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edenfallingI wrote more of "Secrets" last night, and the Christmas morning bits have become a sort of scene in their own right. It feels odd to be writing this story again, perhaps since I let it slide for several months this winter, perhaps because I've been spending so much time working in a different fandom (Naruto), and perhaps just because it's been almost three years since I started writing "Secrets." I'm stumbling a bit in my own story, like I'm a stranger in my own imagination.
Oh, it'll read just as well as any of the other chapters, I'm sure, but it feels different as I put the words together.
Sometimes when I write, everything comes together and I know that the story is going to say what I want it to say, be what I want it to be, and be true, even if it may not be the best writing ever, or the most well-constructed plot, or particularly brilliant dialogue. Other times, the words flow easily and I'm just having fun, even if I don't feel particularly inspired. There are times when writing is like pulling teeth -- sometimes because I can't figure out how to say what happens, and sometimes because I just don't know what happens next. Sometimes both at once, which is usually when I take a break for a few days until I can work past the roadblock in my subconscious.
Right now, though, the words are coming without much trouble, and I can figure out what happens without beating my head against a wall, but it's not all that fun, and the story isn't pulling together and saying "This way, now, like that." It's just words on a screen, and they're rambling. They'll get me where I want to go, and I know from experience that people reading later won't really see any difference between words I write this way and words I write other ways, but I know.
And I want the fun back. Or the rightness. Or even the brick wall, because at least then I know that somewhere in the back of my mind I have a plan important enough that I can't go against it.
Just now, I'm not connecting with my story. And I hate that.
Because when the story isn't in me, and I'm not in the story, it feels hollow.
Oh, it'll read just as well as any of the other chapters, I'm sure, but it feels different as I put the words together.
Sometimes when I write, everything comes together and I know that the story is going to say what I want it to say, be what I want it to be, and be true, even if it may not be the best writing ever, or the most well-constructed plot, or particularly brilliant dialogue. Other times, the words flow easily and I'm just having fun, even if I don't feel particularly inspired. There are times when writing is like pulling teeth -- sometimes because I can't figure out how to say what happens, and sometimes because I just don't know what happens next. Sometimes both at once, which is usually when I take a break for a few days until I can work past the roadblock in my subconscious.
Right now, though, the words are coming without much trouble, and I can figure out what happens without beating my head against a wall, but it's not all that fun, and the story isn't pulling together and saying "This way, now, like that." It's just words on a screen, and they're rambling. They'll get me where I want to go, and I know from experience that people reading later won't really see any difference between words I write this way and words I write other ways, but I know.
And I want the fun back. Or the rightness. Or even the brick wall, because at least then I know that somewhere in the back of my mind I have a plan important enough that I can't go against it.
Just now, I'm not connecting with my story. And I hate that.
Because when the story isn't in me, and I'm not in the story, it feels hollow.
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 03:52 pm (UTC)I do know the feeling. I've been wanting to do sequels/related fics for my story Bittersweet Sixteen, which I wrote in September. Nothing seems to be coming to mind that works properly :( I don't want it to be a multi-chaptered story; I want it to be 3-4 related fics of 5,000-10,000 words each (the first one was 7,500 words). I don't even know how to begin. I get little flashes of what angle to use on one or another of them but nothing has come of those yet. Plus I'm plodding through my self-described "fic o' doom", which is reminding me why I don't really like writing multi-chaptered fics. They're just waaay too much work. I want to write stuff and BE DONE WITH IT. (Oh, and get reviews ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 05:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 09:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 12:58 pm (UTC)"Definitions of Romance" was a story that felt right once I got out of the initial flailing around period. So I'm not upset that people like it more than my other stories. I just... I dunno... wish that I could summon that rightness on command, or that my longer works got recognition for the greater effort it takes to sustain writing interest through that many words. Because when the words are right, writing is the easiest thing in the world. It's only during the other times that I remember it usually takes work.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 04:26 pm (UTC)Yeah, I know about when the words are right. I don't get that feeling nearly often enough :(