![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
edenfallingback to part 15
---------------------------------------------
Trollstuck, part 16
---------------------------------------------
====>Be the righteous and enlightened leader
I'm sorry, who? Nobody currently in this story fits that description. It's possible the Sufferer did, but he's been dead for thousands of sweeps. Are you sure you want to jump that far back in time?
====>Be the righteous and enlightened leader's successor
I really hope you mean Karkat, because if you're trying to suggest that the Condesce is a good ruler, we will have to have WORDS. Which might or might not include a summoning incantation for a squid touched by the Denizens of the Outer Dark, akin to the one that might or might not still be playing with Eridan. :-)
====>Be the angry lover of romantic comedies
Now you're speaking perfectly comprehensible Alternian! Er. Or English. English works too, especially since I suspect you're reading this story on Earth despite the previously stated non-existence of that planet and its entire universe. But we're trying to avoid too much meta, so let's pretend this conversation never happened. Got it? Good.
Okay. Here we go.
====>Hours in the future, but not many
You are KARKAT VANTAS, and you are certainly not staring at your husktop screen like a stunned grub in the middle of failing the trials and about to get eaten by its less pathetically useless rivals. This entirely hypothetical and counterfactual state was equally certainly not brought on by a certain troll who shall remain nameless tossing around spade symbols like they don't cost anything to use and don't contradict the way she just wrangled you into cahoots with her. How did she even do that? She's terrible at navigating interpersonal relationships, even worse than you are, but somehow everyone seems to like her anyway.
God, you loathe her.
It can't go anywhere, of course. Even if you were old enough for concupiscent crushes to extend beyond flirting and maybe kissing or biting (depending on quadrant), any such move would immediately reveal the mutation that is the outward symbol of your status as a hideous joke the universe is playing on itself. And while nobody in your circle of hatefriends (with the obvious exceptions of Eridan and Equius) seems to care much about the hemospectrum, you can't trust that their disregard for normal differences might extend to disregard for outright abominations against nature.
But if it could... well, let's say that if Jarlia Agaion still wanted to smash in your face and lick your hideous and no doubt rancid-tasting blood off her claws, you'd be perfectly happy to return the favor. In spades, as it were.
And none of these thoughts are getting you any further toward doing anything useful for once in your miserable pustule of a so-called life. You are such a waste of breath. You need to suck it up and talk to Terezi. Maybe if you pick your words right she won't make you feel like even more of an immature idiot than she usually does. What kind of flesh-eating poisonous parasites have riddled your thinkpan enough that her mocking makes you like her? It is a mystery for the ages -- except wait, it's not, because the obvious answer is that you're just that maladjusted all on your own.
And you're delaying again. Fuck.
====>Suck it up and troll Terezi, dumbass
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --
CG: HEY GUESS WHAT.
CG: I HAVE A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OFFER FOR YOU TONIGHT.
CG: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO PUT YOUR JUSTICE FETISH INTO PRACTICE AND STOP A CRIME IN PROGRESS?
CG: HINT: IT INVOLVES VRISKA. YOUR ANSWER IS AUTOMATICALLY "YES."
GC: WOW RUD3 MUCH?
GC: YOU C4NT JUST 4SSUM3 1 W1LL DO WH4T YOU T3LL M3!
GC: YOU 4R3 NOT TH3 BOSS OF M3 4ND TH3 L4W C4NNOT B3 BR1B3D OR THR34T3N3D!
CG: WHATEVER.
CG: DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE ABOUT YOUR NEED TO FEEL SUPERIOR AND INSIST THAT YOU'RE THE ONLY SOURCE OF GOOD IDEAS?
CG: NO, I DON'T
CG: WHICH IS BECAUSE, GET THIS, I DON'T CARE.
GC: 1F YOU R34LLY D1DNT C4R3, YOU WOULDNT W4ST3 T1M3 T3LL1NG M3 HOW MUCH YOU DONT C4R3
GC: >:]
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: I GUESS YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT STOPPING VRISKA'S ASSAULT SPREE BEFORE IT ENDS IN ARADIA'S MURDER.
CG: TALK ABOUT HYPOCRISY.
GC: W41T WH4T???
CG: YOU HEARD ME.
CG: VERY SHORTLY, MAYBE EVEN RIGHT NOW WHILE YOU'RE WASTING TIME FLAPPING YOUR TONGUE LIKE A SOPOR-STUNNED IMBECILE, VRISKA IS GOING TO TAKE CONTROL OF SOLLUX.
CG: SHE'LL SEND HIM TO ARADIA'S HIVE.
CG: SHE'LL MAKE HIM BLOW IT UP.
CG: ADIOS ARADIA.
GC: 4RRRRRGH!
GC: 1 TOLD H3R SH3 SHOULD L34V3 VR1SK4 TO M3!
GC: 1 TOLD H3R NOT TO ST4RT 4NYTH1NG SH3 COULDNT F1N1SH!
GC: BUT WH4T DO YOU 3XP3CT M3 TO DO?
GC: 1 4SSUM3 YOUR3 NOT S1LLY 3NOUGH TO TH1NK 1 C4N CONV1NC3 VR1SK4 NOT TO B3 4 TR34CH3ROUS DR4M4 QU33N
GC: 1 TH1NK 1T H4S B33N 4MPLY PROV3N TH4T SH3 N3V3R R34LLY L1ST3N3D TO M3!
CG: REALLY? NOT EVEN WHEN YOU WERE PLANNING FLARP SPAZ SESSIONS?
GC: OK M4YB3 4 L1TTL3 WH3N PLOTT1NG C4MP41GNS, BUT NOT MUCH! SH3 W4S 4LW4YS RUNN1NG OFF ON T4NG3NTS
GC: K1ND OF L1K3 YOU 4R3 NOW! >:P
GC: H4V3 YOU TR13D TROLL1NG SOLLUX OR 4R4D14?
CG: HOW STUPID WOULD I HAVE TO BE TO TROLL YOU INSTEAD OF THEM IF CONTACTING EITHER OF THEM WAS A POSSIBILITY THAT WOULD BE OF ANY GODDAMN USE?
CG: BUT NO, TECHNICALLY I HAVEN'T.
GC: W41T
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW WH4T VR1SK4 1S PL4NN1NG?
GC: TH3R3 1S NO W4Y 1N TH3 UN1V3RS3 TH4T SH3 WOULD T3LL YOU 1NST34D OF GLO4T1NG 4T SOM3ON3 MOR3 CONN3CT3D TO THE 1NC1D3NT
GC: L1K3 M3 FOR 1NST4NC3
CG: SHE DIDN'T TELL ANYONE.
