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edenfallingI mentioned last summer that the story I ended up writing for ![[archiveofourown.org profile]](https://p2.dreamwidth.org/b164c54b26e4/-/archiveofourown.org/favicon.ico)
FiKate in the 2014 Narnia Fic Exchange was not the story I first tried to write. I'd forgotten how close that failed attempt came to reaching the minimum word count, though, and I think it's fairly cute in its own right, so I'm posting it for the sake of completism.
Summary: Aravis, Cor, and Corin visit Narnia for the Summer Festival. Fragment. (900 words)
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Visiting Narnia
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One of the great frustrations of stories is that they must come to an end. A particularly good tale will often have an ending that makes you feel that you have reached a comfortable stopping point, like coming home after a long day's journey to see warm light in the doorway welcoming you in for supper and a good night's sleep. But even so, I do not doubt that you have often found yourself wondering what happened to the people whose adventures you have followed, though the storyteller has closed up shop and declared himself done with them and their lives.
Fortunately the world is full of storytellers, and if you know where to look you may find one who will tell you what happened next, as I am about to do.
Two weeks after Prince Rabadash attempted to invade Archenland and was turned into a donkey for his troubles, which is a tale you may have read in a book called The Horse and His Boy, a raven flew in through a window in the castle of Anvard and landed on King Edmund's shoulder while he took breakfast with the royal family and their friends. This was a great surprise to the Lady Aravis and Prince Cor, since Talking Beasts were unknown in the land of Calormen, where they had grown up. Aravis reached for a knife and Cor prepared to throw the tablecloth, but fortunately they stopped themselves before they did anything rash.
"Greetings, Catchlight," King Edmund said. "What news do you bring us?"
"The Tisroc has forbidden any open retaliation by arms," the Raven said in her scratchy, pebbled voice. "There will be no war this year. I can't speak for the next."
"Our thanks," King Edmund said.
Catchlight hopped down onto the table with a little flutter of her wings and lifted a sausage from the serving plate, neat as you please. She was somewhat less tidy about eating it, but made sure to hold the food over a napkin out of politeness.
Meanwhile, King Edmund turned to address King Lune at the far end of the table. "Sir, with your leave I shall prepare the army to move out on the morrow, and remove our burden from your house and lands."
"What burden? 'Tis a joy to have good company, however unexpected, and Narnia and Archenland shall ever be friends," King Lune answered. He wiped his hands on a napkin and added, more thoughtfully, "Hast a moment, though, sir? There is a favor I would ask of you."
"Of course," said King Edmund.
"I must leave Anvard and see to the establishment of defenses in the Southern Marches," said King Lune. "Twill be long and tedious work, and I would not leave my sons and the Lady Aravis alone so soon after these great events. Canst bring them with you into Narnia for a time? Corin's pledge to visit Master Tumnus for the Summer Festival yet stands, and I think 'twould do Cor and the Lady good to live in a livelier court than mine will be these next weeks."
"Oh!" said Prince Corin. "Yes, let's. You'll like the Summer Festival. It's all bonfires and dancing and the Fauns tell the most incredible stories."
"Well, my lords and lady?" said King Edmund. "I for one am in favor. What say you?"
Cor and Aravis exchanged a look that seemed to say, I'll go if you'll come with me. For though they both liked the North a great deal, they still felt they were in a strange country and ought to watch each other's backs as they had done in their escape from Calormen.
After a moment Aravis asked, "If we go, might we see Hwin and Bree?"
"I think it unlikely that anyone could prevent such a reunion," King Edmund said, "and also I will have messengers sent to inform them of your arrival."
"Then I say yes," Aravis declared.
"So do I," added Cor, who missed his friends very much and wondered if the Horses felt as awkward in Narnia as he did in Archenland.
"Then we are decided," said King Edmund, and went to make arrangements.
