooks into some of my other original fiction, which will require me to revise a bunch of details, to the point where the finished version will be drastically different from this groping in the dark through half-remembered themes.
So I thought, what the hell, I'll post the bad version just to prove I wrote something this month. It's a fairy tale, kinda-sorta, 1,025 words long.
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Fall Into the Sea
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Once upon a time in a kingdom by the sea, there lived a girl who had no family. Her mother died in a rockfall when she was very young, and her father drowned in a storm before she reached thirteen. They had both come to the village from across the water, so no one was left to claim their daughter as kin.
At first people shuffled her from house to house, trying to make space for her in their own hearths and homes, but she never seemed to fit. She was like a sharp-edged broken shell slicing through each network of blood and care in its turn. One moon, two moons, three moons at most, and she slipped back to the small, weathered cottage at the far end of town where she tended her parents' graves.
After a year, the people stopped trying to pull her in and let her skirt the edges of their lives the way her parents had in their day.
Only six of children kept reaching out: a tall boy, a short boy, and a boy with curly hair, a dark girl, a pale girl, and a girl with a crooked nose. They came to her house and brought her food and promised that she was their friend.
"Lally, tell us a story," they said. "Lally, teach us a game. Lally, call up the waves. Lally, sing us a song. Lally, show us a secret."
And Lally did. She told her friends about the kingdom under the waves, where the skin-shifters ruled and hunted the kraken and the shark. She taught them to juggle stones and shells, and to braid seaweed into skipping ropes. She whistled to the ocean and grinned when the waves stretched fingers up the sand to snatch at the others' ankles. She sang them restless lullabies about drowned sailors and pirate queens, about waterspouts and coral reefs. And once, on a moonless night when the spring tide was low, low, low, she took the girl with a crooked nose by the hand and led the others in a snaking chain, along the foot of the cliffs to a narrow cave where the wind and water moaned like the wandering dead.
"You must never tell what you see here," she told them, and her friends promised to keep the secret. Then Lally led them into the dark.
Inside the cave they walked for a mile, two miles, three miles or more until they reached a round room where a freshwater stream spilled from the earth to meet the sea in a swirling pool. All the roof was studded with shining crystal, and all the floor was paved with colored shells, arranged in pictures of bones. The children blinked at the sudden light that bloomed in Lally's hand: a cold light, like the glow of tiny firefish in the tide.
"My parents came here to build this," she said. "My mother died to shape the cave. My father died to call the sea. I have laid threescore bones for each and every one of you, so the earth and sea will know you."
"But why?" the tall boy asked.
Lally smiled. "To make a bargain. If you agree, this magic will keep you safe. No one of you will ever die by earth or sea. In return, you will guard something for me." She reached into the pocket of her ragged dress and pulled out an egg, small and gray and hard.
The children looked at the egg. "Will it hatch a monster?" the dark girl asked.
"No. It will hatch something beautiful," Lally said. "Will you make the bargain?"
The children looked at each other, wondering. But the girl with a crooked nose didn't wait for the others to answer. "I trust you," she said, and held out her hands for the egg.
"Keep it safe," Lally said, placing the egg into the girl's hands. Then she raised her hand and sent the cold light up into the crystals on the roof, which began to glow like stars. The children raised their heads to stare, and when they looked back down, Lally was gone. Only her dress lay on the patterned floor of the cave, with a faint ripple fading from the pool.
"Skin-shifter!" said the boy with curly hair.
"So what?" said the girl with a crooked nose, who held the egg in her hands. "She's our friend. And I promised." She picked up the ragged dress and wrapped the egg in its folds. "Let's go home."
The six children slept in Lally's weathered house that night, and went home in the morning to find their parents worried and angry. Nobody noticed that Lally was gone.
They kept the egg safe, passing it from house to house, waiting for full moon and the next spring tide. Then they joined hands and walked along the foot of the cliffs, searching for the mouth of the magic cave.
They never found it.
"Maybe it was all a dream," said the short boy as they sat by Lally's parents' graves. "Maybe it's not an egg, just a stone."
"Maybe it is a monster and the spell in the cave is a curse," said the pale girl.
The girl with a crooked nose shook her head. "No. Lally wouldn't lie to us. I'll keep the egg if you don't want to, but I won't break my promise."
"You keep the egg," said the boy with curly hair. "We'll keep the secret." The others agreed, and they never spoke of Lally's bargain again. But the magic held true, and none of them died by earth or water, no matter how wild the sea or how dangerous the cliffs.
The girl with a crooked nose moved in to Lally's house when she was grown, and lived alone at the edge of town, never quite fitting back into the old networks of blood and care. She kept the egg for three score years, until all her friends were dead and she was old, old, old. She kept the secret too.
And one day, as she lay dying, Lally came to see her again.
But that is a tale for another day.
---------------------------------------------
Inspired by the 1/16/11![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
15_minute_ficlets word #61: mosaic
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And that is that. For now.
I actually figured out, about two paragraphs from the end, what the "egg" ought to be, and therefore what story I should have been telling instead, but that one will take a lot longer to write and also hooks into some of my other original fiction, which will require me to revise a bunch of details, to the point where the finished version will be drastically different from this groping in the dark through half-remembered themes.