CG: OBVIOUSLY.
CG: SHE'S CRAZY BUT SHE'S NOT SO STUPID SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE.
GC: TH3N HOW
GC: OH OF COURS3
GC: J4RL14 H4D 4 DR34M
GC: BUT WHY WOULD SH3 4SK YOU FOR H3LP? YOU H4T3 34CH OTH3R!
CG: THE DETAILS ARE AS UNPLEASANTLY VAGUE AND MALFORMED AS THE REFLECTION OF HER FACE IN A PUDDLE OF LIQUIFIED SHIT, BUT ACCORDING TO WHAT JARLIA TOLD ME, ARADIA IS AFK.
CG: SOLLUX IS HAVING A BAD NIGHT AND IS THEREFORE VULNERABLE TO VRISKA'S CONTROL NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE TELLS HIM.
CG: AND KRONOS ISN'T AVAILABLE AS HER PARTNER IN CAHOOTS DUE TO A RARE BOUT OF SANITY WHICH CAUSED HIM TO REALIZE THAT JARLIA'S BEEN PASSING OFF A RANCID SACK OF GRUBMEAL AS HER BRAIN ALL THESE SWEEPS.
GC: TH4T 1S 4 COMPL3T3 4ND UTT3R M1SR3PR3S3NT4T1ON OF TH31R F1GHT, BUT OK
GC: 1 G3T 1T
GC: SH3 TROLL3D YOU B3C4US3 SH3 W4S FL1PP1NG OFF TH3 H4NDL3 4ND W4NT3D TO DO 4 L1TTL3 BL4CK FL1RT1NG TO SH4RP3N H3R FOCUS
GC: > :]
GC: >:]
GC: > :]
CG: THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS AND ALSO SO WRONG IT COULDN'T SEE RIGHT WITH A RADIO TELESCOPE.
CG: SHE TROLLED ME BECAUSE UNLIKE CERTAIN PEOPLE I AM A MASTER OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AND WOULDN'T HAVE MADE THE AMATEUR MISTAKE OF TRYING TO ENLIST JOTHAN AGAINST VRISKA.
GC: SH3 TR13D WH4T!
CG: THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
CG: LONG STORY SHORT, JOTHAN WENT TO TELL VRISKA THAT JARLIA AND ARADIA WERE IN CAHOOTS AGAINST HER.
CG: RUN THAT THROUGH VRISKA'S RAGING PARANOIA AND YOU END UP WITH A MURDER ATTEMPT
CG: MEANING THAT JARLIA IS THE SOURCE OF THE CATASTROPHE SHE WAS TRYING TO PREVENT.
CG: NOW I GET TO FIX HER FUCKUP.
CG: FEEL THE BURN OF MY SELFLESS GENEROSITY.
GC: 1 H4V3 4 SN34K1NG SUSP1C1ON TH1S CR1S1S WOULD NOT H4V3 GOTT3N SO S3R1OUS OR 3X1ST3NT14L 1F H3R ROBOT W3R3NT BROK3N
CG: SHUT UP THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING AND SHE DESERVED IT ANYWAY.
CG: THE POINT IS THAT NOW JARLIA'S TRYING TO GET ALONDE TO GET JOTHAN TO TURN ON VRISKA, WHICH IS EVEN MORE SENSELESS THAN TALKING TO JOTHAN DIRECTLY.
CG: MEANWHILE I FIGURED THE SANER MEMBERS OF OUR MUTUAL CIRCLEJERK OF IDIOTS COULD GET SHIT TAKEN CARE OF.
GC: OOH, M1ST3R V4NT4S, OOH!
GC: YOUR S34L OF 4PPROV4L ON MY C3RT1F1C4T3 OF S4N1TY 1S SUCH 4N HONOR!
GC: H3H3H3 >:]
CG: WHOOPS OFFER RESCINDED.
GC: 4WWW >:[
GC: 1 R31T3R4T3, WH4T DO YOU 3XP3CT M3 TO DO?
GC: 1T W1LL B3 D4WN 4T 4R4D14S PL4C3 1N 4 L1TTL3 OV3R TWO HOURS
GC: TH3R3 1S NO W4Y 1 C4N G3T TO VR1SK4S H1V3 1N T1M3 TO STOP H3R TON1GHT
GC: 1 M1GHT B3 4BL3 TO R34CH 4R4D14 BY D4WN, BUT 1 DONT TH1NK W3 COULD G3T 4W4Y B3FOR3 SOLLUX 4RR1V3S
GC: 4ND 1 C3RT41NLY C4NT STOP H1M! NOT 1F H3S UND3R M1ND CONTROL 4ND C4NT H34R M3
CG: I KNOW.
CG: BUT WE KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN.
GC: ...
CG: KRONOS CAN GET THERE IN TIME.
CG: HE CAN STOP THOLLUCKTH.
CG: I KNOW HE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH JARLIA AND HER VISIONS, BUT SAVING A FRIEND'S LIFE IS DIFFERENT FROM HER ASININE QUEST TO MAKE THE FUTURE A BILE-HEAVING LAND OF RAINBOWS AND COTTON CANDY FOR ALL.
GC: 1 KNOW!
GC: 4ND D4VV3N WOULD 4GR33!
GC: BUT TH1S 1S 4 R34LLY 4WK4RD T1M3 FOR TH4T CONV3RS4T1ON
GC: W3 JUST T4LK3D TH1S 3V3N1NG 4BOUT S3TT1NG UP 4 M33T1NG W1TH J4RL14 TO SHOUT UNT1L TH3YR3 FR13NDS 4G41N, 4ND 4LSO 4BOUT HOW VR1SK4 1S NOT MY R3SPONS1B1L1TY 4ND 1 SHOULD L3T 4R4D14 H4NDL3 H3R
GC: 1F 1 T3LL H1M J4RL14 H4D 4 DR34M 4ND NOW H3 H4S TO S4V3 4R4D14S L1F3 FROM VR1SK4, H3 W1LL TH1NK 1M JOK1NG OR TH4T 1 N33D 4 F33L1NGS J4M
GC: 1T W1LL B3 1NCR3D1BLY 3MB4R4SS1NG 4ND 1T W1LL T4K3 FOR3V3R TO CONV1NC3 H1M W3R3 S3R1OUS
GC: 1NST34D 1 TH1NK YOU SHOULD 1NT3RRUPT J4RL14 4ND 4LOND3 B3FOR3 TH3Y M4K3 4NY PL4NS
GC: T3LL 4LOND3 TO FORG3T 4BOUT JOTH4N 4ND S3ND ON3 OF H3R SQU1DDL3T3RRORS TO GU4RD 4R4D14 OR S1T ON SOLLUX
GC: PROBL3M SOLV3D >:]
CG: HA HA NO.
