edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
I did a little thought experiment on myself while reading Andre Norton's Uncharted Stars, where I mentally rewrote the two secondary characters (Ryzk and Zilwrich) as female. There was no plot requirement for those people to be male, so why not? That one change improved the book immeasurably.

I think I'm going to start applying that technique to other Norton books (and what the hell, probably to any classic sci-fi and fantasy I read or reread). It really does drive home how the absence of women is as much a problem as bad depictions of women, you know? *sigh*

Changing Zilwrich's gender required no rewrites whatsoever: injured alien archaeologist is not a gendered plot role. I think if Ryzk had been written as female from the start, their introduction scene would need to be slightly altered because a drunk woman alone in a seedy bar is a different vibe from a drunk man alone in a seedy bar... but hey, maybe that would make the scene in question a bit less morally iffy! (If you wanted to be more drastic in the rewriting, it could result in two secondary characters -- Ryzk and a companion -- that could heighten some later tension in terms of divisions of opinion among the spaceship crew, but that's a more ambitious proposition.) Other than that, literally nothing that needed to be changed to make Ryzk a completely reasonable depiction of a woman, because there was nothing particularly gendered about that depiction in the first place aside from pronouns and that bar scene.

I now kind of want to reread the book and swap some background characters as well. Let's have female shady gem dealers! Female space pirates! Female squid-crustacean aliens who communicate via gesture-to-sound interfaces! Female hardscrabble ice planet merchants who've been dreaming of recreating a legendary trade their parent made! Etcetera.

I have, over the years, become more and more committed to the idea that unless there's a pressing plot or character reason for a character to be male, they should be female by default. (Cis and trans both welcome!)

I have been thinking this past year or so that nonbinary is also a good option. I need to start making random characters nonbinary as well -- this is a little trickier, particularly when working in somebody else's sandbox that has gender assumptions pre-installed, but challenge is good for the soul, yeah?

...

Anyway, bed now. :)

worries

Jan. 21st, 2021 09:33 pm
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
Mr. Geniality was out sick today, and it's apparently an upper respiratory thing.

Everyone at the rental company is crossing our fingers it isn't Covid.

Upon receiving the news, I promptly felt short of breath all day, and I have no way to tell if that was an actual symptom, or just psychosomatic nerves and the usual way breathing through a mask always leaves me feeling vaguely short of breath plus a slightly bent underwire in my bra.

...

I have scheduled a test for myself for 9:30am Friday morning.

Cayuga Medical has switched from the nose swabs to the saliva test, which on the one hand is less invasive (those swabs really do feel like they're scraping your soul) but on the other hand requires more preparation on my part, in that I can't eat or drink anything for at least half an hour before my test appointment.

So I'm going to get up a bit early and make sure I'm done with breakfast by 8:45am.
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
2019 version // 2018 version // 2017 version // 2016 version // 2015 version // 2014 version // 2013 version // 2012 version // 2011 version // 2010 version // 2009 version // 2005 version

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A Year in Writing: 2020
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January )

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February )

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March )

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April )

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May )

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June )

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July )

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August )

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September )

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October )

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November )

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December )

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2020 Fanfiction: 69,725
2020 Original: 4,975
2020 Total: 74,700


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Analysis )

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And that is that for the year. :)
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
Things done today:

1. Got up ~10 minutes early in order to dump my experimental pork-greens-and-onions slow cooker dish (basically what I did with chicken, chard, and onions last week but on a larger scale and with collard greens because apparently my grocery store doesn't sell chard) into some tupperware and shove it in the fridge.

I had some for dinner tonight. In conclusion: not bad, but I did not increase the spices enough to compensate for the extra meat and veggies. Also I really should have chosen a leaner cut of pork. Ah well, I'll know better next time.

2. Work in the Collegetown office was slow (aside from a few interminable phone calls with parents of Cornell students who are trying to do their kids' apartment hunting for them), so I was able to answer all today's downtown inquiries instead of fobbing them off on Mr. Geniality. I also put in some good work getting a couple spreadsheets closer to up-to-date.

