[Fic] "Trollstuck," part 18 -- Homestuck
Jul. 24th, 2012 01:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
edenfallingback to part 17
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Trollstuck, part 18
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====>Who is it?
Nepeta Leijon. Nepeta Mother-"Let's pretend I'm a purrbeast and you're my juicy prey while I giggle like a brain-damaged wriggler and then droop when you don't pity me which will make Jarlia hate you in a platonic fashion rather than anything... okay, stop, this interjection is getting unwieldy and also too personally revealing"-Fucking Leijon.
====>Be pleasantly surprised at this proof that your friends are thinking of you
No! You are not happy to talk to Nepeta! You are never happy to talk to Nepeta!
It's not that you hate her (or at least you don't hate her any more than you hate the rest of the universe, platonically), but her insufferably cheerful idiocy, her insane dedication to cutesy roleplaying games (which, okay, Terezi does that too but at least she has the brains to do it facetiously (NOT ironically, that hoofbeastshit is reserved for Kronos)), and her interminable strings of cat puns drive you up the wall, out the window, and into broad daylight because frying alive is less annoying than dealing with her and her pathetically obvious flushcrush (which you do not return, no matter what vile perversions certain people would like to impose upon you or try to spread as rumors, yes Jothan that means you (and now these parentheses are getting unwieldy, what is even up with this narration today???)).
ARGH.
God, you hope you're not that obvious about... things. You'd have to kill yourself, travel back in time, and haunt Past Karkat until he realizes what a pathetic waste of genetic material he is and kills himself, goes back in time, etcetera, etcetera. Which is both ridiculous and impossible, since time travel is not a thing that exists, so obviously you aren't as obvious in emotional matters as Nepeta. Your logic is inarguable.
====>Answer her anyway, dipshit
-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
AC: :33 < *ac pounces excitedly on the elusive karkitty!*
AC: :33 < *she says its b33n too long since he was petted and scritched behind his ears*
AC: :33 < *she curls up around him and licks his horns*
AC: :33 < *they are the nubbiest and cutest horns on the planet!*
CG: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
CG: THERE WILL BE NO POUNCING, NO PETTING, AND ABSOLUTELY NO HORN-LICKING, IN REALITY OR IN YOUR DISEASED IMAGINATION.
AC: :33 < h33h33 yes there will!
AC: :33 < *the wild karkitty struggles to escape but ac pins him down with her paw*
CG: CG EQUIPS A SICKLE FROM HIS SPECIBUS AND SLICES THE PAW OFF AC'S LEG.
CG: THEN HE BLOCKS HER BECAUSE HE HAS MORE IMPORTANT SHIT TO DEAL WITH TONIGHT.
AC: :33 < *ac ignores her poor mutilated paw and pricks her ears in feline curiosity*
CG: CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT.
AC: :33 < and satisfaction brought it back! ;33
AC: :?? < whats going on thats so impurrtant?
CG: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GO AWAY UNTIL I TALK, ARE YOU.
AC: :33 < nope!
AC: :33 < *ac sits on karkittys f33t holds her wounded paw in a piteous manner and stares up at him with impurrious eyes until he confesses efurrything*
CG: FINE.
CG: LONG STORY SHORT, JARLIA HAD A BAD DREAM AND, IN A TYPICAL RAGE-INDUCING FIT OF USELESS MEDDLING, ACCIDENTALLY MADE IT START TO COME TRUE.
CG: VRISKA IS GOING TO USE SOLLUX TO KILL ARADIA BEFORE DAWN.
CG: TEREZI'S WORKING TO GET DAVVEN TO INTERVENE.
CG: JARLIA'S DOING SOMETHING, WHO THE FUCK EVEN CARES WHAT.
CG: AND ALONDE AND I ARE ARGUING OVER WHAT TO DO REGARDING JOTHAN, TAVROS, AND POTENTIAL SUMMONED HORRORSQUID.
AC: :(( < thats pawful!!!
CG: TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW.
CG: OR ACTUALLY, DON'T.