CG: FIRST OFF, CONTRARY TO YOUR APPARENT OPINION, I'M NOT SUICIDAL.
CG: SECOND, ALONDE'S VISITATIONS ARE NOT INVICIBLE. IF THEY EXIST IN THIS WORLD THEY HAVE A FORM
CG: AND THOSE FORMS CAN BE DISRUPTED.
CG: DEAL ENOUGH DAMAGE AND THEY GO POOF LIKE THE DAYMARES THEY ARE.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT SOLLUX IS REALLY GOOD AT?
GC: B31NG 4 SP4Z? >;]
CG: FUCK YOU I'M TALKING HERE.
CG: HE'S GOOD AT DEALING DAMAGE.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT SQUID ARE REALLY BAD AT?
CG: BREATHING AIR AND SWIMMING ON DRY LAND. EVEN ONES THAT ARE HALF HORRORTERROR.
CG: THIS LEADS TO ABSOLUTELY SHIT INDUCING BOUTS OF WEAKNESS WHEN FACED WITH A SUDDEN NEED TO EVADE ATTACKS.
CG: TRY TO CONTAIN YOUR DRIBBLING SHOCK AT THESE REVELATIONS.
GC: K4RKL3S, 4R3 YOU 1MPLY1NG TH4T 4LOND3 S3NT 4 SQU1DDL3BUDDY TO PL4Y W1TH YOU?
CG: IMPLYING, HELL. I'M OUTRIGHT TELLING YOU SHE DID.
CG: I DICED IT UP AND FED IT TO MY LUSUS, BECAUSE I'M AWESOME.
CG: BUT LIKE FUCK AM I PUTTING UP WITH THAT HOOFBEASTSHIT AGAIN. IT TOOK WEEKS TO GET THE STAINS OUT OF MY HIVE AND MY NEIGHBORS STILL THINK THE NOISES WERE A SIGN OF MY IMPENDING DESCENT INTO FROTHING INSANITY.
GC: >:O
GC: MY H3RO!
GC: >;]
CG: FUCK YOU AND THE IMAGINARY DRAGON YOU RODE IN ON.
CG: THE POINT IS THAT ALONDE'S UNSAVORY HOBBIES WOULDN'T ACTUALLY DO JACK SHIT.
CG: EVEN IF SHE SENT A VISITATION TO KIDNAP ARADIA, AND IF FOR SOME UNFATHOMABLE REASON ARADIA SKIPPED MERRILY OFF HAND IN TENTACLE WITH AN ELDRITCH ABOMINATION SUMMONED FROM THE BURBLING REMAINS OF A TORTURED CEPHALOPOD
CG: ONCE THEY POP INTO REALITY THOSE THINGS LEAVE A CRUSHED AND PUTRID TRAIL LIKE A BAND OF CULLING DRONES WEARING THE CORPSES OF THEIR VICTIMS AS SHOES AND DANCING A JIG AS THEY MARCH ARM IN ARM IN SEARCH OF THEIR NEXT TARGETS.
GC: 3WW
CG: ONLY A BLIND TROLL COULD MISS IT.
CG: VRISKA ISN'T BLIND.
GC: TH4TS WH4T YOU TH1NK!
CG: AND BEFORE YOU ASK, ARADIA WOULDN'T SURVIVE POPPING INTO THE FURTHEST RING, AT LEAST NOT AS A TROLL.
CG: WE'RE NOT MEANT TO WEAR OUR VISCERA ON THE OUTSIDE.
GC: >:[
GC: 4LL R1GHT, 1 W1LL GO P3RSU4D3 D4VV3N TH4T 1M NOT PULL1NG H1S HORNS
GC: 1 ST1LL TH1NK YOU SHOULD 4SK 4LOND3 THOUGH
GC: 3V3N 1F 1T ONLY T4K3S SOLLUX 4 COUPL3 M1NUT3S TO D3STROY TH3 POOR 1NS1D3 OUT 3X-SQU1D, TH4TS 3NOUGH T1M3 FOR 4R4D14 TO FLY 4W4Y 4ND H1D3!
GC: OR TO KNOCK SOLLUX OUT 4ND S4V3 H3RS3LF!
CG: NO.
GC: OOOOOH!
GC: 1 JUST H4D TH3 B3ST 1D34!
GC: GU3SS WHO H4S TH3 B3ST R1GHT ON 4LT3RN14 TO W4NT R3V3NG3 ON VR1SK4, WHO 1S FR13NDS W1TH 4R4D14, 4ND WHO C4N CONTROL 4N1M4LS???
CG: FUCK NO NOT HIM.
GC: 1T 1S...............
CG: LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS.
GC: ...........................................
CG: HE'S NOT CAPABLE OF HATING ANYONE. THERE'S SOMETHING BROKEN IN HIS THINKPAN.
GC: .........................................................
CG: FOR FUCK'S SAKE, MY BILE DUCTS ARE EATING THEMSELVES IN SYMPATHETIC SHAME AT YOUR BLITHERING VAPIDITY.
GC: T4VROS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CG: DAMMIT.
GC: H3 KNOWS HOW TO CONTROL 4N1M4LS 1N 4 B4TTL3, B3C4US3 OF H1S S1LLY F1DUSP4WN G4M3S!
GC: G3T H1M TO GU1D3 4LOND3S P3TS 4ND TH3Y W1LL H4V3 4 MUCH B3TT3R CH4NC3 4G41NST SOLLUX!
GC: OH! 4ND 4LSO!
GC: H3 C4N G3T 4N 4NIM4L TO F1ND 4R4D14 4ND SCR4TCH 4 M3SS4G3 FOR H3R TO R34D!
GC: OOOOOOOOH, H3 C4N G3T H3R LUSUS TO W4RN H3R!!
CG: FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, NO.
CG: I DON'T CARE HOW NEAT YOU THINK HIS PSYCHIC CRAP IS, DON'T YOU DARE MAKE HIM TRY REACHING ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE CONTINENT LESS THAN A PERIGEE AFTER HE BROKE HIS SPINE.
CG: THE LAST THING HE NEEDS IS ANY CONTACT WITH VRISKA, OR EVEN ANY REASON TO THINK ABOUT SPIDERBITCH MORE THAN HE'S ALREADY DOING.
