my grandmother is dying

[edenfalling]

I talked to my mom last night, and she mentioned that Grandma Doris had been feeling down lately, not eating much and retaining fluid. When Aunt Cara arrived to visit her this weekend, she thought Grandma Doris looked so bad that she decided to take her to the hospital.

Tonight I got an email from my dad:

Sad news -

Doris has been having various problems for a while and things got troublesome enough while Cara was there this weekend that on Sunday they went to the ER and admitted her to the hospital. It now appears that she has pancreatic cancer and it has spread in multiple places in her liver, plus there are multiple places through the abdomen where fluids are leaking out of the intestine. She has virtually stopped eating and often seems essentially not there. There are other problems too.

She will return to [the assisted living home] and receive hospice care in her room. Cara is staying until tomorrow afternoon, Bill will get there around noon and can stay over Tuesday night, and your mother plans to fly tomorrow night and get there Wed. later morning. That's as far as we have gotten.

This could all be over in a couple of days or maybe go on for a couple of weeks. I don't know that there would be any point in trying to visit her. Meds other than pain management will be stopped but they will give oxygen when needed.

We have not worked out whatever else will have to happen or when. A memorial service might be held off a fair amount of time I suspect so you don't need to feel you have to plan for an immediate trip.

Knowing that something like this was almost certain to come in the near future doesn't ease the distress much.

If I've got anything important wrong in this your mother will correct it soon.

love,
Dad



Grandma Doris is 93 years old. She's been fading away for years, fuzzing out in dementia. And nobody lives forever.

But aside from glaucoma and hip problems, her physical health has been generally good. This is...

...

This is.

Grandma Doris is dying.

I have to wrap my head around it.

...

I hope she isn't in pain. I hope she knows her children are there with her.

I was just thinking I should write her a letter so she'd have something to read when she got home from the hospital. I think I'll write it anyway. She likes getting mail. She likes knowing people are thinking of her.

Every little bit we can do to help, right?

Comments

[rurounitriv.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[edenfalling]

*clings*

[askerian]

oh hon. *hughughug*

[edenfalling]

*clings*

[erised1810.livejournal.com]

{hugs}

[edenfalling]

*clings*

[autumnia]

I'm so sorry to hear this! Will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

[edenfalling]

Thank you.

[rthstewart.livejournal.com]

I am sorry and my family and I wish you all peace during this difficult transition. With this excellent, loving plan in place, Doris will be comfortable and with people who love her and her remaining time will be dignified and without pain. A letter is a terrific idea. I hope that you can be there for your parents too for this is hard for children as we lose our last connection to our parents. Yet, our wonderful grandparents continue to live on in their wonderful children and grandchildren. May you all be comforted.

[edenfalling]

Thank you. Aunt Cara (who is a doctor) decided that it would be more disorienting and painful to move Grandma Doris back to Reed House (where they aren't really set up for hospice care anyway), so she's been moved to a hospice area of the local hospital. Her children are taking turns being there -- the current plan is that Uncle Bill relieves Aunt Cara, Mom and Uncle Charles arrive Wednesday, and my mom, at least, stays until the end.

I am calling my parents daily.

[alchymie.livejournal.com]

Indeed yes, every little bit helps. Helps her perhaps, helps the family... helps you. ((hugs))

[edenfalling]

*clings* It feels like so little. When my mom arrives Wednesday, I must call her cell and see if I can speak to Grandma Doris.

I just hope she isn't in pain. One reason the cancer and other issues got so far without anyone noticing is that, with dementia, it's hard for Grandma Doris to communicate clearly if she's in distress, so she couldn't or didn't report chronic abdominal pain. At least now people are asking her the right questions?

[leahnari.livejournal.com]

*hug*
Yeah, every bit helps. I hope everything works out as best it can.
Let us know if we can do anything.

[edenfalling]

*clings* Just being here is wonderful. Thank you.