[Meme] DVD fic commentary

[edenfalling]

What the heck, on the off chance anyone is interested:

Pick any passage of 500 words or less from anything I've written and paste it into a comment to this post. Then I'll flail, flounder and provide the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what's going on in the character's heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, and anything else that you’d expect to find on a DVD commentary track.

All my stories are listed in my master fic post. (Which is also available on LJ.)

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Responses!

--from the final chapter of "Tides", for branchandroot

--from "Do not stand at my grave and weep", for rthstewart

--from "Any Sentry from His Post", for lady_songsmith

--from "Sasuke and the Seven Leaves", for hungrytiger11

Comments

[rthstewart.livejournal.com]

Oh yes!


Ilgamuth glanced along the hallway behind him and closed the door to Shezan's rooms. "That would be true if she were a daughter of Calormen. But she is a barbarian, and the more I speak to her retinue, the more I suspect she opened the dance unaware." He sank onto the sofa and gestured as if opening a book and preparing to share the knowledge it contained. "Consider that Narnia lay prisoned in sorcerous winter for a century, and that the tetrarchs, to all reports, come from a land beyond the edge of the world -- as our ancestors did, nigh a thousand years ago. The queen had no reason to know our customs. Even the humans among her counselors might have remained purposefully ignorant, out of ancient spite and resentment."

"You believe that she thinks she is still in the space before the first step?" Shezan said slowly. "Still considering whether to stake a claim?"

Ilgamuth nodded. "It would make sense of her behavior of late. In Narnia, she was warm to counter the land's chill -- even in spring, the nights are cold and frost is far from unknown on the fields. Here in Tashbaan, she grows cold to counter the heat of summer and Rabadash's growing passion. But she speaks gently and smiles when he declaims his love, rather than sliding her words around to reparations. That is the way of a woman weighing her choices and choosing to withdraw, not one who has already chosen and is having second thoughts."

If Queen Susan of Narnia thought she was unattached while Rabadash and all the court considered her halfway to marriage...

"This is not going to end well," Shezan said, echoing Ilgamuth's opening. "Can you spare this night? I have no faith in our ability to hold the Narnians, not when the gods have so clearly taken an interest in Rabadash's fate and shown a willingness to use even demons in their plans. He will be beyond fury if the queen plays him for a fool, and those of us with cooler heads must be prepared for the aftermath."

If only her grandfather had not died the day Rabadash sailed for the north... but there was no use wishing for time to unspin from its skein. Azaroth had called him home and he was with the gods, advising the armies of heaven as he had advised the Tisroc on earth. His smile, his rapier mind, his sure and gentle hands -- they belonged to the other world now.

Still. If only.

Ilgamuth leaned down to kiss her forehead, having walked over without her notice. He wrapped his left arm around her shoulders and touched the half-hidden book of poetry with his right hand. "You do your grandfather honor," he murmured. "Come. Sit with me, and I will quote Hilad's poems of love that outlasts death. Then we will save our prince from his folly and our country from humiliation."

[edenfalling]

Well, partly this was to fulfil a prompt, of course! :-) But on a more serious note, I was trying to work my world-building into canon events, to give an explanation for why the Calormenes were so sure Susan would marry Rabadash that didn't paint them as misogynistic stock villains. I like culture clashes, and after a hundred years of winter and isolation so thorough that Tumnus could have books doubting the existence of humans, it seemed reasonable that Narnians would not know all the details of foreign customs. In the case of Calormen, there seems to be a mutual disdain and dislike between the two lands, so aside from trade and military issues there might be an active disinclination to learn the softer sides of their respective cultures. (Or just a lack of time, in the Pevensies' specific cases.) And the courting dance in particular is a thing Calormenes would probably not think to explain because of course everyone grows up knowing how it's done. So that's the overt purpose.

Otherwise...

Ilgamuth glanced along the hallway behind him and closed the door to Shezan's rooms. "That would be true if she were a daughter of Calormen. But she is a barbarian, and the more I speak to her retinue, the more I suspect she opened the dance unaware." He sank onto the sofa and gestured as if opening a book and preparing to share the knowledge it contained. "Consider that Narnia lay prisoned in sorcerous winter for a century, and that the tetrarchs, to all reports, come from a land beyond the edge of the world -- as our ancestors did, nigh a thousand years ago. The queen had no reason to know our customs. Even the humans among her counselors might have remained purposefully ignorant, out of ancient spite and resentment."