So I thought, what the hell, I'll post the bad version just to prove I wrote something this month. It's a fairy tale, kinda-sorta, 1,025 words long.
---------------------------------------------
Fall Into the Sea
---------------------------------------------
Once upon a time in a kingdom by the sea, there lived a girl who had no family. Her mother died in a rockfall when she was very young, and her father drowned in a storm before she reached thirteen. They had both come to the village from across the water, so no one was left to claim their daughter as kin.
At first people shuffled her from house to house, trying to make space for her in their own hearths and homes, but she never seemed to fit. She was like a sharp-edged broken shell slicing through each network of blood and care in its turn. One moon, two moons, three moons at most, and she slipped back to the small, weathered cottage at the far end of town where she tended her parents' graves.
After a year, the people stopped trying to pull her in and let her skirt the edges of their lives the way her parents had in their day.
Only six of children kept reaching out: a tall boy, a short boy, and a boy with curly hair, a dark girl, a pale girl, and a girl with a crooked nose. They came to her house and brought her food and promised that she was their friend.
"Lally, tell us a story," they said. "Lally, teach us a game. Lally, call up the waves. Lally, sing us a song. Lally, show us a secret."
And Lally did. She told her friends about the kingdom under the waves, where the skin-shifters ruled and hunted the kraken and the shark. She taught them to juggle stones and shells, and to braid seaweed into skipping ropes. She whistled to the ocean and grinned when the waves stretched fingers up the sand to snatch at the others' ankles. She sang them restless lullabies about drowned sailors and pirate queens, about waterspouts and coral reefs. And once, on a moonless night when the spring tide was low, low, low, she took the girl with a crooked nose by the hand and led the others in a snaking chain, along the foot of the cliffs to a narrow cave where the wind and water moaned like the wandering dead.
"You must never tell what you see here," she told them, and her friends promised to keep the secret. Then Lally led them into the dark.
Inside the cave they walked for a mile, two miles, three miles or more until they reached a round room where a freshwater stream spilled from the earth to meet the sea in a swirling pool. All the roof was studded with shining crystal, and all the floor was paved with colored shells, arranged in pictures of bones. The children blinked at the sudden light that bloomed in Lally's hand: a cold light, like the glow of tiny firefish in the tide.
"My parents came here to build this," she said. "My mother died to shape the cave. My father died to call the sea. I have laid threescore bones for each and every one of you, so the earth and sea will know you."
"But why?" the tall boy asked.
Lally smiled. "To make a bargain. If you agree, this magic will keep you safe. No one of you will ever die by earth or sea. In return, you will guard something for me." She reached into the pocket of her ragged dress and pulled out an egg, small and gray and hard.
The children looked at the egg. "Will it hatch a monster?" the dark girl asked.
"No. It will hatch something beautiful," Lally said. "Will you make the bargain?"
The children looked at each other, wondering. But the girl with a crooked nose didn't wait for the others to answer. "I trust you," she said, and held out her hands for the egg.
"Keep it safe," Lally said, placing the egg into the girl's hands. Then she raised her hand and sent the cold light up into the crystals on the roof, which began to glow like stars. The children raised their heads to stare, and when they looked back down, Lally was gone. Only her dress lay on the patterned floor of the cave, with a faint ripple fading from the pool.
"Skin-shifter!" said the boy with curly hair.
"So what?" said the girl with a crooked nose, who held the egg in her hands. "She's our friend. And I promised." She picked up the ragged dress and wrapped the egg in its folds. "Let's go home."
The six children slept in Lally's weathered house that night, and went home in the morning to find their parents worried and angry. Nobody noticed that Lally was gone.
They kept the egg safe, passing it from house to house, waiting for full moon and the next spring tide. Then they joined hands and walked along the foot of the cliffs, searching for the mouth of the magic cave.
They never found it.
"Maybe it was all a dream," said the short boy as they sat by Lally's parents' graves. "Maybe it's not an egg, just a stone."
"Maybe it is a monster and the spell in the cave is a curse," said the pale girl.
The girl with a crooked nose shook her head. "No. Lally wouldn't lie to us. I'll keep the egg if you don't want to, but I won't break my promise."
"You keep the egg," said the boy with curly hair. "We'll keep the secret." The others agreed, and they never spoke of Lally's bargain again. But the magic held true, and none of them died by earth or water, no matter how wild the sea or how dangerous the cliffs.
The girl with a crooked nose moved in to Lally's house when she was grown, and lived alone at the edge of town, never quite fitting back into the old networks of blood and care. She kept the egg for three score years, until all her friends were dead and she was old, old, old. She kept the secret too.
And one day, as she lay dying, Lally came to see her again.
But that is a tale for another day.
---------------------------------------------
Inspired by the 1/16/11
15_minute_ficlets word #61: mosaic---------------------------------------------
And that is that. For now.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-25 04:36 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-25 06:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-21 10:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-21 10:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-21 01:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-21 10:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-21 03:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-21 10:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-21 04:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-21 10:09 pm (UTC)Aside from fairy tales, Patricia McKillip's The Changeling Sea and Ursula Le Guin's Earthsea series are indeed the major influences for these stories. :-) I hope your cold gets better soon!
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-22 01:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-21 05:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-21 10:09 pm (UTC)