[Fic] "Four by Four" part 3 -- Homestuck
Dec. 30th, 2014 02:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
edenfallingSummary: Wherein the beta kids have an agreement to form a sedoretu once they're old enough, as told in a series of standalone pesterlogs. Part 3 - Interludes. (3,800 words)
Note: This chapter took me forever and a day (aka, two years and three months) to write. I freely admit I am a terribly slow and inconsistent author. Sorry about that. This chapter is also not what I intended to write, but I felt weird writing a scene that was specifically about the beta and alpha kids meeting when they hadn't yet done so in canon, so I did some transitional scenes for the beta kids and a bit of introductory background stuff for the alphas.
If you're confused about the alpha kids' moieties and why they don't match the beta kids, that is partially intentional and the complete reasons will probably get explained in chapter 4, whenever I get around to writing that. But if the confusion is too great, please tell me and I'll see what I can do to slip some justifications into the text of this chapter.
(The previous two chapters are available here on AO3.)
[ETA: The slightly revised final version of this chapter is now also up on AO3! Yay!]
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Four by Four 03: Interludes
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1. Evening to Evening
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
TG: hey rose
TG: sup
TG: you got time to talk or are you too busy with your sexy alien girlfriend
TG: doing whatever you get up to in your secret library of secrets with your alchemized love potion number 9 and your vodka martinis of lust
TG: or whatever the hell youre actually doing these days i cant even tell
TG: not that thats anything new and different or anything but i dont have john and jade around to straightforward you into pretending youre a real girl instead of a human shaped collection of carefully curated neuroses and addictive predispositions
TG: see i can speak psychobabble too if i want
TG: but seriously rose we need to talk
TG: rose
TG: rose rose rose rose rose
TG: do you want me to start rapping at you
TG: uh shit
TG: lyrics what are lyrics why is beat
TG: right ok
TG: yo listen up dj strider in the house
TT: Oh my God, Dave, have you ever heard of the simple concept known as *leaving a message* and then *waiting for an answer*?
TG: actually
TG: yes
TG: and id try this strange and novel behavior if it ever fuckin worked
TG: but you never do get back to me
TG: so tell me wheres the reward in your little attempted operant conditioning experiment
TG: see i told you i speak psychobabble
TT: Argh.
TT: Fine. I admit I'm less than conscientious about answering your messages.
TT: In my defense, you leave so many that if I answered even half of them I'd never have time to do anything else.
TT: I swear you abuse your powers just to mess with me sometimes.
TG: gasp shock horror
TG: how could you accuse me of such a thing
TG: what do you take me for lalonde
TT: My brother.
TT: And I know I wouldn't be able to resist if I were in your shoes.
TG: touche
TT: Now that we've gotten all that cleared up, what could possibly be so vital that it needs to be discussed right this very moment.
TG: lots of things
TG: dont go assuming that just cause were in the middle of assfuck dreambubble nowhere important stuff cant come up
TT: I'm not even going to bother making the obvious innuendo.
TG: and here i served it up for you special
TG: im hurt rose
TG: so hurt
TT: There, there.
TT: Don't worry, I'll delve into the dark recesses of your sexuality some other day.
TT: But enough digressions. What do you want to ask?
TT: I'll extend you a one-time favor and promise not to mock you.
TG: yeah sure and im marie antoinette
TT: The offer is only good for ten minutes.
TG: ...
TT: ???
TG: can the sarcastic multiple inquiry sickles you promised no mocking
TG: but seriously rose
TG: do you think john and jade have
TG: like
TG: forgotten us
TG: not forgotten altogether that would be dumb
TG: but stopped wanting to be a sedoretu with us
TG: i mean jade was always way too good for the rest of us and john never seemed like he really took it seriously
TG: which is our fault as much as anything since you and i hardly ever acted like we were serious either
TG: but
TG: i dunno about you but i was serious as fuck
TG: allowing for being thirteen and all
TG: do you think they realized
TG: and if they did
TG: do you think they cared
TT: ...
TT: I don't know.
TG: holy shit the apocalypse is upon us
TG: rose lalonde admits shes not omniscient
TT: It's remarkably hypocritical for the person who requested a reprieve from mocking to turn around and exhibit the same behavior.
TG: i never asked you offered all on your own
TT: ...
TT: Touché.
TT: In all seriousness, though, I don't know.
TT: I certainly *believe* they cared. I'm nearly certain Jade did, and while John is
TT: or was, at any rate,
TT: remarkably impervious to emotional nuance, I don't think he would have agreed to say we were a sedoretu if he didn't genuinely consider us important to him.
TT: But as you say, we were thirteen.
TT: It's been two and a half years.
TT: Who knows how they may have changed.
TG: cant see that part of the future can you
TT: No.
TT: I can't.
TT: I've tried.
TG: ...
TT: ...
TG: fuck
TT: Quite.
TT: I believe I shall go get shitfaced drunk now.
TT: Don't interrupt me again.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
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2. Morning to Morning
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
GG: hey john
GG: are you talking to me again?
EB: no.
EB: i'm alone in my fortress of solitude and have cut off all contact with the outside world.
EB: you are hallucinating these words.