Here I wanted to show the trust between Ilgamuth and Shezan -- they are discussing deep secrets of grave political import -- and also that neither thinks there is anything inappropriate about them being in a room alone together behind a closed door. Shezan's social position would probably protect her in any case, but they are also far enough along in their own courting that it would be VERY costly for either of them to back out and so they are already a sort of social unit.

"You believe that she thinks she is still in the space before the first step?" Shezan said slowly. "Still considering whether to stake a claim?"

Ilgamuth nodded. "It would make sense of her behavior of late. In Narnia, she was warm to counter the land's chill -- even in spring, the nights are cold and frost is far from unknown on the fields. Here in Tashbaan, she grows cold to counter the heat of summer and Rabadash's growing passion. But she speaks gently and smiles when he declaims his love, rather than sliding her words around to reparations. That is the way of a woman weighing her choices and choosing to withdraw, not one who has already chosen and is having second thoughts."

I like the way Ilgamuth metaphorically assigns Susan's responses a temperature, and sets them counter to the ambient temperatures of Narnia in spring and Tashbaan in high summer. It makes things sound very... fated, I guess, as if her turn against Rabadash was related solely to climate and had nothing to do with the prince himself. Which is a tactful way of not mentioning that Rabadash has some unpleasant character traits -- I think Ilgamuth has gotten fairly skilled at that over the years. Shezan probably knows more or less what he's not mentioning, but may not even notice the euphemistic turn of phrase since she's so used to hearing people talk around Rabadash's faults and flaws instead of talking about them. (Even Axartha tended to... hmm... focus on his rashness rather than his cruelty.)

[edenfalling]

If Queen Susan of Narnia thought she was unattached while Rabadash and all the court considered her halfway to marriage...

"This is not going to end well," Shezan said, echoing Ilgamuth's opening. "Can you spare this night? I have no faith in our ability to hold the Narnians, not when the gods have so clearly taken an interest in Rabadash's fate and shown a willingness to use even demons in their plans. He will be beyond fury if the queen plays him for a fool, and those of us with cooler heads must be prepared for the aftermath."

Note that Shezan casts the problem in religious terms -- the gods taking an interest in Rabadash's life -- while Ilgamuth posed it entirely in secular terms. He's a believer, but the gods are much less of a day-to-day presence in his thoughts. This may become a point of tension between them after Anvard, the way it would have been with Axartha if she hadn't respected him so much.

If only her grandfather had not died the day Rabadash sailed for the north... but there was no use wishing for time to unspin from its skein. Azaroth had called him home and he was with the gods, advising the armies of heaven as he had advised the Tisroc on earth. His smile, his rapier mind, his sure and gentle hands -- they belonged to the other world now.

Still. If only.

Belief in an afterlife doesn't negate grief at a beloved person's loss. This is also another bit of making sure my world-building meshes with canon, since Axartha is a month or two dead by the time Aravis and Shasta reach Tashbaan.

Ilgamuth leaned down to kiss her forehead, having walked over without her notice. He wrapped his left arm around her shoulders and touched the half-hidden book of poetry with his right hand. "You do your grandfather honor," he murmured. "Come. Sit with me, and I will quote Hilad's poems of love that outlasts death. Then we will save our prince from his folly and our country from humiliation."

Because of course Ilgamuth noticed Shezan was reading poetry, and of course he knows she's thinking of Axartha when presented with a political tangle -- this is the sort of conversation she used to have with her grandfather. And of course his response is to prescribe more poetry, but of a happier kind. There are times for sinking into grief and letting it fill you, but right now they need to focus outward and grief is not the most conducive emotion for that. (Also he doesn't like seeing her sad, but see above re: knowing there are times for grief.)

[rthstewart.livejournal.com]

I love their relationship so much. I find the discussion and dissection of the gods -- how Shezan sees things in more theological terms than Ilgamuth does especially interesting and I really appreciate the idea that he is helping to fulfill a role that Axartha played. The reflections on grief are very accurate -- even knowing there is an afterlife, still you grieve. Thanks so much!!