the deep moans round with many voices

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Master List of Elizabeth Culmer's Fiction
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FANFICTION:

General Disclaimer: These stories are based on characters and situations created and owned by other people and corporations. I make no money from this borrowing of intellectual property, and intend no copyright or trademark infringement.

Organization: This list is organized primarily by fandom; within each fandom, it's arranged first by associated story cycles and then by writing date. Word counts and writing dates are approximations.

Content/Warning Policy: 1) I am not consistent about warnings! I use them when I remember, for a few relatively broad categories of potentially problematic content, but if something is off-page, non-explicit, or generally backgrounded, I probably won't think to note it in the metadata. Read at your own risk! 2) The things I try to warn for are explicit sex, rape, murder, torture, cannibalism, incest, depression/suicide, familial dysfunction, and occasionally also societal dysfunction (aka dystopia). Sometimes I just slap a general content warning on all my fic for a given fandom and don't label each individual fic. I also don't generally warn for violence, unless the violence in a fic is dramatically out-of-step with the violence in its source canon. 3) I don't use any content rating system unless I'm posting to a site or community that requires or encourages ratings, because I find movie-style ratings counter-intuitive when applied to written fiction, and not particularly useful for anything other than denoting the presence of explicit sex, which I already note in the metadata.

Quality Rating System: I've marked my favorite stories with asterisks, on a scale of 1 to 4. The more asterisks, the more I like the story. This doesn't necessarily mean that stories without asterisks are bad, just that I don't like them as much. Also, I am not claiming to be an arbiter of taste; you may love stories I dislike, and vice versa. I am just providing a heads-up about the ones that I think are best written and/or most interesting.

Where To Read: What I post on my journal tends to be the equivalent of a beta draft. If I have cross-posted a story literally anywhere else (except Tumblr; fic content there is just a mirror of fic content here), read the version that isn't on my journal. Versions on AO3 are definitive. If there is no AO3 version, read the ff.net version. If there is no ff.net version, read the FictionAlley version (only applicable for HP fic). Failing that, read the journal version, because that's the only one there is.

Harry Potter Fanfiction

Naruto Fanfiction

Angel Sanctuary Fanfiction

Chronicles of Narnia Fanfiction

Homestuck Fanfiction

MCU fanfic (assorted)

Minor Fandom Fanfiction
(currently includes BtVS/A:tS, The Dark Is Rising, the Darkangel trilogy, Enchanted Forest Chronicles, FF7: Mercverse AU, Inception, and Star Trek: AOS)

Miscellaneous Fanfiction
(Currently includes: American Gods, An Ash-Blonde Witch, Arthurian Mythology, Batman, the Bible, the Black Jewels series, the Bourne trilogy, Charlotte's Web, Code Geass, Death Note, Discworld, Doctor Who, Girl Genius, The Girl with the Silver Eyes, Glee, Gormenghast, Hamilton, Hexwood, The Homeward Bounders, Howl's Moving Castle, Labyrinth, Lord of the Rings, Lucifer (comics), Mad Max: Fury Road, Merlin, the Oz books, Ranma 1/2, Rise of the Guardians, Sailor Moon, Saiyuki, Seaward, Shakespeare, Star Wars, Tam Lin (Pamela Dean), Vorkosigan Saga, White Collar, Wolf Hall, X-Men, and Yu-Gi-Oh!)

Crossover Fanfiction
(I do not cross-list crossovers and fusions under their component fandoms; this is the only place to find them. Currently includes: the Anita Blake series, ASoIaF, Avatar: The Last Airbender, the Black Jewels series, BtVS, Cardcaptor Sakura, Chronicles of Narnia, the Darkangel trilogy, The Dark Is Rising, Discworld, Doctor Who, Enchanted Forest Chronicles, Ender's Game, Gundam Wing, Harry Potter, Hikaru no Go, Homestuck, Inception, the Indiana Jones movies, Leverage, Lucifer (comics), MCU (various), Merlin, Naruto, the Oz books, Sandman, Stargate: SG-1, Star Trek: AOS, Vorkosigan Saga, Welcome to Night Vale, and a couple other things that only appear in memes rather than actual fic.)

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ORIGINAL FICTION:

These stories are all mine! *grin* I use the same warning policy and quality rating system as for my fanfiction.

All Original Fiction

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My various bingo cards: Cotton Candy Bingo, Round One (blackout!); Cotton Candy Bingo, Round Two (blackout!); Genprompt Bingo, Round 12 (blackout!); Genprompt Bingo, Round 15; Ladies Bingo; Daredevil Bingo; Domestic AU Prompt List

Another set of six. :)

All prompts drawn from the current iteration of the Three Sentence Ficathon, hosted by the wonderful rthstewart. Come join the fun!