The next day Aravis, Cor, and Corin rode out with the army, northward into Narnia. Corin spent the journey telling them tales of his previous visits to Narnia, all of which seemed to end with him falling out of a tree, falling into a stream, or knocking somebody down. It sounded very exciting, and also somewhat alarming.
"Do you ever do anything quiet?" Cor asked.
"Whyever would I want to?" Corin asked in return, and laughed.
"For contrast," said Aravis.
"That sounds dreadfully dull," said Corin. "I'd rather be loud. But if Cor is quiet, perhaps we're just meant to be contrasts for each other!"
Cor thought there was something askew about his newfound brother's logic, but as he couldn't put his finger on the problem (and didn't especially mind not being as loud as Corin anyway), he didn't bother to argue the way he would have done with Aravis.
In short order they had crossed the pass and the cliff, and were riding down into the broad green hills of southern Narnia. Cor pointed out the little cottage where he had spent the night with some Dwarfs before the battle, but soon they were in land unfamiliar to both him and Aravis.
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And that is where I stalled out and could not manage another hundred words for love nor money. I think the main problem is that I had no plot. I mean, the general thrust was Aravis and Cor having polite culture shock about various things in Narnia, but there wasn't a strong narrative arc, and a more general "hey, let's explore Narnia for a while" milieu story would have required at least another two thousand words to feel properly weighted and balanced, and if I couldn't manage another hundred, twenty times that was clearly out of the question.
The other takeaway lesson, of course, is that the narrative voice Lewis uses for the Chronicles does NOT come naturally to me, and I should probably not try to force it unless I have a very good reason. *wry*
(I am not entirely sure that this fragment meshes with These bringing with them unknown gods and rites. It fits all right with Any Sentry from His Post, which is set one week after the Battle of Anvard, but I'd expect Aravis to at least make passing mention of a trip to Narnia when thinking about the trouble of settling in to a new country and culture. Still, if the first full moon fell, let's say, the night before this fragment opens, and the trip to Narnia only lasts two or three weeks, she could perfectly well be back in Anvard for the next full moon.)
Summary: Aravis, Cor, and Corin visit Narnia for the Summer Festival. Fragment. (900 words)
---------------------------------------------
Visiting Narnia
---------------------------------------------
One of the great frustrations of stories is that they must come to an end. A particularly good tale will often have an ending that makes you feel that you have reached a comfortable stopping point, like coming home after a long day's journey to see warm light in the doorway welcoming you in for supper and a good night's sleep. But even so, I do not doubt that you have often found yourself wondering what happened to the people whose adventures you have followed, though the storyteller has closed up shop and declared himself done with them and their lives.
Fortunately the world is full of storytellers, and if you know where to look you may find one who will tell you what happened next, as I am about to do.
Two weeks after Prince Rabadash attempted to invade Archenland and was turned into a donkey for his troubles, which is a tale you may have read in a book called The Horse and His Boy, a raven flew in through a window in the castle of Anvard and landed on King Edmund's shoulder while he took breakfast with the royal family and their friends. This was a great surprise to the Lady Aravis and Prince Cor, since Talking Beasts were unknown in the land of Calormen, where they had grown up. Aravis reached for a knife and Cor prepared to throw the tablecloth, but fortunately they stopped themselves before they did anything rash.
"Greetings, Catchlight," King Edmund said. "What news do you bring us?"
"The Tisroc has forbidden any open retaliation by arms," the Raven said in her scratchy, pebbled voice. "There will be no war this year. I can't speak for the next."
"Our thanks," King Edmund said.
Catchlight hopped down onto the table with a little flutter of her wings and lifted a sausage from the serving plate, neat as you please. She was somewhat less tidy about eating it, but made sure to hold the food over a napkin out of politeness.
Meanwhile, King Edmund turned to address King Lune at the far end of the table. "Sir, with your leave I shall prepare the army to move out on the morrow, and remove our burden from your house and lands."