3. Agreed to reschedule tomorrow's dental checkup from 8am to 9am, since my dentist ran into some last-minute scheduling problems.

4. Picked up a couple things from a local store that I ordered online yesterday afternoon.

5. Baked banana bread.

6. Enrolled in health insurance for next year. I was going to give serious consideration to getting insurance through work this year (since I am eligible for the first time since the smoke shop closed in 2014), but the deadline for that was December 1 and it blew right past me. So tonight I pulled up my big girl pants and fought my way through a bunch of forms and a couple computer glitches on the NY State of Health website to pick an insurance plan.

See, the thing is, I NEED insurance, and I specifically need it to cover generic drugs, because how the hell else am I going to pay for my Celexa (which is technically a generic citalopram knockoff, and I know it's been at least two different formulations since the pharmacy has called and asked if it's okay to use an alternate formulation once or twice). So I picked the plan that covers three primary care visits before the deductible starts kicking in, and has zero pill deductible.

As for dental, I'll wing it. Aside from the Year Of All The Cavities (that was a bad year), it is actually cheaper for me personally to pay dental out of pocket than to pay for dental insurance, and I do not anticipate a second Year Of All The Cavities now that I have my handy-dandy prescription fluoride toothpaste and am flossing regularly.
edenfalling: circular blue mosaic depicting stylized waves (ocean mosaic)
Monday I was in Collegetown, and was surprisingly NOT overwhelmed by Tasks. So I got started on a downtown Task during my spare time: namely, creating a spreadsheet into which I can enter the key stamp numbers for all downtown apartment keys, so we have a clear record of which key belong to which lock.

This is not hugely important for finding keys since they're all pretty clearly labeled in the locked key cabinets, but it will be IMMENSELY useful once we start tracking key sign-outs and sign-ins in FileMaker, because we'll be able to stick a label on each key.

Electronic fob tracking is going to be a little more complicated, but we're working on that as well.

-----

Apparently my first attempt to upload my 2021 PTIN to the Not the IRS internal website didn't go through because you need one specific bit of corroborating documentary evidence (out of four potential options) and I provided all three EXCEPT the required document. *headdesk* So I redid that, and hopefully this time it worked.

-----

Yesterday I fried two strip steaks and had one for dinner. It was perfectly rare and absolutely delicious.

Tonight I ate the other. It was a bit less rare, on account of reheating in the microwave, but still delicious.

I have another pack of two steaks in the freezer. (They were on sale this weekend.) I think I'll cook them Thursday or Friday night.

-----

I got the church Board of Trustees agenda mailed out in good time, with all relevant supporting documents attached. Go me! \o/

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Sunday morning I had a Covid-19 test done out at the local mall. They said to allow 45 minutes, but the whole thing was over and done in under 10 minutes, from when I drove up to when I drove away. They said it might take 72 hours to get results, and they'll call me if I'm positive. I can also create an account with Caqyuga Medical to check results online and get details even if I test negative. I should probably get on that.

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I had no energy to deal with laundry on Sunday, but today I pulled up my big-girl pants and got everything washed and dried. I will leave the folding and putting away for another day.

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I have been so goddamn tired lately and I don't know why. It's extremely inconvenient.

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I need to send out holiday cards, blargh.

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I also need to coordinate with Nick and Dad about gifts for Mom, and poke Nick again about what he wants for Christmas. I should probably poke Cat and Susan too. I don't have the spoons for that, but transit time is a thing so I really do need to get started soon.

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Shit, what's the health insurance re-enrollment period this year???

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I've been falling into obsessive reading this past week, which actually, along with the inexplicable exhaustion, is a pretty good sign of a periodic depressive episode. (These are unrelated to my general low-level anhedonia and are basically my brain deciding to drop me down a well for 1-3 weeks at random intervals.) Hmm. Right. Okay, the treatment for that is mostly to maintain as close to a regimented sleep schedule as possible and make daily to-do lists, which I had stopped doing a couple months back.

Okay. Yes. And on that note, I think I should head off to bed.
edenfalling: circular blue mosaic depicting stylized waves (ocean mosaic)
My period arrived this evening, exactly when I predicted, and I am already so completely ready for it to fuck right back off, please and thank you.