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( 7. ) For alexseanchai: any, baked in, written 2/3/21

Tactical Ingredients (110 words [counting the emoticon])

Fandom = original

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People talk a lot of nonsense about baking with love to explain why homemade is better and draw attention away from the subtle social calculation of, 'I put effort into this so you'd better reward me with appreciation,' as well as the unspoken message of, 'I'm improving office morale so pushing me aside or, god forbid, firing me, would be a terrible mistake.'

I don't bake with love. I don't bake with ingratiation, either.

What my cookies and brownies and almond pastries say is, 'Give me a 10% raise or suffer the consequences.'

My boss has been eating them for months.

I'm feeling pretty good about my year-end review. :)

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( 8. ) For anonymous: Any, any villain, "do you really believe everything you're told?", written 2/3/21

Verify Your Sources (40 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives

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Jon smiled as the static rose around him.

"Not everything -- I'm perfectly well aware that people can mislead by implication, or may sincerely believe and relay inaccurate information -- but by and large, yes. Now, tell me what your plan is."

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( 9. ) For anonymous: any, any, a wreath of candles, written 2/4/21

Let There Be Light (175 words)

Fandom = Rusty Quill Gaming

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"It would have to be a horizontal wreath," Cel said absently, then paused and visibly perked up, one hand rising to tug on their goggle strap; "Oh, unless you made it sort of-- sort of three-dimensional, with little candle-cups set in a spiral pattern around the frame so none of them are directly under any other candle or any greenery of your choice -- or flowers, flower wreaths are also an excellent option, though I think less traditionally mixed with candles than greenery? -- anyway, that sounds like a fascinating little project; would you like me to help build one?"

Zolf, who had been thinking about solstice crowns and old dwarven traditions, blinked, gathered himself, and said, "I'm not sure that would be safe to hang on a wall or a door, but so long as you understand I haven't done metalwork since I joined the navy, I'd be happy to try making a vertical candle wreath -- we'll let Hamid figure out how it should be displayed."

Cel grinned; "That, Mr. Smith, sounds like an excellent plan."

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( 10. ) For nea: The Magnus Archives, Jon Sims/Martin Blackwood, holding hands, written 2/4/21

This Feels Like a Metaphor for Something (125 words)

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"The Lonely tends toward damp, all kinds of fog, oceans, rain, and here's you, all bone-dust paper I'll soak into mush, send your ink streaky and illegible until people mistake you for rubbish."

"I don't think whatever the Beholding has written on me is worth reading," Jon said, "and paper makes a moderately functional towel in a pinch; there's no point bringing you back and not helping you feel dry and warm."

"Are you quite certain you dislike poetry?" Martin asked, a wry grin easing into his voice though his face stayed blank and stiff, and he wove his fingers between Jon's, one warm, sweaty palm pressed against another.

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( 11. ) For wolfish_willow: any, any, caught in the middle, written 2/4/21

Swing Your Partner (140 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives. Contains violence and Unknowing-style unreality.

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Clowns to the left of him, jokers to the right, and here Tim is (is he Tim? he thinks he used to be Tim), stuck in the middle with an... with probably an axe, so there's nothing left to do but swing.

Plastic warps into Sasha's face -- except it's not Sasha's face, because he can't remember Sasha's face, because something stole her even more thoroughly than Grimaldi stole Danny -- and Sasha's voice says, soft and high and desperate, "Please, Tim, it's me, Sasha; you're hurting me!" until his sharp weight on a stick (a hammer? a macuahuitl? why does he know that word? is it a word?) splinters her to shards of silence amidst the calliope's song.

This is the fifth time he's killed his best friend since the world went mad; he doesn't think he can take much more.

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( 12. ) For anonymous: harry potter, ginny weasley, sword(s), written 2/4/21

Whoso Pulleth out This Sword (325 words)

Structural restrictions are for the birds. *wry*

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"I'm just saying that if Fawkes brought Harry the Sorting Hat so he could pull out the sword of Godric Gyffindor in his time of need, that sets a precedent," Ginny said as she charmed the blackboard clean. There was no real point since the Room of Requirement would provide a fresh board the next time they met, but Ginny grew up with brothers who kept 'forgetting' to put the toilet seat back down unless she and Mum shamed them into it, and she knew the power of setting good habits. Besides, cleanup gave her more time to talk with the other DA leaders.