"What burden? 'Tis a joy to have good company, however unexpected, and Narnia and Archenland shall ever be friends," King Lune answered. He wiped his hands on a napkin and added, more thoughtfully, "Hast a moment, though, sir? There is a favor I would ask of you."
"Of course," said King Edmund.
"I must leave Anvard and see to the establishment of defenses in the Southern Marches," said King Lune. "Twill be long and tedious work, and I would not leave my sons and the Lady Aravis alone so soon after these great events. Canst bring them with you into Narnia for a time? Corin's pledge to visit Master Tumnus for the Summer Festival yet stands, and I think 'twould do Cor and the Lady good to live in a livelier court than mine will be these next weeks."
"Oh!" said Prince Corin. "Yes, let's. You'll like the Summer Festival. It's all bonfires and dancing and the Fauns tell the most incredible stories."
"Well, my lords and lady?" said King Edmund. "I for one am in favor. What say you?"
Cor and Aravis exchanged a look that seemed to say, I'll go if you'll come with me. For though they both liked the North a great deal, they still felt they were in a strange country and ought to watch each other's backs as they had done in their escape from Calormen.
After a moment Aravis asked, "If we go, might we see Hwin and Bree?"
"I think it unlikely that anyone could prevent such a reunion," King Edmund said, "and also I will have messengers sent to inform them of your arrival."
"Then I say yes," Aravis declared.
"So do I," added Cor, who missed his friends very much and wondered if the Horses felt as awkward in Narnia as he did in Archenland.
"Then we are decided," said King Edmund, and went to make arrangements.
The next day Aravis, Cor, and Corin rode out with the army, northward into Narnia. Corin spent the journey telling them tales of his previous visits to Narnia, all of which seemed to end with him falling out of a tree, falling into a stream, or knocking somebody down. It sounded very exciting, and also somewhat alarming.
"Do you ever do anything quiet?" Cor asked.
"Whyever would I want to?" Corin asked in return, and laughed.
"For contrast," said Aravis.
"That sounds dreadfully dull," said Corin. "I'd rather be loud. But if Cor is quiet, perhaps we're just meant to be contrasts for each other!"
Cor thought there was something askew about his newfound brother's logic, but as he couldn't put his finger on the problem (and didn't especially mind not being as loud as Corin anyway), he didn't bother to argue the way he would have done with Aravis.
In short order they had crossed the pass and the cliff, and were riding down into the broad green hills of southern Narnia. Cor pointed out the little cottage where he had spent the night with some Dwarfs before the battle, but soon they were in land unfamiliar to both him and Aravis.
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---------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------
And that is where I stalled out and could not manage another hundred words for love nor money. I think the main problem is that I had no plot. I mean, the general thrust was Aravis and Cor having polite culture shock about various things in Narnia, but there wasn't a strong narrative arc, and a more general "hey, let's explore Narnia for a while" milieu story would have required at least another two thousand words to feel properly weighted and balanced, and if I couldn't manage another hundred, twenty times that was clearly out of the question.
The other takeaway lesson, of course, is that the narrative voice Lewis uses for the Chronicles does NOT come naturally to me, and I should probably not try to force it unless I have a very good reason. *wry*
(I am not entirely sure that this fragment meshes with These bringing with them unknown gods and rites. It fits all right with Any Sentry from His Post, which is set one week after the Battle of Anvard, but I'd expect Aravis to at least make passing mention of a trip to Narnia when thinking about the trouble of settling in to a new country and culture. Still, if the first full moon fell, let's say, the night before this fragment opens, and the trip to Narnia only lasts two or three weeks, she could perfectly well be back in Anvard for the next full moon.)
(no subject)
Date: 2015-06-12 08:25 pm (UTC)Hmm. Yes, I think that would work as a plot. I'd probably have to tweak this opening section a little to play that theme up some more, but that's at least something with an actual endpoint instead of a series of and-then, and-then, and-then that just drags on forever in a structureless line.