CG: LET ME GET BACK TO DOING USEFUL THINGS INSTEAD OF WASTING TIME ON YOU.
AC: :33 < yes good karkitty fix this!
AC: :33 < we cant let vwhiskers kill any of our furriends!
AC: :33 < have you talked to my meowrail yet?
AC: :33 < purrhaps he can help!
CG: ...
CG: HANG ON.
====>Go back to Alonde
TT: <- But what shall I hang on to? Or from? ->
TT: -> That was a joke, incidentally. <-
TT: ...
TT: => If you don't reappear with a reasonable explanation within thirty seconds, I will block you and troll Jothan immediately. <=
CG: WHAT, YOU'RE NOT HAPPY WITH SWIMMING IN THE SHALLOW TIDEPOOL OF IDIOCY AND YOUR SOLUTION IS TO TAKE AN ACROBATIC BELLYFLOP INTO THE OPEN SEA OF COMPLETE BRAINLESS FUCKUPS?
TT: -> A sea-themed metaphor and an admission of your comparative lack of intellectual acumen, all for me. I may swoon. <-
TT: <- Who was it? ->
CG: NEPETA.
TT: <- And what did she say that held your attention for such an uncharacteristic length of time? ->
TT: -> I was under the impression you preferred -- or prefurred, I should say -- to avoid her. <-
CG: THERE WILL BE NO CAT PUNS IN THIS CONVERSATION. IN FACT, THERE WILL BE NO PUNS AT ALL, NO MATTER WHAT THEME.
CG: NONE OF THE PUNS. NONE OF THEM.
TT: =:)
CG: NEPETA WANTS TO KNOW IF ZAHHAK CAN HELP.
TT: -> ... <-
TT: -> I am inclined to say no on strictly reactionary grounds, but such hasty responses are often ill-considered. <-
TT: -> As my instinctive distaste ebbs and reason returns, though, I remain dubious. <-
TT: -> It's entirely possible that he could restrain Vriska, given that he is immune to her particular psychic talents. <-
TT: -> However, he hasn't previously meddled in her affairs. <-
TT: <- Why would he bother now? ->
CG: DO I LOOK LIKE I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE INNER WORKINGS OF THAT SWEATY BIGOT'S THINKPAN?
CG: WHY DON'T YOU ASK SOMEBODY WHO ACTUALLY TALKS TO HIM, LIKE GAMZEE.
CG: OR, IF YOU'D RATHER NOT DEAL WITH CHEMICALLY-ADDLED CLOWN GIBBERISH, WHY NOT SEE IF ZAHHAK HAS A MOIRAIL?
CG: OH WAIT.
CG: HE DOES.
CG: AND I HAVE HER ON HOLD IN ANOTHER CHAT WINDOW.
TT: -> This is inefficient. <-
TT: -> I'm opening a memo. Answer the invitation. <-
====>Headdesk
NO FUCKING PROBLEM.
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continue to part 19
Sorry for the short-ish section, but before I go any further with this I need an answer to one very important question: should Equius be helpful or not? Please provide reasons, whether character-based or plot-suggestion-based!
Also, while we're at it, what are some other things you'd like to see happen (either during or after the Vriska crisis plot thread)? I promise I will get back to Eridan and the squiddleterror, and of course I will return to the stuff with Gl'bgolyb and Aradia's research and the Ancestors -- I have to, since that is the overarching plot! -- but there are any number of things that could serve as potential episodic plots along the way. So what would you be interested in reading?
There will probably be a Karkat-hides-from-the-culling-drones episode, but I think that should wait until we're a lot closer to endgame on the Gl'bgolyb plot. There may also be a Gamzee-gets-sober plot, and there will definitely be some romance plots -- what is a troll story without quadrant melodramatics, after all? -- but I need some adventure-style prompts to work with. Random Ancestor intervals are also an option.
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And now to bed, because I have to be at work by 9am and it's easier to fake being a morning person when I am not completely sleep deprived. *unnervingly perky smile*
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Trollstuck, part 18
---------------------------------------------
====>Who is it?