Ow ick ow.
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
Apropos of a meme that's going around, I am always surprised by people talking about their WIP folder.

Because that is not how I organize my files. Like, AT ALL.

I organize my writing by fandom, with one folder for each major fandom plus one master-level folder that acts as a catch-all for minor fandoms (some of which have their own sub-folders while others just get naked files within that catch-all folder), and then keep another folder for ficathons, prompt-fests, exchanges, etc. So if you want me to list all the stories I consider WIPs, it would require me to comb through... oh, at least a dozen folders, probably more. Scores if you add in all the unfinished original fiction snippets I have floating around.

I dunno, that's just how my mind works. To me, it's OBVIOUS that you sort stories by "world" and mark "this is unfinished" only in the file name, if at all. I add "(rough)" to a lot of files while they're in the WIP stage and whack that off once I finish -- or I make a separate file and call it "(final)" if it's long enough that I'm doing deep edits and/or have had it beta-read at some point, in which case there will usually be a third version with "(beta)" or "(for beta)" tacked onto the file name.

But apparently a lot of people keep a WIP folder! And I mean, I guess I can see how it would be useful if you're poking around wondering what to work on? But I keep having this knee-jerk reaction of "but why can't you just keep that part in your head?" and also "ew, gross, you're letting all the different worlds touch!" like they're bean casserole and cranberry sauce on a Thanksgiving plate and must be kept separate on pain of extremely unpleasant flavor combinations.

Which is also kind of funny since I have files that are just gigantic smears of blended worlds -- namely, every file that's a running tally of Three Sentence Ficathon fills, or a running tally of mini-ficlet prompt meme fills -- but eh.

Possibly it's related to only discovering fanfiction after years of writing unfinished original fiction? So I was used to organizing by world -- which is, of course, a lot more relevant for original fiction, where I also have lots and lots of background worldbuilding files and suchlike.

Or possibly it's just how my brain works. Brains are idiosyncratic and weird.

...

This has been your random thought of the day. :)
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
I have concluded that on very rare occasions, it is okay to get drunk. These occasions are either at celebratory family gatherings when I don't have to drive, or when I am at home on my own (and therefore also do not have to drive). In both cases this is mostly a tension release mechanism, since I am not always great at that under normal circumstances, and it's nice to sort of let down one's walls in environments where one knows there will not be terrible consequences.

(Note: do not do this if your family is prone to lasting arguments, etc. My family occasionally gets into shouting matches, but that's only on a tactical level, never a strategic level and certainly not a grand policy level, so it's okay. Also we are good at saying sorry and reassuring each other we love each other and that while we may not always approve of each others' actions (to wit, when I used to hit people as a child, or some of my more self-destructive moves before I got a handle on battling my depression), we always love each other as people and want the best for one another. And Dad is not great at emotions all the time, but Nick and I know this and are okay running occasional interference when he and Mom snipe at each other, and also telling him to shut up, we're done with Topic X for the moment and can revisit it later when the participants are no longer at the edge of an emotional precipice. (He has an annoying habit of denying that he's upset and shouting when he is, clearly and objectively speaking, upset and shouting. We have been known to mock him for this after the fact.) We have also mostly managed the art of telling Mom that she's doing the guilt trip thing and please drop it, we'll come back to this later. These are important skills for successfully navigating family dynamics!)

I mention this because I decided to get drunk tonight (two hard ciders and two Black Russians will do the trick fairly well, though admittedly I spaced them out over six hours so... you know, without blood alcohol level analysis it is very tricky to experientially pinpoint the line between tipsy and full-on drunk? but anyway, I am plotched by any definition) because the last several months have been existentially stressful in a way where it's very hard for me to do anything that feels very meaningful in the moment (...meaningful in the sense of addressing my sources of external stress, that is, which are A) Covid 19, B) racism in America, and C) the state of the Ithaca housing market AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA) and I needed to let go and unwind a bit of the knotted skein of tension in my chest before my parents arrive Wednesday afternoon and I have to be social and, you know, not a giant mess of a human being.

It's different putting on my work face, you know? That's a customer service thing and nobody expects you to be completely genuine. Everybody knows that's a mask to some degree.

But family expect to see you as you are, and I would like to be able to coherently express both "I am mostly okay" and "I am very stressed but it's free-floating ambient stress without a specific trigger point to address and fix, so it's manifesting weirdly and in ways I am not always well-equipped to handle" and also "I think I may need some external motivation and structure, but I am unsure whether I can usefully receive that from you or whether that will trigger some of my old maladaptive reactions and just make everything worse; I must talk to Nick first and see if he's willing to poke me into doing Assorted Work-Related Tasks before I risk asking you, my parents, to poke me."

...

I should probably go to bed.

I think I am going to have very odd dreams tonight.
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
I have another rental company take-home project, which I did ~1 hour of work on today before realizing that while I can pull some of the material from our website and some more from our Gmail account, a bunch of the relevant infographics and printouts and whatever exist only on the hard drive of my work computer. So I think Monday's project will be to email all of those to myself, so I will be able to start bashing together some "blog post" things on Tuesday and Wednesday.

What I did today was basically take Aunt Boss's giant list of suggested topics and organize them into coherent themed groups, plus add a couple topic ideas of my own and supplement some of hers with additional sections.

I have also just now thought of yet another topic, which I will mention here so I don't forget it overnight: an explanation of our rental payment schedules, because people are very bad at interpreting that section of their leases even though the language there is, IMHO, pretty darn clear for a legal document.

...

Other things that happened today:

1. I started the final edits for the Narnia/Naruto crossover. I have fixed the easy bits, but it will take me another few days to figure out what to do about the more structural issues.

2. Local wildlife once again dug up my carrot planters -- and this DESPITE the window screen I had over one of them. I have sprayed animal repellent around my back porch and seeded yet ANOTHER round of carrot seeds. *headdesk*

3. Changed my linens, because I have managed to maintain a pattern of weekend linen changes for 98% of my adult life and I don't plan to break that habit.

4. I decided not to do laundry today because reasons, but I have loaded my dirty clothes and linens into my cart and set out my bag of quarters, so when I get home tomorrow I can just drag everything two blocks over to the laundromat and get started. I find that this pattern of breaking big tasks into a "prep" day and a "task" day is helpful, because otherwise I will often drag my feet about the prep work until it's so late in the day that it's hard to get much of anywhere on the actual task. This way I can take a whole day and do the prep work in little pieces as I think of it, instead of trying to do it all at once on a tight deadline.

5. On a related note, I have set up all the relevant ingredients and cookware necessary to bake brownies tomorrow, because I ate the last of my previous batch this evening. I have decided that of the two brownie mix types my parents gave me, I prefer the dark chocolate to the fudge. This is mildly unfortunate, since they gave me twice as many fudge-type boxes as dark chocolate-type boxes, but eh. They're still brownies and they're still delicious.

6. Took a late afternoon nap because my sleep schedule has started to drift away from anything remotely regular or related to the day-night cycle. You wouldn't think that working three days a week versus four days a week would make such a big difference, but boy howdy does it ever. I will continue trying to wrench myself back into mornings actually being meaningful.

And on that note, I will now go to bed.
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
And then I didn't do anything else on my to-do list, because about fifteen minutes after I made my previous post, I was struck by what's most likely a bout of food poisoning and spent the rest of the afternoon either in the bathroom or in bed attempting to sleep it off after I took some ibuprofen and immodium. Bodies are the worst. :(

I don't know what brought this on -- could be something had gone off in the leftover soup I had for Monday's lunch, could be something in the lettuce on the sandwich I bought for Monday's dinner, could be something I don't even remember from Sunday. *hands* Whatever the source, it was gross and painful and undignified.

...

I think I am probably up to a grocery run after my nap and some restorative tea and crackers. And I'd like to salvage SOME feeling of productivity from an unpleasant day.

...I will take some more ibuprofen before I venture out, though.

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Elizabeth Culmer

July 2025

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