GG: im rolling my eyes at you right now
EB: oh no, the horror! :p
EB: but for real, i'm not mad anymore.
EB: i don't even remember why i yelled at you.
EB: everything kind of boiled over all at once and you were the unfortunate person standing next to me.
EB: sorry.
GG: apology accepted
GG: ive had days like that too
GG: but in the future may i suggest excusing yourself and making a hurricane in a closed room or some other type of storm in a bottle
GG: its probably just as cathartic and you dont run the risk of permanently damaging any friendships
EB: blah blah blah.
EB: i know.
EB: it's just... i am SO SICK of this ship!
EB: i'm sick of our lands and the consorts and the way all the quests are on hold and the denizens went back to sleep and we've watched all our movies and read all our books and played all our games and there is NOTHING TO DO.
EB: even the dreambubbles don't make sense anymore, what with all these weird doppelganger trolls showing up and some death ray demon going around killing ghosts.
EB: and you and dave sprite broke up and
EB: ...
GG: ...
GG: and?????????????
GG: its ok you can tell me, ill invoke doctor patient confidentiality and promise not to pass your secrets on
EB: and you're not rose. stop trying to be rose.
GG: well then you stop trying to be dave!
GG: he has dibs on the moody insecure asshole position in this square
EB: i can be an asshole if i want to!
EB: and if you're so into dave, why did you break up with dave sprite?
EB: they're the same person, aren't they?
EB: if you'll dump one version, you'll probably dump the other as soon as you have the chance.
GG: HOLY SHIT ON A FLYING POGO STICK, JOHN, DO YOU EVER PAY ATTENTION TO ANYTHING?
GG: I DIDNT DUMP HIM!
GG: HE DUMPED ME!
EB: what.
GG: what do you mean, what
GG: what was there to misinterpret in what i typed?
GG: davesprite decided he wasnt good enough for me or something and instead of talking it out and letting me cuddle him
GG: like a normal person!
GG: he just dumped me
GG: for my own good
EB: what.
GG: THATS WHAT I SAID!
EB: i thought that was a thing people did in movies, not in real life.
GG: yeah well guess again
GG: because he totally did that
GG: now i cant stop thinking that dave might do the same thing
GG: what if we reach the new session and he and rose have decided not to burden us with their dark and corrupted presence or whatever bullshit goes through their heads
GG: or what if they didnt wait for us
GG: theyve got a bunch of trolls with them, karkat and kanaya and terezi and i think two or three others
GG: we know dave likes terezi and rose likes kanaya
EB: terezi is the one who talks in leet speak, right? which one is kanaya? i can never remember.
GG: what if they made a new interspecies square without us?
GG: kanaya is the green text troll who Starts Every Word With A Capital Letter
EB: they wouldn't do that.
GG: she helped me with my frog quest
EB: they'd wait and ask us first.
EB: i'm sure of it.
EB: oh, her. i think i pranked her from rose's computer. she did get a little flirty.
GG: ok they might wait to ask before making the break formal, but does that actually make anything better in the long run?
GG: theyd still be breaking up with us
EB: ...
EB: no. you know what? i'm done with this conversation.
EB: dave and rose haven't broken up with us and they're not going to break up with us in the future.
EB: we all made a promise. we meant it. we're going to keep it.
EB: it's hard, but we can do it.
GG: ...
EB: and i will help you find dave sprite and sit on him until he stops being such a butthead.
EB: all for one and one for all!
GG: ...
EB: jade.
EB: you have to repeat our theme quote. it's a rule.
GG: fine
GG: all for one and one for all
EB: including dave sprite.
EB: we will fix him. we will all get safely to the new session. and when we reunite with rose and dave we will look back at this conversation and laugh.
GG: i really hope youre right
EB: ...
EB: ...
EB: me too.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --
---------------
3. Morning to Evening
-- golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
GT: Tip top of the morning to you jane!
GT: Or afternoon really since youre a few hours ahead of me in the whole sun goes round the earth business.
GT: Id have to get up in the dark to play early bird to your worm.
GG: That sounds inconvenient!
GG: I'm not much of a morning person anyway.
GT: More so than lalonde though which is fortunate since shes even further ahead of both of us.
GG: True!
GT: This is where i should make a witty remark about evening people being night owls as opposed to morning people rising with the sun or somesuch.
GG: Consider it said, my dear sir. :B
GG: Although Dirk does spoil that theory a touch. I don't think he has any kind of regular schedule.
GT: Dangnabbit youre right!
GT: Blast the man for throwing wrenches into my jocularity.
GT: *stares dramatically into the distance and swears revenge*
GG: Oh, indeed, indeed. We'll have to lecture him most severely.
GG: *two spoons and a wink*
GT: Steady on there janey dont go nicking a mans catchphrase.
GG: Stealing? Who said anything about stealing?
GG: The rules of this friendship are share and share alike.
GG: Didn't you read the fine print at the end of the contract? :B
GT: Curse you and your gnarled talons of capitalism for this underhanded trickery!
GT: But i guess i cant complain i signed the thing after all.
GT: Anyway how are things in your neck of the woods?
GG: The same as always. It's a lovely spring day, I have a cake baking in the oven, and I've been stuck inside since the last assassination attempt so I'm ahead on all my schoolwork.