"If there's a chance the Hat might drop a fancy magic sword on some other Gryffindor's head someday," she continued, "I think we ought to learn how to do something other than swing it around like a Beater's bat or an overgrown carving knife."

"You have a point," Neville said. "Conjuring a sword might also be a useful distraction technique during a duel. Someone expecting a spell probably won't be prepared for a huge chunk of steel flying at their face."

Ginny grinned. "They probably won't be prepared for a punch or a hard kick in the unmentionables, either, but a sword has more style. Besides, ancient magic objects don't usually appear once and vanish forever. I'll bet you two Sickles somebody will end up using Gryffindor's sword at least one more time before Voldemort dies for keeps."

Neville looked reluctant, then thoughtful. "It doesn't count if it's Harry again."

"That's fair," Ginny agreed as she rolled the now-clean blackboard up against the wall. "So, what do you say?"

"Make it three Sickles and you're on," Neville said.

Two years later, after all was said and done, Ginny cornered Neville in the ruins of Hogwarts and held out her hand, dry-eyed and implacable as flame.

He sighed. Then he sheathed the ruby-hilted sword and handed over her winnings, only slightly bloody.

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More to come at some point. :)

Time for more Three Sentence Ficathon fills!

Here is the old ficathon post (still open for fills and comments! just not new prompts), and here is the new ficathon post (open for everything).

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( 55. ) For betony: Howl series, Howl/Sophie, she comes in colors everywhere, written 2/21/20

And Set Such Colour There (130 words)

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One of the tribulations of sharing a bathroom and a magical workroom with Howl was that he was both extremely vain and bad at organizing his things, which frequently led to annoyances like hair dyes left on the shelf with rare and expensive spell ingredients, or failed experimental potions clogging the shower drain.

And then, very occasionally, more drastic problems reared their metaphorical head -- or rather, Sophie's head, which was now covered in hair dyed every shade of the rainbow and possibly several others that didn't, strictly speaking, exist in the human range of vision.

"I don't see why you're complaining," Howl said; "Consider my feelings for a minute -- how on earth am I meant to find a suit that won't clash hideously with at least part of your hair?"

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( 56. ) For anonymous: Harry Potter, muggleborn students, the benefits and/or hardships of continuing to keep up with muggle schoolwork (especially math), written 2/21/20

Mathemagics (105 words)

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"Why do you bother?" Alice's roommates asked every now and then, when she theatrically collapsed over her trigonometry textbook or painstakingly worked and reworked physics and chemistry equations late into the night; "It's not like you need any of that to go into charms or potions professionally."

"Yes, but I need to understand all this in order to get a degree in electrical engineering," Alice responded, "and I need that because you can't jam magic and science together and expect the results to work if you only understand one side. And I am going to make a cell phone that runs on magic, or else."

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( 57. ) For anonymous: Any, any, "if things get any better I'll have to hire somebody to help me enjoy it", written 2/21/20

Eutrophication (155 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives.

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"Help you undo the apocalypse? Why on earth should I do that? Look around you, Jon. The world is so easy to twist now, so many minds strained almost past bearing; I hardly need to do more than whisper and they tip over the edge and lose themselves forever. If things get any better, I'll have to hire somebody to help me enjoy it."

"It won't last, Helen. When the world is so easy to twist that everyone is already half-broken, there's nothing left to offer contrast. Even the most careful monster can't keep victims from burning out eventually -- trust me, I know -- and when every human's hope is exhausted, what's left for them to fear? What's left for us to eat?"

A long, crackling sigh, echoing despite the lack of surfaces to reflect the sound. "Yes. I know. But not just yet. Let me enjoy myself a little longer before you close the doors."

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( 58. ) For anonymous: Any, any, but still I have trouble with/ most days and nights, written 2/21/20

Circadian Arrhythmia (200 words)

Fandom = The Magnus Archives

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Denise sleeps in the daytime now -- the dark is out of the question, since it literally grew fangs and claws and tried to eat her, and electric lights are either too harsh or too feeble to burn away her fear -- and it's wreaking havoc on her schedule and her health. What she really needs is to find a night job, some kind of shift work where she goes in at dinner and leaves at sunrise, but good luck finding an office job with that kind of schedule; instead, she's been studying a bit of programming in the empty, tooth-clenched hours between sundown and sunrise, and maybe soon she'll be able to wrangle some kind of telecommuting thing or gig work where they don't care about when you clock in or out so long as your projects are done on time.