Nepeta Leijon. Nepeta Mother-"Let's pretend I'm a purrbeast and you're my juicy prey while I giggle like a brain-damaged wriggler and then droop when you don't pity me which will make Jarlia hate you in a platonic fashion rather than anything... okay, stop, this interjection is getting unwieldy and also too personally revealing"-Fucking Leijon.
====>Be pleasantly surprised at this proof that your friends are thinking of you
No! You are not happy to talk to Nepeta! You are never happy to talk to Nepeta!
It's not that you hate her (or at least you don't hate her any more than you hate the rest of the universe, platonically), but her insufferably cheerful idiocy, her insane dedication to cutesy roleplaying games (which, okay, Terezi does that too but at least she has the brains to do it facetiously (NOT ironically, that hoofbeastshit is reserved for Kronos)), and her interminable strings of cat puns drive you up the wall, out the window, and into broad daylight because frying alive is less annoying than dealing with her and her pathetically obvious flushcrush (which you do not return, no matter what vile perversions certain people would like to impose upon you or try to spread as rumors, yes Jothan that means you (and now these parentheses are getting unwieldy, what is even up with this narration today???)).
ARGH.
God, you hope you're not that obvious about... things. You'd have to kill yourself, travel back in time, and haunt Past Karkat until he realizes what a pathetic waste of genetic material he is and kills himself, goes back in time, etcetera, etcetera. Which is both ridiculous and impossible, since time travel is not a thing that exists, so obviously you aren't as obvious in emotional matters as Nepeta. Your logic is inarguable.
====>Answer her anyway, dipshit
-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
AC: :33 < *ac pounces excitedly on the elusive karkitty!*
AC: :33 < *she says its b33n too long since he was petted and scritched behind his ears*
AC: :33 < *she curls up around him and licks his horns*
AC: :33 < *they are the nubbiest and cutest horns on the planet!*
CG: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
CG: THERE WILL BE NO POUNCING, NO PETTING, AND ABSOLUTELY NO HORN-LICKING, IN REALITY OR IN YOUR DISEASED IMAGINATION.
AC: :33 < h33h33 yes there will!
AC: :33 < *the wild karkitty struggles to escape but ac pins him down with her paw*
CG: CG EQUIPS A SICKLE FROM HIS SPECIBUS AND SLICES THE PAW OFF AC'S LEG.
CG: THEN HE BLOCKS HER BECAUSE HE HAS MORE IMPORTANT SHIT TO DEAL WITH TONIGHT.
AC: :33 < *ac ignores her poor mutilated paw and pricks her ears in feline curiosity*
CG: CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT.
AC: :33 < and satisfaction brought it back! ;33
AC: :?? < whats going on thats so impurrtant?
CG: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GO AWAY UNTIL I TALK, ARE YOU.
AC: :33 < nope!
AC: :33 < *ac sits on karkittys f33t holds her wounded paw in a piteous manner and stares up at him with impurrious eyes until he confesses efurrything*
CG: FINE.
CG: LONG STORY SHORT, JARLIA HAD A BAD DREAM AND, IN A TYPICAL RAGE-INDUCING FIT OF USELESS MEDDLING, ACCIDENTALLY MADE IT START TO COME TRUE.
CG: VRISKA IS GOING TO USE SOLLUX TO KILL ARADIA BEFORE DAWN.
CG: TEREZI'S WORKING TO GET DAVVEN TO INTERVENE.
CG: JARLIA'S DOING SOMETHING, WHO THE FUCK EVEN CARES WHAT.
CG: AND ALONDE AND I ARE ARGUING OVER WHAT TO DO REGARDING JOTHAN, TAVROS, AND POTENTIAL SUMMONED HORRORSQUID.
AC: :(( < thats pawful!!!
CG: TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW.
CG: OR ACTUALLY, DON'T.
CG: LET ME GET BACK TO DOING USEFUL THINGS INSTEAD OF WASTING TIME ON YOU.
