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edenfalling

I finished the rough draft of ch. 16 this morning and did one round of preliminary edits. Then I revised chs. 8 and 9, and have now posted both of them over on AO3.

Based on a scene I had completely forgotten writing in ch. 8, I'm going to have to tweak ch. 16 a little more to keep some character arcs coherent. Ah well, that shouldn't take too long.

As I said before, I'd like to get ch. 16 beta'ed before I post it, even though that has not been my pattern with this story. If anybody is willing, please leave me a comment or a private message.

Anyway, revised stuff!

-----

Chapter the Eighth, in which Naruto and Sasuke successfully hoodwink a grown ninja (who will feel very stupid about the incident later on), Yukiko takes Seichi up on his offer to teach her card games, Naga complains about her mother's idea of appropriate lunch foods, and Eiji has a nice, relaxing family dinner.

Chapter the Ninth, in which Kurenai and Genma discuss the benefits of learning to cook, Yukiko catches up with an old family friend, Naga meets Kakashi's nin-dogs, and Naruto tries to teach Sasuke how friendship works.

-----

The former got some actual content tweaks -- there are minor alterations to Yukiko and Seichi's conversation -- whereas the latter is largely unchanged except for its punctuation. (Was I addicted to semi-colons and dashes in 2006? Quite possibly! *headdesk*)

Current Mood: productive
Current Location: tompkins county public library
Crossposts: http://edenfalling.livejournal.com/896594.html

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

wistfulmemory.livejournal.com

Were you at least using the semi-colons and dashes correctly? If so, there's nothing wrong with that (though the grammar books I use in English class do say to use dashes sparingly, and all of my students question when they'll actually ever use them).

From:

edenfalling

Oh, they are grammatically correct! I have always been careful about that, except sometimes in dialogue, because spoken conversation is not very grammatical and I like to make token nods toward verisimilitude. But the sentences in question seem very clunky and awkward to me in retrospect, and I think an overuse of complicated and parenthetical structure makes a narrative bog down in easily avoided ways.

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