GG: What about you?
GT: Another assassination attempt?
GT: You know im obligated by family tradition to hate and distrust crockercorp but this all seems a bit over the top to me.
GT: If people have quarrels with your grandmother they should take it up with her not go after you all sneaky and underhanded.
GT: I have half a mind to hunt the blighters down and challenge them myself!
GG: Oh pshaw, J.
GG: It's nothing I can't handle.
GG: Um, I mean, it's very brave and gallant of you to offer!
GG: But not necessary.
GT: On the one hand im glad all my friends are super competent and ready to handle trouble but on the other hows a fellow supposed to swoop in for a last minute rescue when i know youll have already rescued yourselves?
GG: Hmm, that is a pickle!
GG: How about you be the distraction?
GG: It's much easier to escape a kidnapping attempt if someone else is being loud and bright and making guards look the other way.
GT: Then ill be as loud and memorable as possible while you all sneak out of durance vile like ninjas.
GT: Its a deal!
GG: I guess it is. :B
GT: *offers hand to seal the bargain*
GG: *clasps your hand in a firm and manly shake*
GG: (Did I do that right?)
GT: (Yes thats how you do it.)
GG: (Phew!)
GG: So, now that we've talked about my life, what about yours? What have you been up to on your island?
GT: Well the giant centaurs you dont believe in were off at the other end of the island yesterday so I managed a bit of exploring in the jungle before striders robot got the jump on me.
GT: That thing is...
GT: Well its very effective and i dont like to speak ill of another mans work but i have to say it makes me a touch uncomfortable at times!
GG: Leaving the imaginary centaurs aside, do you want me to talk to Dirk about it? Evening to Evening?
GT: I guess it might be worth a try.
GT: He certainly hasnt listened to me when i try to bring it up subtly though perhaps im no good at getting my point across.
GG: Well, I have to confess that I'm not entirely sure what your point is myself. "Uncomfortable" is a really vague word.
GG: Dirk needs more concrete feedback, I think. Or at any rate, it's easier to shout him down when I can be specific about how he's being stupid or insensitive.
GT: Erm.
GT: Yes well you see...
GT: Oh dash it all jane this is a matter between men i cant quite bring myself to tell you the details.
GT: *ducks head sheepishly*
GG: ...
GG: I see.
GG: Are the two of you...
GG: I don't know a delicate way to ask this.
GG: But. Are you, by any chance...
GT: Are we what?
GT: Internet chums? Occasional collaborators in the fine art of robotics? Suddenly going to turn into small fluffy bunnies?
GG: Um.
GT: Jane thats really not helping can you be a little
GT: OH!
GT: Yes.
GT: Argh wait i mean no.
GT: Were not. Not yet anyway. Though i think hed like to be.
GT: At least insofar as we can when separated by such vast distances and considering were all too young to be thinking about these things very seriously.
GT: And i cant say im opposed to giving romance the old college try i mean where else am i going to find people as upstanding and interesting as you lot?
GT: But obviously we wouldnt without you as well.
GG: Ah. I see.
GG: Well, I'm certainly not opposed to the old college try myself!
GG: It does seem a shame we don't have another Morning partner to make a proper sedoretu.
GT: Yes well were only fifteen theres lots of time to meet people.
GT: Im more worried about roxy what if she feels left out?
GG: I was trying not to think about that. I suppose she could be a corner if we eventually find a willing fourth.
GT: Maybe.
GT: Do you want me to talk to her about it while you talk to dirk about his robot and also um you know things?
GG: Argh. I feel like I ought to deal with her myself, but that conversation would be so awkward, and in any case you're the one she'd be in a corner relationship with so...
GG: Yes.
GG: I will have an awkward conversation with Dirk so you don't have to, and in return you will have an awkward conversation with Roxy so I don't have to.
GG: How does that sound?
GT: Like a plan.
GG: Then let's put it into action. :B
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] --
---------------
3. Evening to Morning
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --
TG: hey dirk
TG: dirk dirk rirk drik dirk drikr dirk dirke ire dirkdikr
TG: dirky-poo
TG: dirk dorkface stirider talk to meeeeeeeeeeeee
TG: i am so fuckin bored and you oWE ME
TT: You do realize these conversations are the precise reason I created an auto-responder.
TG: yah whatevs like i care
TG: at least he talks to me
TT: That's inherent in the "responder" portion of the name.
TT: Do you want him to take over for me?
TT: I have a bunch of maintenance work I should get to while the weather is good.
TG: nah ill have a codefest w/ him later while you go fondle ur hammer *WINK WINK*
TT: ...
TG: ...
TT: ...
TG: come on dirk work w me
TG: this is choice quality 20th century memestuff here
TG: hint the hammer is your...
TT: Sigh.
TT: The hammer is my penis.
TG: there you go!!!1! i knew you could do it
TG: but neway ill chill w/ mr. cool shades computer-you whenevs, hes always up for gossip an lending a near when i need to vent
TG: *ear
TG: haha lending ram more like
TG: and when he does talk he doesnt bullshit our other fiends
TG: *friends
TT: Seriously? This again?
TG: look i know all your arguments about unkown maternal moiety an shit
TG: and i admit youre not wrogn
TT: That's a first.
TG: but youre not RIHGT either
TG: *wrong *right
TG: because see above about your moiety beinb UNKNOWD
TG: *UMKNOWN
TG: *fuck it
TG: and i think yuo owe it to jake n janey to b honest about this shit expecially since j already knows about the whole living in the futuruerue biz
TG: *future
TG: and let them deicide for themselfs if theyre cool with you having a V. MYSTERIOUS MOIETY OF DEEPEST MYSTERY
TT: Look. I did hint around the subject to Jake, but I think he either doesn't care or is being deliberately obtuse on the issue.
TT: And as for Jane, how am I supposed to explain things to her without getting into, as you say, the whole living in the future business?
TT: Which we both known she'll refuse to believe, and that's a chunk of shit I'd rather not toss at the fan until I know which way the splatter will fly and how best to clean it up.
TG: dirk you r overthiknig this
TG: *overthinking
TG: its rlly very simple
TG: tell her your bro had sex with a stranger in his wild n crazy youth and ended up w/ a baby on his doorstep 9 months later
TG: he didnt kno your moms moiety and he chickened out on being a dad so he said you were his bro and obvs therefore also evening
TG: instead of his son an therefore totes morning (cuz who needs unplanned scandals amirite)
TG: boom problem solved
TG: i accept payment in adoration applause and booze
TT: That would work for Jake. For Jane? No.
TT: You know how she gets about mysteries.
TT: Your little melodrama has a thousand loose ends she can't help but notice, and once she's suspicious enough to start looking into either of us, she won't stop until she has proof we can't possibly be who we say we are.
TT: Is that what you want?
TG: look into you maybe
TG: im safe shes met my mom they were even penpals for a while
TG: nyah!
TT: Great, so I'm the only one recategorized as a liar and probable spy and/or gold-digger in your hypothetical scenario. Which neatly leaves you free to go after Jake.
TT: Is that your secret goal?
TG: NO THAT IS NOT THE GOAL!!!
TG: asshole
TG: i wouldnt do that to you
TT: Yeah.
TT: I know.
TT: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
TT: I'm in the middle of a high-stakes bullshit balancing act here. One wrong step and I lose everything except you. It's enough pressure to make a man shit diamonds.
TT: I have a plan, but there are always random factors I can't control, and if you tell any of this to Jane...
TG: i know
TG: im scared of losing her too
TG: or jake
TG: i mean how the fuck is he still alive on that island w all those lusus naturae
TG: theortetically us being here means their futures are fixed and they surive long enough to get into the medium but time dude, who even knows how it works
TT: Who indeed.
TG: *theoretically *survibe
TG: *oh fcuk it
TT: ...
TT: To reuse a phrase, you're not right, but you're not wrong, either. I can't do anything now, but I'll come clean once we're all in the medium.
TT: I bromise.
TG: pinky swear?
TT: Yes.
TT: Turn on your webcam and we'll do it for real.
TG: i knouw its silly but thanks dirk
TG: and i swear i wont spill the beans to jane or poke at jake to make him acutually think about stuff an give you an nonhest opinion on his feels
TG: *honest
TT: Thank you, Roxy.
TT: High five?
TG: yeah on 3 you count
TT: One.
TT: Two.
TT: Three.
TG: ahahahaha MOTHERFUCKER wrongng hand now i have vodka all lover my screen
TG: gof i am SUCH A FUCKUP
TT: Still not as bad as the time I spilled motor oil on my keyboard.
TT: Why don't I hook the auto-responder in to this chat and let you flirt-larp with him for a while?
TT: We can talk about whatever's really bothering you tonight, after I get my chores done and we've both caught up with Jake and Jane.
TG: ...
TG: yeah ok but lets pretend he doesnt read all your logs and have me and him start in a new window
TG: catch u on the flip sdie di-stri
TG: *side
TT: I prefer to think of our interactions as a Möbius strip, such that there's never any side to flip; instead, we're always in contact in some form.
TG: whatevs we all know ur a marshmallow at heart
TG: *2 glasses n a toast*
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeustestified [TT] --
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End of Chapter
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I've had Dave and Rose's chatlog done for ages, and Jade and John's done for nearly six months, but two-thirds of Jane and Jake's and the entirety of Roxy and Dirk's chatlogs were only written tonight, so I haven't had much chance to check them for coherence and such. If you have any suggestions or questions, please tell me! I would like to make sure I am getting my points across and keeping the characters in-character... or at least as in-character as possible, given the AU sedoretu gimmick.
Note: This chapter took me forever and a day (aka, two years and three months) to write. I freely admit I am a terribly slow and inconsistent author. Sorry about that. This chapter is also not what I intended to write, but I felt weird writing a scene that was specifically about the beta and alpha kids meeting when they hadn't yet done so in canon, so I did some transitional scenes for the beta kids and a bit of introductory background stuff for the alphas.
If you're confused about the alpha kids' moieties and why they don't match the beta kids, that is partially intentional and the complete reasons will probably get explained in chapter 4, whenever I get around to writing that. But if the confusion is too great, please tell me and I'll see what I can do to slip some justifications into the text of this chapter.