CG: LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE.
GC: BUT 1T WOULD B3 GOOD FOR H1M!
GC: H3 COULD US3 4 W4Y TO R3M1ND H1MS3LF TH4T H3S NOT H3LPL3SS
CG: WOW YOU SOUND EXACTLY LIKE VRISKA.
GC: RUD3! >:[
GC: 1 DO NOT!
CG: YES YOU DO.
CG: YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF HIM. YOU CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS FOR HIM.
GC: WH3N D1D 1 S4Y 1 WOULD M4K3 H1M DO 4NYTH1NG?
GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO OFF3R H1M TH3 OPT1ON
GC: HOW 1S K33P1NG H1M TUCK3D 4W4Y 1N TH3 C4V3RNS NOT M4K1NG D3C1S1ONS FOR H1M?
GC: L1K3 VR1SK4 TR13D TO DO??
GC: HMMMMMMM???
GC: 3XPL41N TH4T GR34T L34D3R V4NT4S!
CG: BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW HE'D TRIP ALL OVER HIMSELF TRYING TO BE A HERO EVEN THOUGH TRYING TO CONTROL ONE OF ALONDE'S MONSTERS WOULD PROBABLY FRY HIS THINKPAN LIKE A GRUB OUT IN THE MIDDAY SUN.
CG: BESIDES, GAMZEE SHOULD BE AT HIS HIVE BY NOW.
CG: I BET YOU A COPY OF "IN WHICH A BAND OF REBELS CAPTURE A PAIR OF YOUNG DRAGONS AND USE THEM TO DEVASTATE THE COUNTRYSIDE UNTIL A WOUNDED THRESHCUTIONER AND A NOVICE LEGISLACERATOR, ETC." THAT THEY'RE ALREADY STONED OUT OF THEIR MINDS AND LAUGHING AT "MIRACLES."
GC: 1 W1LL NOT T4K3 TH4T B3T!
GC: NO M4TT3R HOW T3MPT1NG TH3 B41T >:\
GC: 4LSO WH1L3 YOUR PO1NT 4BOUT CH3M1C4L INC4P4C1T4T1ON ST4NDS, 1 TH1NK YOUR3 B31NG 4 P4TRON1Z1NG DUMB4SS FOR NOT G1V1NG T4VROS TH3 CH4NC3 TO PROT3CT H1S FR13ND 4ND P4RTN3R
GC: L1F3 1SNT S4F3, K4RK4T! CODDL1NG H1M L1K3 4 WR1GGL3R 1S TH3 S4M3 TH1NG VR1SK4 D1D, JUST 1N TH3 OPPOS1T3 D1R3CT1ON
GC: 4ND UNL3SS YOU TURN3D 1NTO 4 F41RY BULL OV3RD4Y, YOUR3 NOT H1S LUSUS
GC: H3H3H3 >:P
CG: SAYS THE GIRL WHO PRETENDS SHE'S A DRAGON.
GC: Y3S, Y3S 1 DO >:]
GC: BUT YOU H4V3 L3D M3 OFF ON 4NOTH3R T4NG3NT 4ND W3 4R3 W4ST1NG V4LU4BL3 T1M3!
GC: 1 W1LL GO 3XPL41N TH3 S1TU4T1ON TO D4VV3N
GC: YOU W1LL STOP B31NG 4 WH1NY GRUBF4C3 4ND GO T4LK TO 4LOND3
GC: DO NOT 4RGU3 W1TH M3 4BOUT TH1S, K4RKL3S! R3M3MB3R 4R4D14S L1F3 1S ON TH3 L1N3!
GC: TH1S 1S V3RY 1MPORT4NT 4ND CONC3RNS 4LL OF OUR H4T3FR13NDS
CG: IN THAT CASE WHY DON'T I JUST OPEN A MEMO AND INVITE EVERYONE TO A FREE FOR ALL?
CG: THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY FAIL TO BE A PRODUCTIVE USE OF TIME.
GC: Y3S, YOU SHOULD DO TH4T! W3 N33D TO M4K3 SUR3 NOTH1NG L1K3 TH1S H4PP3NS 4G41N
GC: BUT ONLY 4FT3R YOU TROLL 4LOND3
GC: L4T3R!
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
====>Fume
Well that went just perfectly, didn't it. How does she turn you around like that every time? This was supposed to be straightforward -- explain Jarlia's fuckup, give Terezi her instructions, settle back with the warm and righteous glow of knowing you succeeded where Jarlia failed. Instead it somehow ended with Terezi making you feel like a douchewaffle for wanting to keep Tavros from breaking his brain as well as his back, and practically ordering you to contact Alonde.
Fuck that. She's not the boss of you. What can she do if you spend the rest of the night coding viruses instead of talking to pretentious creeps or opening pointless memos? Nothing, that's what!
...
Shit, what if she never talks to you again? What if she's right, and Alonde could buy a vital minute or two that could make the difference between Aradia living and Aradia waltzing off to join her band of ghosts? If Sollux kills her, he'll never get over it. Neither will Tavros, and therefore neither will Gamzee, the idiot. (You really hope he made it safely to Tavros's hive. He has a boat and Jothan swears they've learned how not to capsize every twenty minutes, but he took some pie with him and you know how he gets right after eating a fresh one.)
What if Jarlia comes up with the same idea on her own and finds out you had the chance to save the day and didn't use it and gloats at you forever?
Argh!
What the fuck should you do?
---------------
---------------
---------------
What should Karkat do next? The most obvious options are to troll Alonde or try to contact Gamzee (and/or Tavros), but I am open to pretty much any suggestions!
---------------------------------------------
continue to part 17
Man, Karkat is crazy hard to write. Which is weird, because Dave is dead easy and their speech patterns are not all that dissimilar, but there you go. Maybe it's the punctuation? Or it could just be that stupid pop culture metaphors are easier than graphically disgusting technical descriptions of alien biology. Oh well, whatever.
---------------------------------------------
Trollstuck, part 16
---------------------------------------------
====>Be the righteous and enlightened leader
I'm sorry, who? Nobody currently in this story fits that description. It's possible the Sufferer did, but he's been dead for thousands of sweeps. Are you sure you want to jump that far back in time?
====>Be the righteous and enlightened leader's successor
I really hope you mean Karkat, because if you're trying to suggest that the Condesce is a good ruler, we will have to have WORDS. Which might or might not include a summoning incantation for a squid touched by the Denizens of the Outer Dark, akin to the one that might or might not still be playing with Eridan. :-)
====>Be the angry lover of romantic comedies
Now you're speaking perfectly comprehensible Alternian! Er. Or English. English works too, especially since I suspect you're reading this story on Earth despite the previously stated non-existence of that planet and its entire universe. But we're trying to avoid too much meta, so let's pretend this conversation never happened. Got it? Good.