Until then, she collapses into bed the moment she gets home, only to wake in terror as the streetlights blink on; mainlines caffeine through the nights; and as dawn creeps gray and tremulous through her curtains, snatches a few more precious hours of escape into a world where the worst a shadow has done is sway unexpectedly with the wind.

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( 59. ) For syrena_of_the_lake: Any, any, cow tools (based on the Far Side cartoon), written 2/22/20

Traditional Pursuits (130 words)

Fandom = Chronicles of Narnia

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"But what are they for?" people constantly asked Alberta when they stopped by her booth at the monthly fair to prod and turn and wave about the various pieces of ceramic and wooden hoof-work she had on display.

"They're for solving Cow problems," Alberta said serenely each time, before gathering up her wares (their number sometimes slightly reduced; she did occasionally have Bovine customers, or people who bought her work as some type of artistic statement) into two panniers and heading home.

There was something wonderfully relaxing about private jokes, to say nothing of the meditative aspect of shaping and then destroying random bits of junk; but really, how could so many otherwise intelligent Narnians fail to notice that the only items her fellow Cows ever purchased were the back-scratchers?

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( 60. ) For syrena_of_the_lake: Firefly, any, whisky for my men and beer for my horses, written 2/22/20

Don't Explain the Metaphor (100 words)

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"More efficient to give beer to my men and whiskey to my engines," Kaylee said with a smile made loose and easy by an evening of good food and good sex, followed by Simon letting her curl up and cuddle with only token protest. "Volatiles'll fuck up a combustion engine's pipes pretty damn quick, not like pure ethanol, but until then you'll get at least a little bang for your buck. Beer's so watery you could practically use it to put out fires -- oh! -- which I guess is why you'd be giving it to your horses in the first place."

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Sixty fills! \o/

And now I am going to finish my tea before heading off to Not the IRS for a short afternoon shift with one confirmed appointment, because jobs keep happening even when you'd rather stay home and play with words. *wry*

Time for more Three Sentence Ficathon fills!

Here is the old ficathon post (still open for fills and comments! just not new prompts), and here is the new ficathon post (open for everything).

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( 43. ) For betony: Chronicles of Narnia, Jadis & her sister, Toads and Diamonds, written 2/15/20

Relative Worth (125 words)

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Of the two, Jadis preferred diamonds, which were useful as focal points; any magic involving toads was hedge mummery at best, foul with the stink of viscera rather than pared and scoured by the purity of will and word and light.

Cynara, on the contrary, valued diamonds merely as money to pay her troops, but devoted several full rooms of her palace suite to terrariums where she bred toads and frogs with ever more potent poison on their skins; a bit of insurance on a blade or in a cup that only the strongest magic could turn aside.

In the end, Jadis raised her hand; the light kindled in her rings blinded Cynara for one crucial second; and she spoke faster than her sister's sword.

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( 44. ) For anonymous: Murderbot, Murderbot, writing a new story, written 2/18/20

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known (210 words)

Four sentences. *shrug*

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When Ping-lee suggested I try writing a story of my own, either Sanctuary Moon fanfiction or something completely new, I told her one reason I like Sanctuary Moon is that I already know everything that happens, and that completely new stories are impossible by definition.

She hummed to herself and said, "Okay, fair, people are people and you can't escape tropes, but you can still mix them up in a new way and bring your own perspective and narrative voice to the table; why not write a story that treats Sec-Units realistically instead of as vicious, faceless mooks?"

I didn't have the words to explain how terrifying and wrong that idea was -- the closest I can come is that it would be like stripping away all my clothes and weapons and skin, only metaphorically, which I couldn't tell her because talking about it would just be a shallower version of that kind of painful nakedness -- but now I can't get it out of my head, because apparently my organic components have a unparalleled capacity to latch onto terrible ideas, and I'm starting to think I may have to write something for myself even if I never share it with anyone else.

I think I might call it the Murderbot Diaries.

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( 45. ) For anonymous: Harry Potter, any, apologizing for the wrong reasons, written 2/18/20

Honest Communication (245 words)

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"Listen, you can't just say the fight was all your fault because you want me to stop being pissed off; you have to actually think about what you did and why it pissed me off, so we can talk through the problem and figure out how to keep it from happening again," Ginny said, the set of her shoulders and jaw and the hectic flush in her cheeks clear signs that she was hanging on to her temper by a rapidly fraying rope.

Harry wasn't sure what expression he made -- he didn't think his face had moved at all -- but apparently it was enough for Ginny to switch moods like Snitch and bury him in a hug; he raised his own arms, awkwardly, to loosely circle her back.