(The previous two chapters are available here on AO3.)
[ETA: The slightly revised final version of this chapter is now also up on AO3! Yay!]
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Four by Four 03: Interludes
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1. Evening to Evening
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
TG: hey rose
TG: sup
TG: you got time to talk or are you too busy with your sexy alien girlfriend
TG: doing whatever you get up to in your secret library of secrets with your alchemized love potion number 9 and your vodka martinis of lust
TG: or whatever the hell youre actually doing these days i cant even tell
TG: not that thats anything new and different or anything but i dont have john and jade around to straightforward you into pretending youre a real girl instead of a human shaped collection of carefully curated neuroses and addictive predispositions
TG: see i can speak psychobabble too if i want
TG: but seriously rose we need to talk
TG: rose
TG: rose rose rose rose rose
TG: do you want me to start rapping at you
TG: uh shit
TG: lyrics what are lyrics why is beat
TG: right ok
TG: yo listen up dj strider in the house
TT: Oh my God, Dave, have you ever heard of the simple concept known as *leaving a message* and then *waiting for an answer*?
TG: actually
TG: yes
TG: and id try this strange and novel behavior if it ever fuckin worked
TG: but you never do get back to me
TG: so tell me wheres the reward in your little attempted operant conditioning experiment
TG: see i told you i speak psychobabble
TT: Argh.
TT: Fine. I admit I'm less than conscientious about answering your messages.
TT: In my defense, you leave so many that if I answered even half of them I'd never have time to do anything else.
TT: I swear you abuse your powers just to mess with me sometimes.
TG: gasp shock horror
TG: how could you accuse me of such a thing
TG: what do you take me for lalonde
TT: My brother.
TT: And I know I wouldn't be able to resist if I were in your shoes.
TG: touche
TT: Now that we've gotten all that cleared up, what could possibly be so vital that it needs to be discussed right this very moment.
TG: lots of things
TG: dont go assuming that just cause were in the middle of assfuck dreambubble nowhere important stuff cant come up
TT: I'm not even going to bother making the obvious innuendo.
TG: and here i served it up for you special
TG: im hurt rose
TG: so hurt
TT: There, there.
TT: Don't worry, I'll delve into the dark recesses of your sexuality some other day.
TT: But enough digressions. What do you want to ask?
TT: I'll extend you a one-time favor and promise not to mock you.
TG: yeah sure and im marie antoinette
TT: The offer is only good for ten minutes.
TG: ...
TT: ???
TG: can the sarcastic multiple inquiry sickles you promised no mocking
TG: but seriously rose
TG: do you think john and jade have
TG: like
TG: forgotten us
TG: not forgotten altogether that would be dumb
TG: but stopped wanting to be a sedoretu with us
TG: i mean jade was always way too good for the rest of us and john never seemed like he really took it seriously
TG: which is our fault as much as anything since you and i hardly ever acted like we were serious either
TG: but
TG: i dunno about you but i was serious as fuck
TG: allowing for being thirteen and all
TG: do you think they realized
TG: and if they did
TG: do you think they cared
TT: ...
TT: I don't know.
TG: holy shit the apocalypse is upon us
TG: rose lalonde admits shes not omniscient
TT: It's remarkably hypocritical for the person who requested a reprieve from mocking to turn around and exhibit the same behavior.
TG: i never asked you offered all on your own
TT: ...
TT: Touché.
TT: In all seriousness, though, I don't know.
TT: I certainly *believe* they cared. I'm nearly certain Jade did, and while John is
TT: or was, at any rate,
TT: remarkably impervious to emotional nuance, I don't think he would have agreed to say we were a sedoretu if he didn't genuinely consider us important to him.
TT: But as you say, we were thirteen.
TT: It's been two and a half years.
TT: Who knows how they may have changed.
TG: cant see that part of the future can you
TT: No.
TT: I can't.
TT: I've tried.
TG: ...
TT: ...
TG: fuck
TT: Quite.
TT: I believe I shall go get shitfaced drunk now.
TT: Don't interrupt me again.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
---------------
2. Morning to Morning
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
GG: hey john
GG: are you talking to me again?
EB: no.
EB: i'm alone in my fortress of solitude and have cut off all contact with the outside world.
EB: you are hallucinating these words.
GG: im rolling my eyes at you right now
EB: oh no, the horror! :p
EB: but for real, i'm not mad anymore.
EB: i don't even remember why i yelled at you.
EB: everything kind of boiled over all at once and you were the unfortunate person standing next to me.
EB: sorry.
GG: apology accepted
GG: ive had days like that too
GG: but in the future may i suggest excusing yourself and making a hurricane in a closed room or some other type of storm in a bottle
GG: its probably just as cathartic and you dont run the risk of permanently damaging any friendships
EB: blah blah blah.
EB: i know.
EB: it's just... i am SO SICK of this ship!
EB: i'm sick of our lands and the consorts and the way all the quests are on hold and the denizens went back to sleep and we've watched all our movies and read all our books and played all our games and there is NOTHING TO DO.
EB: even the dreambubbles don't make sense anymore, what with all these weird doppelganger trolls showing up and some death ray demon going around killing ghosts.