Okay. Here we go.
====>Hours in the future, but not many
You are KARKAT VANTAS, and you are certainly not staring at your husktop screen like a stunned grub in the middle of failing the trials and about to get eaten by its less pathetically useless rivals. This entirely hypothetical and counterfactual state was equally certainly not brought on by a certain troll who shall remain nameless tossing around spade symbols like they don't cost anything to use and don't contradict the way she just wrangled you into cahoots with her. How did she even do that? She's terrible at navigating interpersonal relationships, even worse than you are, but somehow everyone seems to like her anyway.
God, you loathe her.
It can't go anywhere, of course. Even if you were old enough for concupiscent crushes to extend beyond flirting and maybe kissing or biting (depending on quadrant), any such move would immediately reveal the mutation that is the outward symbol of your status as a hideous joke the universe is playing on itself. And while nobody in your circle of hatefriends (with the obvious exceptions of Eridan and Equius) seems to care much about the hemospectrum, you can't trust that their disregard for normal differences might extend to disregard for outright abominations against nature.
But if it could... well, let's say that if Jarlia Agaion still wanted to smash in your face and lick your hideous and no doubt rancid-tasting blood off her claws, you'd be perfectly happy to return the favor. In spades, as it were.
And none of these thoughts are getting you any further toward doing anything useful for once in your miserable pustule of a so-called life. You are such a waste of breath. You need to suck it up and talk to Terezi. Maybe if you pick your words right she won't make you feel like even more of an immature idiot than she usually does. What kind of flesh-eating poisonous parasites have riddled your thinkpan enough that her mocking makes you like her? It is a mystery for the ages -- except wait, it's not, because the obvious answer is that you're just that maladjusted all on your own.
And you're delaying again. Fuck.
====>Suck it up and troll Terezi, dumbass
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --
CG: HEY GUESS WHAT.
CG: I HAVE A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OFFER FOR YOU TONIGHT.
CG: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO PUT YOUR JUSTICE FETISH INTO PRACTICE AND STOP A CRIME IN PROGRESS?
CG: HINT: IT INVOLVES VRISKA. YOUR ANSWER IS AUTOMATICALLY "YES."
GC: WOW RUD3 MUCH?
GC: YOU C4NT JUST 4SSUM3 1 W1LL DO WH4T YOU T3LL M3!
GC: YOU 4R3 NOT TH3 BOSS OF M3 4ND TH3 L4W C4NNOT B3 BR1B3D OR THR34T3N3D!
CG: WHATEVER.
CG: DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE ABOUT YOUR NEED TO FEEL SUPERIOR AND INSIST THAT YOU'RE THE ONLY SOURCE OF GOOD IDEAS?
CG: NO, I DON'T
CG: WHICH IS BECAUSE, GET THIS, I DON'T CARE.
GC: 1F YOU R34LLY D1DNT C4R3, YOU WOULDNT W4ST3 T1M3 T3LL1NG M3 HOW MUCH YOU DONT C4R3
GC: >:]
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: I GUESS YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT STOPPING VRISKA'S ASSAULT SPREE BEFORE IT ENDS IN ARADIA'S MURDER.
CG: TALK ABOUT HYPOCRISY.
GC: W41T WH4T???
CG: YOU HEARD ME.
CG: VERY SHORTLY, MAYBE EVEN RIGHT NOW WHILE YOU'RE WASTING TIME FLAPPING YOUR TONGUE LIKE A SOPOR-STUNNED IMBECILE, VRISKA IS GOING TO TAKE CONTROL OF SOLLUX.
CG: SHE'LL SEND HIM TO ARADIA'S HIVE.
CG: SHE'LL MAKE HIM BLOW IT UP.
CG: ADIOS ARADIA.
GC: 4RRRRRGH!
GC: 1 TOLD H3R SH3 SHOULD L34V3 VR1SK4 TO M3!
GC: 1 TOLD H3R NOT TO ST4RT 4NYTH1NG SH3 COULDNT F1N1SH!
GC: BUT WH4T DO YOU 3XP3CT M3 TO DO?
GC: 1 4SSUM3 YOUR3 NOT S1LLY 3NOUGH TO TH1NK 1 C4N CONV1NC3 VR1SK4 NOT TO B3 4 TR34CH3ROUS DR4M4 QU33N
GC: 1 TH1NK 1T H4S B33N 4MPLY PROV3N TH4T SH3 N3V3R R34LLY L1ST3N3D TO M3!
CG: REALLY? NOT EVEN WHEN YOU WERE PLANNING FLARP SPAZ SESSIONS?
GC: OK M4YB3 4 L1TTL3 WH3N PLOTT1NG C4MP41GNS, BUT NOT MUCH! SH3 W4S 4LW4YS RUNN1NG OFF ON T4NG3NTS
GC: K1ND OF L1K3 YOU 4R3 NOW! >:P
GC: H4V3 YOU TR13D TROLL1NG SOLLUX OR 4R4D14?
CG: HOW STUPID WOULD I HAVE TO BE TO TROLL YOU INSTEAD OF THEM IF CONTACTING EITHER OF THEM WAS A POSSIBILITY THAT WOULD BE OF ANY GODDAMN USE?
CG: BUT NO, TECHNICALLY I HAVEN'T.
GC: W41T
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW WH4T VR1SK4 1S PL4NN1NG?
GC: TH3R3 1S NO W4Y 1N TH3 UN1V3RS3 TH4T SH3 WOULD T3LL YOU 1NST34D OF GLO4T1NG 4T SOM3ON3 MOR3 CONN3CT3D TO THE 1NC1D3NT
GC: L1K3 M3 FOR 1NST4NC3
CG: SHE DIDN'T TELL ANYONE.
CG: OBVIOUSLY.
CG: SHE'S CRAZY BUT SHE'S NOT SO STUPID SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE.
GC: TH3N HOW
GC: OH OF COURS3
GC: J4RL14 H4D 4 DR34M
GC: BUT WHY WOULD SH3 4SK YOU FOR H3LP? YOU H4T3 34CH OTH3R!
CG: THE DETAILS ARE AS UNPLEASANTLY VAGUE AND MALFORMED AS THE REFLECTION OF HER FACE IN A PUDDLE OF LIQUIFIED SHIT, BUT ACCORDING TO WHAT JARLIA TOLD ME, ARADIA IS AFK.
CG: SOLLUX IS HAVING A BAD NIGHT AND IS THEREFORE VULNERABLE TO VRISKA'S CONTROL NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE TELLS HIM.
CG: AND KRONOS ISN'T AVAILABLE AS HER PARTNER IN CAHOOTS DUE TO A RARE BOUT OF SANITY WHICH CAUSED HIM TO REALIZE THAT JARLIA'S BEEN PASSING OFF A RANCID SACK OF GRUBMEAL AS HER BRAIN ALL THESE SWEEPS.
GC: TH4T 1S 4 COMPL3T3 4ND UTT3R M1SR3PR3S3NT4T1ON OF TH31R F1GHT, BUT OK
GC: 1 G3T 1T
GC: SH3 TROLL3D YOU B3C4US3 SH3 W4S FL1PP1NG OFF TH3 H4NDL3 4ND W4NT3D TO DO 4 L1TTL3 BL4CK FL1RT1NG TO SH4RP3N H3R FOCUS
GC: > :]
GC: >:]
GC: > :]
CG: THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS AND ALSO SO WRONG IT COULDN'T SEE RIGHT WITH A RADIO TELESCOPE.
CG: SHE TROLLED ME BECAUSE UNLIKE CERTAIN PEOPLE I AM A MASTER OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AND WOULDN'T HAVE MADE THE AMATEUR MISTAKE OF TRYING TO ENLIST JOTHAN AGAINST VRISKA.
GC: SH3 TR13D WH4T!
CG: THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
CG: LONG STORY SHORT, JOTHAN WENT TO TELL VRISKA THAT JARLIA AND ARADIA WERE IN CAHOOTS AGAINST HER.
CG: RUN THAT THROUGH VRISKA'S RAGING PARANOIA AND YOU END UP WITH A MURDER ATTEMPT
CG: MEANING THAT JARLIA IS THE SOURCE OF THE CATASTROPHE SHE WAS TRYING TO PREVENT.
CG: NOW I GET TO FIX HER FUCKUP.
CG: FEEL THE BURN OF MY SELFLESS GENEROSITY.
GC: 1 H4V3 4 SN34K1NG SUSP1C1ON TH1S CR1S1S WOULD NOT H4V3 GOTT3N SO S3R1OUS OR 3X1ST3NT14L 1F H3R ROBOT W3R3NT BROK3N
CG: SHUT UP THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING AND SHE DESERVED IT ANYWAY.
CG: THE POINT IS THAT NOW JARLIA'S TRYING TO GET ALONDE TO GET JOTHAN TO TURN ON VRISKA, WHICH IS EVEN MORE SENSELESS THAN TALKING TO JOTHAN DIRECTLY.
CG: MEANWHILE I FIGURED THE SANER MEMBERS OF OUR MUTUAL CIRCLEJERK OF IDIOTS COULD GET SHIT TAKEN CARE OF.
GC: OOH, M1ST3R V4NT4S, OOH!
GC: YOUR S34L OF 4PPROV4L ON MY C3RT1F1C4T3 OF S4N1TY 1S SUCH 4N HONOR!
GC: H3H3H3 >:]
CG: WHOOPS OFFER RESCINDED.
GC: 4WWW >:[
GC: 1 R31T3R4T3, WH4T DO YOU 3XP3CT M3 TO DO?
GC: 1T W1LL B3 D4WN 4T 4R4D14S PL4C3 1N 4 L1TTL3 OV3R TWO HOURS
GC: TH3R3 1S NO W4Y 1 C4N G3T TO VR1SK4S H1V3 1N T1M3 TO STOP H3R TON1GHT
GC: 1 M1GHT B3 4BL3 TO R34CH 4R4D14 BY D4WN, BUT 1 DONT TH1NK W3 COULD G3T 4W4Y B3FOR3 SOLLUX 4RR1V3S
GC: 4ND 1 C3RT41NLY C4NT STOP H1M! NOT 1F H3S UND3R M1ND CONTROL 4ND C4NT H34R M3
CG: I KNOW.
CG: BUT WE KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN.
GC: ...
CG: KRONOS CAN GET THERE IN TIME.
CG: HE CAN STOP THOLLUCKTH.
CG: I KNOW HE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH JARLIA AND HER VISIONS, BUT SAVING A FRIEND'S LIFE IS DIFFERENT FROM HER ASININE QUEST TO MAKE THE FUTURE A BILE-HEAVING LAND OF RAINBOWS AND COTTON CANDY FOR ALL.
GC: 1 KNOW!
GC: 4ND D4VV3N WOULD 4GR33!
GC: BUT TH1S 1S 4 R34LLY 4WK4RD T1M3 FOR TH4T CONV3RS4T1ON
GC: W3 JUST T4LK3D TH1S 3V3N1NG 4BOUT S3TT1NG UP 4 M33T1NG W1TH J4RL14 TO SHOUT UNT1L TH3YR3 FR13NDS 4G41N, 4ND 4LSO 4BOUT HOW VR1SK4 1S NOT MY R3SPONS1B1L1TY 4ND 1 SHOULD L3T 4R4D14 H4NDL3 H3R
GC: 1F 1 T3LL H1M J4RL14 H4D 4 DR34M 4ND NOW H3 H4S TO S4V3 4R4D14S L1F3 FROM VR1SK4, H3 W1LL TH1NK 1M JOK1NG OR TH4T 1 N33D 4 F33L1NGS J4M
GC: 1T W1LL B3 1NCR3D1BLY 3MB4R4SS1NG 4ND 1T W1LL T4K3 FOR3V3R TO CONV1NC3 H1M W3R3 S3R1OUS
GC: 1NST34D 1 TH1NK YOU SHOULD 1NT3RRUPT J4RL14 4ND 4LOND3 B3FOR3 TH3Y M4K3 4NY PL4NS
GC: T3LL 4LOND3 TO FORG3T 4BOUT JOTH4N 4ND S3ND ON3 OF H3R SQU1DDL3T3RRORS TO GU4RD 4R4D14 OR S1T ON SOLLUX
GC: PROBL3M SOLV3D >:]
CG: HA HA NO.
CG: FIRST OFF, CONTRARY TO YOUR APPARENT OPINION, I'M NOT SUICIDAL.
CG: SECOND, ALONDE'S VISITATIONS ARE NOT INVICIBLE. IF THEY EXIST IN THIS WORLD THEY HAVE A FORM
CG: AND THOSE FORMS CAN BE DISRUPTED.
CG: DEAL ENOUGH DAMAGE AND THEY GO POOF LIKE THE DAYMARES THEY ARE.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT SOLLUX IS REALLY GOOD AT?
GC: B31NG 4 SP4Z? >;]
CG: FUCK YOU I'M TALKING HERE.
CG: HE'S GOOD AT DEALING DAMAGE.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT SQUID ARE REALLY BAD AT?
CG: BREATHING AIR AND SWIMMING ON DRY LAND. EVEN ONES THAT ARE HALF HORRORTERROR.
CG: THIS LEADS TO ABSOLUTELY SHIT INDUCING BOUTS OF WEAKNESS WHEN FACED WITH A SUDDEN NEED TO EVADE ATTACKS.
CG: TRY TO CONTAIN YOUR DRIBBLING SHOCK AT THESE REVELATIONS.
GC: K4RKL3S, 4R3 YOU 1MPLY1NG TH4T 4LOND3 S3NT 4 SQU1DDL3BUDDY TO PL4Y W1TH YOU?
CG: IMPLYING, HELL. I'M OUTRIGHT TELLING YOU SHE DID.
CG: I DICED IT UP AND FED IT TO MY LUSUS, BECAUSE I'M AWESOME.
CG: BUT LIKE FUCK AM I PUTTING UP WITH THAT HOOFBEASTSHIT AGAIN. IT TOOK WEEKS TO GET THE STAINS OUT OF MY HIVE AND MY NEIGHBORS STILL THINK THE NOISES WERE A SIGN OF MY IMPENDING DESCENT INTO FROTHING INSANITY.
GC: >:O
GC: MY H3RO!
GC: >;]
CG: FUCK YOU AND THE IMAGINARY DRAGON YOU RODE IN ON.
CG: THE POINT IS THAT ALONDE'S UNSAVORY HOBBIES WOULDN'T ACTUALLY DO JACK SHIT.
CG: EVEN IF SHE SENT A VISITATION TO KIDNAP ARADIA, AND IF FOR SOME UNFATHOMABLE REASON ARADIA SKIPPED MERRILY OFF HAND IN TENTACLE WITH AN ELDRITCH ABOMINATION SUMMONED FROM THE BURBLING REMAINS OF A TORTURED CEPHALOPOD
CG: ONCE THEY POP INTO REALITY THOSE THINGS LEAVE A CRUSHED AND PUTRID TRAIL LIKE A BAND OF CULLING DRONES WEARING THE CORPSES OF THEIR VICTIMS AS SHOES AND DANCING A JIG AS THEY MARCH ARM IN ARM IN SEARCH OF THEIR NEXT TARGETS.
GC: 3WW
CG: ONLY A BLIND TROLL COULD MISS IT.
CG: VRISKA ISN'T BLIND.
GC: TH4TS WH4T YOU TH1NK!
CG: AND BEFORE YOU ASK, ARADIA WOULDN'T SURVIVE POPPING INTO THE FURTHEST RING, AT LEAST NOT AS A TROLL.
CG: WE'RE NOT MEANT TO WEAR OUR VISCERA ON THE OUTSIDE.
GC: >:[
GC: 4LL R1GHT, 1 W1LL GO P3RSU4D3 D4VV3N TH4T 1M NOT PULL1NG H1S HORNS
GC: 1 ST1LL TH1NK YOU SHOULD 4SK 4LOND3 THOUGH
GC: 3V3N 1F 1T ONLY T4K3S SOLLUX 4 COUPL3 M1NUT3S TO D3STROY TH3 POOR 1NS1D3 OUT 3X-SQU1D, TH4TS 3NOUGH T1M3 FOR 4R4D14 TO FLY 4W4Y 4ND H1D3!
GC: OR TO KNOCK SOLLUX OUT 4ND S4V3 H3RS3LF!
CG: NO.
GC: OOOOOH!
GC: 1 JUST H4D TH3 B3ST 1D34!
GC: GU3SS WHO H4S TH3 B3ST R1GHT ON 4LT3RN14 TO W4NT R3V3NG3 ON VR1SK4, WHO 1S FR13NDS W1TH 4R4D14, 4ND WHO C4N CONTROL 4N1M4LS???
CG: FUCK NO NOT HIM.
GC: 1T 1S...............
CG: LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS.
GC: ...........................................
CG: HE'S NOT CAPABLE OF HATING ANYONE. THERE'S SOMETHING BROKEN IN HIS THINKPAN.
GC: .........................................................
CG: FOR FUCK'S SAKE, MY BILE DUCTS ARE EATING THEMSELVES IN SYMPATHETIC SHAME AT YOUR BLITHERING VAPIDITY.
GC: T4VROS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CG: DAMMIT.
GC: H3 KNOWS HOW TO CONTROL 4N1M4LS 1N 4 B4TTL3, B3C4US3 OF H1S S1LLY F1DUSP4WN G4M3S!
GC: G3T H1M TO GU1D3 4LOND3S P3TS 4ND TH3Y W1LL H4V3 4 MUCH B3TT3R CH4NC3 4G41NST SOLLUX!
GC: OH! 4ND 4LSO!
GC: H3 C4N G3T 4N 4NIM4L TO F1ND 4R4D14 4ND SCR4TCH 4 M3SS4G3 FOR H3R TO R34D!
GC: OOOOOOOOH, H3 C4N G3T H3R LUSUS TO W4RN H3R!!
CG: FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, NO.
CG: I DON'T CARE HOW NEAT YOU THINK HIS PSYCHIC CRAP IS, DON'T YOU DARE MAKE HIM TRY REACHING ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE CONTINENT LESS THAN A PERIGEE AFTER HE BROKE HIS SPINE.
CG: THE LAST THING HE NEEDS IS ANY CONTACT WITH VRISKA, OR EVEN ANY REASON TO THINK ABOUT SPIDERBITCH MORE THAN HE'S ALREADY DOING.
CG: LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE.
GC: BUT 1T WOULD B3 GOOD FOR H1M!
GC: H3 COULD US3 4 W4Y TO R3M1ND H1MS3LF TH4T H3S NOT H3LPL3SS
CG: WOW YOU SOUND EXACTLY LIKE VRISKA.
GC: RUD3! >:[
GC: 1 DO NOT!
CG: YES YOU DO.
CG: YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF HIM. YOU CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS FOR HIM.
GC: WH3N D1D 1 S4Y 1 WOULD M4K3 H1M DO 4NYTH1NG?
GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO OFF3R H1M TH3 OPT1ON
GC: HOW 1S K33P1NG H1M TUCK3D 4W4Y 1N TH3 C4V3RNS NOT M4K1NG D3C1S1ONS FOR H1M?
GC: L1K3 VR1SK4 TR13D TO DO??
GC: HMMMMMMM???
GC: 3XPL41N TH4T GR34T L34D3R V4NT4S!
CG: BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW HE'D TRIP ALL OVER HIMSELF TRYING TO BE A HERO EVEN THOUGH TRYING TO CONTROL ONE OF ALONDE'S MONSTERS WOULD PROBABLY FRY HIS THINKPAN LIKE A GRUB OUT IN THE MIDDAY SUN.
CG: BESIDES, GAMZEE SHOULD BE AT HIS HIVE BY NOW.
CG: I BET YOU A COPY OF "IN WHICH A BAND OF REBELS CAPTURE A PAIR OF YOUNG DRAGONS AND USE THEM TO DEVASTATE THE COUNTRYSIDE UNTIL A WOUNDED THRESHCUTIONER AND A NOVICE LEGISLACERATOR, ETC." THAT THEY'RE ALREADY STONED OUT OF THEIR MINDS AND LAUGHING AT "MIRACLES."
GC: 1 W1LL NOT T4K3 TH4T B3T!
GC: NO M4TT3R HOW T3MPT1NG TH3 B41T >:\
GC: 4LSO WH1L3 YOUR PO1NT 4BOUT CH3M1C4L INC4P4C1T4T1ON ST4NDS, 1 TH1NK YOUR3 B31NG 4 P4TRON1Z1NG DUMB4SS FOR NOT G1V1NG T4VROS TH3 CH4NC3 TO PROT3CT H1S FR13ND 4ND P4RTN3R
GC: L1F3 1SNT S4F3, K4RK4T! CODDL1NG H1M L1K3 4 WR1GGL3R 1S TH3 S4M3 TH1NG VR1SK4 D1D, JUST 1N TH3 OPPOS1T3 D1R3CT1ON
GC: 4ND UNL3SS YOU TURN3D 1NTO 4 F41RY BULL OV3RD4Y, YOUR3 NOT H1S LUSUS
GC: H3H3H3 >:P
CG: SAYS THE GIRL WHO PRETENDS SHE'S A DRAGON.
GC: Y3S, Y3S 1 DO >:]
GC: BUT YOU H4V3 L3D M3 OFF ON 4NOTH3R T4NG3NT 4ND W3 4R3 W4ST1NG V4LU4BL3 T1M3!
GC: 1 W1LL GO 3XPL41N TH3 S1TU4T1ON TO D4VV3N
GC: YOU W1LL STOP B31NG 4 WH1NY GRUBF4C3 4ND GO T4LK TO 4LOND3
GC: DO NOT 4RGU3 W1TH M3 4BOUT TH1S, K4RKL3S! R3M3MB3R 4R4D14S L1F3 1S ON TH3 L1N3!
GC: TH1S 1S V3RY 1MPORT4NT 4ND CONC3RNS 4LL OF OUR H4T3FR13NDS
CG: IN THAT CASE WHY DON'T I JUST OPEN A MEMO AND INVITE EVERYONE TO A FREE FOR ALL?
CG: THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY FAIL TO BE A PRODUCTIVE USE OF TIME.
GC: Y3S, YOU SHOULD DO TH4T! W3 N33D TO M4K3 SUR3 NOTH1NG L1K3 TH1S H4PP3NS 4G41N
GC: BUT ONLY 4FT3R YOU TROLL 4LOND3
GC: L4T3R!
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
====>Fume
Well that went just perfectly, didn't it. How does she turn you around like that every time? This was supposed to be straightforward -- explain Jarlia's fuckup, give Terezi her instructions, settle back with the warm and righteous glow of knowing you succeeded where Jarlia failed. Instead it somehow ended with Terezi making you feel like a douchewaffle for wanting to keep Tavros from breaking his brain as well as his back, and practically ordering you to contact Alonde.
Fuck that. She's not the boss of you. What can she do if you spend the rest of the night coding viruses instead of talking to pretentious creeps or opening pointless memos? Nothing, that's what!
...
Shit, what if she never talks to you again? What if she's right, and Alonde could buy a vital minute or two that could make the difference between Aradia living and Aradia waltzing off to join her band of ghosts? If Sollux kills her, he'll never get over it. Neither will Tavros, and therefore neither will Gamzee, the idiot. (You really hope he made it safely to Tavros's hive. He has a boat and Jothan swears they've learned how not to capsize every twenty minutes, but he took some pie with him and you know how he gets right after eating a fresh one.)
What if Jarlia comes up with the same idea on her own and finds out you had the chance to save the day and didn't use it and gloats at you forever?
Argh!
What the fuck should you do?
---------------
---------------
---------------
What should Karkat do next? The most obvious options are to troll Alonde or try to contact Gamzee (and/or Tavros), but I am open to pretty much any suggestions!
---------------------------------------------
continue to part 17
Man, Karkat is crazy hard to write. Which is weird, because Dave is dead easy and their speech patterns are not all that dissimilar, but there you go. Maybe it's the punctuation? Or it could just be that stupid pop culture metaphors are easier than graphically disgusting technical descriptions of alien biology. Oh well, whatever.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-11 08:07 pm (UTC)I could kind of go for Tavros' pov on Karkat trolling him, next.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-12 02:33 am (UTC)If troll romance quadrants were the only thing anyone ever remembered about Homestuck, that would still be a more than worthy contribution to fan culture at large. Moirallegiance! Best thing ever! Recognition that love and sex are not necessarily connected and love-without-sex is not somehow lesser! (And okay, canonical recognition of hatesex as a thing is also pretty neat.)
I am trying to restrict each chapter to a single POV (aside from jokes like the Nepeta interlude), so any conversation between Karkat and Tavros right now wouldn't be from his perspective. Granted, that is much less relevant when the conversations are chatlogs, but the before and after stuff would be all Karkat's POV. At least if they talk during this chapter.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-11 11:28 am (UTC)TROLL ALONDE and ask her what she thinks re: getting tavros to help??? D:
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-11 04:51 pm (UTC)(Also, how is Eridan doing with that horrorsquid? Are we checking in on him any time soon, possibly in the form of a humorous non-sequitur as when Nepeta was introduced?)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-12 02:39 am (UTC)As for Eridan and the horrorsquid, that would be telling. *evil, mysterious smile* (But yes, okay, that thread will get picked up sooner or later in some form.)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-12 02:38 am (UTC)Suggestion duly noted. :-)