"Someday I'm going to murder your aunt and uncle," Ginny muttered into Harry's collarbone, then drew a deep breath and continued, louder and more carefully, "You can't copy Ron and Hermione, either, because their fights mostly are just one of them being a fucking wanker for no good reason -- I think they enjoy having rows, honestly -- but as much as I love Mum and Dad, I don't want us to turn into them, so we have to talk and listen and work things out, and that means nothing is ever only one person's responsibility; we're in this together, you idiot, so trust me to have your back even when I also want to skin you alive, okay?"

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( 46. ) For runespoor: Leverage/Dragaera, Eliot, Valabar's, written 2/18/20

Honor Among Chefs (165 words)

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"We're not using Valabar's as the location for the con," Eliot said without looking up from his recipe notes, currently a mess of potential ingredient substitutions that might either mimic acute arsenic poisoning or cover the flavor of the active agents; "First, you don't shit where you eat, and second, there's no way Mr. Valabar will hire me back for less than a full-year contract."

"You worked at Valabar's and never told us?" Hardison demanded, his own sorcerous project abruptly forgotten; "I'm hurt by this lack of trust, and also your refusal to get us reservations with your secret inside connections."

"That's not how it works, and also, you don't shit where you eat," Eliot repeated; "The Stuffed Pigeon's owner owes me a favor and the restaurant's popular enough for Lady Vethilor to accept an invitation to dinner; now hurry and finish that knick-knack before Parker gets back from her meeting with the Left Hand and we have to set up the fake apothecary shop."

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( 47. ) For syrena_of_the_lake: Star Wars Original Trilogy, any, Hoth was so cold that..., written 2/18/20

How To Embarrass Your Child (220 words)

This ended up halfway between the original and sequel trilogies. Oops? Also a six-sentence fill.

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"--if you spent more than an hour outside, your dick froze solid; all the flyboys came in sporting literal hard-ons, moaning and--" said the former Rebellion soldier being interviewed for the holo-doc Ben had playing when Leia walked into the room; he switched it off with guilty haste at her unamused expression.

"Do we need to have another discussion about keeping the rating controls on unless an adult -- by which I do not mean Artoo, no matter how old he may be -- is here to watch with you?" she said.

"Not unless you'll change your mind this time," Ben grumbled, but then he perked up from his slouch on the sofa and added, "But was it true, what that man said about Hoth and, um, you know?"

"The fact that you can't bring yourself to say "Was it true that men's penises froze solid?" is exactly why we have the rule about rating controls," Leia said, ruffling her son's hair and mourning that his continued growth spurts and increasingly touchy sense of not-quite-adolescent dignity made it unlikely she'd be able to do that much longer. "As for whether or not that old story is true, I couldn't say, but your father certainly tried to convince me it was on one occasion."

Ben turned bright red and hastily exited the room.

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( 48. ) For betony: Greek mythology, Odysseus/Penelope, bond(s), written 2/18/20

The Only Constant (130 words)

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"I will return to Ithaca," he tells her when the Achaeans summon him to war; "Ithaca will await you," she tells him in return, neither saying outright you or I, but rather binding the whole of the land into their promise to each other.

And so Penelope keeps Ithaca alive: the groves and orchards tended, the flocks herded, the fields plowed, sown, and harvested, the seas fished, ships afloat, cloth woven, iron forged, homes built, and all the myriad tasks that weave a people and a kingdom into one dreaming, growing self.

When Odysseus returns, Ithaca is not the same land he left, nor are he and Penelope the young couple who parted, but both are whole and alive; the bonds have held, and from there all futures are possible.

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And now, I think, a nap. :)

I am very bored at work, so have another tiny installment in Edmund and Ginny Go to Harfang. :)

Written 1/8/20, in response to the genprompt_bingo square honey. (100 words exactly)

[AO3 crosspost]

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Wild Honey
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The honeycomb gleamed pale greenish-gold as Edmund withdrew it from the tree-bound hive and brushed off a handful of bright blue bees, still sleeping peacefully under Ginny's charm.

"Is it safe to eat?" Ginny asked, her voice unexpectedly close to Edmund's ear. "I mean, green's not the usual color, is it? And I know some honey is poisonous, if the bees make it from certain plants."

"I'm game if you are," Edmund said, and snapped the comb in half. As Ginny sniffed her portion warily, he brought his newly free fingers to his lips and tasted sweetness when she smiled.

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It's not at all clear in the text, but they are heading up the Nandrapragaan River, toward the mysterious mountains and lakes/inland sea west of Calormen and Kutu.