EB: and you and dave sprite broke up and
EB: ...
GG: ...
GG: and?????????????
GG: its ok you can tell me, ill invoke doctor patient confidentiality and promise not to pass your secrets on
EB: and you're not rose. stop trying to be rose.
GG: well then you stop trying to be dave!
GG: he has dibs on the moody insecure asshole position in this square
EB: i can be an asshole if i want to!
EB: and if you're so into dave, why did you break up with dave sprite?
EB: they're the same person, aren't they?
EB: if you'll dump one version, you'll probably dump the other as soon as you have the chance.
GG: HOLY SHIT ON A FLYING POGO STICK, JOHN, DO YOU EVER PAY ATTENTION TO ANYTHING?
GG: I DIDNT DUMP HIM!
GG: HE DUMPED ME!
EB: what.
GG: what do you mean, what
GG: what was there to misinterpret in what i typed?
GG: davesprite decided he wasnt good enough for me or something and instead of talking it out and letting me cuddle him
GG: like a normal person!
GG: he just dumped me
GG: for my own good
EB: what.
GG: THATS WHAT I SAID!
EB: i thought that was a thing people did in movies, not in real life.
GG: yeah well guess again
GG: because he totally did that
GG: now i cant stop thinking that dave might do the same thing
GG: what if we reach the new session and he and rose have decided not to burden us with their dark and corrupted presence or whatever bullshit goes through their heads
GG: or what if they didnt wait for us
GG: theyve got a bunch of trolls with them, karkat and kanaya and terezi and i think two or three others
GG: we know dave likes terezi and rose likes kanaya
EB: terezi is the one who talks in leet speak, right? which one is kanaya? i can never remember.
GG: what if they made a new interspecies square without us?
GG: kanaya is the green text troll who Starts Every Word With A Capital Letter
EB: they wouldn't do that.
GG: she helped me with my frog quest
EB: they'd wait and ask us first.
EB: i'm sure of it.
EB: oh, her. i think i pranked her from rose's computer. she did get a little flirty.
GG: ok they might wait to ask before making the break formal, but does that actually make anything better in the long run?
GG: theyd still be breaking up with us
EB: ...
EB: no. you know what? i'm done with this conversation.
EB: dave and rose haven't broken up with us and they're not going to break up with us in the future.
EB: we all made a promise. we meant it. we're going to keep it.
EB: it's hard, but we can do it.
GG: ...
EB: and i will help you find dave sprite and sit on him until he stops being such a butthead.
EB: all for one and one for all!
GG: ...
EB: jade.
EB: you have to repeat our theme quote. it's a rule.
GG: fine
GG: all for one and one for all
EB: including dave sprite.
EB: we will fix him. we will all get safely to the new session. and when we reunite with rose and dave we will look back at this conversation and laugh.
GG: i really hope youre right
EB: ...
EB: ...
EB: me too.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --
---------------
3. Morning to Evening
-- golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
GT: Tip top of the morning to you jane!
GT: Or afternoon really since youre a few hours ahead of me in the whole sun goes round the earth business.
GT: Id have to get up in the dark to play early bird to your worm.
GG: That sounds inconvenient!
GG: I'm not much of a morning person anyway.
GT: More so than lalonde though which is fortunate since shes even further ahead of both of us.
GG: True!
GT: This is where i should make a witty remark about evening people being night owls as opposed to morning people rising with the sun or somesuch.
GG: Consider it said, my dear sir. :B
GG: Although Dirk does spoil that theory a touch. I don't think he has any kind of regular schedule.
GT: Dangnabbit youre right!
GT: Blast the man for throwing wrenches into my jocularity.
GT: *stares dramatically into the distance and swears revenge*
GG: Oh, indeed, indeed. We'll have to lecture him most severely.
GG: *two spoons and a wink*
GT: Steady on there janey dont go nicking a mans catchphrase.
GG: Stealing? Who said anything about stealing?
GG: The rules of this friendship are share and share alike.
GG: Didn't you read the fine print at the end of the contract? :B
GT: Curse you and your gnarled talons of capitalism for this underhanded trickery!
GT: But i guess i cant complain i signed the thing after all.
GT: Anyway how are things in your neck of the woods?
GG: The same as always. It's a lovely spring day, I have a cake baking in the oven, and I've been stuck inside since the last assassination attempt so I'm ahead on all my schoolwork.
GG: What about you?
GT: Another assassination attempt?
GT: You know im obligated by family tradition to hate and distrust crockercorp but this all seems a bit over the top to me.
GT: If people have quarrels with your grandmother they should take it up with her not go after you all sneaky and underhanded.
GT: I have half a mind to hunt the blighters down and challenge them myself!
GG: Oh pshaw, J.
GG: It's nothing I can't handle.
GG: Um, I mean, it's very brave and gallant of you to offer!
GG: But not necessary.
GT: On the one hand im glad all my friends are super competent and ready to handle trouble but on the other hows a fellow supposed to swoop in for a last minute rescue when i know youll have already rescued yourselves?
GG: Hmm, that is a pickle!
GG: How about you be the distraction?
GG: It's much easier to escape a kidnapping attempt if someone else is being loud and bright and making guards look the other way.
GT: Then ill be as loud and memorable as possible while you all sneak out of durance vile like ninjas.
GT: Its a deal!
GG: I guess it is. :B
GT: *offers hand to seal the bargain*
GG: *clasps your hand in a firm and manly shake*
GG: (Did I do that right?)
GT: (Yes thats how you do it.)
GG: (Phew!)
GG: So, now that we've talked about my life, what about yours? What have you been up to on your island?
GT: Well the giant centaurs you dont believe in were off at the other end of the island yesterday so I managed a bit of exploring in the jungle before striders robot got the jump on me.
GT: That thing is...
GT: Well its very effective and i dont like to speak ill of another mans work but i have to say it makes me a touch uncomfortable at times!
GG: Leaving the imaginary centaurs aside, do you want me to talk to Dirk about it? Evening to Evening?
GT: I guess it might be worth a try.
GT: He certainly hasnt listened to me when i try to bring it up subtly though perhaps im no good at getting my point across.
GG: Well, I have to confess that I'm not entirely sure what your point is myself. "Uncomfortable" is a really vague word.
GG: Dirk needs more concrete feedback, I think. Or at any rate, it's easier to shout him down when I can be specific about how he's being stupid or insensitive.
GT: Erm.
GT: Yes well you see...
GT: Oh dash it all jane this is a matter between men i cant quite bring myself to tell you the details.
GT: *ducks head sheepishly*
GG: ...
GG: I see.
GG: Are the two of you...
GG: I don't know a delicate way to ask this.
GG: But. Are you, by any chance...
GT: Are we what?
GT: Internet chums? Occasional collaborators in the fine art of robotics? Suddenly going to turn into small fluffy bunnies?
GG: Um.
GT: Jane thats really not helping can you be a little
GT: OH!
GT: Yes.
GT: Argh wait i mean no.
GT: Were not. Not yet anyway. Though i think hed like to be.
GT: At least insofar as we can when separated by such vast distances and considering were all too young to be thinking about these things very seriously.
GT: And i cant say im opposed to giving romance the old college try i mean where else am i going to find people as upstanding and interesting as you lot?
GT: But obviously we wouldnt without you as well.
GG: Ah. I see.
GG: Well, I'm certainly not opposed to the old college try myself!
GG: It does seem a shame we don't have another Morning partner to make a proper sedoretu.
GT: Yes well were only fifteen theres lots of time to meet people.
GT: Im more worried about roxy what if she feels left out?
GG: I was trying not to think about that. I suppose she could be a corner if we eventually find a willing fourth.
GT: Maybe.
GT: Do you want me to talk to her about it while you talk to dirk about his robot and also um you know things?
GG: Argh. I feel like I ought to deal with her myself, but that conversation would be so awkward, and in any case you're the one she'd be in a corner relationship with so...
GG: Yes.
GG: I will have an awkward conversation with Dirk so you don't have to, and in return you will have an awkward conversation with Roxy so I don't have to.
GG: How does that sound?
GT: Like a plan.
GG: Then let's put it into action. :B
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] --
---------------
3. Evening to Morning
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --
TG: hey dirk
TG: dirk dirk rirk drik dirk drikr dirk dirke ire dirkdikr
TG: dirky-poo
TG: dirk dorkface stirider talk to meeeeeeeeeeeee
TG: i am so fuckin bored and you oWE ME
TT: You do realize these conversations are the precise reason I created an auto-responder.
TG: yah whatevs like i care
TG: at least he talks to me
TT: That's inherent in the "responder" portion of the name.
TT: Do you want him to take over for me?
TT: I have a bunch of maintenance work I should get to while the weather is good.
TG: nah ill have a codefest w/ him later while you go fondle ur hammer *WINK WINK*
TT: ...
TG: ...
TT: ...
TG: come on dirk work w me
TG: this is choice quality 20th century memestuff here
TG: hint the hammer is your...
TT: Sigh.
TT: The hammer is my penis.
TG: there you go!!!1! i knew you could do it
TG: but neway ill chill w/ mr. cool shades computer-you whenevs, hes always up for gossip an lending a near when i need to vent
TG: *ear
TG: haha lending ram more like
TG: and when he does talk he doesnt bullshit our other fiends
TG: *friends
TT: Seriously? This again?
TG: look i know all your arguments about unkown maternal moiety an shit
TG: and i admit youre not wrogn
TT: That's a first.
TG: but youre not RIHGT either
TG: *wrong *right
TG: because see above about your moiety beinb UNKNOWD
TG: *UMKNOWN
TG: *fuck it
TG: and i think yuo owe it to jake n janey to b honest about this shit expecially since j already knows about the whole living in the futuruerue biz
TG: *future
TG: and let them deicide for themselfs if theyre cool with you having a V. MYSTERIOUS MOIETY OF DEEPEST MYSTERY
TT: Look. I did hint around the subject to Jake, but I think he either doesn't care or is being deliberately obtuse on the issue.
TT: And as for Jane, how am I supposed to explain things to her without getting into, as you say, the whole living in the future business?
TT: Which we both known she'll refuse to believe, and that's a chunk of shit I'd rather not toss at the fan until I know which way the splatter will fly and how best to clean it up.
TG: dirk you r overthiknig this
TG: *overthinking
TG: its rlly very simple
TG: tell her your bro had sex with a stranger in his wild n crazy youth and ended up w/ a baby on his doorstep 9 months later
TG: he didnt kno your moms moiety and he chickened out on being a dad so he said you were his bro and obvs therefore also evening
TG: instead of his son an therefore totes morning (cuz who needs unplanned scandals amirite)
TG: boom problem solved
TG: i accept payment in adoration applause and booze
TT: That would work for Jake. For Jane? No.
TT: You know how she gets about mysteries.
TT: Your little melodrama has a thousand loose ends she can't help but notice, and once she's suspicious enough to start looking into either of us, she won't stop until she has proof we can't possibly be who we say we are.
TT: Is that what you want?
TG: look into you maybe
TG: im safe shes met my mom they were even penpals for a while
TG: nyah!
TT: Great, so I'm the only one recategorized as a liar and probable spy and/or gold-digger in your hypothetical scenario. Which neatly leaves you free to go after Jake.
TT: Is that your secret goal?
TG: NO THAT IS NOT THE GOAL!!!
TG: asshole
TG: i wouldnt do that to you
TT: Yeah.
TT: I know.
TT: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
TT: I'm in the middle of a high-stakes bullshit balancing act here. One wrong step and I lose everything except you. It's enough pressure to make a man shit diamonds.
TT: I have a plan, but there are always random factors I can't control, and if you tell any of this to Jane...
TG: i know
TG: im scared of losing her too
TG: or jake
TG: i mean how the fuck is he still alive on that island w all those lusus naturae
TG: theortetically us being here means their futures are fixed and they surive long enough to get into the medium but time dude, who even knows how it works
TT: Who indeed.
TG: *theoretically *survibe
TG: *oh fcuk it
TT: ...
TT: To reuse a phrase, you're not right, but you're not wrong, either. I can't do anything now, but I'll come clean once we're all in the medium.
TT: I bromise.
TG: pinky swear?
TT: Yes.
TT: Turn on your webcam and we'll do it for real.
TG: i knouw its silly but thanks dirk
TG: and i swear i wont spill the beans to jane or poke at jake to make him acutually think about stuff an give you an nonhest opinion on his feels
TG: *honest
TT: Thank you, Roxy.
TT: High five?
TG: yeah on 3 you count
TT: One.
TT: Two.
TT: Three.
TG: ahahahaha MOTHERFUCKER wrongng hand now i have vodka all lover my screen
TG: gof i am SUCH A FUCKUP
TT: Still not as bad as the time I spilled motor oil on my keyboard.
TT: Why don't I hook the auto-responder in to this chat and let you flirt-larp with him for a while?
TT: We can talk about whatever's really bothering you tonight, after I get my chores done and we've both caught up with Jake and Jane.
TG: ...
TG: yeah ok but lets pretend he doesnt read all your logs and have me and him start in a new window
TG: catch u on the flip sdie di-stri
TG: *side
TT: I prefer to think of our interactions as a Möbius strip, such that there's never any side to flip; instead, we're always in contact in some form.
TG: whatevs we all know ur a marshmallow at heart
TG: *2 glasses n a toast*
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeustestified [TT] --
---------------------------------------------
End of Chapter
---------------------------------------------
I've had Dave and Rose's chatlog done for ages, and Jade and John's done for nearly six months, but two-thirds of Jane and Jake's and the entirety of Roxy and Dirk's chatlogs were only written tonight, so I haven't had much chance to check them for coherence and such. If you have any suggestions or questions, please tell me! I would like to make sure I am getting my points across and keeping the characters in-character... or at least as in-character as possible, given the AU sedoretu gimmick.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-30 08:22 am (UTC)-__-
:}
:(
o__O?
:(
^__^
XD
;__;
I'm really tired but I don't wanna forget to thank you for the gift of fic, so instead of a long rambly review you get a string of emoticons expressing the general drift of my emotions over the course of this update. OW. Poor kids.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-30 06:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-30 12:19 pm (UTC)rose not being able to see that far ;; john and jade about davesprite aaaaaaaaa ;;^;; and the whole alpha kids clusterfuck is SO INTERESTING, i love how their unknown origins mess with everything. *sparkles* lovely~ *________*
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-30 06:16 pm (UTC)The alpha kids are messed up courtesy of the Condesce, who learned a few things about moiety since her first attempt at raising human children and planned for the future. Well, and Jane might have fallen for Jake even if they were both Morning, but at least that would have been screwed up in a different way -- dramatic forbidden lust rather than Roxy left out in the cold. And Roxy herself is in an interesting position with regard to Dirk, since if she's right about his moiety properly being Morning, she could then go after him with cultural impunity... but she'd have rendered his relationship with Jake difficult and forbidden, which is a Bad Thing since Dirk is gay. Really, the only way to eliminate moiety problems with the alpha kids is to make Dirk & Jane share one moiety and Roxy & Jake share the other. Unfortunately, Roxy is firmly Evening since that was alpha!Rose's moiety, and Jade equally firmly set Jake as Morning, so they're all basically screwed.