AC: :33 < yes good karkitty fix this!
AC: :33 < we cant let vwhiskers kill any of our furriends!
AC: :33 < have you talked to my meowrail yet?
AC: :33 < purrhaps he can help!
CG: ...
CG: HANG ON.
====>Go back to Alonde
TT: <- But what shall I hang on to? Or from? ->
TT: -> That was a joke, incidentally. <-
TT: ...
TT: => If you don't reappear with a reasonable explanation within thirty seconds, I will block you and troll Jothan immediately. <=
CG: WHAT, YOU'RE NOT HAPPY WITH SWIMMING IN THE SHALLOW TIDEPOOL OF IDIOCY AND YOUR SOLUTION IS TO TAKE AN ACROBATIC BELLYFLOP INTO THE OPEN SEA OF COMPLETE BRAINLESS FUCKUPS?
TT: -> A sea-themed metaphor and an admission of your comparative lack of intellectual acumen, all for me. I may swoon. <-
TT: <- Who was it? ->
CG: NEPETA.
TT: <- And what did she say that held your attention for such an uncharacteristic length of time? ->
TT: -> I was under the impression you preferred -- or prefurred, I should say -- to avoid her. <-
CG: THERE WILL BE NO CAT PUNS IN THIS CONVERSATION. IN FACT, THERE WILL BE NO PUNS AT ALL, NO MATTER WHAT THEME.
CG: NONE OF THE PUNS. NONE OF THEM.
TT: =:)
CG: NEPETA WANTS TO KNOW IF ZAHHAK CAN HELP.
TT: -> ... <-
TT: -> I am inclined to say no on strictly reactionary grounds, but such hasty responses are often ill-considered. <-
TT: -> As my instinctive distaste ebbs and reason returns, though, I remain dubious. <-
TT: -> It's entirely possible that he could restrain Vriska, given that he is immune to her particular psychic talents. <-
TT: -> However, he hasn't previously meddled in her affairs. <-
TT: <- Why would he bother now? ->
CG: DO I LOOK LIKE I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE INNER WORKINGS OF THAT SWEATY BIGOT'S THINKPAN?
CG: WHY DON'T YOU ASK SOMEBODY WHO ACTUALLY TALKS TO HIM, LIKE GAMZEE.
CG: OR, IF YOU'D RATHER NOT DEAL WITH CHEMICALLY-ADDLED CLOWN GIBBERISH, WHY NOT SEE IF ZAHHAK HAS A MOIRAIL?
CG: OH WAIT.
CG: HE DOES.
CG: AND I HAVE HER ON HOLD IN ANOTHER CHAT WINDOW.
TT: -> This is inefficient. <-
TT: -> I'm opening a memo. Answer the invitation. <-
====>Headdesk
NO FUCKING PROBLEM.
---------------
---------------
---------------
continue to part 19
Sorry for the short-ish section, but before I go any further with this I need an answer to one very important question: should Equius be helpful or not? Please provide reasons, whether character-based or plot-suggestion-based!
Also, while we're at it, what are some other things you'd like to see happen (either during or after the Vriska crisis plot thread)? I promise I will get back to Eridan and the squiddleterror, and of course I will return to the stuff with Gl'bgolyb and Aradia's research and the Ancestors -- I have to, since that is the overarching plot! -- but there are any number of things that could serve as potential episodic plots along the way. So what would you be interested in reading?
There will probably be a Karkat-hides-from-the-culling-drones episode, but I think that should wait until we're a lot closer to endgame on the Gl'bgolyb plot. There may also be a Gamzee-gets-sober plot, and there will definitely be some romance plots -- what is a troll story without quadrant melodramatics, after all? -- but I need some adventure-style prompts to work with. Random Ancestor intervals are also an option.
---------------------------------------------
And now to bed, because I have to be at work by 9am and it's easier to fake being a morning person when I am not completely sleep deprived. *unnervingly perky smile*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-25 09:50 pm (UTC)For context, some fanart of the chatlog in question: